A season in prose

[Hagar the Horrible]

The Assessment of Season Perdition so far:

 

Abandon all hope all thee who enter Tynecastle

 

It could have been written like Dante’s divine comedy, we are in Inferno having woken up to discover we have crossed the Acheron and entered the realm of Inferno, and Led by Robbie we are descending the concentric rings to where we are now. This has been coming for a few years guided by Budges Ephialtes.

 

October (limbo) started with a meh after beating some of our competitors in the League Cup, it could have been a platform.  We got the result we both needed and wanted by beating what looked like only real competition we would face, but an old man in Adams meant we had to win that game twice.

A hard fought win against Arbroath led us into a Semi against Hibs for our only performance of the season. 

 

November (Lust & Gluttony). Tough wins against ICT and that colossus in the LC: East Fife.  Our first defeat against the next best competitor ‘ the Pars’, in which we just could not be bothered with. But a 3-0 win against the mighty Alloa led to the second worst embarrassment by losing to the same club 4 days later and be knocked out of the League Cup. 

 

December (Greed) before Christmas we had an OK win against Morton and the most efficient if not the best performance a 6-1 victory over QoS.  This led into the cup final, a game that took us to go 2-0 down before we started to play, a game of what could have been.  Between the festive periods a 5-3 victory against Ayr in which we tried to throw that one away, and another barely efficient win over Arbroath at home.

 

January  (Wrath) The new year got off to the worst possible start a huge defeat to Dundee in which the players showed little for the contempt we have for that club, Attitude all wrong, we were never in it. 3 point were obtained away to Alloa but only after Alloa pressed for an equaliser and we hit them on the break for “There’s your medicine”.  An inexplicable loss to Rovers at home followed by a 4-0 victory just 3 days later on the Streets of Raith. January ended with a critical but hard fought victory against the Pars thus ending their threat.

 

February (Heresy and Violence) An unnecessary hard fought win away to Ayr with our only shot at goal, led to 3 consecutive draws all in which we had to come from behind before we kicked a ball. A last minute penalty againt QoS, and a later equaliser from Walker at home to Morton.  The month ended with an undeserved draw at ICT. The crossbar calamity nearly gave us the 3 points but we only played the last 5 mins that were good enough.

 

March (Fraud) 2 critical victories against Dundee and Ayr masked the lack of importance these games actually are, there were played out like pre-season friendlies but worse was to come, the Arbroath game played out like the invited team at a testimonial for a player nobody had heard of.  The Brora game speaks for it’s self the worst cup upset in the history of football.  We had more pace in game of walking football played by players who have just had an epidural.

 

The rest of March and April (Treachery) We have six games left in the most disappointing of disappointing seasons, in theory the league is won, so we should be looking for performance and a boost to start next season off with a bang.  A quantum of must win games will ensure we are crowed champions but I believe now it will be the penultimate game of the season belying how easy it should have been. The theme has been we need to go behind to be bothered with playing in these games.  But now we are in free-fall into the depths of Hell with the only hope of reaching Purgatorio being achievable if Budge lets go of her stubbornness and ego.  She was a successful business woman, but she trusts the wrong people and continues to make the wrong decisions.  With the money we are ploughing in we should be taking advantage of the crisis that covid has swept us over the river Styx. We should come out of this stronger than everybody else, but Brora has woken up those sleepwalking into a bigger crisis that next season will be worse than this one, if something is not done NOW!