Mental health (struggling)

[Seaside Dave]

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

[John Findlay]

3 minutes ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

Stop supporting Arsenal😉

[Dusk_Till_Dawn]

1 minute ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

I’ve had a hard year in that respect. No real idea why. Feel ****ed off most of the time, short on patience, like I’d like to kick my own head in. Frustrate myself a lot. We’re dead busy and it gets on top of me but it’s been like that for years.

 

Mission for 2024 is to get on top of things. Good luck with your own situation. 

 

 

[steve123]

5 minutes ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

You are not alone times are tough, more than happy to chat through the thoughts of the day as I am sure others will be.

 

The world is feked at the moment.

[JudyJudyJudy]

6 minutes ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

January can really be a downer of a month. After the celebrations of Xmas and New year and the sometimes " forced" happniess of it all and then its back to normal again for another year of uncertainty .  Do you have any mates you can speak to or other family members ? Its important that you discuss how your feeling. You can also contact the GP if you want to go down that route. ? Good luck. 

[Boof]

@Seaside Dave - if you don't wanna talk face-to-face you could aye drop a PM.

 

I mean to one of us, not yer missus!

[steve123]

1 minute ago, Boof said:

@Seaside Dave - if you don't wanna talk face-to-face you could aye drop a PM.

 

I mean to one of us, not yer missus!

100% that is what I meant- always someone there.

[Harry Potter]

12 minutes ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

January can be a bad month to start with, so mental health can be at a low, maybe try to talk 

to your wife, sharing helps and think about going to the docs, take care bud.

[doddsyJR9]

My beautiful wife passed away from cancer in August 2022. Prior to my wife passing I was living the good life. Holidays several times a year, she was my best friend, great company, we didn't need anyone else. It has been a hell of a tough time since then. Some very very dark days indeed. I miss her every day, every minute. I still face an uncertain future, but try to occupy my spare time positively. I listen to more music, started reading again, trying to restart hobbies. There is no easy way to beat depression, but there might be a way to manage it, until the sun begins to shine once again. I've also found being extra respectful of everything that is important helpful. Always be respectful I find a positive. Take time and care of everything. My wife had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met, and that I have found to be the utmost cherished quality to have. A big golden heart that cares about other people makes a huge difference to those around you. 

 

Love and Respect. Probably the two most important things in life in my opinion.

[AlimOzturk]

What ever you do please do not bottle your feelings up. If you are struggling, feel the need to talk and can’t talk with loved ones then maybe consider going along to your local AndyMans club. They are an amazing organisation. Their first mantra “it’s ok to talk” is a beautiful one and aims to defeat the stigma of mens mental health. 
 

January can be a hellish month for many folk for so many different reasons so don’t feel like you are alone in feeling low. 
 

Glad you reached out on here and I hope you start to feel better mate. Please keep talking and reaching out further. 
 

🙌🙌
 

 

 

[Konrad von Carstein]

Been through something similar last year, never felt so low was almost physical pain.

Went to the doctor's, he was fantastic got me on meds and my work provide a series of counselling sessions.

Counselling was amazing and brought all the negative and toxic things that took me down to the surface.

Cut a few people out and feel much better still on meds.

Only advice I would offer is talk to the Mrs or a mate or the Doctor anyone you trust really.

Edited January 5 by Konrad von Carstein

[RustyRightPeg]

Not alone here mate. Horrible time of year for some, trying to put a brave happy face on for Xmas and new year etc. 

 

DM’s are open if you want to chat mate. 
 

Plenty fresh air and activity will do you good too. 

[Ked]

1 hour ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

Can I ask if you had that lurgy going about that hung about me for nearly 2 months?

Because I've struggled motivation and general fog about me since.

 

[Ked]

As an aside there's some right good guys posting on this.

[escobri]

Make yer bed, do the dishes then go for a few pints and bang a hooker.

[Ked]

1 hour ago, John Findlay said:

Stop supporting Arsenal😉

You support Hearts mate.

🙂

[John Findlay]

1 minute ago, Ked said:

You support Hearts mate.

🙂

Oddly enough it has been Hearts that have stopped me going insane and being depressed from a very early age.

[FWJ]

6 minutes ago, RustyRightPeg said:

Not alone here mate. Horrible time of year for some, trying to put a brave happy face on for Xmas and new year etc. 

 

DM’s are open if you want to chat mate. 
 

Plenty fresh air and activity will do you good too. 

Was going to suggest the same re getting out - even if just for a good brisk walk, especially if you can do it during the limited daylight hours of just now.

[Sprosten Green]

A good walk and couple off pints works wonders 

[Ked]

15 minutes ago, John Findlay said:

Oddly enough it has been Hearts that have stopped me going insane and being depressed from a very early age.

Simple things buddy .

 

And like others have said fresh air certain foods etc.

But when you're in seaside frame it difficult.

 

[R08813]

Take care mate, life isn’t always easy but things genuinely do always get better. Give yourself the time to get through the trough, get out in the fresh air and don’t be afraid to talk if you need it. Power to you for reaching out in the first place, it takes real strength!

[Ulysses]

1 hour ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

 

Hopefully you won't mind too much if I mention an old saying in the Irish language.

 

"Leigheas gach bróin comhrá" - which translates as "the remedy for all sorrows is conversation".

 

I absolutely get what you're saying about not wanting to talk to someone face to face, and if that's something you don't want to do or can't do then forcing yourself to do it might not help.  But time and time again in my life I've seen people lift themselves up by talking.  For some reason people find that giving what hurts their minds a name and saying what that is out loud helps them see it better, and begin to know better how it's affecting them and making them feel bad.

 

The other thing is that if you do talk, ironically it's often better to talk to someone who cares a bit less rather than someone who cares a lot.  That might sound mad, but the logic is that if we say to a friend or a partner that we're feeling down, or defeated, they'll be worried and try to find solutions for us.  But often what we need first is simply to say out loud how we're feeling, and to simply be let feel those hurts and say that we're bothered by them.  That's why the suggestions by people like AlimOzturk, Harry Potter and KvC about talking to others are really worth thinking about.

 

But also, this is the most gloomy and "stodgy" time of the year, and so maybe the ideas from some of the posters about getting more "active" might be helpful for you.  Ked's right too when he asks about the "lurgy".  A few of my pals have been ill through November and December, and to be honest they're all a bit screwed mentally after being unwell.

 

But if I had to save all the typing and cut it down to one message?  It's this bit that AlimOzturk said earlier:

 

1 hour ago, AlimOzturk said:

 

 

Please keep talking and reaching out further. 
 

 

All the best to you. 

[Ulysses]

1 hour ago, doddsyJR9 said:

My beautiful wife passed away from cancer in August 2022. Prior to my wife passing I was living the good life. Holidays several times a year, she was my best friend, great company, we didn't need anyone else. It has been a hell of a tough time since then. Some very very dark days indeed. I miss her every day, every minute. I still face an uncertain future, but try to occupy my spare time positively. I listen to more music, started reading again, trying to restart hobbies. There is no easy way to beat depression, but there might be a way to manage it, until the sun begins to shine once again. I've also found being extra respectful of everything that is important helpful. Always be respectful I find a positive. Take time and care of everything. My wife had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met, and that I have found to be the utmost cherished quality to have. A big golden heart that cares about other people makes a huge difference to those around you. 

 

Love and Respect. Probably the two most important things in life in my opinion.

 

Sorry for your loss.   

[doddsyJR9]

1 minute ago, Ulysses said:

 

Sorry for your loss.   

Thanks Ulysses. Appreciated. 

[EH11]

1 hour ago, doddsyJR9 said:

My beautiful wife passed away from cancer in August 2022. Prior to my wife passing I was living the good life. Holidays several times a year, she was my best friend, great company, we didn't need anyone else. It has been a hell of a tough time since then. Some very very dark days indeed. I miss her every day, every minute. I still face an uncertain future, but try to occupy my spare time positively. I listen to more music, started reading again, trying to restart hobbies. There is no easy way to beat depression, but there might be a way to manage it, until the sun begins to shine once again. I've also found being extra respectful of everything that is important helpful. Always be respectful I find a positive. Take time and care of everything. My wife had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met, and that I have found to be the utmost cherished quality to have. A big golden heart that cares about other people makes a huge difference to those around you. 

 

Love and Respect. Probably the two most important things in life in my opinion.

A lovely post and agree with your sentiments around love and respect. 

Sorry for your loss.

[doddsyJR9]

Just now, EH11 said:

A lovely post and agree with your sentiments around love and respect. 

Sorry for your loss.

Thanks very much indeed. Its appreciated.

[Morgan]

2 hours ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

 

So, so sorry to hear this, Dave.   

 

Take care, and all the best to you..

 

 

 

1 hour ago, doddsyJR9 said:

My beautiful wife passed away from cancer in August 2022. Prior to my wife passing I was living the good life. Holidays several times a year, she was my best friend, great company, we didn't need anyone else. It has been a hell of a tough time since then. Some very very dark days indeed. I miss her every day, every minute. I still face an uncertain future, but try to occupy my spare time positively. I listen to more music, started reading again, trying to restart hobbies. There is no easy way to beat depression, but there might be a way to manage it, until the sun begins to shine once again. I've also found being extra respectful of everything that is important helpful. Always be respectful I find a positive. Take time and care of everything. My wife had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met, and that I have found to be the utmost cherished quality to have. A big golden heart that cares about other people makes a huge difference to those around you. 

 

Love and Respect. Probably the two most important things in life in my opinion.

 

What a wonderful, touching post.

 

I can relate to a lot of it and am deeply sorry to learn of your loss.

 

 

[Psychedelicropcircle]

January does feel like 31 Mondays on the bounce at times. Also the lack of daylight doesn’t help. Sometimes I hop onto audible & listen to a positive energy book for some inspiration. 
 

feel better seaside 👍

[doddsyJR9]

Just now, Morgan said:

 

So, so sorry to hear this, Dave.   

 

Take care, and all the best to you..

 

 

 

 

What a wonderful, touching post.

 

I can relate to a lot of it and am deeply sorry to learn of your loss.

 

 

Thanks Morgan, its appreciated. Sorry to hear too, that you also have loved and lost also a beloved one. Hope Dave can soldier through as well. Cheers.

[Sprosten Green]

1 hour ago, doddsyJR9 said:

My beautiful wife passed away from cancer in August 2022. Prior to my wife passing I was living the good life. Holidays several times a year, she was my best friend, great company, we didn't need anyone else. It has been a hell of a tough time since then. Some very very dark days indeed. I miss her every day, every minute. I still face an uncertain future, but try to occupy my spare time positively. I listen to more music, started reading again, trying to restart hobbies. There is no easy way to beat depression, but there might be a way to manage it, until the sun begins to shine once again. I've also found being extra respectful of everything that is important helpful. Always be respectful I find a positive. Take time and care of everything. My wife had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met, and that I have found to be the utmost cherished quality to have. A big golden heart that cares about other people makes a huge difference to those around you. 

 

Love and Respect. Probably the two most important things in life in my opinion.

Sorry for your loss ..take care doddsy

[doddsyJR9]

Just now, Berwickshire jambo said:

Sorry for your loss ..take care doddsy

Thanks Berwickshire, Its appreciated. A nice part of the world where you are. Rugged coastline and good people. Take care everyone. I'm away to my bed. Had a couple of malts tonight, poured one for my wife, to celebrate the end of Christmas Celebration Epiphany tomorrow. God Bless everyone, and thoughts with you Dave, chin up son. 

[Lord Montpelier]

Andys man club might be worth a little look. Heard positive stories about. 

 

Take it easy. 

[Jamhammer]

7 minutes ago, Lord Montpelier said:

Andys man club might be worth a little look. Heard positive stories about. 

 

Take it easy. 

Was just gonna post this.

Mate talk to someone 

It helps believe me

You’re not alone and someone somewhere has been where you are and can help

Good luck and feel free to pm if you wanna chat 

[lou]

3 hours ago, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

Here's hoping it's a touch of the January blues but it does no harm to speak to your doctor and make sure you open up to your mates and look up your local Andy's men's club, I know lots of people who go along, no stigma at all, take care 

[Shapes]

It can be really tough at this time of year. I normally start to really struggle and am grateful that despite working full time and doing a pretty full on post grad course I have been keeping well so far. Don't be afraid to talk to people about how you're feeling. You'd be surprised how many can relate or will chime in with a wee bit advice/a listening ear.

 

The depression thread on here is a great example of compassion and is quite often used by those struggling. 

 

All the best 💪

[132goals1958]

15 hours ago, doddsyJR9 said:

My beautiful wife passed away from cancer in August 2022. Prior to my wife passing I was living the good life. Holidays several times a year, she was my best friend, great company, we didn't need anyone else. It has been a hell of a tough time since then. Some very very dark days indeed. I miss her every day, every minute. I still face an uncertain future, but try to occupy my spare time positively. I listen to more music, started reading again, trying to restart hobbies. There is no easy way to beat depression, but there might be a way to manage it, until the sun begins to shine once again. I've also found being extra respectful of everything that is important helpful. Always be respectful I find a positive. Take time and care of everything. My wife had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met, and that I have found to be the utmost cherished quality to have. A big golden heart that cares about other people makes a huge difference to those around you. 

 

Love and Respect. Probably the two most important things in life in my opinion.

 

That is so heart rending mate. Words can be so inadequate and from my own experience whilst it doesn’t get any easier it sort of gets less difficult. You will eventually and gradually be able to move on whilst at the same time treasuring all the memories that will remain undiminished for the rest of your life. I still talk to my beautiful lady and it helps that I know she would have wanted me to get on with my life. Your last line is so important – when you respect others you also respect yourself.

[trotter]

Having gone through my own issues in the last few years I can only echo the previous thoughts of don't bottle it up. Talking helps, even if it is just venting to strangers on a forum like this. 

 

I found that going for a walk helps when I'm having a bad day. You don't need to interact with people, you aren't under any social pressure, put some headphones on and lose yourself. 

 

Also, remember that when you are having a bad day, remind yourself that tomorrow is a new one. 

 

To you, and anyone else for that matter, my PMs are always open. 👌 

[JudyJudyJudy]

14 hours ago, doddsyJR9 said:

Thanks Berwickshire, Its appreciated. A nice part of the world where you are. Rugged coastline and good people. Take care everyone. I'm away to my bed. Had a couple of malts tonight, poured one for my wife, to celebrate the end of Christmas Celebration Epiphany tomorrow. God Bless everyone, and thoughts with you Dave, chin up son. 

God bless you  🙏 your wife will be watching over you mate . Keeping and eye on you and wanting you to be comforted by your love for each other . No one truly dies if we remember them I feel . 

[Seaside Dave]

Thanks for the advice and replies. Tough times ahead but hopefully can get back to feeling a bit more like myself.  

 

Went for a 6 mile walk this morning with the sun shining brightly back at me. 

[SectionDJambo]

I believe that when you talk to a stranger, maybe a shop worker or bus driver, you should always consider  that they could be having to cope with a personal tragedy or difficult situation. If they look down or disinterested, there may be a good reason for it. 

It costs nothing to treat other people politely, and with respect. A smile as you engage with each other is another nice thing to do. It can make the difference to someone’s day.

In this crazy world, simple actions and behaviours can make a big, positive difference to other people.

[Gizmo]

2 hours ago, Seaside Dave said:

Thanks for the advice and replies. Tough times ahead but hopefully can get back to feeling a bit more like myself.  

 

Went for a 6 mile walk this morning with the sun shining brightly back at me. 

Gorgeous day out, I hope your walk restored some spirits. I got out on my bike for the first time this year, and hit some mud and some very tricky single-track with icy tractor-cut deep mud. 

Only for an hour-ish but it helped my mood. Also turned some important bits blue!

The good thing is at least the daylight increases every day now. If you think you suffer from SAD (Seasonal Adjustment Disorder) you can get a variety of sunlight-mimicking lights, some that act as alarm clocks slowing growing brighter to wake you, akin to the sun coming up. Could be worth a look. 

Also, goes for most people in our climate, consider taking Vitamin D - the low levels of sunshine leave most of us with a deficiency to the extent the S Gov recommend taking it.  🙂

[otterjohn]

On 05/01/2024 at 20:28, doddsyJR9 said:

My beautiful wife passed away from cancer in August 2022. Prior to my wife passing I was living the good life. Holidays several times a year, she was my best friend, great company, we didn't need anyone else. It has been a hell of a tough time since then. Some very very dark days indeed. I miss her every day, every minute. I still face an uncertain future, but try to occupy my spare time positively. I listen to more music, started reading again, trying to restart hobbies. There is no easy way to beat depression, but there might be a way to manage it, until the sun begins to shine once again. I've also found being extra respectful of everything that is important helpful. Always be respectful I find a positive. Take time and care of everything. My wife had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met, and that I have found to be the utmost cherished quality to have. A big golden heart that cares about other people makes a huge difference to those around you. 

 

Love and Respect. Probably the two most important things in life in my opinion.

What a sad but uplifting post All the best and keep it going

[Doctor FinnBarr]

I went through a bad time 2 years ago and docs thought I was near a breakdown (build up of things I'll not go into). I refused time off work because I wanted to be "normal"

A few weeks later we went to Tenerife for the wifes birthday, great day it was, she got rushed to Santa Cruz by  ambulance to have her Gall bladder removed. I wasn't allowed to visit because of covid. Couldn't phone insurance company because EE had failed to press a button allowing me to use my phone abroad so had to rely on my sister-in-law relaying messages through messenger.

We got home ok but I was sent home from work after 2 hours, I was a wreck. Think I was on the sick for about 6 weeks, work helped with counselling and I had a very strong wife to back me.

I came on here and told my story and got some amazing backing which helped too, no bad for arseholes.

Feel free to message me if you want Dave.

[cannonfoda]

Lost a good friend on Hogmanay to suicide.  Totally unexpected as well.  I've had my own demons over last few years. Us blokes are shite at this mental health stuff.   Here on DM if anyone needs to talk. 

 

Heard good things about Andy man club plus kick mental health is mean to be good as well.  

[Auld Reekin']

All the best to all you lads, particularly Seaside & doddsy.    An important thing to remember - especially if you're down in the depths - that things DO usually get better and resolve themselves again as time passes. And, as several have rightly pointed out, if they don't or take longer to do so than you can cope with, there are people out there (and on here, I'm sure) who can help. 

[Ulysses]

1 hour ago, cannonfoda said:

Lost a good friend on Hogmanay to suicide. 

 

Sorry to hear that.  I know it's a bit of a tangent, but that's the third person I've heard of who took their own life on Hogmanay.  The others were young men here in Ireland.  

[Craigieboy]

On 05/01/2024 at 20:03, Seaside Dave said:

Anyone on here really struggling at the minute ? I'm usually upbeat person but since Christmas I've just found myself in a constant doom and gloom. No motivation don't want to talk to anyone face to face. Feel so much easier typing this out than talking to someone. Can't talk to the missus and the kids are young girls who wouldn't understand. literally a hug to them before bedtime and say goodnight and go back downstairs and just feel so defeated 😔

 

 

The Samaritans do a text service mate, if you don’t want face to face support. It’s a great service. 
 

The important thing is that you talk. By whatever means possible and you’ve already started by writhing what you have on this post. 👏🏽

 

Keep going. 

https://www.samaritans.org/scotland/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/text-us/

Edited January 9 by Craigieboy

[redjambo]

It could be either stress or physical issues, or a combination, causing your malaise so get both checked out - go to your doctor and get yourself a good physical checkout and bloods done, and see if going on anti-depressants would be useful in your case. The idea, or my idea anyway, of antidepressants is that they are not an end solution in themselves, they help get you back to a position of "normality" so that you are more able to cope with and address any underlying issues. Go and see a therapist/councillor and be completely open with them. Also, be open with your wife - keeping things hidden can lead to more issues, especially if your wife sees you acting and reacting differently and has no idea why.

 

It can take time but the most important thing is to do something to address the issue. In the majority of cases, it's probably not going to get better itself. Therein lies the irony though, that you need to get motivated and get things done in order to alleviate symptoms of being demotivated. Often it's best therefore to do things in smaller steps and don't expect quick miracles. Just work towards a goal and that's getting better. Also, worrying about your condition can cause great stress in itself, so don't worry, just make moves to get back to where you want to be.

 

All the best.

[Ron Burgundy]

You need to let it out. Before it spirals.

My ex brother in law and uncle to my two laddies hung himself in the early hours of Sunday morning in their nanas back garden in the tree they used to play in. It is literally two minutes from my flat.

He leaves behind a nine year old boy. Horrific.

[Seaside Dave]

3 hours ago, Ron Burgundy said:

You need to let it out. Before it spirals.

My ex brother in law and uncle to my two laddies hung himself in the early hours of Sunday morning in their nanas back garden in the tree they used to play in. It is literally two minutes from my flat.

He leaves behind a nine year old boy. Horrific.

😔😔