jamjamjam Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 not sure i should admit mine...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mutley Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 on a church in Aviemore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adi Dassler Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 not sure i should admit mine...! All over my clothes. Neatly folded up in a corner in my bedroom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PortyJambo Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Not me, but my mate woke up in the middle of the night after a bender and pi55ed in his wardrobe... Think he may even have closed the door and locked it afterwards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Winstone Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Not me, but my mate woke up in the middle of the night after a bender and pi55ed in his wardrobe... Think he may even have closed the door and locked it afterwards! I have done that. Crashing at a mates house I got up and walked to where the toilet would have been in my house and got in the wardrobe and went for it. Was woken up mid flow by my mate efing and blinding at me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Tucker Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 ****ed at the side of that main road dual-carriageway thing in Inverness on the way to a Hearts game couple of years ago. Classy. Also ****ed off a balcony on holiday....onto someone elses balcony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seats Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 A friend of mine (honest) was on holiday and got up in the middle of the night to go (after a few shandies) and used his daughters travel cot - with the daughter in it. Apparantly they had to do an "emergency bath" in the middle of the night for the poor bairn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pants Shaton Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Jongleurs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S.N.T.H. Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 My mate Aden **** himself in Magaluf. It was ****ing rancid. (although i appreciate that's not ****ing) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cobblers Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I was at a party years in the late 70's and I'm sure someone slipped something into my drink. I was absolutely convinced I was having a **** in the bog, but it turned out I was ****ing in the fireplace in the lounge in front of everyone else at the party. My brother went spare, he was busy snogging Freddie Glidden's daughter, who was quite a looker at the time. I suppose you could say I put a bit of a damper on things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Many to choose from. 2 that immediately spring to mind are: (1) on a sleeping horse and (2) in the engine of a parked Fiat 126. Oh, and into a pillar box in Cambridge although I suspect that as much of it went over the pillar box as actually into the aperture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.J Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I took a long and luxurious peepee in the Yam Yam sex shop when we played Feyenoord. Unfortunately it was in the *ahem* "gentleman's paper" bucket. Unless any of you have ever been chucked out of a sex shop in the 'Dam for being a "dirty bassa", I win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adi Dassler Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 When i went through a phase of getting into a spot of bother i religously used to pish on my neighbours car whenever i was three sheets. He was a polisman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 ****ed in a pint glass when at the bar in a reeeally dark club. then left it on the bar. Never found out if any other ****ed head thought it was a forgotten pint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tane Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Jongleurs *claps hands* Winner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEILY1874 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Not sure what my funniest is but i know my unfunniest.... Outside Hampden before the Scotland/Norway game in 2004 in the car park outside the main stand i decided i couldnae wait to get in the ground for a slash so done one behind a minibus. Unfortunately some weegie **** polisman saw me and grabbed me, he informed me i only had to give my details and id get a fine through the post but wouldnt be charged and would be free to go into the game. I thought i was a smart **** though and gave a false name and address. The weegie ******* then searched my sporran and found my bank card with my real name on it and i ended up getting charged with breach of the peace and attempting to pervert the course of justice, got 5 hours in the cells and a 75 quid fine. I always thought if i got a charge with the word 'perverting' in it then it would be for something worthwhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 .....on a sleeping horse... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JAYEL Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Been startled a few times by.............. What the f... are you doing. Mostly cupboards and corners of rooms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBones Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 On the CN Tower in Toronto. I then ate a massive bag of the Canadian equivelant of cheesy wotsits and puked bright orange for the next 4 hours Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neobis Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I think the said poster tries continually hard to come up with "funny" answers ...... however they are ultimately not really that funny. Give him his dues though; he is persistent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stew mc Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 In 'Big Bernies' soup Sober! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 I think the said poster tries continually hard to come up with "funny" answers ...... however they are ultimately not really that funny. Give him his dues though; he is persistent. A strange criticism to level in a thread that asks for the funniest of anything. As it happens, I answered the question truthfully and with very little effort; not that I feel I have to justify myself to anyone other than perhaps the horse. I'm flattered though that you find my posts memorable. I'm sorry that I can't say the same about yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neobis Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 A strange criticism to level in a thread that asks for the funniest of anything. As it happens, I answered the question truthfully and with very little effort; not that I feel I have to justify myself to anyone other than perhaps the horse. I'm flattered though that you find my posts memorable. I'm sorry that I can't say the same about yours. Clearly touchy. (this must be the first post you have made without a "gag") I don't find your posts memorable in the slightest; I merely remember them as ..... is that the same chap that tries "to crack a gag" every time he posts, invariably and unfortunately it is. Apologies as I have clearly offended you but I can only type what is obvious. Go on ..... give us a "gag". (see what I did there) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Gosling Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 On the neighbour's windscreen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JAYEL Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 On the neighbour's windscreen. Was it inside or outside her car...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Gosling Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Was it inside or outside her car...... Wasn't a she. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 My old man's golf bag, still doesn't know to this day, had a vague recollection the next day and went and dried his clubs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Era Macaroons Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 My old man's golf bag, still doesn't know to this day, had a vague recollection the next day and went and dried his clubs. my old man always had a mars bar in his bag that i could find when he got home .top dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 my old man always had a mars bar in his bag that i could find when he got home .top dude. Mine's didn't unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Spackler Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Many years ago I let rip on my Step Mother's exercise bike in the spare room just before she woke me up in a foul mood. Inebriation had led to sonambulism, in my dream I was in the cludgie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super T Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 I got done for taking a leek in a doorway on lothian road at about 2am 15 years ago. I got the letter through from the polis giving me 2 options; 1. pay a ?20 fine 2. get reported to the PF on a charge of indecent exposure! needless to say I paid the ?20 fine, especialy considering I worked with kids at the time, but made sure that letter went into the box of things never to be thrown away. I've moved house 3 times since then but have always made sure i've never lost that letter when moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Not a peeing in a funny place story, but funny nonetheless. I once woke up with loads of brown stuff on my covers on my bed when I was 19. Seriously thought I'd **** myself, until I realised I'd fell asleep with a big bags of chips smothered in brown sauce a few hours previously. I'd rolled in the bag of chips and they were all over my bed, and I mean all over my bed. And also up my arse crack, in my pubes the lot. Wasn't the best thing to tell my mum the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Era Macaroons Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Not a peeing in a funny place story, but funny nonetheless. I once woke up with loads of brown stuff on my covers on my bed when I was 19. Seriously thought I'd **** myself, until I realised I'd fell asleep with a big bags of chips smothered in brown sauce a few hours previously. I'd rolled in the bag of chips and they were all over my bed, and I mean all over my bed. And also up my arse crack, in my pubes the lot. Wasn't the best thing to tell my mum the next day. nightmare, was prob mixed in with poop as well.mums forgive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 nightmare, was prob mixed in with poop as well.mums forgive. It wasn't mate, just chippy sauce, thats all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivan Drago Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 on a bowling green, it was frosty so i wrote my name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 on a bowling green, it was frosty so i wrote my name What you doing up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivan Drago Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 What you doing up? eating curry and listening to Cascada. You? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 eating curry and listening to Cascada. You? Nought much, well got a sick kid, and not much else mate. Sorry I cant be more entertaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazo Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 In a packed off licence just round the corner from hampden a couple of hours before a semi-final. Not my finest moment but the place was REALLY busy and i did not want to lose my place in the queue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marshallschunkychicken Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Pretty much exactly the same story for me, but substitute the chips with a curry flavour pot rice, and the sudden horrible feeling that I'd thrown up all over t e bed in my sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tedp6873 Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Has to be my father in laws wardrobe, i was on a night out with my mrs and her mum and after a night on the guiness and voddie and coke (at club prices and measures) went to bed woke up at night about 5 in the morning in a strange house decided i needed a whiz, so went all the way through the house starkers and his wardrobe was a cupboard so i opened it and there was a huge tub of paint which i thought was the toilet and started having a whiz, it was not till the next morning i woke and started to get flash backs and said to the mrs, we all just laugh about it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boaby Ewing Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Clearly touchy. (this must be the first post you have made without a "gag") I don't find your posts memorable in the slightest; I merely remember them as ..... is that the same chap that tries "to crack a gag" every time he posts, invariably and unfortunately it is. Apologies as I have clearly offended you but I can only type what is obvious. Go on ..... give us a "gag". (see what I did there) Stalker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamjamjam Posted August 2, 2008 Author Share Posted August 2, 2008 through an open car window, and i'd had a lot to drink... flooded! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Tucker Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Also on Real Maroon's glamour-tie against Brentford last season, on the coach on the way down myself and a couple of other certain posters needed a wazz after a few hours of lager/strongbow/buckfact drinking. The driver wouldnt stop so we had to pish into an empty lucozade bottle at 70mph and pour it out the window, then repeat until finished. Happy days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Clearly touchy. (this must be the first post you have made without a "gag") I don't find your posts memorable in the slightest; I merely remember them as ..... is that the same chap that tries "to crack a gag" every time he posts, invariably and unfortunately it is. Apologies as I have clearly offended you but I can only type what is obvious. Go on ..... give us a "gag". (see what I did there) Not touchy in the slightest nor offended. For me to be offended I would have to know you well and care about your opinion of me; you'd have to know me well and you'd have to find something very special to pierce my rhino hide. I was intrigued, however, after 2 and a bit years and 1900+ posts, to be on the receiving end of a personal dig. I can understand folk disagreeing with my opinions or having a groan about my sometimes feeble attempts at humour. However, I was more than curious to see you level a general, personal criticism; in a thread that asks for humorous input; and not even addressed directly to me but to another poster as though I weren't in the room, so to speak. If you think all my posts involve an attempt at being funny, then your sense of humour must be pretty weird. For instance, that one about timing of taxation relief: I can't see anything remotely mirthful. If I'd realised that this was a forum for high-brow discussions of items of topical interest, I would have directed my more tongue-in-cheek & frivolous comments elsewhere. I do so apologise for the offence I've caused to you personally and the wider JKB populace for whom you speak so eloquently. And, no, I didn't see what you did there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neobis Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Not touchy in the slightest nor offended. For me to be offended I would have to know you well and care about your opinion of me; you'd have to know me well and you'd have to find something very special to pierce my rhino hide. I was intrigued, however, after 2 and a bit years and 1900+ posts, to be on the receiving end of a personal dig. I can understand folk disagreeing with my opinions or having a groan about my sometimes feeble attempts at humour. However, I was more than curious to see you level a general, personal criticism; in a thread that asks for humorous input; and not even addressed directly to me but to another poster as though I weren't in the room, so to speak. If you think all my posts involve an attempt at being funny, then your sense of humour must be pretty weird. For instance, that one about timing of taxation relief: I can't see anything remotely mirthful. If I'd realised that this was a forum for high-brow discussions of items of topical interest, I would have directed my more tongue-in-cheek & frivolous comments elsewhere. I do so apologise for the offence I've caused to you personally and the wider JKB populace for whom you speak so eloquently. And, no, I didn't see what you did there. Yep still touchy. Apologies for the offence I have caused you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Yep still touchy. Apologies for the offence I have caused you. I see it now. My humour threatens you. Don't let it. As you're prepared to demonstrate, we weren't all born with the wit of Oscar Wilde. I'm sure you have many qualities which you're not able to make evident through the medium of online threaded discussions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirk Diggler Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 On my girlfriend of 8 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 On my girlfriend of 8 years. Was that 8 years suddenly curtailed or did you awaken some kind of beast? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirk Diggler Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Was that 8 years suddenly curtailed or did you awaken some kind of beast? Never spoke to me for 3 weeks. Never got Nat King for over a month. It was me who was ready to pack her bags. Why are they so selfish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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