My story

[rudi must stay]

I've been thinking about this for a while and not had the guts to post. I have felt basically like absolute crap since 2015, went to the doctors and had x-rays done (3 in total). Those build up and I am left as a person with no strength in his body, I play football and I can't run in constant pain, I hate it (oh he's crap he can't track back). Life is shit and I hope people can now understand my posts, yes they can be a bit weird but life has been weird since 2015. It is good to get that off my chest 

[Alex Kintner]

Always people here who will listen mate. Never feel you have to bottle things up 👍🏻

Edited November 13, 2021 by Alex Kintner

[highlandjambo3]

Life can be shit for some people whilst others appear to get a really great run.  
 

My life has changed considerably over the last 4 years with the death of my daughter, my mum and recently my brother.  The one huge thing that really made a difference for me was telling people how I felt and how I was dealing with stuff…..don’t go down the “man up” route, it’s not how we should be dealing with stuff.  It’s alright coming on here and saying how you feel, it’s actually a huge step but, tell at least 1 person close to you how you feel.

[Alex Kintner]

8 minutes ago, highlandjambo3 said:

Life can be shit for some people whilst others appear to get a really great run.  
 

My life has changed considerably over the last 4 years with the death of my daughter, my mum and recently my brother.  The one huge thing that really made a difference for me was telling people how I felt and how I was dealing with stuff…..don’t go down the “man up” route, it’s not how we should be dealing with stuff.  It’s alright coming on here and saying how you feel, it’s actually a huge step but, tell at least 1 person close to you how you feel.

 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Alex Kintner

[Morgan]

So sorry to hear that, rudi.

 

Yes, some of your posts/threads are ‘different’ but they usually get a good response and are, in the main, funny.

 

I think it’s the short, sharp style you use that I particularly like so please, don’t stop them.

 

Take care, sir.  👍

[Sharpie]

34 minutes ago, highlandjambo3 said:

Life can be shit for some people whilst others appear to get a really great run.  
 

My life has changed considerably over the last 4 years with the death of my daughter, my mum and recently my brother.  The one huge thing that really made a difference for me was telling people how I felt and how I was dealing with stuff…..don’t go down the “man up” route, it’s not how we should be dealing with stuff.  It’s alright coming on here and saying how you feel, it’s actually a huge step but, tell at least 1 person close to you how you feel.

 

I have lost fairly recently daughter and then my wife. My most sympathetic and supportive people have been right on here. Some  but very few neighbors have helped, but honestly the main source of success is your own desire to live a full life, overcome your challenges, and be thankful for what you have and what you can do. The one thing about life is you can always see or find people with more challenges than you. This particular time with Covid and its restrictions is difficult, but remember "this too shall pass".

[Carl Fredrickson]

Dont bottle things up. Talk to someone who will listen. They are likely not to have answers but it is good to talk. 

 

This place may be full of arseholes but there are lots who will listen and offer support. 

[rudi must stay]

1 hour ago, Alex Kintner said:

Always people here who will listen mate. Never feel you have to bottle things up 👍🏻

 

I have bottled things up due to our pathetic NHS

 

1 hour ago, highlandjambo3 said:

Life can be shit for some people whilst others appear to get a really great run.  
 

My life has changed considerably over the last 4 years with the death of my daughter, my mum and recently my brother.  The one huge thing that really made a difference for me was telling people how I felt and how I was dealing with stuff…..don’t go down the “man up” route, it’s not how we should be dealing with stuff.  It’s alright coming on here and saying how you feel, it’s actually a huge step but, tell at least 1 person close to you how you feel.

 

Life's shit if you have a learning disability. Something the doctors clocked and gave me a mere minute of their time 'busy people' and due to that I am a cripple. Maybe I should just sue them

[Greedy Jambo]

Get an xbox. 

[obua]

4 minutes ago, Greedy Jambo said:

Get an xbox. 

You really are a sad individual,Hopefully you never end up in a dark place eating pot noodles.

[Greedy Jambo]

19 minutes ago, obua said:

You really are a sad individual,Hopefully you never end up in a dark place eating pot noodles.

 

I've been in many a dark place, doctors are useless, you just have to sort yourself out. 

I don't know his life, so i'm not going to try and help him. 

I've tried to help people in the past, but it's impossible without knowing all the facts. 

 

And i wasn't taking the piss by telling him to get an xbox. 

A games console can help a lot, you forget about everything when you're playing games. 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Greedy Jambo

[Stu_HMFC]

.

Edited November 13, 2021 by Stu_HMFC

[Sooperstar]

1 hour ago, Greedy Jambo said:

 

I don't know his life, so i'm not going to try and help him. 

 

Fair enough.

1 hour ago, Greedy Jambo said:

And i wasn't taking the piss by telling him to get an xbox. 

A games console can help a lot

Huh?!

[Greedy Jambo]

10 minutes ago, Sooperstar said:

Fair enough.

Huh?!

 

If you're having a hard time, stressed out etc, a games console is a game changer. 

It's also good for hand to eye coordination. 

 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Greedy Jambo

[Morgan]

2 hours ago, Greedy Jambo said:

Get an xbox. 

 

You really are a strange person.

 

2 hours ago, obua said:

You really are a sad individual,Hopefully you never end up in a dark place eating pot noodles.

 

I hope he does.  

 

That’s not really my style/way of thinking normally, obua.  

 

Occasionally though, someone just steps over the line.

 

1 hour ago, Stu_HMFC said:

.

 

Whatever you said, then edited, Stu, I’m sure was not strong enough to display the contempt this idiot evokes in people. 

 

27 minutes ago, Sooperstar said:

Fair enough.

Huh?!

You and I both know, Soops, this bloke is an insensitive fool.

[Sooperstar]

12 minutes ago, Morgan said:

You and I both know, Soops, this bloke is an insensitive fool.

I'd have more respect for him if he just owned the fact that he was being a dick. Trying to cover it up is a bit pathetic really.

[Stu_HMFC]

15 minutes ago, Morgan said:

 

You really are a strange person.

 

 

I hope he does.  

 

That’s not really my style/way of thinking normally, obua.  

 

Occasionally though, someone just steps over the line.

 

 

Whatever you said, then edited, Stu, I’m sure was not strong enough to display the contempt this idiot evokes in people. 

 

You and I both know, Soops, this bloke is an insensitive fool.

It was a reply back to the Xbox comment but I couldn’t be arsed getting into a argument over someone else’s comment on a thread what was probably difficult to even start by the OP. 
 

In my past I’ve had difficulties with depression and feeling absolutely worthless I felt a lot better speaking out my feelings and problems with friends and even people I don’t really know which has helped. Folk deal with situations and feelings differently I suppose.

 

Xbox comment was a dickish comment, thinking it was funny it was the complete opposite. The person who is probably lonely and on his own is the one who commented, He probably divides his time between trying to get a rise on the kickback and regular to pornhub . 

Edited November 13, 2021 by Stu_HMFC

[Morgan]

2 minutes ago, Sooperstar said:

I'd have more respect for him if he just owned the fact that he was being a dick. Trying to cover it up is a bit pathetic really.

 

‘Dick’ sums this character up perfectly.

 

2 minutes ago, Stu_HMFC said:

It was a reply back to the Xbox comment but I couldn’t be arsed getting into a argument over someone else’s comment on a thread what was probably difficult to even start by the OP. 
 

In my past I’ve had difficulties with depression and feeling absolutely worthless I felt a lot better speaking out my feelings and problems with friends and even people I don’t really know which has helped. Folk deal with situations and feelings differently I suppose.

 

Nice and thoughtful post, Stu.  👍

[Greedy Jambo]

Morgan and Obua giving it large, no surprise there. 

I don't see either you offering the guy help. 

PM me if you're ever struggling @rudi must stay

 

[Des Lynam]

8 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

I've been thinking about this for a while and not had the guts to post. I have felt basically like absolute crap since 2015, went to the doctors and had x-rays done (3 in total). Those build up and I am left as a person with no strength in his body, I play football and I can't run in constant pain, I hate it (oh he's crap he can't track back). Life is shit and I hope people can now understand my posts, yes they can be a bit weird but life has been weird since 2015. It is good to get that off my chest 

 

Your posts always remind me of a time when life was a bit more fun and silly. Hope you get better soon but please don't stop posting your weird stuff!

[Lone Striker]

Very sorry to read about your daily struggles, @rudi must stay.   Respect for opening up on here, and I'm sure many will offer support & kind words etc even if they can't give practical advice.       Its good to hear Bob ( @Sharpie) say that he finds some comfort from JKB after his tragic losses.   @highlandjambo3 too - and I think his advice is correct when he says that finding just 1 person  in "real life" who is willing to listen and support you is important.

 

 

[obua]

29 minutes ago, Greedy Jambo said:

Morgan and Obua giving it large, no surprise there. 

I don't see either you offering the guy help. 

PM me if you're ever struggling @rudi must stay

 

I’m in no position to offer help I can only offer sympathy and understanding.Your Xbox comment was childish at best.

[Beni]

9 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

I've been thinking about this for a while and not had the guts to post. I have felt basically like absolute crap since 2015, went to the doctors and had x-rays done (3 in total). Those build up and I am left as a person with no strength in his body, I play football and I can't run in constant pain, I hate it (oh he's crap he can't track back). Life is shit and I hope people can now understand my posts, yes they can be a bit weird but life has been weird since 2015. It is good to get that off my chest 

 

Your threads often turn out to be quite amusing, keep up the good work.

And Kickback is always here to just shoot the breeze or vent if you feel the need.

[i wish jj was my dad]

13 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

I've been thinking about this for a while and not had the guts to post. I have felt basically like absolute crap since 2015, went to the doctors and had x-rays done (3 in total). Those build up and I am left as a person with no strength in his body, I play football and I can't run in constant pain, I hate it (oh he's crap he can't track back). Life is shit and I hope people can now understand my posts, yes they can be a bit weird but life has been weird since 2015. It is good to get that off my chest 

It's great that you can get it out there. A lot of us struggle to express how we feel. I go through an almost constant up and down. When I feel good I feel proud. When I feel shit I feel ashamed  keep in touch with whoever will listen. It will get  better. 

 

 

 

[Morgan]

14 hours ago, Greedy Jambo said:

Morgan and Obua giving it large, no surprise there. 

I don't see either you offering the guy help. 

PM me if you're ever struggling @rudi must stay

 

I'm in no position to offer the OP help or advice, but I can add sympathy to his thread. You, on the other hand, only succeed in letting yourself down again.

[rudi must stay]

How can anyone help. I think the only thing for me is to get my story out there, the NHS won't want to hear it but they have made the past 6 years of my life a misery. I think if I was picking a number thats due another £100,000. I have started CBT and I think I'll tell the guy, he can spout his nonsense about that being fine but I'm afraid, despite me having learning difficulties, I can't be kidded and if he does say that maybe I'll just walk out but very slowly as I'm a cripple. I am fed up with the health service as everyone would be. I see GPs now and the authority they have and it reminds me of the police. 2 minutes they make some drastic diagnosis and you have to live with it. It's people that have communication problems like I do, as to be honest I am not a prick as they seem to all be, that get cr@p treatment. I guess I should write my story it might be one that divides opinion but it would make me money as it must be a unique story. That'll get the eggheads as Homer Simpson says 

[JudyJudyJudy]

1 hour ago, rudi must stay said:

How can anyone help. I think the only thing for me is to get my story out there, the NHS won't want to hear it but they have made the past 6 years of my life a misery. I think if I was picking a number thats due another £100,000. I have started CBT and I think I'll tell the guy, he can spout his nonsense about that being fine but I'm afraid, despite me having learning difficulties, I can't be kidded and if he does say that maybe I'll just walk out but very slowly as I'm a cripple. I am fed up with the health service as everyone would be. I see GPs now and the authority they have and it reminds me of the police. 2 minutes they make some drastic diagnosis and you have to live with it. It's people that have communication problems like I do, as to be honest I am not a prick as they seem to all be, that get cr@p treatment. I guess I should write my story it might be one that divides opinion but it would make me money as it must be a unique story. That'll get the eggheads as Homer Simpson says 

Writing " your story " may be therapeutic for you so may be a good idea?  But Please think about what you want to share on a public form if it is deeply personal stuff. That's my advice anyway. 

[JudyJudyJudy]

On 13/11/2021 at 14:43, highlandjambo3 said:

Life can be shit for some people whilst others appear to get a really great run.  
 

My life has changed considerably over the last 4 years with the death of my daughter, my mum and recently my brother.  The one huge thing that really made a difference for me was telling people how I felt and how I was dealing with stuff…..don’t go down the “man up” route, it’s not how we should be dealing with stuff.  It’s alright coming on here and saying how you feel, it’s actually a huge step but, tell at least 1 person close to you how you feel.

 

On 13/11/2021 at 15:24, Sharpie said:

 

I have lost fairly recently daughter and then my wife. My most sympathetic and supportive people have been right on here. Some  but very few neighbors have helped, but honestly the main source of success is your own desire to live a full life, overcome your challenges, and be thankful for what you have and what you can do. The one thing about life is you can always see or find people with more challenges than you. This particular time with Covid and its restrictions is difficult, but remember "this too shall pass".

Sorry to hear both having significance losses.  Its amazing how the human spirit still moves on though,.  How we have the ability to carry on after loss. I have lost a significant amount of close people in my life and when people have asked me how I have managed.? My response has been ? " Well you have to really ?  What's the alternative?  Its not being " brave " or " heroic" its just accepting that we all live and all die in the end and sometimes someone has a shorter time than others but memories of them live on with those left behind. 

 

 

[Morgan]

29 minutes ago, JamesM48 said:

 

Sorry to hear both having significance losses.  Its amazing how the human spirit still moves on though,.  How we have the ability to carry on after loss. I have lost a significant amount of close people in my life and when people have asked me how I have managed.? My response has been ? " Well you have to really ?  What's the alternative?  Its not being " brave " or " heroic" its just accepting that we all live and all die in the end and sometimes someone has a shorter time than others but memories of them live on with those left behind. 

 

 

Nice words, very nice words, my friend.  👍

[JudyJudyJudy]

2 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Nice words, very nice words, my friend.  👍

✋

[Morgan]

6 minutes ago, JamesM48 said:

✋

Cool.  👍

[rudi must stay]

So tomorrow is another pathetic NHS therapy day where I am treated like garbage by some jumped up therapist. £1,000,000 that's what I want from the NHS for making me a freak 

[rudi must stay]

18 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

So tomorrow is another pathetic NHS therapy day where I am treated like garbage by some jumped up therapist. £1,000,000 that's what I want from the NHS for making me a freak 

 

I get low sometimes but it's fine I have work and a great family that keeps me going 

[kila]

Wonder if psychedelic therapy is likely to become more of a normal thing now research using trippy drugs like DMT to tackle depression are allowed to take place.

[Morgan]

2 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

So tomorrow is another pathetic NHS therapy day where I am treated like garbage by some jumped up therapist. £1,000,000 that's what I want from the NHS for making me a freak 

Don’t be so hard on yourself, rudi.

 

You’re not what you describe yourself as. I base my statement purely on some of the threads you start.

 

I’m sure I am right, take care man.

[The Gorgie]

56 minutes ago, kila said:

Wonder if psychedelic therapy is likely to become more of a normal thing now research using trippy drugs like DMT to tackle depression are allowed to take place.

I had never heard of DMT before then a mate started going on about it. He took a real interest in it and recently made some himself. He said it was an incredible experience. Said once he gets more confident with it he'll up the dosage. He genuinely believes it will take him into other dimensions.

[hughesie27]

The Xbox post was blunt and reads as though it was sarcastic. The fact it was so blunt suggests there's some truth in that and Greedy should probably admit to. Don't disagree with the idea in principle though. Well documented that that sort of thing can help with mental health issues.

[rudi must stay]

11 hours ago, hughesie27 said:

The Xbox post was blunt and reads as though it was sarcastic. The fact it was so blunt suggests there's some truth in that and Greedy should probably admit to. Don't disagree with the idea in principle though. Well documented that that sort of thing can help with mental health issues.

 

It is the feeling I can't shake of. That feeling of being vulnerable and weak, they did that to me. Xbox's don't change that films don't change that, I am a man that has been wronged. They do the mental illness stuff to cover their tracks, well they've been covered since March 2020. No more

[J.T.F.Robertson]

 

No great words of wisdom from me, rms, but all the best to you.

 

 

[rudi must stay]

44 minutes ago, J.T.F.Robertson said:

 

No great words of wisdom from me, rms, but all the best to you.

 

 

 

And to you 

[Der Kaiser]

Keep opening up. Keep talking. Keep posting. I think it can be very cathartic even if you're posting about your troubles and depressing feelings.

 

Could be worse.....could be a Hibs fan....

 

 

[John Findlay]

26 minutes ago, Der Kaiser said:

 

 

Could be worse.....could be a Hibs fan....

 

 

Well done, really put the guy into a depressed state🤣

[rudi must stay]

1 hour ago, Der Kaiser said:

Keep opening up. Keep talking. Keep posting. I think it can be very cathartic even if you're posting about your troubles and depressing feelings.

 

Could be worse.....could be a Hibs fan....

 

 

 

Royal McGrogan are my team 

[rudi must stay]

So I met with the psychologist. Very nice guy, he said to me the past is done now he's going to help me move forward. I said I don't fancy living on my own again and he told me I have to fight the negative feelings, you know what he's quite right 

[rudi must stay]

You know what what has happened to me has messed with my head. It's messed me up as a person and I can't escape that. I just hope my story is never repeated, that it's a lesson for the NHS 

[highlandjambo3]

2 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

You know what what has happened to me has messed with my head. It's messed me up as a person and I can't escape that. I just hope my story is never repeated, that it's a lesson for the NHS 

You doing better now?

 

What are you looking forward to this week?  

Just one thing can lift your spirits.  Who did you last speak to and, do they know how you feel?

[rudi must stay]

3 minutes ago, highlandjambo3 said:

You doing better now?

 

What are you looking forward to this week?  

Just one thing can lift your spirits.  Who did you last speak to and, do they know how you feel?

 

You know the worst thing about it it's the feeling I've been left with. A constant sickness in my stomach 24 hours a day. Eat anything I wonder how my food even goes down doesn't feel like it does. That feeling never goes away 

 

[Ex member of the SaS]

On 13/11/2021 at 14:08, rudi must stay said:

I've been thinking about this for a while and not had the guts to post. I have felt basically like absolute crap since 2015, went to the doctors and had x-rays done (3 in total). Those build up and I am left as a person with no strength in his body, I play football and I can't run in constant pain, I hate it (oh he's crap he can't track back). Life is shit and I hope people can now understand my posts, yes they can be a bit weird but life has been weird since 2015. It is good to get that off my chest 

Know how you feel mate as I too am in constant pain that 60mg of Morphine a day doesn't ease much. Added to that had to put Mum into care, Moved house and the Wife's brother died and two months later her twin sister.

Life gets on top of you and even though the TV ads are cheesy, getting out into the countryside/nature can help, however it's not easy during winter.

Talking about and owning your situation is a big step. Keep you chin up and good luck.

[rudi must stay]

43 minutes ago, Ex member of the SaS said:

Know how you feel mate as I too am in constant pain that 60mg of Morphine a day doesn't ease much. Added to that had to put Mum into care, Moved house and the Wife's brother died and two months later her twin sister.

Life gets on top of you and even though the TV ads are cheesy, getting out into the countryside/nature can help, however it's not easy during winter.

Talking about and owning your situation is a big step. Keep you chin up and good luck.

 

Do you have a Cain?

[Ex member of the SaS]

17 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

 

Do you have a Cain?

Sorry don't know what you mean. If you mean a walking stick. Yes I do.