I P Knightley Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Guy I knew at Uni at one flat party took the butter out of the tub, shit in it, replaced the butter and softened it in the microwave before smoothing the butter back down and replaced it in the fridge NOt discovered until a couple of weeks of use grim I just about heaved reading that! Medic students are almost as bad as Law students for the severity of their 'pranks' in my experience. I suppose, if you get access to a cadaver as part of your course, the options open up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mollo Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 One for the office workers: Get loads of plastic cups of water (all about 75% full) and place them on someones desk - then staple the cups to each other at the tops They come back to a desk full of water cups - and no way to move it, it was funny first time I seen it. The poor lass didn't know what to do, took her about an hour to get rid of it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Two for when you're out at the pub with folk. "Did you know in the 70s some physicians still used a basic balance test to predict the probability of Parkinson's in people? If you could successfully place both hands on a table and then have a cup of water placed on the back of your hands and not spill then apparently your odds were greatly reduced" Set this up with the gullible one in your group and place a pint (ideally about 2/3 full) on the back of each hand......then simply leave them. Ideally done at the bar or a table when you're about to move on. (You may be asked to leave anyway when they smash the glasses) Another is ask a smoker if they're able to hold all the cigarettes they have inbetween all their fingers. When they show they can, rip up their cigarette packet. (The smoker I saw this done to slapped his mate he was so pissed off.....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doctor jambo Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 I just about heaved reading that! Medic students are almost as bad as Law students for the severity of their 'pranks' in my experience. I suppose, if you get access to a cadaver as part of your course, the options open up! Dunbar halls in Aberdeen there was one shower room for every 8 guys. One miscreant ( now a consultant) used to like whacking off in the shower every morning before lectures and would "deposit" into a shampoo bottle . We new about this habit so never, ever touched his things. One other dude was unaware and when his own shampoo ran out picked up and used said bottle. Sure that's now an offence But the miscreant was a Hibbee and the victim a lawyer, so it was all good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 Going to the pub in large numbers? Get your 'mug' lined up. Tell him that he should go into the bar, order one pint and seven half pints while the rest of you wait outside. Tell him that, once they're lined up on the bar, he should turn to the door and sing/shout/yell, "Hi-Ho!!". Tell him that when you hear this, 7 of you will come in walking on your knees, singing, "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go..." Once he's sung, "Hi-Ho!", you just wait outside. If you're lucky, he'll try a second time, a little more loudly. You continue to wait outside until he comes racing out in a fury, calling you all *******s. Either that, or you just eff off yourselves to a different pub. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 My dad used to work in a steel works, massive site in the day. I love his story of a bloke who would never go back to the bog for a dump but would squat down between the rail carts and do it on the lines. One day they see him getting ready to squat down, and from other side of the rail cart coupling they eased a shovel under him and caught the turd, whisking it away.. bloke grunts out a massive log and wipes his arse, only to turn round and the things nowhere to be seen. Apparently he was freaked out for ages So his story goes! An uncle who, was in the marines, told me a similar story about the shovel. In his version the shitey shovel was slapped up on the guy's erse, instead of being pulled away. Another one he told me. Him and his mates were in a pub, and when anyone came back from the toilet they found that someone had finished their drink for them. One guy dipped his knob in is pint, before going to the bog, so no one would drink it. While he was away, everyone else dipped their's in too. They told him after he'd finished the pint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 An uncle who, was in the marines, told me a similar story about the shovel. In his version the shitey shovel was slapped up on the guy's erse, instead of being pulled away. Another one he told me. Him and his mates were in a pub, and when anyone came back from the toilet they found that someone had finished their drink for them. One guy dipped his knob in is pint, before going to the bog, so no one would drink it. While he was away, everyone else dipped their's in too. They told him after he'd finished the pint. Dipping your knob in a pint that's already had your mates knob in it Drinking a pint you dipped your knob in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjcc Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 An uncle who, was in the marines, told me a similar story about the shovel. In his version the shitey shovel was slapped up on the guy's erse, instead of being pulled away. Another one he told me. Him and his mates were in a pub, and when anyone came back from the toilet they found that someone had finished their drink for them. One guy dipped his knob in is pint, before going to the bog, so no one would drink it. While he was away, everyone else dipped their's in too. They told him after he'd finished the pint. And THAT'S why he's not invited to family gatherings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 An uncle who, was in the marines, told me a similar story about the shovel. In his version the shitey shovel was slapped up on the guy's erse, instead of being pulled away. Another one he told me. Him and his mates were in a pub, and when anyone came back from the toilet they found that someone had finished their drink for them. One guy dipped his knob in is pint, before going to the bog, so no one would drink it. While he was away, everyone else dipped their's in too. They told him after he'd finished the pint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 And THAT'S why he's not invited to family gatherings. Mind when you used to eat HIS tablet? I dread to think... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Sent a boy from Safeways' coffee shop to the butcher to ask for skin wipes. You can guess the quantity. Same boy was sent to M&S to buy as much rice as he could fit in a trolley, and then told to offer his time card as payment guarantee. When working in the Safeway at the Gyle, we sent this lad to the pallet shop to buy a pallet for the store. The same guy got sent to the meat counter for a bag of chicken lips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 When working in the Safeway at the Gyle, we sent this lad to the pallet shop to buy a pallet for the store. The same guy got sent to the meat counter for a bag of chicken lips. Chicken lips Surprised Jonnos not all over that like a cheap suit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Chicken lips Surprised Jonnos not all over that like a cheap suit. Me too if I'm being honest. My first job I got sent to fetch a long stand. Being a keen 16 year old and willing to impress, I fell for it hook line and sinker Anyone willing to admit they went looking for tartan paint In fact do people still fall for the 'old' ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Me too if I'm being honest. My first job I got sent to fetch a long stand. Being a keen 16 year old and willing to impress, I fell for it hook line and sinker Anyone willing to admit they went looking for tartan paint In fact do people still fall for the 'old' ones? I posted the tartan paint one a couple of days ago. That certainly is one of the 'old' ones Separately, in my first job I was told to go and see such and such a person. I was told he was slightly deaf so just to keep knocking on his door until he heard me and shouted 'enter'. I was outside a feckin broom cupboard for twenty minutes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 I posted the tartan paint one a couple of days ago. That certainly is one of the 'old' ones Separately, in my first job I was told to go and see such and such a person. I was told he was slightly deaf so just to keep knocking on his door until he heard me and shouted 'enter'. I was outside a feckin broom cupboard for twenty minutes Class. Well done for admitting that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Class. Well done for admitting that one Well, if you can't laugh at yourself Marv there's no hope There's a few I wouldn't admit though!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Well, if you can't laugh at yourself Marv there's no hope That's my philosophy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Me too if I'm being honest. My first job I got sent to fetch a long stand. Being a keen 16 year old and willing to impress, I fell for it hook line and sinker Anyone willing to admit they went looking for tartan paint In fact do people still fall for the 'old' ones? Sent for a bag of wind, bunch o scallies in that flour mill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig Gordons Gloves Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 I had a summer job in the slaughterhouse in Biggar and as you can imagine, killing up to 2000 lambs a day leads to some total nonsense being needed. I was sent to collect 30 sheeps gall bladders and stood next to the guy who cut open their stomachs for 30 minutes while he kept saying 'nup, isn't one in this one'. They were also evil sods, putting bits of sheeps entrails into folks pieces and the like. One time i was sat in the bothy with the rest of the loaders and smelled burning, looked down to see that they had put 2 lit cigarettes into the wellies of a guy sitting next to me, his overalls were burning inside his wellies. My favorite though was when they took a cows head (skinned but still with eyes) in a holdall to the pub and left it there after they moved on to another pub, because apparently the publican had been a bit of an arse to them the week before and they wanted him to find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Sent for a bag of wind, bunch o scallies in that flour mill. Oh Harold!! Bag of wind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 My favourite desk-based one is to switch the 'm' and 'n' keys on a colleague's keyboard. Guaranteed to drive them nuts. Y'mean muts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Persomally wouldm't fall for that nyself. Onfg Norgam, see if I fimd the cumt that's dome this to ny conputer keyboard, ill nurder the snart arsed wamker. Well played sir :2thunbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Persomally wouldm't fall for that nyself. Onfg Norgam, see if I fimd the cumt that's dome this to ny conputer keyboard, ill nurder the snart arsed wamker. Well played sir :2thunbsup: Aw mam. Domt kmow what to say. Norg. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Aw mam. Domt kmow what to say. Norg. x Nust try harder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 Nust try harder I kmow. Got the first bit wromg. Had friemds im tomight. Too namy beers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Of The Cat Cafe Posted September 6, 2017 Share Posted September 6, 2017 I heard of a prank that was played on a guy at university digs. He was in his room one night when several miscreants unscrewed the door handle from outside and removed the metal bar that connects the inside and outside handles. In the morning he tried the handle, but of course could not get out.* * For the avoidance of any doubts, no I was not involved on either side of the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I kmow. Got the first bit wromg. Had friemds im tomight. Too namy beers. Hope you had a good one pal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Send the apprentice for a bag of fallopian tubes. Put cling film over the lavvy. From Uni days. If in halls or a flat. Get the plastic loo brush bucket, fill with water or pish, then lean it at an angle on the bedroom door of victim. Then either wait for them to self drench or shout to them to come and get some toast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Hope you had a good one pal Did indeed thanks. This morning was a different story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Send the apprentice for a bag of fallopian tubes. We did it to one lad who called his manager on the internal line to ask where they were kept Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 We hid one of those keyrings that beep when you clap, in a compartment in the CEO's VDU (aye, it was years ago ). It was very sensitive and when he touched the keypad the keying started beeping. Thinking the thing was fecked, he phoned the IT department and their manager, who someone had already phoned to brief, came down 'to have a look'. He strung him along for a while, before spilling the beans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ribble Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Mrs Ribble is off to the midnight showing of IT at the cinema tonight, just got a delivery from amazon containing 50 red balloons to decorate the house for her coming home at 3am Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 We did it to one lad who called his manager on the internal line to ask where they were kept FFS :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Send the apprentice for a bag of fallopian tubes. Put cling film over the lavvy. From Uni days. If in halls or a flat. Get the plastic loo brush bucket, fill with water or pish, then lean it at an angle on the bedroom door of victim. Then either wait for them to self drench or shout to them to come and get some toast. When we used to go over to my mates house to play cards, every now and then we'd fill his toilet up with bubble bath. Funny as, when he'd go to the loo and then you'd hear him go off on one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 When we used to go over to my mates house to play cards, every now and then we'd fill his toilet up with bubble bath. Funny as, when he'd go to the loo and then you'd hear him go off on one. Might try that tonight when I'm sitting on the pan having a swally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Might try that tonight when I'm sitting on the pan having a swally A whole new meaning to bubble and squeak right there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 A whole new meaning to bubble and squeak right there How'd ya know she squeaks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I'm getting some great ideas on this thread. Loving the bubble-bath in the lavvy one. Will give it a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I'm getting some great ideas on this thread. Loving the bubble-bath in the lavvy one. Will give it a try. Deep Heat in the wife's moisturiser or better still in her 'intimate' shower gel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I'm getting some great ideas on this thread. Loving the bubble-bath in the lavvy one. Will give it a try. Make sure you pour it in the cistern Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Make sure you pour it in the cistern Toilet tips from Mr Armitage Shanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Deep Heat in the wife's moisturiser or better still in her 'intimate' shower gel. Bloody hell, don't want to get on the wrong side of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Toilet tips from Mr Armitage Shanks. I am indeed an expert in Armitage Shanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I am indeed an expert in Armitage Shanks Jonno will be entering shortly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 Jonno will be entering shortly. who? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 FFS :) Tbf he was only 16 and been in the job for under a month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auldy19 Posted September 7, 2017 Share Posted September 7, 2017 I got set on fire when I fell asleep in the tea bar . Just my shoe laces but it makes you jump and worrying that your overalls are covered in all sorts of flammable shite !! Leaving an upside down tub in the aircrew crew room with a huge camel spider for them to find (disgusting vile prehistoric creatures) . Out in Kenya there was a dead snake left on the floor in one of the lads rooms at night . So when he came stumbling in with his head torch on and got a quick glimpse of it on the floor all hell broke loose ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Leaving an upside down tub in the aircrew crew room with a huge camel spider for them to find (disgusting vile prehistoric creatures) . Is this the fella? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@VladMagic Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Emptying the contents of a hole punch (the little white round bits) into a mates heater in the car and turning the fan to max was always met with approval back in the day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted September 8, 2017 Share Posted September 8, 2017 Emptying the contents of a hole punch (the little white round bits) into a mates heater in the car and turning the fan to max was always met with approval back in the day In a similar vein, we would put the hole punch contents into the women's umbrellas on a rainy day and watch them as they went outside for lunch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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