Stupid things in films

[Tazio]

You know the sort of thing, macho things that aren’t real. Like Big Arnie firing 50 calibre machine guns with one in each hand, or people climbing thin ropes hand over hand with someone on their back. 
I’ve just started watching Midway and not 10 minutes in we’ve got pilots and their gunners in separate open cockpits shouting to each other without headsets quite happily making out every word. Just why? Why give up basic realism for the sake of making it look cool? 
Anything else boils your piss? 
 

[been here before]

Bullet proof car doors.

 

Matches or candles that when lit light up a whole room as bright as the sun.

 

Lulu.

 

 

[Carl Fredrickson]

People getting shot and five minutes later are running or fighting as if it was but a mere flesh wound. 

[Tazio]

Just now, Carl Fredrickson said:

People getting shot and five minutes later are running or fighting as if it was but a mere flesh wound. 

The end of Scarface is ridiculous for this. Tony Montana short about a dozen times but still standing shouting at everyone. There’s a great bit in a Christopher Brookmyre book about the phenomenon of the non lethal shoulder wound and how the good guy always gets shot there.  

[Eldar Hadzimehmedovic]

Perhaps minor compared to gun fights, but every single time a movie or TV character has a takeout coffee from Starbucks or something, the cup is always obviously empty. 

[Tazio]

3 minutes ago, Eldar Hadzimehmedovic said:

Perhaps minor compared to gun fights, but every single time a movie or TV character has a takeout coffee from Starbucks or something, the cup is always obviously empty. 

Also see people using computers. Actors never seem to use the mouse on a computer. 

[Governor Tarkin]

49 minutes ago, Tazio said:

 Big Arnie firing 50 calibre machine guns with one in each hand
 

 

I actually love this when it involves big Arnie. Totally over the top. A complete suspension of belief is a prerequisite for enjoying his movies.

[Tazio]

1 minute ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

I actually love this when it involves big Arnie. Totally over the top. A complete suspension of belief is a prerequisite for enjoying his movies.

I agree it is a thing in his films. I remember firing an Uzi sub machine gun and it took a lot of effort to hold it down as as soon as you fire they start to lift. 

[Governor Tarkin]

3 minutes ago, Tazio said:

I agree it is a thing in his films. I remember firing an Uzi sub machine gun and it took a lot of effort to hold it down as as soon as you fire they start to lift. 

 

Piece of piss for the big guy.

 

 

I agree though, I've had a go at a variety of shooters over the years and you wouldn't want me on your side storming the keep.

 

Could light a match from 20 paces with my wee brothers air rifle though in days gone by. Nae scope or fancy sights either, we just knew the gun.

[JWL]

29 minutes ago, Tazio said:

The end of Scarface is ridiculous for this. Tony Montana short about a dozen times but still standing shouting at everyone. There’s a great bit in a Christopher Brookmyre book about the phenomenon of the non lethal shoulder wound and how the good guy always gets shot there.  

 

One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night. One of the funniest books I've read and exactly what I thought off when I read the OP. Clint Eastwood in Where Eagles Dare where he kills about 40 Germans with one round.

[ri Alban]

13 minutes ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

I actually love this when it involves big Arnie. Totally over the top. A complete suspension of belief is a prerequisite for enjoying his movies.

 

 

 

[doctor jambo]

Kate winslet

[Governor Tarkin]

9 minutes ago, JWL said:

Clint Eastwood in Where Eagles Dare where he kills about 40 Germans with one round.

 

I like when he takes out half the wehrmacht from the back windae of a bus.

 

Great Where Eagles Dare Nazi body count compilation video on youtube.

https://youtu.be/pRHqtbt3ORc

 

[Cade]

Being knocked out countless times without a concussion or being totally vegetabled.

 

Nobody saying goodbye before hanging up a phone. 

 

Serious injuries healing in a few hours.

 

Car doors being bulletproof.

 

Actors either pretending to drink from obviously empty cups or swigging back supposedly hot coffee like it's room temperature juice (because it is).

 

Hangovers that last 30 minutes.

 

Stopping yourself falling by grabbing something without either breaking or dislocating your arm joints.

 

Computer hacking. In fact any on-screen depiction of computers at all. Especially when finding someone with facial recognition or finding out their entire life story including bank details in about 5 seconds with a simple search. Youtube videos with live view counters.

 

Changing gear during a car chase works like a rocket boost.  

 

Any car that crashes automatically explodes into a huge fireball.

 

Cars being launched into the air with air cannons (spark launchers optional)

 

People surviving total vehicle write-off crashes without a scratch.

 

Police/court/political/military procedures that are completely wrong.

 

Slow motion shots which let the protagonist have superhuman reflexes.

 

Basically Hollywood has no basic understanding of physics or anything in the real world.

Edited July 28, 2020 by Cade

[ri Alban]

It's just a film. 

 

 

Do you think women being good at anything is real. No!

So relax... And take yourself out of the world for a couple of hours. 👍

[martoon]

The overuse of "Lewton buses".

 

There's a lot of really good, low budget horror movies out there. Some infinitely superior to expensive nonsense like World War Z. 

 

However, there are too many that are just 90 minutes of 4/5 American kids with a camcorder in the dark jumping at every creak or innocuous sound. Barely a bogeyman or ghost in sight. 

 

It's a good scare tactic but only if used once or at least sparingly.

[martoon]

21 minutes ago, Governor Tarkin said:

 

I like when he takes out half the wehrmacht from the back windae of a bus.

 

Great Where Eagles Dare Nazi body count compilation video on youtube.

https://youtu.be/pRHqtbt3ORc

 

 

One of the daftest movies ever made. 

 

Particularly enjoy Burton and Eastwood walking through half the German army, speaking English and, in the latter's case, with an American accent.

 

They then sit in a bar of Germans and do the same. 

 

They might have at least used German accents, Allo Allo style. 

[martoon]

Love the bloke in a Jurassic Park movie running from Raptors.

 

He shouts to everyone "don't run into the long grass" whilst running into the long grass. 

 

He gets eaten. 

[I P Knightley]

2 hours ago, Tazio said:

Also see people using computers. Actors never seem to use the mouse on a computer. 

Computers in movies make an awful lot more noise than real computers do. 

 

Run a fingerprint check? Click, whirr, beep...

 

Facial recognition software?  Beep, whirr, spedang!

 

If computers were so noisy, we'd all give up. 

 

[I P Knightley]

And bedclothes. 

They go across his waist but are miraculously 12 inches higher on her side of the bed. 

It's it too much to ask? 

[Guest]

ATM

[Салатные палочки]

5 hours ago, I P Knightley said:

And bedclothes. 

They go across his waist but are miraculously 12 inches higher on her side of the bed. 

It's it too much to ask? 

 

Wake up looking perfect also. No one has a puffy, blotchy face, hair all over the shop, bloodshot eyes and a mouth like an arse. 

[Салатные палочки]

Everyone has a phone next to their bed and when it rings at 3am, they don't shite themselves they just answer it calmly without clearing their throat while the wife moans and asks "who is it hunny?". 

 

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I gotta go"

 

If their a renegade alcoholic, a straight bourbon straightener in the morning won't even make them wince or boke. 

[FWJ]

Sometimes (especially in sci-fi)  you can suspend your disbelief and enjoy the film for what it is.  Then there is The Core.

[Swanny17]

The bus jumping the gap in Speed. 😂

[Governor Tarkin]

8 hours ago, martoon said:

 

One of the daftest movies ever made. 

 

Particularly enjoy Burton and Eastwood walking through half the German army, speaking English and, in the latter's case, with an American accent.

 

They then sit in a bar of Germans and do the same. 

 

They might have at least used German accents, Allo Allo style. 

 

Despite all of this it's a great movie, as is Zulu.

[Harry Potter]

10 hours ago, Tazio said:

You know the sort of thing, macho things that aren’t real. Like Big Arnie firing 50 calibre machine guns with one in each hand, or people climbing thin ropes hand over hand with someone on their back. 
I’ve just started watching Midway and not 10 minutes in we’ve got pilots and their gunners in separate open cockpits shouting to each other without headsets quite happily making out every word. Just why? Why give up basic realism for the sake of making it look cool? 
Anything else boils your piss? 
 

In midway at the start, a plane looks to have missed the ships runway and heading for the sea,

at the last second it shoots up from the sea on to the flightdeck, lol😮

[¼½¾]

Why do people only fart in comedy films?

[iantjambo]

1 hour ago, Swanny17 said:

The bus jumping the gap in Speed. 😂

Or the conveniently placed chainsaw on the ship in Speed 2 😂

[iantjambo]

Slasher movies. The killer will get put to the ground, maybe even knocked out. The year he/she was chasing gets up and runs away, surely you would pick up the nearest object and smash their melt in with it. No, I’m gonna run off so the mad ****** can kill me in a couple of minutes.

I genuinely hope that every person in every slasher movie dies. Just for being so unbelievably stupid.

Edited July 29, 2020 by iantjambo

[milky_26]

it seems to be acceptable especially in american films for people (especially police) to drink and drive. They will be in bars have multiple drinks then drive home, mostly without any alcohol related issues.

 

The whole pulling the pin from a grenade with your teeth. I believe the force required to pull the pin from a grenade is significant and would most likely break the tooth/teeth.

[Samuel Camazzola]

9 hours ago, Cade said:

Being knocked out countless times without a concussion or being totally vegetabled.

 

Nobody saying goodbye before hanging up a phone. 

 

Serious injuries healing in a few hours.

 

Car doors being bulletproof.

 

Actors either pretending to drink from obviously empty cups or swigging back supposedly hot coffee like it's room temperature juice (because it is).

 

Hangovers that last 30 minutes.

 

Stopping yourself falling by grabbing something without either breaking or dislocating your arm joints.

 

Computer hacking. In fact any on-screen depiction of computers at all. Especially when finding someone with facial recognition or finding out their entire life story including bank details in about 5 seconds with a simple search. Youtube videos with live view counters.

 

Changing gear during a car chase works like a rocket boost.  

 

Any car that crashes automatically explodes into a huge fireball.

 

Cars being launched into the air with air cannons (spark launchers optional)

 

People surviving total vehicle write-off crashes without a scratch.

 

Police/court/political/military procedures that are completely wrong.

 

Slow motion shots which let the protagonist have superhuman reflexes.

 

Basically Hollywood has no basic understanding of physics or anything in the real world.

I've yet to see anyone need to use the delete button! 😄

 

Another  which is quite prominent in series like 24 is when Jack will acquire a phone after killing a terrorist etc... Without fail, he manages to call various high ranking people directly as if he has memorised all their numbers. 

[milky_26]

2 minutes ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

I've yet to see anyone need to use the delete button! 😄

 

Another  which is quite prominent in series like 24 is when Jack will acquire a phone after killing a terrorist etc... Without fail, he manages to call various high ranking people directly as if he has memorised all their numbers. 

that can be annoying as everyone seems to remember multiple numbers, fair enough if you use them regularly. Also one other thing would the bad guys not have a screen lock/password/pin set on their phone to allow access?

[Der Kaiser]

"We've got to get the bullet out!"

 

No you don't, you'll likely cause more damage and the bullet will be all distorted and cause the injury to be much worse and.....no wait out it pops still in good shape. This dressing will suffice also...will clear up your limp in 20 minutes.

-

When someone is surprised in their bed sleeping with the light suddenly on. How come it takes them 5 seconds to adjust.....i need a solid minute slowly uncovering my eyes.

-

No-one ever enters a room and forgets why they went in there.

-

All whips can lock around objects and people's necks flawlessly 

-

Phones get answered in under 3 seconds....every single time. And if not answered that person is dead or kidnapped. 

-

Guys recovering from getting kicked in the nuts after around 10 seconds. Really??????

-

I've just shot this guy with my pistol....i could pick up his sub machine gun and ammo clips....but I'll hang on to the pistol....I've made the handle all warm and its just more familiar. 

Oh no more guards....wait they're running at me in the open...all of them....they're all avoiding cover.....well shooting them now is easy.....damn.....out of ammo.....hopefully one guard will come right up close and I'll steal his.

[Samuel Camazzola]

31 minutes ago, milky_26 said:

that can be annoying as everyone seems to remember multiple numbers, fair enough if you use them regularly. Also one other thing would the bad guys not have a screen lock/password/pin set on their phone to allow access?

Jack would hack that lock whilst out to save the world against the clock. 😄

[iantjambo]

19 minutes ago, Der Kaiser said:

"We've got to get the bullet out!"

 

No you don't, you'll likely cause more damage and the bullet will be all distorted and cause the injury to be much worse and.....no wait out it pops still in good shape. This dressing will suffice also...will clear up your limp in 20 minutes.

-

When someone is surprised in their bed sleeping with the light suddenly on. How come it takes them 5 seconds to adjust.....i need a solid minute slowly uncovering my eyes.

-

No-one ever enters a room and forgets why they went in there.

-

All whips can lock around objects and people's necks flawlessly 

-

Phones get answered in under 3 seconds....every single time. And if not answered that person is dead or kidnapped. 

-

Guys recovering from getting kicked in the nuts after around 10 seconds. Really??????

-

I've just shot this guy with my pistol....i could pick up his sub machine gun and ammo clips....but I'll hang on to the pistol....I've made the handle all warm and its just more familiar. 

Oh no more guards....wait they're running at me in the open...all of them....they're all avoiding cover.....well shooting them now is easy.....damn.....out of ammo.....hopefully one guard will come right up close and I'll steal his.

 

This one gets me every time

Big guy gets a hard kick in the stones and jumps almost straight back up and starts throwing punches and chucking people about. Any guy, regardless of size, that takes one in the chuckies is going down like a bag of shite and isn’t getting back up anytime soon.

Edited July 29, 2020 by iantjambo

[OmiyaHearts]

People firing guns and not being completely deafened by it. I've fired quite a few guns and the one time I never used ear defenders, I couldn't hear for about an hour. Just ringing in my ears.

 

People answering the phone without even saying 'hello'.

[Салатные палочки]

12 minutes ago, iantjambo said:

 

This one gets me every time

Big guy gets a hard kick in the stones and jumps almost straight back up and starts throwing punches and chucking people about. Any guy, regardless of size, that takes one in the chuckies is going down like a bag of shite and isn’t getting back up anytime soon.

 

Anyone who got a ball to the nuts or posted in high school will vouch for that.  

[benny]

The miss casting of all the high school kids in Grease.

[Салатные палочки]

A gun is always in reach.  If i was in a fight with someone and managed to wrestle the gun out their hands, I would pocket it straight away or even shoot them in the knee to disable them.  I wouldn't hear it drop and then continue to grapple with them until they then overpowered me and got the gun back that was lying on the floor.  

 

Also, if your up against countless bad-asses in an old warehouse or whatever, if you shoot someone and they fall with their gun next to them, would it not be an idea to then pick their gun up or at least empty the barrel into your pocket before leaving in case they manage to get the power to grab the gun and take a shot at you before you leave the room? 

[adambraejambo]

When planting a bomb do terrorist organisations really have to have a red LED light doing a countdown ? 

[Weakened Offender]

11 hours ago, JWL said:

 

One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night. One of the funniest books I've read and exactly what I thought off when I read the OP. Clint Eastwood in Where Eagles Dare where he kills about 40 Germans with one round.

 

One Fine Day In The Middle Of The Night is a total riot. Dozens of laugh out loud sequences. His finest, IMO. 

[Mac_fae_Gillie]

2 hours ago, benny said:

The miss casting of all the high school kids in Grease.

See also "Animal House" "Breakfast Club" etc etc plus Derry Girls the plump blond is 32yrs old, rest are mid 20s.

[Jamhammer]

14 hours ago, Eldar Hadzimehmedovic said:

Perhaps minor compared to gun fights, but every single time a movie or TV character has a takeout coffee from Starbucks or something, the cup is always obviously empty. 

There is a term, sadly don't remember it for when you suddenly remember you are watching a film . Whenever the above happens it happens to me. 

 

Another thing is in British Crime dramas senior police officers, Detective Superintendents etc actually do grunt work and aren't desk jockeys.. 

[Beni]

When someone switches the TV on, within a few seconds an item will come on the news that is crucial to the plot of the film.

[¼½¾]

1 hour ago, Jamhammer said:

There is a term, sadly don't remember it for when you suddenly remember you are watching a film . Whenever the above happens it happens to me. 

 

Another thing is in British Crime dramas senior police officers, Detective Superintendents etc actually do grunt work and aren't desk jockeys.. 

I'm surprised they need to, seeing the forensic scientists are usually out and about solving cases.

[Jamhammer]

6 minutes ago, Lemongrab said:

I'm surprised they need to, seeing the forensic scientists are usually out and about solving cases.

And judges, and crime writers, and lawyers 

[ri Alban]

6 hours ago, iantjambo said:

 

This one gets me every time

Big guy gets a hard kick in the stones and jumps almost straight back up and starts throwing punches and chucking people about. Any guy, regardless of size, that takes one in the chuckies is going down like a bag of shite and isn’t getting back up anytime soon.

 Nonsense. In an actual fight you're not going down until after the fight. Adrenaline keeps you up right. 

 

When you're not in fighting mode, you go down instantly. 

Edited July 29, 2020 by ri Alban

[Ribble]

Guy from SAS on Ch4 does a good review of war films where he rates how realistic things actually are

 

I only started driving last year and it's pretty much spoiled any film with a car chase as it's so unrealistic

 

 

[The Real Maroonblood]

Silent Witness grinds my gears.

The pathologists become the cops and interview suspects.