Jobs for the (Jam)Boys

[I P Knightley]

Inspired by a conversation in the Terrace... and when has a conversation in the Terrace ever inspired anything good?

 

When you look at our heroes on the pitch plying their trade as Hearts players, do you ever picture them holding down a different job? 

 

@Watt-Zeefuik got it perfectly for Calem Nieuwenhof that he'd be a lad "at the T-Mobile cabin setting you up with a prepaid burner phone ".

 

Meanwhile, @TheBigO nailed Kye Rowles as working "in HSE and takes it very seriously. Wears a short-sleeved crisp white shirt, with tie.  Enjoys unwinding by playing dungeons and dragons online."

 

Pete Haring, especially with the specs, is a psychotherapist and you feel very comfortable on his couch. 

 

Harry Cochrane (we're allowed past and present players) works at an estate agent. He's not the guy doing the deals but he drives around in a branded Mini with the keys of houses for sale, showing prospective buyers around while not having a clue what half the switches in the kitchen are for. 

 

'Mon then, Shed. Do your worst. 

[Tazio]

Liam Boyce. Particularly pugnacious traffic warden. 
Craig Gordon. Very charming top end furniture salesman selling you sofas worth thousands while simultaneously making you unhappy at the way your wife is giggling at everything he says. 

[Jamstomorrow]

13 minutes ago, Tazio said:

Liam Boyce. Particularly pugnacious traffic warden. 
Craig Gordon. Very charming top end furniture salesman selling you sofas worth thousands while simultaneously making you unhappy at the way your wife is giggling at everything he says. 

I see Craig Gordon more as a male model . . .   modelling jumpers on knitting patterns, as he's getting on a bit! 

[Carl Fredrickson]

Cammy Devlin would be a runner in TV and movie productions. 

[JWL]

Since we are allowed previous players, I take it Suso is back waiting tables?

 

I can see Alan Forrest on the check out at Sainsbury's Murrayfield. No idea why.

[CostaJambo]

Tony Watt stoating about as a Deliveroo driver on a moped and getting lost frequently.

[That thing you do]

30 minutes ago, CostaJambo said:

Tony Watt stoating about as a Deliveroo driver on a moped and getting lost frequently.

He certainly wouldn't get it in the house on a regular basis. Hopefully doesn't deliver by bike as he seems very lazy.

[That thing you do]

I reckon shankland would be a ghost hunter. 

[Morgan]

Ian Black as an English teacher.

 

👀

[Negan]

59 minutes ago, JWL said:

Since we are allowed previous players, I take it Suso is back waiting tables?

 

I can see Alan Forrest on the check out at Sainsbury's Murrayfield. No idea why.

Oh my god. So can i. Hahahahahaha

[superjack]

Gary locke would be a speech therapist.

[AyrJambo]

Can see George Fleming as the bassist in a rock band that never quite made it

[Tazio]

1 minute ago, AyrJambo said:

Can see George Fleming as the bassist in a rock band that never quite made it

With Hans Eskilsson on lead guitar. As long as the crowd aren’t too rowdy. 

[AyrJambo]

3 minutes ago, Tazio said:

With Hans Eskilsson on lead guitar. As long as the crowd aren’t too rowdy. 

 

😄😄😄

 

Jimmy Broon on keyboard

[Brian Whittaker's Tache]

35 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Ian Black as an English teacher.

 

👀

 

Ian Black is actually a refrigeration engineer these days. Saw him fixing fridges in Scotmid on Granton Road a couple of years ago.

[TheBigO]

Cam would be working the summer in Ibiza but heading to Canada to do a snowboarding season out there. Do the chalets, pick up a bit bar work n that. Goin with the flow, mate  

 

Toby would be a GAP model  

 

Jorge Grant a ghost tour guide  

 

Alex, Kenny and Oda in a boyband. But not a good one. Managed by Boycie, who theres questions about in years to come.

[Byyy The Light]

Halkett works the forklifts in IKEA 

[periodictabledancer]

Craig Gordon - in charge of soft furnishings in John Lewis, charming the punters into spending thousands more than they orginally planned while flirting with your missus , who's wetting her knickers. 

 

Oda - Kpop band boy  (I know, he's Japanese). Looks the part but actually isn't any good.

 

Boycie - on the counter at Screwfix. 

 

Shankland - chatting up the bursd at Carphone Warehouse. Not actually doing any work, just the chatting up. 

 

 

[Tazio]

3 hours ago, Tazio said:

Liam Boyce. Particularly pugnacious traffic warden. 
Craig Gordon. Very charming top end furniture salesman selling you sofas worth thousands while simultaneously making you unhappy at the way your wife is giggling at everything he says. 

 

2 minutes ago, periodictabledancer said:

Craig Gordon - in charge of soft furnishings in John Lewis, charming the punters into spending thousands more than they orginally planned while flirting with your missus , who's wetting her knickers. 

 

Oda - Kpop band boy  (I know, he's Japanese). Looks the part but actually isn't any good.

 

Boycie - on the counter at Screwfix. 

 

Shankland - chatting up the bursd at Carphone Warehouse. Not actually doing any work, just the chatting up. 

 

 

Very odd how similar our Craig Gordon assessments are. I think we’ve nailed his look. 

[periodictabledancer]

Just now, Tazio said:

 

Very odd how similar our Craig Gordon assessments are. I think we’ve nailed his look. 

🤣

 

I genuinely never saw that. 

 

I did it thinking about a  notorious football hooligan I know who used to work for M&S in the soft furnishing dept. One of the nicest guys I ever met but also a complete psycho.

 

 

 

[Tazio]

Kenneth Vargas. Runs the bar by the pool in a Carribean resort. Rarely sleeps in his own room. 
Stephen Kingsley. Salesman in a second hand car salesroom for top end German manufacturers. 
Alex Cochrane. Wages clerk. 
 

[Thunder and Lightning]

Michael Stewart would be a gynecologist. 

[Tazio]

Just now, Thunder and Lightning said:

Michael Stewart would be a gynecologist. 

More likely inspected by a gynaecologist 

[periodictabledancer]

3 minutes ago, Tazio said:

Kenneth Vargas. Runs the bar by the pool in a Carribean resort. Rarely sleeps in his own room. 
Stephen Kingsley. Salesman in a second hand car salesroom for top end German manufacturers. 
Alex Cochrane. Wages clerk. 
 

Nah, Kingsley's just done his MBA and writing up his CV for a job at Goldman Sachs.  Or maybe a barrista. 

 

Frankie Kent was doing cabin crew at Emirates until that unfortunate episode with a busty blonde and a box of chocolate Fingers. Checking out vacancies at QVC currently. 

[Thunder and Lightning]

Just now, Tazio said:

More likely inspected by a gynaecologist 

Fair point well made. 

[periodictabledancer]

1 minute ago, Thunder and Lightning said:

Michael Stewart would be a gynecologist. 

I think we have a winner. 

[Tazio]

Just now, periodictabledancer said:

Nah, Kingsley's just done his MBA and writing up his CV for a job at Goldman Sachs.  Or maybe a barrista. 

 

Frankie Kent was doing cabin crew at Emirates until that unfortunate episode with a busty blonde and a box of chocolate Fingers. Checking out vacancies at QVC currently. 

I’ve thought Frankie has the look of an East End “geezer” since the day he was signed. 

[periodictabledancer]

1 minute ago, Tazio said:

I’ve thought Frankie has the look of an East End “geezer” since the day he was signed. 

This is getting scary now.

 

😆

[Ulysses]

19 minutes ago, Tazio said:

 

Very odd how similar our Craig Gordon assessments are. I think we’ve nailed his look. 

 

I thought about this for a minute, and I pictured him as a young A&E doctor, keeping his cool in the chaos and drama of a really tough shift.

 

Then I thought about it for another minute, and what I actually picture him as is an actor playing the part of a young A&E doctor, keeping his cool in the chaos and drama of a really tough shift.

[Ulysses]

29 minutes ago, periodictabledancer said:

Shankland - chatting up the bursd at Carphone Warehouse. Not actually doing any work, just the chatting up. 

 

 

[periodictabledancer]

2 minutes ago, Ulysses said:

 

I thought about this for a minute, and I pictured him as a young A&E doctor, keeping his cool in the chaos and drama of a really tough shift.

 

Then I thought about it for another minute, and what I actually picture him as is an actor playing the part of a young A&E doctor, keeping his cool in the chaos and drama of a really tough shift.

< " Casualty" theme plays in background >.

[Ulysses]

9 minutes ago, periodictabledancer said:

< " Casualty" theme plays in background >.

 

Could be an American show. Dashing young chap in the Emergency Department with the exotic accent saving your life while flirting with your missus, who's wetting......

[periodictabledancer]

2 minutes ago, Ulysses said:

 

Could be an American show. Dashing young chap in the Emergency Department with the exotic accent saving your life while flirting with your missus, who's wetting......

 

Ok, that's quite enough. 

[Ulysses]

Craig Halkett is an assistant research officer in a policy unit somewhere in a government department.

 

Stephen Kingsley looks a bit like someone who recently got out of uniform to become a Detective Constable.

[Ulysses]

Liam Boyce is literally one of the plasterers who did a job on my kitchen last year.

[Ulysses]

8 minutes ago, periodictabledancer said:

 

Ok, that's quite enough. 

 

Good dialogue.

[henrysmithsgloves]

1 hour ago, Thunder and Lightning said:

Michael Stewart would be a gynecologist. 

Quality control in a faulty durex company 😳    Craig Halkett as a stunt man

Edited February 13, 2024 by henrysmithsgloves

[Watt-Zeefuik]

Zander Clark works on a fishing boat. He has a habit of singing 80s big hair metal band songs while bringing in the catch, particularly when a storm is up.

 

Stephen Naismith sails on one of the short runs for CalMac. He's the guy who's yelling at you to get your car over to the right where he told you to the first time, were you not listening?

 

Frankie Kent teaches high school geography. He gets really excited about archipelagos.

 

Don Cowie runs a removal company. Everything about him seems totally above board an honest and he's scrupulous to a fault, which makes you embarrassed about the fact that you can't shake the feeling that he has some side business that doesn't get advertised.

 

Uche Ikpeazu is a dentist. He can tell you haven't been flossing.

 

Kenneth Vargas is . . . a football player. He just totally looks like a football player, okay?

[henrysmithsgloves]

Cathro in an I T department doing lap top checks

[Watt-Zeefuik]

Just now, henrysmithsgloves said:

Cathro in an I T department doing lap top checks

 

Lee Johnson is an app developer.

[henrysmithsgloves]

1 minute ago, Watt-Zeefuik said:

 

Lee Johnson is an app developer.

[periodictabledancer]

45 minutes ago, Ulysses said:

 

Good dialogue.

[periodictabledancer]

12 minutes ago, henrysmithsgloves said:

Cathro in an I T department doing lap top checks

"It'll be ready next week".

On repeat. 

[John Findlay]

Jorge Grant, second hand car salesman.

He's a young Arthur Daly with a beard.

 

Frankie Kent, Doorman at any nightclub you care to mention.

 

Nat Atkinson. Amazon delivery driver.

 

Alex Cochrane stand up comedian like Lee Beckett, but without the teeth.

[Samuel Camazzola]

Jose Quitongo has been banished from the Magic Circle for revealing all the 'secrets' on his YouTube channel. 

 

Zander Clark is a livestock farmer. Multiple prize winner at the Royal Highland Show. 

 

Billy Brown is an after dinner speaker. He's 'been places and done' hings'. 

 

Ryan Stevenson runs a vape shop. 

 

John McGlynn is a taxi driver. 

 

Faycal Rherras is a pick-pocket in Barcelona. 

 

Pasquale Bruno is the head of an OCG. 

[Robbo-Jambo]

Stephen Kingsley, an engineer at the Edinburgh Boiler Company.

 

Alex Cochrane, a bell boy at a 5 star hotel.

 

Frankie Kent on the doors at a lap dancing club.

 

Hoff, organising the penguins for their daily walk at Edinburgh Zoo.

 

Kye Rowles, a stand up comedian.

 

Craig Gordon, the next James Bond.

[heartsfc_fan]

Alex Cochrane a drinks promotor outside a Magaluf bar.

 

Beni a Deliveroo cyclist.

 

Craig Gordon a ballroom dancer.

Edited February 13, 2024 by heartsfc_fan

[John Findlay]

Ryan Stevenson a tattoo artist.

[Ribble]

4 hours ago, John Findlay said:

Jorge Grant, second hand car salesman.

He's a young Arthur Daly with a beard.

 

Frankie Kent, Doorman at any nightclub you care to mention.

 

Nat Atkinson. Amazon delivery driver.

 

Alex Cochrane stand up comedian like Lee Beckett, but without the teeth.

 

Kent and Halkett doing the good cop, bad cop act on the door at Whynot

[kila]

Sam Nicholson - starring in STD adverts so it doesn't happen to you too