jb102 Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 This memory includes two friends of mine who sadly passed away long before their time. One dark winter evening a gang of us teenage neds cycled up to a pals house in Hope Terrace near the top of Marchmont Road. One of went up the garden to ring the doorbell and the rest of us waited in the street.When you are fourteen and you have had a couple of cans of lager on a freezing night it is not long until you are overcome with the need to pee. One of us went behind the driveway gate to relieve himself. Just as he finished a "panda car" stopped and the big fat polis lumbered out to find out what half a dozen rough laddies were doing in The Grange. As he is giving us the 3rd degree a river of piss flows out from under the gate. He went ****ing mental and grabbed my wee mate and I and shoved us in the back of the car and warned us to stay put while he went to see if we had been breaking and entering. As soon as the fat polis ******* was out of view I pissed in the rear footwell of the cop car while my mate stole the lapel badges off his greatcoat, his hat and hand held radio and we made good our escape. We wound the polis up for weeks with that radio,squads of cops out looking for us while we hid in gardens from Gorgie to Fairmilehead. My wee pal even managed to work out how to recharge the radio. I still smile when I remember my 2 pals sadly taken. I still smile when I remember that fat cop and the bollocking he must have taken for weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlimOzturk Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 Aberdeen have outdoor urinals for men along Union street. Makes sense IMO then you will probably get complaints from feminists wondering why they don't get something similar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 An excellent tale that has warmed the cockles of my heart. Delighted that it only took three wipes to clean the old fartpiece. Unless of course you turned each garment inside out thus doubling your ability to properly wipe the rusty sheriffs badge, but at the same time risking getting the sir John on yet mitt. Beef olives for dinner tonight.... Thanks, happy to help. While I remember, I also laid a transatlantic cable on the bowling green at Bruntsfield Links when I was a lad. My mate Tam said its good for the grass or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey J J Jr Shabadoo Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 This memory includes two friends of mine who sadly passed away long before their time. One dark winter evening a gang of us teenage neds cycled up to a pals house in Hope Terrace near the top of Marchmont Road. One of went up the garden to ring the doorbell and the rest of us waited in the street.When you are fourteen and you have had a couple of cans of lager on a freezing night it is not long until you are overcome with the need to pee. One of us went behind the driveway gate to relieve himself. Just as he finished a "panda car" stopped and the big fat polis lumbered out to find out what half a dozen rough laddies were doing in The Grange. As he is giving us the 3rd degree a river of piss flows out from under the gate. He went ******* mental and grabbed my wee mate and I and shoved us in the back of the car and warned us to stay put while he went to see if we had been breaking and entering. As soon as the fat polis ******* was out of view I pissed in the rear footwell of the cop car while my mate stole the lapel badges off his greatcoat, his hat and hand held radio and we made good our escape. We wound the polis up for weeks with that radio,squads of cops out looking for us while we hid in gardens from Gorgie to Fairmilehead. My wee pal even managed to work out how to recharge the radio. I still smile when I remember my 2 pals sadly taken. I still smile when I remember that fat cop and the bollocking he must have taken for weeks. Good man. Fight the power. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 4, 2017 Author Share Posted October 4, 2017 This memory includes two friends of mine who sadly passed away long before their time. One dark winter evening a gang of us teenage neds cycled up to a pals house in Hope Terrace near the top of Marchmont Road. One of went up the garden to ring the doorbell and the rest of us waited in the street.When you are fourteen and you have had a couple of cans of lager on a freezing night it is not long until you are overcome with the need to pee. One of us went behind the driveway gate to relieve himself. Just as he finished a "panda car" stopped and the big fat polis lumbered out to find out what half a dozen rough laddies were doing in The Grange. As he is giving us the 3rd degree a river of piss flows out from under the gate. He went ******* mental and grabbed my wee mate and I and shoved us in the back of the car and warned us to stay put while he went to see if we had been breaking and entering. As soon as the fat polis ******* was out of view I pissed in the rear footwell of the cop car while my mate stole the lapel badges off his greatcoat, his hat and hand held radio and we made good our escape. We wound the polis up for weeks with that radio,squads of cops out looking for us while we hid in gardens from Gorgie to Fairmilehead. My wee pal even managed to work out how to recharge the radio. I still smile when I remember my 2 pals sadly taken. I still smile when I remember that fat cop and the bollocking he must have taken for weeks. Giving the filth a big one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shona77 Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 On the back of Ryders' post about spitting. It's almost like a national pastime here in France for men to just whip it out anywhere and pee. They don't even try to hide themselves behind bushes, bus shelters, walls etc. Don't recall it ever being like that in Edinburgh (although if needs were desperate I must admit to the odd indiscretion). Never, never however in a stair door or in open view. We don't think it can be against the law here it is so frequently seen. What is the situation in Scotland? Was in Paris about 10 years ago.Walking down one of the main streets when an old tramp drops his breaks and takes a massive crap at the side of the pavement! Never seen anything like it [emoji50] Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redjambo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Was in Paris about 10 years ago. Walking down one of the main streets when an old tramp drops his breaks and takes a massive crap at the side of the pavement! Never seen anything like it [emoji50] Why? Was it a strange shape or colour? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paolo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Why? Was it a strange shape or colour? Maybe, being French, he made it look like a piece of art or some sort of sculpture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 Maybe, being French, he made it look like a piece of art or some sort of sculpture They also smell of Christian Dior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Was in Paris about 10 years ago. Walking down one of the main streets when an old tramp drops his breaks and takes a massive crap at the side of the pavement! Never seen anything like it [emoji50] Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk The first time I was in Paris a tramp took a shit at the end of the platform in the metro station we were in. Horrific. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 The first time I was in Paris a tramp took a shit at the end of the platform in the metro station we were in. Horrific. Aye, they're no' shy over here. Any old excuse to drop their bloomers or whip out the wee felly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Lyon Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Morgan should that not be the oui felly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 Morgan should that not be the oui felly? Bien sur. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 The plus grande felly... C'est magnifique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Could we potentially be charged for pissing all over hibs in public on the 24th? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escobar PHM Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I got locked out of my house a few years ago. As I waited I badly needed a dump so the only option was in the neighbours garden as they have a secluded corner bit and they were out. Had to use my socks and kex to wipe my arse though. btw it was a massive beauty. Ive had the odd poo out doors from time to time. What amazes me is the consistency is never as solid as the ones you do at home. Obviously the home made ones are plunged into water and most of the nasties associated are hidden, but FFS outdoor ones are always volumous, soft to runny and fecking reeking !!! Its particularly bad when your wallet drops out of your arse pocket when you squat and lands in the target area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 Ive had the odd poo out doors from time to time. What amazes me is the consistency is never as solid as the ones you do at home. Obviously the home made ones are plunged into water and most of the nasties associated are hidden, but FFS outdoor ones are always volumous, soft to runny and fecking reeking !!! Its particularly bad when your wallet drops out of your arse pocket when you squat and lands in the target area. Well that's certainly descriptive! You have to get your briefs well out the road too. At least to knee level and sort of angle yer bahooky backwards. It's really a bit of an art form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redjambo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Well that's certainly descriptive! You have to get your briefs well out the road too. At least to knee level and sort of angle yer bahooky backwards. It's really a bit of an art form. Having done a lot of camping and thus shitting in the woods, my trick is to haunch down with my back against a tree. Almost makes it quite enjoyable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 Having done a lot of camping and thus shitting in the woods, my trick is to haunch down with my back against a tree. Almost makes it quite enjoyable. I'm probably going to regret asking this but.... Feet in front or tucked under you body? How far apart should the legs be? This could provide useful tips for the future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Ive had the odd poo out doors from time to time. What amazes me is the consistency is never as solid as the ones you do at home. Obviously the home made ones are plunged into water and most of the nasties associated are hidden, but FFS outdoor ones are always volumous, soft to runny and fecking reeking !!! Its particularly bad when your wallet drops out of your arse pocket when you squat and lands in the target area. Nope. Both mine were rock solid. You could have put a window in with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escobar PHM Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Having done a lot of camping and thus shitting in the woods, my trick is to haunch down with my back against a tree. Almost makes it quite enjoyable. Holding on to a lampost (think of the start of a pole dance) achieves the same level of squat balance (for those who can't make it into a wooded area) especially if you can wrap your feet round it a bit at the bottom for a bit of clearance. I'd suggest removing lower clothing altogether for this one which might not always be practical. I'm thinking more public park than Princes Street here. The bonus here is folk think a big dug done it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escobar PHM Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Nope. Both mine were rock solid. You could have put a window in with them. You mean like using it for putty ? Or smashing a windae with it ? My last outside effort was more like brown wallpaper paste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Theres so many homeless Parisians in the subway so I'm surprised it isnt more common Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indianajones Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I piss and shit outside on almost a daily basis. I do work in forests though so its never usually an issue in terms of the public seeing me. Almost been spied a few times though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redjambo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I'm probably going to regret asking this but.... Feet in front or tucked under you body? How far apart should the legs be? This could provide useful tips for the future Feet in front. You can walk them forwards a little bit while leaning back against the tree, meaning that they're well clear of the emission danger zone (trousers around the ankles). A little bottle of water and some toilet roll to hand and Bob's your uncle. As for how far apart my legs are, I don't really know, sorry, I just kind of do it, but they're not together and I don't do the splits (so kind of normal I guess). Perhaps I should get a friend to take a photo next time I'm camping and I can post the photo on here to show you (perhaps from several different angles to help perception)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redjambo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Nope. Both mine were rock solid. You could have put a window in with them. I once had one in the Indian desert that, probably as a result of the fact I had spent three days eating virtually nothing but chapatis (made by the the guy in charge of the camels), was by a long way the most solid and enormous thing that I've ever expelled from my body. I was so amazed by the sheer size of it that I went and got my girlfriend to come and take a look at it. We're not going out any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paolo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Could we potentially be charged for pissing all over hibs in public on the 24th? We shat all over them on 19/05/12, so I think we will be OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paolo Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I piss and shit outside on almost a daily basis. I do work in forests though so its never usually an issue in terms of the public seeing me. Almost been spied a few times though! What did the folk that use to work in the toll booths on the Forth Road Bridge do? Did some poor bloke on a boat end up with a shit on his head, think what type of bird it was? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 We shat all over them on 19/05/12, so I think we will be OK. played sir Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 What did the folk that use to work in the toley booths on the Forth Road Bridge do? Did some poor bloke on a boat end up with a shit on his head, think what type of bird it was? FTFY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 5, 2017 Author Share Posted October 5, 2017 We shat all over them on 19/05/12, so I think we will be OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PsychocAndy Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Taking my dug,a GSD, out at 2.30ish am and there was a boy pishing through our gate. I said "Look Khan, somecu** is trying to mark your territory", the fella stopped mid flow, said sorry and ran up the road. I couldn't have done that, but I did have 30 odd years on him. I've had to do myself a few times but never through peoples gates on a busy street. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PsychocAndy Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Sorry if you seen that, I thought the swear filter would kick in. I've disguised it myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Benn Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Once relieved myself in a tenement in the wee small hours after a particularly heavy night. Noticed somebody had left a bucket and mop on the bottom floor, probably used for cleaning the tenement stairs. The bucket was about half full with water and so I topped it up. I always hope they changed the water before cleaning the stairs. Needs must. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoltan socrates Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Mind being at an industry event at the radisson in glasgow, tux job, plenty free booze Between leaving the eevent and getting the lift to whatever floor i was in i developed a massive emergency piss situation, fumbling for my key card is i walked tight arsed along the corridor i knew i wasnt getting to my room in time There were floor standing mini trees in gravel filled buckets between the lift and my room...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jb102 Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Mind being at an industry event at the radisson in glasgow, tux job, plenty free booze Between leaving the eevent and getting the lift to whatever floor i was in i developed a massive emergency piss situation, fumbling for my key card is i walked tight arsed along the corridor i knew i wasnt getting to my room in time There were floor standing mini trees in gravel filled buckets between the lift and my room...... No judgement. This,I believe was a favourite of Alex "Hurricane"Higgins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Mind being at an industry event at the radisson in glasgow, tux job, plenty free booze Between leaving the eevent and getting the lift to whatever floor i was in i developed a massive emergency piss situation, fumbling for my key card is i walked tight arsed along the corridor i knew i wasnt getting to my room in time There were floor standing mini trees in gravel filled buckets between the lift and my room...... Ad long as it was a pee that's fine imo, but no to jobbies, unless emergency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 One story I remember from years ago was on a drive up to Dundee for a game. My dad needed a slash so we pulled off the dual carriageway onto a side road somewhere between Perth and Dundee. It was still quite a busy road so my dad nipped into a conifer wood and I got out to stretch my legs. Next minute a Land Rover pulls up and an irate gamekeeper starts shouting that we were trespassing and could be poachers. A right **** he was too. I showed him my scarf and said it was highly unlikely we would be filling up with game on the way to a match. He said he could still call the police anyway but we heard nothing more of it. Even in the country a call of nature can cause hassle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 Feckin bools in the mooth, egg chasing wank. I have occasionally pished in a bush under the cover of darkness. At my age the need becomes more frequent, isn't that right Dave McLaren ? Egg chasing wank Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Feckin bools in the mooth, egg chasing wank. I have occasionally pished in a bush under the cover of darkness. At my age the need becomes more frequent, isn't that right Dave McLaren ? The thing is he wasn't, he was a common little arse licker of some feckin bools in the mooth, egg chasing wank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 The thing is he wasn't, he was a common little arse licker of some feckin bools in the mooth, egg chasing wank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 Not surprised you were raging. The twat was probably about 5 foot 6 and displaying the typical small man syndrome characteristics of being aggressive and a smartarse to cover up his lack of stature. Apologies to everyone with duck's disease on this forum..... Quack quack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 Not surprised you were raging. The twat was probably about 5 foot 6 and displaying the typical small man syndrome characteristics of being aggressive and a smartarse to cover up his lack of stature. Apologies to everyone with duck's disease on this forum..... This happened in late 90s and the tw@t looked about 60 then so he is probably annoying the folks in a care home or him upstairs by now. I bet he has passed on his little Hitler attitude to an offspring though who will be waiting to chase anyone pissing in his the precious woods. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 What did the folk that use to work in the toll booths on the Forth Road Bridge do? Did some poor bloke on a boat end up with a shit on his head, think what type of bird it was? My dad worked on the FTB, taking the tolls, in the 70's. He said if there were other lanes on then your lane just got closed off. If it was the middle of the night and he was the only lane open then he said he just popped outside and went "somewhere". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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