iantjambo Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Inspired by a couple of posts on the ridiculous dreams thread. I once pissed in the cats litter tray and my missus caught me taking a shit in the washing basket. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 A toilet. True story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 A toilet. True story. Winner. Thread closed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambos_1874 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm sure there's a story in Gazza's autobiography (been a while since I read it) where, when drunk one night, he removed the tops from some Scotch pies, scooped out the "meat" and proceeded to take a dump and deposit said dump in the pies before replacing the tops again. Apparently his mate then ate them when he was pished!! The best bit was that when he told his mate in the morning he just shrugged it off and said they were the best pies he'd evere tasted!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Dumped on the Bowling Green at the end of The Meadows. My mate then picked it up and threw it on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pans Jambo Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Laid a pile o watery shit on an apartment step in NYC. Had a crap behind the chinese in the high St in the Pans. Took a dump in the back of an old escort van in london road. Was caught short whilst pist & simply had to go at the time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Pissed on a swan in Holyrood Park. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMaganator Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm sure there's a story in Gazza's autobiography (been a while since I read it) where, when drunk one night, he removed the tops from some Scotch pies, scooped out the "meat" and proceeded to take a dump and deposit said dump in the pies before replacing the tops again. Apparently his mate then ate them when he was pished!! The best bit was that when he told his mate in the morning he just shrugged it off and said they were the best pies he'd evere tasted!!That rings a bell. Think it was that 5 bellies guy that ate them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Internet Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Top of the stairs at the back of the omni. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samuel Camazzola Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm sure there's a story in Gazza's autobiography (been a while since I read it) where, when drunk one night, he removed the tops from some Scotch pies, scooped out the "meat" and proceeded to take a dump and deposit said dump in the pies before replacing the tops again. Apparently his mate then ate them when he was pished!! The best bit was that when he told his mate in the morning he just shrugged it off and said they were the best pies he'd evere tasted!! I'm sure it was cat food IIRC. He told the story on TFI Friday back in the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 My great grandfather took a shit in the Easter Road trophy cabinet.....it's still there. I'm here all week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrambo Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Looking forward to a certain 'scat enthusiast' members input here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphonseCapone Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 That rings a bell. Think it was that 5 bellies guy that ate them. I'm shocked haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Khali Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Looking forward to a certain 'scat enthusiast' members input here. I'm not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mutley Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Tranent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victorian Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Wiped my messed butt with my pants and left them on the scene of crime in a pub shunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I've mentioned it before on here, but mine is my pants. Think I've shat them about half a dozen times when drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Was there not a brilliant thread on here a while ago about this. Seem to recall a story about someone shitting in a field and after that there were some classic posts. Hope someone can give it a bump. It was hilarious. Think it's in the classics This one? http://www.hmfckickback.co.uk/index.php?/topic/31387-a-clean-exit/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabba Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm sure it was cat food IIRC. He told the story on TFI Friday back in the day. Cat shite. Mixed it in with the contents of the pie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambomuzz Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Thanks Ian. The thread I am thinking about is a different one but the classic one you just posted is superb. The "I took a dump in a field Today" thread was a beltor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 http://www.hmfckickback.co.uk/index.php?/topic/121903-i-had-to-shite-in-a-field-tonight/?hl=croy In a remarkable coincidence...the last post on that thread was exactly one year ago today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I once pissed on a sleeping horse. Once in the engine bay of a Fiat 126. Out of very many upstairs windows. Never dropped a log anywhere disgraceful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Well... There was this girl I was seeing for a while a few years ago... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PsychocAndy Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 In the shoe cupboard when I stay with my Mum and got caught just about to pish on/in the back of the telly on 16/5/98, by my mrs. I dont even remember any of that but she said I had turned the telly around because it was showing the highlights of the game and I didn't want to pish on any of the Hearts players. So it does have the ring of truth about it. Also caught pishing in the cat litter tray. I have also used a vase, but that was on 19/5/12 and I wasn't pished but had an arthritis attack in my ankle during the game but by the time I had driven home I could barly walk. Couple of Christmas' ago had really bad shite the bed flu and I shat the bed. sent by my phone using an enhanced Stephen Hawking like voice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RudiHMFC Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I pished on my xbox when I was drunk, I didn't know I had done it but I got woken up by a constant beeping and I couldn't work out what it was, so I got up and looked around then I noticed the disc tray was going out and in repeatedly and the power button had a red ring round it, so I went to investigate and when I lifted it up there was a pool of pish underneath and in the drawers below. I then unplugged the console, let the piss drain away and stuck in in the airing cupboard for a couple of days, plugged it back in and it worked a treat. true story btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CostaJambo Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 My brother pished in the hole at the 17th (famous Road Hole) on the Old Course at St. Andrews. Can't think of any exceptional of my own sadly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyscott82 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Last summer my wee brother ended up taking a pee in somebody's front garden. Needless to say, he was caught in the act, so he finished his pee, took 20 quid out his wallet, handed it to the guy and casually walked off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I shat myself the first time I flew on a plane. Was scared to take a dump in the plane toilets so actually shat myself on the flight to Canada from Glasgow. Not a nice feeling when you're 15! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuck berrys hairline Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 On my bedroom wall steaming drunk. The bursd was I got up out the bed shouting on a dead dog, replicated the steps to the bathroom around the room. Wapped the cockslength out and released... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Khali Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 On my bedroom wall steaming drunk. The bursd was I got up out the bed shouting on a dead dog, replicated the steps to the bathroom around the room. Wapped the cockslength out and released... IVe told this story before on here but I'll tell it again. My brother in law was pished in Bonnyrigg one night, and instead of going back to his house he just stayed at his mum and dads, as they didn't live too far from the boozer. Took all his clothes off and got into the spare bed and fell asleep. He woke up a wee while later and forgot where he was. Pished, he got out of bed and replicated the steps he would take to the toilet in his house. Turns out this route took him to the top of his mum and dads stairs. He stood at the top of the stairs, had a pee and then fell down the stairs. His mum and dad came running out of their room to find him in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, bollock naked, in a pool of his own pish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Jarman Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 On a trampoline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fitzroy Pointon Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 This doesn't involve me but a guy I know, a mate of a mate who wore a hearing aid. Years ago we were on day session and everyone of us was absolutely wrecked. We got back to my mates sisters house, where we were kipping. Woke up in the morning and he was nowhere to be seen. I stumbled through for a slash and heard this high pitched "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" coming from the back door. Went out to investigate and it was the mate of a mate, lying upside down on a childrens play slide thing. His hearing aid was lying on the grass and omitting the high pitched noise. He had shat himself and it had ran down the slide and all up his back, even into his hair. He woke up and felt it and had the audacity to ask "WHO DID THIS TO ME" haha. Disgusting but absolutely hilarious. This guy also farted and shat the passenger seat in a burds motor once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 On a trampoline Ok I have to ask. How? We're you jumping on the trampoline and pissed/shit yourself? Did you wander outside, climb onto the trampoline and pissed/shit there, Were you on your way home and decide that you would take a piss/shit on a trampoline? How? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Jarman Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Ok I have to ask. How? We're you jumping on the trampoline and pissed/shit yourself? Did you wander outside, climb onto the trampoline and pissed/shit there, Were you on your way home and decide that you would take a piss/shit on a trampoline? How? Was maybe 17-18, at a house party hosted by some boy me and my mates didn't really know. Anyway, house was pretty much rammed full of steaming folk and had got a little out of control so him and his mates started kicking people out. Obviously the less kent faces got punted/asked to leave first. One of my mates was cracking onto some bursd and refused to leave. A bit of a ruckus ensued and after that we decided just to cut our losses and go. On our way out I spotted a trampoline in the garden and decided it would only be right I left a little present for the boy. And so did my mate. And so did another mate. So there we where, three guys shitting simultaneously on a trampoline. I am not proud of my actions but I feel it brought us closer as a group of mates. Apart from the two other laddies who passed on the revenge opportunity, aresholes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamboman1512 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Years ago when my brother was staying in the same room as me, i was still in high school, he come in smashed one night and pished all over my radiator and school bag, was rather funny explaining why i hadn't done my homework to the teachers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Le Clos Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I once went to a fancy dress party when I was at uni. It was being thrown by one of the guys in the year above. I didn't really get on with the guy who was hosting it but his group of friends had some mutual friends in my group so I was kind of invited by default. Anyway, the theme was golf pros and tennis hoes. All the guys were going with their bright coloured chinos, clashing t-shirts, sun visors etc. Not playing golf, I didn't have any of the clobber so to be a little different I went as an old school golfer - plus 4's, wooly jumper under a tweed jacket and cap. It went down pretty well, I was delighted. I was the only one dressed like that and ended up getting rakes of pictures with tidy bursd dressed in tiny tennis skirts and vest tops Anyway, the boy hosting the party clearly wasn't best pleased my costume was going down that well and so started tearing into me about it. It loathes me to say it but he was the "alpha" male of his year and as it was his party, everyone laughed and I ended up feeling like a right ******. He then managed to spill a massive glass of cider and blackcurrant, purely by accident of course, down the front of my yellow wooly Pringle jumper which I borrowed from my Grandad on the proviso I returned it in the condition I took it. So I waited until me and my mates were ready to leave, found a zip-lock bag in a kitchen drawer, shat in it and put it in his freezer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Jarman Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Glad I'm not alone in revenge shiteing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 I once went to a fancy dress party when I was at uni. It was being thrown by one of the guys in the year above. I didn't really get on with the guy who was hosting it but his group of friends had some mutual friends in my group so I was kind of invited by default. Anyway, the theme was golf pros and tennis hoes. All the guys were going with their bright coloured chinos, clashing t-shirts, sun visors etc. Not playing golf, I didn't have any of the clobber so to be a little different I went as an old school golfer - plus 4's, wooly jumper under a tweed jacket and cap. It went down pretty well, I was delighted. I was the only one dressed like that and ended up getting rakes of pictures with tidy bursd dressed in tiny tennis skirts and vest tops Anyway, the boy hosting the party clearly wasn't best pleased my costume was going down that well and so started tearing into me about it. It loathes me to say it but he was the "alpha" male of his year and as it was his party, everyone laughed and I ended up feeling like a right ******. He then managed to spill a massive glass of cider and blackcurrant, purely by accident of course, down the front of my yellow wooly Pringle jumper which I borrowed from my Grandad on the proviso I returned it in the condition I took it. So I waited until me and my mates were ready to leave, found a zip-lock bag in a kitchen drawer, shat in it and put it in his freezer. For a **** like that I wouldn't have bothered with the zip lock bag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan Rom?n Riquelme Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Took a piss against a gravestone at St Cuthbert's Church when I was 19 and blackout drunk. Probably the worst thing I've done in my life tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deesidejambo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 The wnkers in the flat next to us at Riccarton broke into our flat, shat on a plate, put it in the oven, switched it on, then buggered off. Roast shite for dinner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
¼½¾ Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Many years ago I pissed through a shop letterbox, I think it was along Gilmore Place/Viewforth, on the way home years ago pished oot o ma skull. I don't know why, I just did it. Conveniently, it was one of those letterboxes around knob height; it wasn't a low one so I didn't have to lie down or anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ardenjambo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 In my girlfriend's washing basket filled with clothes. I don't remember doing it but apparently she woke up during and asked me what the F I was doing and I grumbled and went back to bed. Still with her somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shanks said no Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 We had been drinking in the Struan in Corstorphine one night and decided to go to the Zoo. Mate stood / swayed on top of the wall around the enclosure peed on the polar bear, said bear wasn't very happy and was going a bit mental. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LSD Eindhoven Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Took a dump in our apartment lift in Ibiza. Sobered up slightly and started to feel a bit guilty about it and decided to go back with a poly bag and pick it up. Pressed the lift button and when the door opened, there was one of my mates curling one off right beside my mine. He came out the lift and we were laughing that much, forgot to hold the door open and some poor bugger must have pressed the button as the lift disappeared to another floor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Many years ago I pissed through a shop letterbox, I think it was along Gilmore Place/Viewforth, on the way home years ago pished oot o ma skull. I don't know why, I just did it. Conveniently, it was one of those letterboxes around knob height; it wasn't a low one so I didn't have to lie down or anything. Good going. I was able (once upon a time) to create sufficient power and trajectory that I could pee in the mouth of a standard, GPO, pillar box. I hope I never spoiled anyone's enjoyment of received Christmas cards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angry Haggis Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 It's fair to say there is some utter animal behaviour on this thread. Manky *******s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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