waynefozzie Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 I was out in my adopted home town the other night, and we ran into a couple of guys calling themselves 'Poets for Hire.' They had old school typewriters and they were inviting passing drunkards to suggest a title for a poem they'd type on the spot. The lassie I was out with encouraged me to have a go, and not having any better idea, I gave them the title 'Heart of Midlothian Football Club.' Here's the poem they wrote for me : The air grasps you like a stick, rigid and braced against the corner of a yard, where the cries of horror echo and clatter like the height of Industrial revolution. Cheer, you ********, cheer like you never thought it would happen. I kind of like a poem to rhyme, but nevertheless I was pretty chuffed with what they wrote me. But how many kickbackers are poets that don't yet know it? This thread is for your Hearts-related poetry. The best poem posted wins a fondue set. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphonseCapone Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 In the capital city they play, Where a maroon army will say, Heart of Midlothian, **** off Hibernian, We'll support you ever more, Though the future is a mystery, With such an illustrious history, We can allow ourselves to dream, That one day Heart of Midlothian will be Scotland's number one team Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott herbertson Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 (edited) My aunt used to write the poems which appeared sometimes in. The Hearts programmes in the late 40s and early 50s ( her hero was the goalie Jimmy Brown). Her scrapbook is at the museum now but it’s also on London Hearts website - this page has one of her poems for the programmes : http://www.londonhearts.com/images/scotthout/pages/page036.htm note that she was guest of the Directors that day. 60years later when my brother Craig played Hearts of Glory on the pitch Margaret was one of the guests of the Directors again...she also came out on the street in Saughton like thousands and thousands of others to see us bring the cup back in 98. Edited October 13, 2017 by scott herbertson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haken Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 6 hours ago, waynefozzie said: I was out in my adopted home town the other night, and we ran into a couple of guys calling themselves 'Poets for Hire.' They had old school typewriters and they were inviting passing drunkards to suggest a title for a poem they'd type on the spot. The lassie I was out with encouraged me to have a go, and not having any better idea, I gave them the title 'Heart of Midlothian Football Club.' Here's the poem they wrote for me : The air grasps you like a stick, rigid and braced against the corner of a yard, where the cries of horror echo and clatter like the height of Industrial revolution. Cheer, you ********, cheer like you never thought it would happen. I kind of like a poem to rhyme, but nevertheless I was pretty chuffed with what they wrote me. But how many kickbackers are poets that don't yet know it? This thread is for your Hearts-related poetry. The best poem posted wins a fondue set. Could you post the one they wrote about Heart of Midlothian Football Club? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@VladMagic Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 All around a wall of maroon and white filled his eyes, A cacophony of sound punishing his ears so loud his head hurt and his heart pumped restless. A spectacle so great the emotions inside spilled out of every pore and into the people around him he cried, Growing out of control the mass of people swayed, swirled and danced enchanted by enhanced senses. Fed from within a self perpetuating ocean mesmerised by all that they see. 5-1 FTH!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haken Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 This has the capacity for cringiest thread ever. Here's some cringe: There was a young man form Trutnov who became a bit of a god With a left peg like a gun He scored twice in five-one And the broken green rats scurried off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoltan socrates Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Are we now just opening ourselves up for a ripping by choice puffs thread, get a grip ffs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynefozzie Posted October 13, 2017 Author Share Posted October 13, 2017 Some fine verses being penned here, but this is my favourite so far: 31 minutes ago, zoltan socrates said: Are we now just opening ourselves up for a ripping by choice puffs thread, get a grip ffs Beautiful. Has a touch of Bukowski about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynefozzie Posted October 13, 2017 Author Share Posted October 13, 2017 2 hours ago, scott herbertson said: My aunt used to write the poems which appeared sometimes in. The Hearts programmes in the late 40s and early 50s ( her hero was the goalie Jimmy Brown). Her scrapbook is at the museum now but it’s also on London Hearts website - this page has one of her poems for the programmes : http://www.londonhearts.com/images/scotthout/pages/page036.htm note that she was guest of the Directors that day. 60years later when my brother Craig played Hearts of Glory on the pitch Margaret was one of the guests of the Directors again...she also came out on the street in Saughton like thousands and thousands of others to see us bring the cup back in 98. Great story - cheers Scott. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pans Jambo Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Hibs are gash. (Damn! I'm Shakespeare) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haken Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 50 minutes ago, zoltan socrates said: Are we now just opening ourselves up for a ripping by choice puffs thread, get a grip ffs I take it you won't be joining in when we kick off the interpretative dance thread? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 When I was wee my dad took me To see Hearts at Tynecastle We beat the Hibs We always did They weren't much of a hassle I saw some team Saw Sandy Clark Wee John Colquhoun and Jardine But most of all John Robertson (I played him in the garden) The next time that My old man asked I couldn't be much keener To go along And join the throng The pride of old Edina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookieboy Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 4 minutes ago, ManMoth said: When I was wee my dad took me To see Hearts at Tynecastle We beat the Hibs We always did They weren't much of a hassle I saw some team Saw Sandy Clark Wee John Colquhoun and Jardine But most of all John Robertson (I played him in the garden) The next time that My old man asked I couldn't be much keener To go along And join the throng The pride of old Edina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 7 minutes ago, cookieboy said: Cheers bud, although I have to say I used to think that men having sex with each other was the gayest thing possible until I read about guerilla poets with typewriters! Hey Zoltan, we can call it rap if it's less of a threat to your masculinity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eddiepolio Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 1 hour ago, zoltan socrates said: Are we now just opening ourselves up for a ripping by choice puffs thread, get a grip ffs "Puffs thread"???? Wow, just wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Findlay Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 As I walk along the Gorgie Road. I see the bustle of the expectant crowd. Most have come to see the men in Maroon Wishing them to score at least three. I climb the stairs of the Wheatfield stand The excitement slowly creeping up on me The glare of the floodlights beam across the arena The protagonists enter and the noise reaches a crescendo A blow from the referee's whistle and battle begins Souttar to Walker and forward Hearts go The crowd get expectant at the Hearts attack Walker to Lafferty to Isma and back Twenty yards out and Walker takes aim His right foot connects with the white Sphere It flies like an arrow straight and true The ball hits the net in the postage stamps corner There are scenes of delirium all around me The noise starts at the back of my throat It travels to the front and exits a roar Once again the boys in Maroon are to the forest The final whistle blows and the cheer is immense Hearts have prevailed and anything else no longer matters The cheering subsides and we begin to leave with smiles a mile wide Tynecastle midweek under the lights nowhere in world football can excite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Pivotonian Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 My first ever Clerihew. So here goes: Ian Cathro Clearly had to go His performance so lukewarm His P45 was passed to him in note form. I'll get my coat, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomaso Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 "Up on the terracing at the Gorgie end You were my pal you were my friend We stood together in good times and bad You made me a Hearts fan, I thank you Dad" (On my dear old Dad's plaque in the Memorial garden) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coburg Hearts Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 5 hours ago, scott herbertson said: My aunt used to write the poems which appeared sometimes in. The Hearts programmes in the late 40s and early 50s ( her hero was the goalie Jimmy Brown). Her scrapbook is at the museum now but it’s also on London Hearts website - this page has one of her poems for the programmes : http://www.londonhearts.com/images/scotthout/pages/page036.htm note that she was guest of the Directors that day. 60years later when my brother Craig played Hearts of Glory on the pitch Margaret was one of the guests of the Directors again...she also came out on the street in Saughton like thousands and thousands of others to see us bring the cup back in 98. Enjoyed the poem by your Aunt. ps Jimmy Brown was Hearts goalie when I first started going to games. If memory correct (it's not always haha) he always wore a cap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 We've said it by tongue and we've written it in pen, uttered it on the telephone again and again We've said it as boys that turned into men You spawny green b@stards, it should have been ten.. We've texted this message and emailed it too We've written with quills that have nibs We own you, you're ours and we say loud and proud Quite simply, to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Sifter Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Hearts are brilliant, His are shite, If you think Im wrong, Yer wrong, am right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoltan socrates Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 3 hours ago, Haken said: I take it you won't be joining in when we kick off the interpretative dance thread? Ill sve myself for the kickback flower press'athon' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nookie Bear Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 5 hours ago, Haken said: Could you post the one they wrote about Heart of Midlothian Football Club? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 48 minutes ago, Mr Sifter said: Hearts are brilliant, His are shite, If you think Im wrong, Yer wrong, am right. That's the winner there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 4 minutes ago, ManMoth said: That's the winner there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SE16 3LN Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 6 hours ago, waynefozzie said: Some fine verses being penned here, but this is my favourite so far: Beautiful. Has a touch of Bukowski about it. I was just reading some Bukowski Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J Cheever Loophole Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Early one morning Bright and born A hibby sat, 'pon my window sill It filled my heart with joy It filled my heart with glee As I quickly slammed the window shut and crushed it's ****in' Heidi! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upgotheheads Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 So at the end, whitever's said. The Jambos won one-five And all the while as Hibees fled Oor Suzo didnae dive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norm Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Didn't someone post Doug's ramblings on here to a poetry forum once? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maggieb Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 7 hours ago, Thomaso said: "Up on the terracing at the Gorgie end You were my pal you were my friend We stood together in good times and bad You made me a Hearts fan, I thank you Dad" (On my dear old Dad's plaque in the Memorial garden) WINNER, wheres the fondue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 17 minutes ago, Normthebarman said: Didn't someone post Doug's ramblings on here to a poetry forum once? I hope so. I hope someone can find the post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Just now, maggieb said: WINNER, wheres the fondue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 I'd offer a haiku, but as John Cooper Clarke once said: “To convey one’s mood in seventeen syllables is very diffic” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cory McNamara Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Yo, yo, my name is Jamie Walka I'm searching for a new worka I need a bigger pie I don't like this slice With bigger pound it would be nice My shining skills will be improved With hun support no doubt in that My childhood I will not forget My instability is part of your imagination Has something to do with your immaturity I don't care much about your soul's fragility I've lost my track because of you Yellow newspapers will catch this too With such a brutal force I will attack Like you did with my family This criticism is killing me I can't believe the things I've been told Though this is not the cause, y'all know? It's a part of my job I don't control I'm not a Contra I have no spread I can't score goals In every game Some silly tactics you have to blame Like lunatics they say the same old things These so-called fans attacking me My heart is in Glasgow, seems your is here Along with my dream I'll be free We put to rest some things like hate We'll bury that for you and me No grimy shadows behind our backs Just shiny diamonds in Glasgow at night I have to move No matter what Forgive and bye I will not rot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cory McNamara Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Ama superpower Ama skullcrusher Ama not a newcomer Ama dream smasher With my white power and black mag-ic Heart of Midlothian will always win Ama Hearts boy and a serial winner Glasgow boys are lying here for mah dinner So, you say, what? I can't grab a point at Dundee? You must be a Pittodrie son Without any talent one I am a world center Explosion epicenter Can't live without a 1:0 win Can't die without a draw A tasty blood of my foes Is what I adore So, you say, what? Silly draws? Shut your mouth and sheate your pants Freaking hobo son Not a Midlothian one I'll make you pay In the end you shall obey I am biting like a cobra Opponents absorber Sharp as a knife With my teeth I'll cut like a chainsaw So, you say, what? Poor defence? Attack? I'll cut your head off and empty my ass Right down your neck With no remorse Can't take a break Ama master Ama improvizer Ama not a silly one Ama organizer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidoug Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 You'll all love this one. I've taken it straight from partyplanners. Here we go 8 in a row. We really do have to smash these clowns to pulp on Tuesday night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambo-fletch Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Heart of Midlothian **** off hibernian! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riddley Walker Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 On 14/10/2017 at 01:02, Cory McNamara said: Yo, yo, my name is Jamie Walka I'm searching for a new worka I need a bigger pie I don't like this slice With bigger pound it would be nice My shining skills will be improved With hun support no doubt in that My childhood I will not forget My instability is part of your imagination Has something to do with your immaturity I don't care much about your soul's fragility I've lost my track because of you Yellow newspapers will catch this too With such a brutal force I will attack Like you did with my family This criticism is killing me I can't believe the things I've been told Though this is not the cause, y'all know? It's a part of my job I don't control I'm not a Contra I have no spread I can't score goals In every game Some silly tactics you have to blame Like lunatics they say the same old things These so-called fans attacking me My heart is in Glasgow, seems your is here Along with my dream I'll be free We put to rest some things like hate We'll bury that for you and me No grimy shadows behind our backs Just shiny diamonds in Glasgow at night I have to move No matter what Forgive and bye I will not rot 4 hours ago, Cory McNamara said: Ama superpower Ama skullcrusher Ama not a newcomer Ama dream smasher With my white power and black mag-ic Heart of Midlothian will always win Ama Hearts boy and a serial winner Glasgow boys are lying here for mah dinner So, you say, what? I can't grab a point at Dundee? You must be a Pittodrie son Without any talent one I am a world center Explosion epicenter Can't live without a 1:0 win Can't die without a draw A tasty blood of my foes Is what I adore So, you say, what? Silly draws? Shut your mouth and sheate your pants Freaking hobo son Not a Midlothian one I'll make you pay In the end you shall obey I am biting like a cobra Opponents absorber Sharp as a knife With my teeth I'll cut like a chainsaw So, you say, what? Poor defence? Attack? I'll cut your head off and empty my ass Right down your neck With no remorse Can't take a break Ama master Ama improvizer Ama not a silly one Ama organizer Incredible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Locky Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Is that D4nny? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigcoll Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 'That isn't a blizzard, but the Heart of Midlothian support waiting for the start of the second half...' One of the romantic poets I think, either John Keats or Archie McPherson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Getintaethem Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 Come pack up your footballs and scarves of maroon, Leave all your sweethearts in Auld Reekie toon, Fall in wi' the lads for they're off and away, To take on the bold Hun with old Geordie McCrae! From the memorial at Contalmaison. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted October 23, 2017 Share Posted October 23, 2017 On 10/13/2017 at 20:07, Normthebarman said: Didn't someone post Doug's ramblings on here to a poetry forum once? "Tae a Mup" - sadly, I only remember the title and the fact that 'Dougstar' was welcomed to the forum with open arms. On 10/13/2017 at 21:09, Ulysses said: I'd offer a haiku, but as John Cooper Clarke once said: “To convey one’s mood in seventeen syllables is very diffic” First, five syllables Then add seven more to that Add five for Haiku Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cory McNamara Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 Retardee from Pittodrie I am Red I am Round I live in the past 'Till the day My body will hit the ground Heart of Midlothian fans? They are morons And don't deserve to eat jam tarts It's 1986 Cup final will make them go nuts C.C. Catch is on my TV She shouts: "'Cause you are young" At me Someone is knocking at my door It is Jamtard You have come for more? "It's 2017, returd. The only thing you will win is the Scottish League Cup" I don't bah-lieve you Go away, it's nineteen eighty all the way Hibernian? It's just a joke Some wannabies and hibies Cup dreamers and believers Can't touch a sacred thing 'Cause maybe they are sinners? Yes, it sounds raw We are not like them It's nineteen eighty four And we are doing fine 3 Scottish Cups in a row With fools like huns and bheasts Behind us We don't need a silly draws Just ask imbeciles from Madrid and Hamburg Euro glory surrounds us all We fight only for wins and titles It's 1985 Another trophy, another pride I'm thinking about this Jamtard What if he were right? What if he is not? How many titles Aberdeen will win? What the future holds for my team? How many shiny days are mine? It's nineteen eighty nine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0sp-2dF3ME Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maple Leaf Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 I'm impressed. There are some poetic geniuses among the JKB masses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamtartan74 Posted October 24, 2017 Share Posted October 24, 2017 And here it is its derby day a chance to tell them the hibs are gay and as they go for a reach around the jambos party in that shitty ground And on that note when all is said the Hearts are having a party the hibs are in their beds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cory McNamara Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 Green Light I'm not a racist I don't mind LGBT Though in their rainbow Green stands for Hibernian And blue - for loyal Gers Oh, sheeps, oh, Aberdeen FC Or maybe ships? They like the Bismarck - Shiny, solid, strong But then You blink They sink Though, there is no any fun When pack of 4 or 6 is hunting One The world we are living in is a mess With Celtic infestation Hibernian reincarnation How can we play? How can we win? When only 4 or 5 will have some intention To do some progression There are strange noises in the dark Everything is fine Rangers fans are dismantling another toilet At Celtic Park And after that they are so angry When some people call them huns And what's the cooliest thing about green ones? You will never meet some At toilet brexit Celtic fans are sometimes strange too "Snipers at work are here for you" Can't see a funny thing When your knee takes 7.62 Hey, Belhunst Bhelfast? Yes, I'm talking with you You think these high walls Are good for you? Better take them down or The last bell will ring for you It's like a football - You hit and miss While opponent scores two Some Midlothians say that Hearts fans suck Well, you can come up with this abomination When your only food is a pack of antidepressants Jesus Christ, We have to bear this too Catholics? Protestants? During a football matches? It's like another dimension Like a game With the score tied 1:1 Better show two to islamization English soldier hits the ground Blood is spilling from his mouth Family separation Strong minds unification His last tear and dust unite At the end of life's tunnel I can see a green light Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hearts1975 Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 At a fine day in May time they came out in their droves decked up in green regalia and toilet paper up their nose heading for hampden they screamed and would shout oh vermin, oh vermin make this a good day out they took to the park like expectant as one but here come the jambos their Having some fun it came in from the corner and banged around in the box but up popped wee Darren and ghosted in like a fox four more in succession hearts blew them apart rats crawled out the stadium after being mesmorised by hearts five one and counting the hibbies were done but the hearts fans were shouting were the big team ya scum and no matter what happens even if the hibs feel no shame that fairytale ending will never be repeated again FTH always and 4 ever (I'll no give up the day job for a poet that's for sure) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan_R Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 The days of Tom Purdie to the Scottish Cup, We have had some lows but we'll aye come back up, Plenty memorable moments have been, Watching Rudi, Cruickshank and Sandy Jardine, De Vries shot rippling the net in Bordeaux, Heart's passion and pride has always shown, Petric pegging the Germans back at Tynecastle, Heroes present and past like Barney Battles. Cheering on Paul Hartley's third in the Semi, Clappin' breathtaking saves by Antti Niemi, A mazy run from Temps, a belter from Miko, A curler from range fi Juanjo Carricondo, Our roots set in stone on the royal mile, To recent late winners from Kevin Kyle, Our rich history and honours can be seen, Enough to make envious neighbours turn green. So when I am done or my time comes too soon, You can let it be known I will always bleed Maroon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perth to Paisley Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 We are Hearts Others are farts. My prize is awaited with baited Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gashauskis9 Posted November 5, 2017 Share Posted November 5, 2017 (edited) Little boy Moffat Sat on a tuffet Eating a caramel wafer He wrote to the liths, created some myths And now he’s laughed off as a slaver Edited November 5, 2017 by Gashauskis9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.