neilnunb Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 - 1 Olaf Falafel I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets. 😐 - 2 Richard Stott Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy. - 3 Milton Jones What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh. - 4 Jake Lambert A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'. - 5 Ross Smith A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it. - 6 Ross Smith Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning. - 7 Adele Cliff I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it. - 8 Richard Pulsford After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. - 9 Mark Simmons To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian. - 10 Ivo Graham I've got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts. 😐 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
been here before Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Christ they are grim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambos are go! Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Not a vintage year methinks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gorgie Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Our city is brought to a standstill for a month for the sake of these shite joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darren Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 I quite like the second one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig_ Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Goodness me, is Tim Vine the judge?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benny Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Usually get a few decent ones but deary me this year's are tragic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 5 hours ago, neilnunb said: - 1 Olaf Falafel I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets. 😐 - 2 Richard Stott Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy. - 3 Milton Jones What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh. - 4 Jake Lambert A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'. - 5 Ross Smith A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it. - 6 Ross Smith Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning. - 7 Adele Cliff I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it. - 8 Richard Pulsford After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. - 9 Mark Simmons To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian. - 10 Ivo Graham I've got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts. 😐 They got some of those from the "Crap Joke" thread on JKB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegas-voss Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Garbage every year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphonseCapone Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Say what you want about the quality of the jokes but the following can **** off as far as I am concerned; BBC News - Edinburgh Fringe: Tourette's charity wants apology over award-winning joke https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 47 minutes ago, AlphonseCapone said: Say what you want about the quality of the jokes but the following can **** off as far as I am concerned; BBC News - Edinburgh Fringe: Tourette's charity wants apology over award-winning joke https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718 Ridiculous Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Governor Tarkin Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 54 minutes ago, AlphonseCapone said: Say what you want about the quality of the jokes but the following can **** off as far as I am concerned; BBC News - Edinburgh Fringe: Tourette's charity wants apology over award-winning joke https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718 We need more charities offended by insensitive gags imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 9 hours ago, neilnunb said: - 1 Olaf Falafel I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets. 😐 - 2 Richard Stott Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy. - 3 Milton Jones What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh. - 4 Jake Lambert A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'. - 5 Ross Smith A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it. - 6 Ross Smith Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning. - 7 Adele Cliff I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it. - 8 Richard Pulsford After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. - 9 Mark Simmons To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian. - 10 Ivo Graham I've got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts. 😐 Read that on the train this morning. Didn't find any of the even slightly funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 1 hour ago, AlphonseCapone said: Say what you want about the quality of the jokes but the following can **** off as far as I am concerned; BBC News - Edinburgh Fringe: Tourette's charity wants apology over award-winning joke https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718 Agreed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter_hmfc Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 8 hours ago, TheStig said: Our city is brought to a standstill for a month for the sake of these shite joke. Absolutely . Shite jokes, shite "comedians", shite festival, arsehole tourists. Shite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Better call Saul Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 7 hours ago, Darren said: I quite like the second one. Agreed I scrolled back and had a chuckle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 29 minutes ago, peter_hmfc said: Absolutely . Shite jokes, shite "comedians", shite festival, arsehole tourists. Shite. Best month of the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manaliveits105 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 3 hours ago, AlphonseCapone said: Say what you want about the quality of the jokes but the following can **** off as far as I am concerned; BBC News - Edinburgh Fringe: Tourette's charity wants apology over award-winning joke https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718 We have a winner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobNox Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 A few that didn't make the top 10..... Lost Voice Guy: If you are wondering how I got disabled, it’s because I didn’t forward that chain email to 10 of my closest friends when I was younger. James McNicholas: In the end, I beat him black and blue – or white and gold , depending on what colour you thought that dress was. Goose: My mate came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition. He was close, but no cigar. Alasdair Beckett-King: Make picking up litter more fun by turning to a friend and saying, "Aha! A clue." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King prawn Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 11 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: Superjack tells better jokes than these clowns. Tim Vine is funny too. Much better than anything in the top 10 this year that's for sure. I've been to see him on a few occasions and he's been brilliant every time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swavkav Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 On 19/08/2019 at 10:15, neilnunb said: - 1 Olaf Falafel I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets. 😐 - 2 Richard Stott Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy. - 3 Milton Jones What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh. - 4 Jake Lambert A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'. - 5 Ross Smith A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it. - 6 Ross Smith Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning. - 7 Adele Cliff I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it. - 8 Richard Pulsford After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. - 9 Mark Simmons To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian. - 10 Ivo Graham I've got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts. 😐 These have been floating around Facebook as memes for years Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 On 19/08/2019 at 15:52, Maple Leaf said: They got some of those from the "Crap Joke" thread on JKB. No chance. The crap joke thread should be essential reading for these so called Comedians. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Milton Jones is fecking woeful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamhammer Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 If this is the best they can do Levein out! It's time Billy Davies took over the fringe with no interference from above Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1874robbo Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Absolutely woeful!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1874robbo Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 I like this guy although he may offend some. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 1 hour ago, ri Alban said: Milton Jones is fecking woeful. I was at his show and his effort above didn't even get the biggest laugh on the night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymour M Hersh Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 23 hours ago, Marvin said: Read that on the train this morning. Didn't find any of the even slightly funny. To be honest Marvin that's not the biggest surprise seeing as who your avatar is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gorgie Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 2 minutes ago, All roads lead to Gorgie said: I was at his show and his effort above didn't even get the biggest laugh on the night. Surprised it got any at all tbh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 1 minute ago, TheStig said: Surprised it got any at all tbh. Amazing what a few overpriced Lagers can do to an audience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 8 minutes ago, Seymour M Hersh said: To be honest Marvin that's not the biggest surprise seeing as who your avatar is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBigO Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 On 19/08/2019 at 18:58, AlphonseCapone said: Say what you want about the quality of the jokes but the following can **** off as far as I am concerned; BBC News - Edinburgh Fringe: Tourette's charity wants apology over award-winning joke https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718 Oof. They're a bit ticked off aren't they Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GlasgoJambo Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 On 19/08/2019 at 19:53, Governor Tarkin said: We need more charities offended by insensitive gags imo. 👌🏾 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 8 minutes ago, TheBigO said: Oof. They're a bit ticked off aren't they Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 3 hours ago, 1874robbo said: I like this guy although he may offend some. Saw him at the festival last year. He only done one night. Was outstanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac_fae_Gillie Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 Some good jokes there but No.1 just seems way to highly placed. But if these are the best 10 jokes hundreds of comics could come up with were doomed. 2. 5. and 6 my favs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 16 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Superjack tells better jokes than these clowns. Tim Vine is funny too. You were always my favourite poster on here jonno. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 On 20/08/2019 at 02:07, RobNox said: A few that didn't make the top 10..... Lost Voice Guy: If you are wondering how I got disabled, it’s because I didn’t forward that chain email to 10 of my closest friends when I was younger. James McNicholas: In the end, I beat him black and blue – or white and gold , depending on what colour you thought that dress was. Goose: My mate came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition. He was close, but no cigar. Alasdair Beckett-King: Make picking up litter more fun by turning to a friend and saying, "Aha! A clue." I like the Churchill one. Disabled fella has no material other than 'I'm disabled' jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Brown Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 16 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Superjack tells better jokes than these clowns. What am I missing here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve_Jersey_HMFC Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 (edited) 2 hours ago, Mac_fae_Gillie said: Some good jokes there but No.1 just seems way to highly placed. But if these are the best 10 jokes hundreds of comics could come up with were doomed. 2. 5. and 6 my favs. To be fair they're not the best jokes just the best 'one liners' I suppose. The best jokes told by comedians these days form part of larger stories, and themes running through the show etc, not succinct enough to be included (and understood without any context) in the above top 10 Edited August 21, 2019 by Steve_Jersey_HMFC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 6 hours ago, superjack said: You were always my favourite poster on here jonno. 6 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: My fee is in the post.... 😉 See, JKB patter is better than the best jokes of the Fringe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 9 minutes ago, jonnothejambo said: True. There are plenty comedians on here, most notably when trying to be serious.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 11 hours ago, Tommy Brown said: What am I missing here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cairneyhill Jambo Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 On 11/07/2019 at 08:15, Lemongrab said: To the person who stole my antidepressants... I hope you are happy now. On 19/08/2019 at 10:15, neilnunb said: - 1 Olaf Falafel I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets. 😐 - 2 Richard Stott Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy. - 3 Milton Jones What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh. - 4 Jake Lambert A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'. - 5 Ross Smith A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it. - 6 Ross Smith Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning. - 7 Adele Cliff I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it. - 8 Richard Pulsford After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. - 9 Mark Simmons To be or not to be a horse rider, that is equestrian. - 10 Ivo Graham I've got an Eton-themed Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts. 😐 I hope lemongrab has reported Richard Stott for the second joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey1874 Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 Dave's comedy newcomer nominations Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 1 hour ago, Cairneyhill Jambo said: I hope lemongrab has reported Richard Stott for the second joke. I saw that on twitter over a year ago, so god knows how old the joke actually is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 On 20/08/2019 at 11:36, jonnothejambo said: Superjack tells better jokes than these clowns. Agreed. His jokes have brought groans of despair from my grandchildren. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 On 21/08/2019 at 09:56, Tommy Brown said: What am I missing here? A sense of humour, Tommy? On 21/08/2019 at 10:25, jonnothejambo said: The jokes thread by the sound of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Brown Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 49 minutes ago, Morgan said: A sense of humour, Tommy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted August 22, 2019 Share Posted August 22, 2019 26 minutes ago, Tommy Brown said: I rest my case, M’lud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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