Things every gentleman should know

[Eldar Hadzimehmedovic]

Come on JKB gurus, teach us...

 

I'll start:

 

• If it's a 'Pull' door, she goes first. If it's 'Push', you go first.
  
• Despite what James Bond thinks, a shaken Martini is not actually a Martini.
  
• Round toed shoes with a suit. Always.
  
• Your tie should never be wider than you lapel.
  
• If she touches you, she likes you. This is always the case.
  

 

Anybody think of any more? Or challenge mine if you like.

[Johanes de Silentio]

Come on JKB gurus, teach us...

 

I'll start:

 

• If it's a 'Pull' door, she goes first. If it's 'Push', you go first.
  
• Despite what James Bond thinks, a shaken Martini is not actually a Martini.
  
• Round toed shoes with a suit. Always.
  
• Your tie should never be wider than you lapel.
  
• If she touches you, she likes you. This is always the case.
  

 

Anybody think of any more? Or challenge mine if you like.

 

Ladies must come first - always!

[Johanes de Silentio]

When walking downstairs, a gentleman goes first, in cast the lady stumbles.

 

When walking upstairs, a lady walks in front, in case the lady stumbles...

 

and...a gentleman can check out a lady's ass!

[Guest]

Always ask before slipping a finger in their broon-eye:curtain:

[Craigieboy]

No matter how delicately you touch the jam jar, you always end up with jam on your finger.

 

.

[Guest Bilel Mohsni]

Always walk on the road side of the pavement with your girl to the inside.

[Guest King]

Dont tell your girlfriend that her sister has nice t*ts

[Daydream Believer]

Don't buy her an ironing board for Christmas. Even if she's been saying she needs one for ages.

 

Honestly, just don't do it.

[Tazio]

Never wear a button down collar shirt with a suit and tie.

[Radioactive Mince]

When wearing a suit, you must always keep a high quality pen in your inside pocket.

 

Mince

[P-Dizzle]

• One up the bum, no harm done.
  
• Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
  

[alwaysthereinspirit]

Always ask before slipping a finger in their broon-eye:curtain:

 

Except for christmas and her birthday. Ladies love surprises.

[Eldar Hadzimehmedovic]

Good stuff.

 

I love how, in a thread for people to display their class and wisdom for younger generations, somebody says - 'ask before fingering her bum'.

 

[deesidejambo]

When the young couple from next door come round to excitedly tell you they are expecting their first child, don't respond by asking who the father is.

 

I've never been forgiven for that by Mrs Deeside. Wimmin eh?

[Moriarty]

All drinking challenges must be accepted.

 

Walk it off.

 

mobiles have amplifiers. There's no need to raise your voice.

 

Don't pose with booze.

 

Never under any circumstances ask a woman if she is pregnant.

 

Be subtle. She sees you.

 

Lennon, not McCartney.

 

Learn to pronounce French words correctly.

 

If you choose to wear a tie, commit. Button your top button.

 

Offer your date the seat with the best view of the restaurant.

 

Dress for the job you want, not for the one you have.

 

Make your own costume.

 

If it looks like rain, carry an umbrella. She'll thank you.

 

On Sunday morning, a gentleman gets dressed.

 

Salt and pepper should be passed together, even if the request was for only one.

 

Look people in the eye when you thank them, especially waiters.

 

When singing karaoke, choose a song within your range.

 

There is exactly one place where it is acceptable to wear gym clothes.

 

When you are a houseguest, be sure to wake up before your hosts.

 

Take your sunglasses off indoors. This includes elevators and planes.

 

Don't salt your food until you have tasted it.

 

Never turn down a girl's invitation to dance.

 

Have a signature dish, even if it's your only one.

 

Smile at pretty girls.

 

Have a favorite song. It doesn't have to be hip. (The best ones never are.)

 

Be careful not to ogle girls at the beach. That's what sunglasses are for.

 

Know the proper time to wear a tuxedo. It's more often than you think.

 

Know the proper time to chew gum. It's less often than you think.

 

On a night out with the boys, never be the first to go home.

 

If you're going to quote someone, get it right.

 

Dance with your partner, not at her.

 

Try a hairstyle that you'll one day regret.

 

Know her dress size. Don't ask.

 

Don't spit.

 

Men should not wear sandals. Ever.

 

Be a good listener. Don't just wait your turn to talk.

 

Never eat the same meal twice in a row.

 

At funerals, a dark suit is fine. You shouldn't own a black one.

 

Remember, the girl you're with is somebody's sister. And he's perfectly capable of kicking your ass.

 

Don't spend too much money on a haircut. They don't last.

 

Offer your seat to a woman, no matter how old she is.

 

Absolutely no piercings or tattoos, unless you are in the armed forces.

 

Learn to tie a bowtie.

 

Girls like boys who shower.

 

Men with facial hair have something to hide.

 

Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.

 

When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.

 

Be a Vigorous Dancer

 

You Can Never Overdress

[Guest King]

All drinking challenges must be accepted.

 

Walk it off.

 

mobiles have amplifiers. There's no need to raise your voice.

 

Don't pose with booze.

 

Never under any circumstances ask a woman if she is pregnant.

 

Be subtle. She sees you.

 

Lennon, not McCartney.

 

Learn to pronounce French words correctly.

 

If you choose to wear a tie, commit. Button your top button.

 

Offer your date the seat with the best view of the restaurant.

 

Dress for the job you want, not for the one you have.

 

Make your own costume.

 

If it looks like rain, carry an umbrella. She'll thank you.

 

On Sunday morning, a gentleman gets dressed.

 

Salt and pepper should be passed together, even if the request was for only one.

 

Look people in the eye when you thank them, especially waiters.

 

When singing karaoke, choose a song within your range.

 

There is exactly one place where it is acceptable to wear gym clothes.

 

When you are a houseguest, be sure to wake up before your hosts.

 

Take your sunglasses off indoors. This includes elevators and planes.

 

Don't salt your food until you have tasted it.

 

Never turn down a girl's invitation to dance.

 

Have a signature dish, even if it's your only one.

 

Smile at pretty girls.

 

Have a favorite song. It doesn't have to be hip. (The best ones never are.)

 

Be careful not to ogle girls at the beach. That's what sunglasses are for.

 

Know the proper time to wear a tuxedo. It's more often than you think.

 

Know the proper time to chew gum. It's less often than you think.

 

On a night out with the boys, never be the first to go home.

 

If you're going to quote someone, get it right.

 

Dance with your partner, not at her.

 

Try a hairstyle that you'll one day regret.

 

Know her dress size. Don't ask.

 

Don't spit.

 

Men should not wear sandals. Ever.

 

Be a good listener. Don't just wait your turn to talk.

 

Never eat the same meal twice in a row.

 

At funerals, a dark suit is fine. You shouldn't own a black one.

 

Remember, the girl you're with is somebody's sister. And he's perfectly capable of kicking your ass.

 

Don't spend too much money on a haircut. They don't last.

 

Offer your seat to a woman, no matter how old she is.

 

Absolutely no piercings or tattoos, unless you are in the armed forces.

 

Learn to tie a bowtie.

 

Girls like boys who shower.

 

Men with facial hair have something to hide.

 

Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.

 

When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.

 

Be a Vigorous Dancer

 

You Can Never Overdress

 

This is a good post. Not sure whats wrong with tats n piercings though?

 

A tip for straight gentlemen when it comes to ear piercings, left is right and right is wrong

[Moriarty]

This is a good post. Not sure whats wrong with tats n piercings though?

 

A tip for straight gentlemen when it comes to ear piercings, left is right and right is wrong

 

A tip for straight gentlemen when it comes to ear piercings. JUST NO!

 

I can probably allow a pass on the tattoos though.

[Guest King]

A tip for straight gentlemen when it comes to ear piercings. JUST NO!

 

I can probably allow a pass on the tattoos though.

 

Kool people have ear piercings, this is fact.

[aitcheeayartees]

surprised no one has mentioned removing the dishes before pishin in the sink:10900:

[Moriarty]

Kool people have ear piercings, this is fact.

 

 

"do you see a poncy earring biatch?"

[Johanes de Silentio]

Don't tuck your shirt tail into your underpants!

[N User]

http://www.angelfire.com/or/sociologyshop/lazlong.html#inter

 

Lazares Long knows

[Jam Tarts 1874]

Don't wipe your knob on her curtains.

[Ulysses]

In a gents lavatory, incoming traffic has the right of way.

[Gershwin]

In a gents lavatory, incoming traffic has the right of way.

 

That sounds very George Michael...

[berrasbraw]

Guys .........please never wear jesus sandal with socks.........it's so wrong.

[Moriarty]

Guys .........please never wear jesus sandal with socks.........it's so wrong.

 

if you check my list sandals are banned full stop!

[Eldar Hadzimehmedovic]

Good list, Picard. And I agree, no gentleman should spit, wear any jewelery other than a wedding band or have visible tattoos. You wouldn't catch Bond with some pishy Chinese symbols on his arm.

[The Doctor]

My father always said that you can never be overdressed.

 

I was speaking at a do last night and turned up in a sports jacket and open neck shirt only to find I was the only man there without a tie on. I managed to borrow one from a friend who was dropping someone off straight from his work.

 

I am ashamed.

[Eldar Hadzimehmedovic]

My father always said that you can never be overdressed.

 

I was speaking at a do last night and turned up in a sports jacket and open neck shirt only to find I was the only man there without a tie on. I managed to borrow one from a friend who was dropping someone off straight from his work.

 

I am ashamed.

 

It's true. If unsure if the dress calls for tie or not, always go with the tie. Also, never be afraid of being the smartest dressed man in the room.

[Eldar Hadzimehmedovic]

Another one:

 

Never think you can grab a sly look at her chebs without her seeing. She will always know.

[Dix Handley]

[Eldar Hadzimehmedovic]

 

Interesting. I don't go for the Windsor these days though. Four-in-hand is the way to go now.

[Dix Handley]

Interesting. I don't go for the Windsor these days though. Four-in-hand is the way to go now.[/QUOE]

 

Just want our younger members to realise there are "acceptable" ways

of wearing a tie. Dont want them dressing like hibbies do we?

[deesidejambo]

surprised no one has mentioned removing the dishes before pishin in the sink:10900:

 

Why would you want to do that? Leave them in and you get clean dishes.

[freddie]

Come on JKB gurus, teach us...

 

I'll start:

 

• If it's a 'Pull' door, she goes first. If it's 'Push', you go first.
  
• Despite what James Bond thinks, a shaken Martini is not actually a Martini.
  
• Round toed shoes with a suit. Always.
  
• Your tie should never be wider than you lapel.
  
• If she touches you, she likes you. This is always the case.
  

 

Anybody think of any more? Or challenge mine if you like.

 

In a restaurant, you absolutely have to sit with your back to the other tables, so she can clock everything that's going on in the place. You know what women are like, they hate to miss anything.

 

If she holds up two jackets and says, 'which one should I wear?', say they're both great (not good or fine) cause if you pick one over the other, it's nailed on she'll reply 'so you don't like the other one?'

[PsychocAndy]

if she asks for your honest opinion she just wants you to agree with her . On no account give an honest opinion

[The Wicker Man]

Just in case any ladies are reading this thread...

 

HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE

Home Economics High School Text Book, 1954

 

 

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

 

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

 

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

 

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

 

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.

 

Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

 

Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

 

Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

 

The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

 

[Seats]

All drinking challenges must be accepted. Check

 

Walk it off. and puke round the corner

 

mobiles have amplifiers. There's no need to raise your voice. fail

 

Don't pose with booze. don't pose ever

 

Never under any circumstances ask a woman if she is pregnant. too late!

 

Be subtle. She sees you. of course she does, my crotch is in her face

 

Lennon, not McCartney. the who

 

Learn to pronounce French words correctly. Spanish ok?If you choose to wear a tie, commit. Button your top button. Check

 

Offer your date the seat with the best view of the restaurant. Check

 

Dress for the job you want, not for the one you have. Check

 

Make your own costume. ?!?!?

 

If it looks like rain, carry an umbrella. She'll thank you. Gay

 

On Sunday morning, a gentleman gets dressed. and heads for the hills before the munter awakes

Salt and pepper should be passed together, even if the request was for only one. ok

 

Look people in the eye when you thank them, especially waiters. check

 

When singing karaoke, choose a song within your range. got no range, go for the bee gees!

There is exactly one place where it is acceptable to wear gym clothes. the street corner drinking buckie.

When you are a houseguest, be sure to wake up before your hosts. so you can have a nose in their hoose before they get up

Take your sunglasses off indoors. This includes elevators and planes. unless you are hiding a shiner

 

Don't salt your food until you have tasted it. Check

 

Never turn down a girl's invitation to dance. Check

 

Have a signature dish, even if it's your only one. and not beans on toast

 

Smile at pretty girls. try not to drool

 

Have a favorite song. It doesn't have to be hip. (The best ones never are.) and make sure it is Elvis

 

Be careful not to ogle girls at the beach. That's what cameras are for. make sure to post the results

 

Know the proper time to wear a tuxedo. It's more often than you think. not at the beach

Know the proper time to chew gum. It's less often than you think. and certainly not when you are "downstairs"

On a night out with the boys, never be the first to go home. unless it's in an ambulance

If you're going to quote someone, get it right. unless it improves your storyDance with your partner, not at her. and not the gorgeous blonde next to her

Try a hairstyle that you'll one day regret. but don't keep it!

 

Know her dress size. Don't ask. and bra size

 

Don't spit. is this an instruction for her?

 

Men should not wear sandals. Ever. check

Be a good listener. Don't just wait your turn to talk. sorry, what did you say?

 

Never eat the same meal twice in a row. unless it is steak

 

At funerals, a dark suit is fine. You shouldn't own a black one. nonsense, a suit should never be anything but black - have you never seen blues brothers?

Remember, the girl you're with is somebody's sister. And she's perfectly capable of blowing you too!

Don't spend too much money on a haircut. They don't last. checkOffer your seat to a woman, no matter how old she is. checkAbsolutely no piercings or tattoos, unless you are in the armed forces. check

Learn to tie a bowtie. tough

 

Girls like boys who shower. not together (as far as I am aware)

Men with facial hair have something to hide. check

 

Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room. unless your wife is in earshot

When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye. and crush

 

Be a Vigorous Dancer unless you wobble

 

You Can Never Overdress check

 

.

[The Mighty Thor]

Interesting. I don't go for the Windsor these days though. Four-in-hand is the way to go now.

 

Incorrect.

 

There are only two knots for a tie.

 

The Windsor for a tie and the bow knot for a bow tie.

 

A gentleman should be able to tie both.

 

pre-tied bow ties are for commoners and the monkeys that work on the door.

[The Mighty Thor]

I'd add to Picard's comprehensive list;

 

Polish your shoes - they say more about you than you think.

Watch the news - every day is a school day

Know which wine to order - know when it's time for red and time for white

Sherry & Port - they're not just for your grandparents

Never be late, it's not fashionable.

[Brian Whittaker's Tache]

[Guest Roop]

 

• 
   
  
• Round toed shoes with a suit. Always.
   
  

 

 

Really?

[Buffalo Bill]

Just a couple from the big list I disagree with:

 

 

Facial hair. I think in 2009 it's ok to have a bit of stubble. I have it and I like it. If some old fart says 'Men with facial hair have somethng to hide' I like to give them a look back as if to say 'yes: serial killer'.

 

 

As for black suits. I have a black suit that I like to wear with a skinny black tie and crisp white shirt. It's that London look, Baby.

[Moriarty]

Just a couple from the big list I disagree with:

 

 

Facial hair. I think in 2009 it's ok to have a bit of stubble. I have it and I like it. If some old fart says 'Men with facial hair have somethng to hide' I like to give them a look back as if to say 'yes: serial killer'.

 

old fart? please Im 21.

 

and I have fashionable stubble on the go as well. I mean full blown moustaches and beards.

 

 

 

dodgy ****er.

[Buffalo Bill]

old fart? please Im 21.

 

and I have fashionable stubble on the go as well. I mean full blown moustaches and beards.

 

 

I never meant you were an old fart. I meant 'them', as in 'they'.

 

 

Fashionable stubble? The chicks love it.

[Moriarty]

I never meant you were an old fart. I meant 'them', as in 'they'.

 

 

Fashionable stubble? The chicks love it.

 

so we are in agreement?

 

 

hurrah.