Bindy Badgy Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Eating the food in China. Got a horrendous case of gut rot. Pissed all over Usain Bolt's 100m time on a mad dash to the toilet. Wasn't fast enough unfortunately as I unloaded whilst I was pulling down my trousers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siphiwe Tshabalala Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Left my British Passport on the plane when exiting it in Florida, never realised until 3am in the morning of the return flight and i was flying around 7/8am. Absolute nightmare, but thankfully it was at the airport as one of the cleaners must have lifted it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigC Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Was outside a chippy once steamin drunk,threw a broon sauce covered sausage at my mate,he ducked and it skudded a polis woman sqaure in the chops Reminds me of a similar story... We were in All Bar One Lothian Rd. End of the night, quiet, pub about to close so my mate went for a pee in the disabled toilet because he couldn't be arsed climbing the stairs. Naturally, we opened the door from the outside by picking the lock and opened it wide for everyone to see him. Our friend, without turning round, picked up the toilet brush, threw it backwards towards us, we all dodged it and it hit some posh bird at the next table the side of her head. The lads with her threatened to kick off but we managed to calm them down by offering to buy them a bottle of wine to apologise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RealMaroonCF Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Plenty of really stupid ones but this is more a shanner...although I let out drops of pee everytime I recall it. One night me and the flat mate go out for a couple of coldies on a Friday afternoon. About 8p.m. we've made it up to the top of Leith walk but are getting in nowhere as we are buckled. On the jaunt down the walk I see a woman tying up a dog to nip into a shop for something....fags, milk perhaps. As soon as the door closes when she goes in, I undo the dog, lift it and start sprinting at full pelt. After a minute I stop, leave the dog outside another shop and bolt. Flat mate informs me of my antics the next day, meter felt so bad in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taffin Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Was staying in a pretty grim hostel in Bolivia and we couldn't find another socket to charge stuff apart from one where the whole box was hanging out of the wall. When the (ex) missus went for a shower curiosity got the better of me. Stuck the plug in and it appeared to work, grabbed the back of the socket to push the plug in plush and got the shock of my life literally. Never experienced the gripping sensation like that before, like in films, luckily managed to prize my hand apart from it. Seconds late my gf is back in the room asking what happened as unbeknown to me I had let out a particularly loud howl of pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_razors_edge Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Plenty of really stupid ones but this is more a shanner...although I let out drops of pee everytime I recall it. One night me and the flat mate go out for a couple of coldies on a Friday afternoon. About 8p.m. we've made it up to the top of Leith walk but are getting in nowhere as we are buckled. On the jaunt down the walk I see a woman tying up a dog to nip into a shop for something....fags, milk perhaps. As soon as the door closes when she goes in, I undo the dog, lift it and start sprinting at full pelt. After a minute I stop, leave the dog outside another shop and bolt. Flat mate informs me of my antics the next day, meter felt so bad in my life. Tight as **** but funny all the same. Quite creative for someone steaming drunk too. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The People's Chimp Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Left my British Passport on the plane when exiting it in Florida, never realised until 3am in the morning of the return flight and i was flying around 7/8am. Absolute nightmare, but thankfully it was at the airport as one of the cleaners must have lifted it. Did you ghost your way through Immigration sans passport aye? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotland Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 When I was 16 as an apprentice at Frank Bovis in Beith. They said the boss wanted to see me.Wind up. The boss said ok Dougstar back to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrambo Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 When I was 16 as an apprentice at Frank Bovis in Beith. They said the boss wanted to see me.Wind up. The boss said ok Dougstar back to work. MAHA wat a mup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig Gordons Gloves Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 When I was 16 as an apprentice at Frank Bovis in Beith. They said the boss wanted to see me.Wind up. The boss said ok Dougstar back to work. Still the best one on JKB ever. I'm surprised it never made it into the Classics tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusk_Till_Dawn Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Did you ghost your way through Immigration sans passport aye? :juvelies: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pennywise Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Shouldn't admit to this, so ill not mention the pub or area. I was about 19, going through a phase of checking if closed doors were locked, drunk obviously. Left a club, walked over the road to pee in a bush, passed a pub, checked and lo and behold it was open. All the lights out. Went in & started to grab all the bottles of drink, taking them outside and hiding them in the bush. All random stuff as well, Amarula & the like. Anyway, got a few bottles stashed & something flipped. Started launching bottles at the bar (mirrors & glass shelves) i just remember an almighty noise. Anyway, i went back outside & in my drunken, idiotic state i couldn't find the door back in. My mate who i was in the club with then phones me, drives up to pick me up, we get the bottles into his car. Go back to his where everyone is partying, i fall asleep in the washing basket and everyone tears into my bottles. So lucky not to get caught. Erse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Locky Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Eating the food in China. Got a horrendous case of gut rot. Pissed all over Usain Bolt's 100m time on a mad dash to the toilet. Wasn't fast enough unfortunately as I unloaded whilst I was pulling down my trousers. Put me off my lemon chicken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sexton Hardcastle Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 At a house party during high school. Everyone is gassed bar the one designated driver who took a car load up. At one point in the small hours his car 'happened' to get egged. Proper decoration job. Couple of hours pass and my lift home (the house was in the arse end of nowhere) finds out his cars been seen to. He rightly goes mental and demands answers. Some ******* had seen me kicking about outside and pipes up saying it might have been me. To deflect the unwanted heat and not risk a horrific walk home I blame it on a boy I knew who had passed out. He gets pinned with the blame and we drive off soon after, although there is one seat free for the recently woken up passed out boy as he was told to **** off and walk back after egging the drivers motor. He didn't have a clue what was going on. Still in the clear to this day and the story is often brought up as to why that stupid boy egged his own ride home and forked out 60 quid for a taxi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indianajones Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 Shouldn't admit to this, so ill not mention the pub or area. I was about 19, going through a phase of checking if closed doors were locked, drunk obviously. Left a club, walked over the road to pee in a bush, passed a pub, checked and lo and behold it was open. All the lights out. Went in & started to grab all the bottles of drink, taking them outside and hiding them in the bush. All random stuff as well, Amarula & the like. Anyway, got a few bottles stashed & something flipped. Started launching bottles at the bar (mirrors & glass shelves) i just remember an almighty noise. Anyway, i went back outside & in my drunken, idiotic state i couldn't find the door back in. My mate who i was in the club with then phones me, drives up to pick me up, we get the bottles into his car. Go back to his where everyone is partying, i fall asleep in the washing basket and everyone tears into my bottles. So lucky not to get caught. Erse. Anything to do with a rugby club perhaps? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharpie Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Just watched a young girl early twenties on the News tonight. She tells how she is /was athletically active, a lifeguard. She was with some friends and the decided they woulod jump from a bridge into the water below. Something she has done in other places, she jumped and on the way down realised it was a bit further than she had done before. Hit the water hard and she knew right away she was in serious trouble. Broken back, paralysed from the sternum down. Still heavy swellinjg and the surgeons cannot tell her until it goes down, about three weeks if she will recover some, or if she will be totally paralysed for life. She pretty well admits it was not the wisest move, and its easy to say she should have thought of that before jumping, but those of us who have written on this thread if we reflect could quite possibly be in her terrible situation, we all including her admit to have done something stupid, she is paying a terrible price for her mistake, I personally am even now so thankful to have so many times got away with my stupidity, or fraction of a second inattention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pennywise Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Anything to do with a rugby club perhaps? Surprisingly no. Just a young idiot. I cringe at some of the stuff i done when younger. That opening doors thing when drunk got me in a few scrapes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clanmac Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Not me but a friend from Dunoon who got drunk in Glasgow, got on the train to Gourock but needs a crap, for some weird reason he can't go in a train so hangs on till he gets to the ferry. By the time he gets there he can barely walk , he rushes onto the ferry and straight to the toilet sits down and feels the relief and then and only then he realises he hasn't taken his trousers off in his drunken stupor and with all the alcohol he's had it's very runny, he has to sit in the cubicle till the ferry gets to Dunoon and when he was sure everyone was gone he runs off the boat.He then has to walk a mile home, so phones up his Brother in tears asking for a lift.Needless to say its from his brother we now know this story.And for the record he was 52 when this happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamboman1512 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Not me but a friend from Dunoon who got drunk in Glasgow, got on the train to Gourock but needs a crap, for some weird reason he can't go in a train so hangs on till he gets to the ferry. By the time he gets there he can barely walk , he rushes onto the ferry and straight to the toilet sits down and feels the relief and then and only then he realises he hasn't taken his trousers off in his drunken stupor and with all the alcohol he's had it's very runny, he has to sit in the cubicle till the ferry gets to Dunoon and when he was sure everyone was gone he runs off the boat.He then has to walk a mile home, so phones up his Brother in tears asking for a lift.Needless to say its from his brother we now know this story.And for the record he was 52 when this happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamboinglasgow Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 cycling into a lamp post was not good, add in I was sober. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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