Boaby Ewing Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 In honour of tonight's game between Holland and Italy at the Stade de Suisse Wankdorf in Berne, let's have a list of the funniest, most smut laden football headlines you can remember. It's got to be more fun than another marathon circle-jerk session over who our next manager's not going to be. First up, ESPN Soccernet via Reuters (though I doubt they did the headline): Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=337901&&cc=5739 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gadgey55 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 De Koch lobs Seaman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The People's Chimp Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 The ad at the top of the page is for gay dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Keegan fills Schmeichel's gap with Seaman! http://www.geocities.com/grahamp3/sp_ke.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Grimes Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 When Scotland played there several years I remember the radio commentary vividly. We cam back from 2-0 behind and the commentator shouted "...and the Wankdorf Stadium has erupted". Painted a nasty picture..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surrey Jambo Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 How about..? http://www.swissinfo.org/eng/index.html?siteSect=106&sid=5758015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 The ad at the top of the page is for gay dating. And I accidentally read it as "gay parsnip"!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig R Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/europe/7322640.stm Semis Within Grasp Says Ferguson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Burgundy Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 The ad at the top of the page is for gay dating. LOL just noticed that. They're bleeding everywhere these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I wonder if Jimmy Bone ever played there:eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King of the North Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 http://sports.yahoo.com/sow/news?slug=afp-fbleuro2008gpaporturquim&prov=afp&type=lgns ouch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terrible Trio Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Lets not forget the late great HELMUT SCHOEN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slashishere Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 LOL just noticed that. They're bleeding everywhere these days. Ouch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Burgundy Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Ouch! When you read it like that it does sound a bit dodgy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandylejambo Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 there used to be an amature team in aberdeen called -enter malamb- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Souness Axes Dickov Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darren Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I can't find the original sadly but "Argelico F?cks off to Benfica" was a beauty!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tedp6873 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 ok not really paper headings more funny names of footballers here goes Ars Bandeet No wind-up, (backed up by a few quick google searches) that in the 70's the Algerian national team included a player called Ars Bandeet. Segar ******* Or Mr ******* to you. This legendary figure from the turn of the 20th Century appeared for England, refereed the 1878 FA Cup Final, played cricket for Essex, owned a racehorse, and still found time to earn a few shillings as a solicitor. Frank Belt A simple but effective name for the young Hull City defender. Dominic Blizzard The central midfielder hardly went down a storm at Watford, and was last seen heading off to Stockport in an old VW Scirocco. Bongo Christ The Congolese striker would surely make a top ten of top names. Norman Conquest Hats of to Mr and Mrs Conquest of Australia for this one. Definitely the best named Australian goalkeeper ever. Harry Daft Played for England 5 times, and captained them once, earning himself the tag 'Captain Daft'. Probably. Argelico ****s Brazilian who carved out a half-decent career for himself as a central defender, but who is always going to be best remembered as the source of one of football's greatest football headlines: "****s off to Benfica", Eurosport's famous description of his transfer from Palmeiras to Benfica. Milan ***al The Czech defender nearly graced the English game, but moves to both Man City and Leeds fell through. Daniel Killer Another classic name from the Panini album. Killer was part of the Argentinian squad that won the 1978 World Cup. Mario Killer The less-talented brother of Daniel. But with an equally fine name. Stefan ****z Not even Motson could get around this one with a special pronunciation. Ralf ***** Young Ralfy played 36 times for East Germany in the 1980's and even appeared at Wembley in 1984 when they lost 1:0 to England, although disappointingly we were a little too young at the time to notice what the line-up was or appreciate the true greatness of his name. Johnny Moustache He may sound like a team-mate of Billy the Fish, but young Moustache is actually one of the stars of Seychelles footy. Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway Or more commonly known as Charlie Oatway. The parents of the former Brighton captain thought it would be amusing to name their son after the 1973 QPR team. They were right. So why Charlie ? Apparently when told of the name, his Aunt said "He'd look a right Charlie", and the name stuck. Emmanuel Panther The Scottish midfielder (full name Emmanuel Ugochukwu Ezenwa "Manny" Panther) was made captain of York City and made famous in the Conference league with the Minstermen's chant... "He's tall, he's quick, his name's a porno flick, Emmanuel! Emmanuel!" Brian Pinas When Newcastle signed him from Feyenoord in 1998 the Geordie fans were immediately worried that he would be sent off for foul and abusive language whenever the referee asked him for his name. Unfortunately for all concerned he never got the chance - making only one appearance before being sold back to the Rotterdam club. Pedro Power Bolivian midfielder. Of course, we grew up with Man City's Paul Power, but somehow Pedro sounds better. Rafael Scheidt Rafael was Scheidt by name, but ****e by nature. Signed by John Barnes for just under 5 million, the Brazilian defender was spectacularly bad. He played less than 90 minutes in total and was farmed out by Martin O'Neill after the Irishman witnessed him in action during a friendly in Ireland. Mario Turdo Was the Argentinian as crap as his name suggested ? Celta Vigo, Rennes and Las Palmas certainly thought so. Lopez Ufarte Anyone growing up around the time of the '82 World Cup will appreciate this one. Did we laugh when we opened up our Panini album for the first time, turned to Spain and saw that name Kick van der Vall Cult figure in the 70's with Dutch side FC Twente. Wolfgang Wolf You couldn't make this up. A stalwart pro for nearly 12 years with Bundesliga side 1.FC Kaiserslautern, he stepped into coaching with Stuttgart Kickers in 1994 before landing his dream job... yes, Wolfgang Wolf became coach of Wolfsburg. It was a sad day, 5 years later, when he left for Nurnberg. Nicknamed Wolfie. Probably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King of the North Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Stefan ****z Not even Motson could get around this one with a special pronunciation. . http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=9VCJVZ2I9zY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartbeat Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 In honour of tonight's game between Holland and Italy at the Stade de Suisse Wankdorf in Berne, let's have a list of the funniest, most smut laden football headlines you can remember. It's got to be more fun than another marathon circle-jerk session over who our next manager's not going to be. First up, ESPN Soccernet via Reuters (though I doubt they did the headline): Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=337901&&cc=5739 I know you said football but its still sport The great cricket commentators gaf " the batsmans holding the bowlers willy" must have a mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siegementality Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I know you said football but its still sport The great cricket commentators gaf " the batsmans holding the bowlers willy" must have a mention Staying on the cricket theme I remember hearing a comedian, can't remember who, saying of Elton John "his chin has hit more balls than Brian Laras cricket bat". Peshed myself at that one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
269miles Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Jermaine McSporran Danny Invincible Q u i m (think he played for Portugal ?) Best of all , I also saw Creedence Clearwater Couto once on the tinternet some where Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.