Goose Baxter Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Just seen something on tv & I wondered what is the biggest lie anyone on here has told? Or even the funniest lie to get or get out of something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creepy Lurker Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Spent ages pretending to be in Uruguay when in actual fact I lived in a dank bedsit in Norfolk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaka Demus & pliers Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Claimed that I had an International game on DVD when in fact I didn't. God knows why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavsy Van Gaverson Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 There seems to be a bit of a theme here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambo89 Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Once said my gran had won the lottery. Had to revise it to the thunderball once questions were asked! A family member did actually win it but we never saw any of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 We once had a visit at school from a man who had previously been a footballer, though not a well-known player - he was Irish and had played for Sligo Rovers, I think. I spontaneously said my dad had been a junior footballer and mentioned that he'd played for Armadale Thistle, when he's never kicked a ball in anything more than works football. I've no idea why - it's not quite the pinnacle of football - but it just occurred to me there and then and I came out with it. I told my dad and he wasn't impressed and told me not to make up stories about people. Primary 7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Currahee! Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I love you. Aye, that anaw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moogsy Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 'I've never cheated on you and I never would' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarlos Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 My brother constantly lies and exaggerates. It's funny when he's telling a story to someone and you know what really happened. It's 75% untrue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamboBen Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I once told a burd in the Opel Lounge I was a pro footy player when she asked who I played for told her Cowdenbeith to make it look more realistic lol Without realising at the time that my mate was chatting to her mate and he went out with her the following week, I get a phone call from my mate night after he went out with that burds mate given it how was training today, am like what the feck you talking about, boom caputred haha I never even pumped that burd in Opel Lounge as well and what made it worse was my mate told all the boys, I still get ripped about that one to this day, I did get my mate back for telling all the boys and he got set up, so you could say I got even haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamhammer Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Told a lassie I fancied that I'd met Dylan Thomas cos I knew she loved his poetry. She also probably knew, which I didn't that he died 10 years before I was born. Arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmyjambo Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Told a lassie I fancied that I'd met Dylan Thomas cos I knew she loved his poetry. She also probably knew, which I didn't that he died 10 years before I was born. Arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craigieboy Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I didn't put that dead bird through the letterbox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthew Le Tissier Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Yup course i will pull oot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandt Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I didnt inhale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victor Mancini Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 the week after we played at anfield i was back in liverpool for a stag do, on the saturday we went to aintree for the horse racing and was chatting to some bursd whilst suited and booted wearing my hearts club tie, it was going well then god only knows why but i just said me "do you not know who iam?" bursd "eh no" me "Scott Robinson i play for heart of midlothian fc" bursd "what? who?" me "we played at anfield last week and i'm down here on trial at wigan as its international weekend, come back to my hotel and accompany me tomorrow on a guided tour of the JJB stadium with my agent and the chairman" bursd "its been the DW stadium for years jog on you prick" edit : goose baxter you start this thread without contributing?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy McNulty Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I won't come in your mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Colquhoun Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 We once had a visit at school from a man who had previously been a footballer, though not a well-known player - he was Irish and had played for Sligo Rovers, I think. I spontaneously said my dad had been a junior footballer and mentioned that he'd played for Armadale Thistle, when he's never kicked a ball in anything more than works football. I've no idea why - it's not quite the pinnacle of football - but it just occurred to me there and then and I came out with it. I told my dad and he wasn't impressed and told me not to make up stories about people. Primary 7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paolo Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 We once had a visit at school from a man who had previously been a footballer, though not a well-known player - he was Irish and had played for Sligo Rovers, I think. Sshh! Pat Fenlon will try to sign him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paolo Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 It won't hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creepy Lurker Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I'm going to kill you last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snake Plissken Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I'm going to kill you last. That right Matrix, you did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I remember in primary 3 or 4, everyone was bragging to the teacher about how good they were with a Rubik's cube. Everyone was telling her that they could do 2 or 3 sides. I wanted to impress the teacher and I told her that I can't quite complete it yet but I can do 5 sides of the 6. It wasn't until play time that someone explained to me that you couldn't so 5 sides that I realised how DUH I had been Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Jarman Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Is a lie really a lie if you meant it at the time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chimpos Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I told everyone at my school that my dad was i n prison for murdering someone. can't really remember why i started this but carried it on throughout the remaining 4 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Machiavelli Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Is a lie really a lie if you meant it at the time? Nice scroobius pip reference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PsychocAndy Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Went to college, in Durham, and had to do an English course as part of the module. I am shite at English, I spell how I sound, so I told the English teacher I had grown up speaking Gallic and was only a recent convert to English. I got extra time in my exams for that. I got a 3(pass) in Intermediate English. Me and a mate started doing sign in a nightclub,, still in Durham, because the two birds next to us had hash and we thought we would move in and help them smoke it, They caught us and asked if we were deaf and before I could speak my mate said that I was deaf and he wasn't. I ended going out with that lassie for around 3 weeks and had to get less and less deaf in that time to being hardly deaf at all. Same nightclub one of the" bouncers", 1986 just thugs then, attacked a boy at our college, it's a college for disabled people, and I attempted to help him by attacking the bouncer with one of my crutches. He must have heard me hopping over and caught the crutch as I was swinging it at him. Now the boy on the floor didn't look disabled but I wasn't wearing my false leg that night, still getting used to it then and it could be very painful, and even he knew that he would look wrong to start punching feck out of a one legged man who has no crutches ,I'm no hero I was counting on that the second I didn't scone the boy, so he just barred the 2 of us. That was the Tuesday. On the Friday out on the pish I ended up back at the Cueball, this time wearing my leg. The bouncer looked me up and down and told me I was barred, I asked why, he told me and I started rage about that ^^^^ of a twin bother of mine, the one legged bast ard was always getting me in trouble. The bouncer let me in. About half an hour later he comes up to me and tells me I'm a lying ^^^^ and if there is any trouble anywhere in the club he was going straight for me even if I was in another part of the building.. I got on with him after that so much so that he didn't tell the bursd above that I was bullshitting her about being deaf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creepy Lurker Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 That right Matrix, you did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scott_jambo Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I like how the real fantasists stay away from this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan Rom?n Riquelme Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Told a bursds I was a touring guitarist for The Twilight Sad. 'Who?' she replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Private Womble Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Told a Bursd that I worked in deapsea world and my job was swimming with dolphins Can't even swim. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Locky Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Me and a few of the boys at Hovis told a young apprentice that the boss wanted to see him. Boss said, 'away back to work'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alwaysthereinspirit Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 "she's a liar" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 My workmate and I told a couple of nurses in a club in Inverness we were in town filming a TV programme and were stuntmen for the main guy in the show. Despite the fact I'm 5'7" and my mate was about 6'0" they bought the story. True we were in town filming but were doing sound and the show was Get Fresh, a Saturday morning kids show starring Gaz Topp. I'm sure I've told bigger lies but that one always sticks in my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Jarman Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Nice scroobius pip reference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Is a lie really a lie if you meant it at the time? I think a dream is a lie if it doesn't come true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PsychocAndy Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 My workmate and I told a couple of nurses in a club in Inverness we were in town filming a TV programme and were stuntmen for the main guy in the show. Despite the fact I'm 5'7" and my mate was about 6'0" they bought the story. True we were in town filming but were doing sound and the show was Get Fresh, a Saturday morning kids show starring Gaz Topp. I'm sure I've told bigger lies but that one always sticks in my mind. Was that the one with Phil Cornwell as the alien, Gilbert?, i think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewis2006 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Told an ex bursd that it wisney sore in the other hole. My bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The People's Chimp Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 On the subject of lies to bursds in pubs/clubs, I was over playing golf in Kilkenny - cracking courses, like Mount juliet, where there are loads of stud farms as well. I was over with an ex boss of mine from France and the old chef from my work as well, and they told the (stunning) waitress in a bar we were in (the main 'nightspot' in Kilkenny) that I was 'a Scottish lad who plays for LA Galaxy' and had stopped en route to Sweden for knee surgery, as I wanted to "check out the stud farms, and buy a racehorse." We had a massive kitty as well and so we were tipping her 15/20 euros every round. I had to keep up this pretence and before I knew it I had randoms asking about life as a footballer. Best was when I was in the toilets and a boy came up to me in his thickest kilkenny accent "can you tell me why dat posh and robbie's wife don't get on den?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamhammer Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I remember when I was in the RAF at Turnhouse going into the Oak in Corstorphone in uniform. I was 17 at the time, about 5'2. There were a couple of nice older women in there and I told em the propeller on my sleeves meant I was a helicopter pilot. It's no wonder I was a virgin till I was 18. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davie749 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Told bursd I was a rep for Wella hair care from 20 to 25 years just as a laugh, till I met a good friend through motorbikes who was actually a rep for Wella hair care! I've been a dolphin polisher too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PsychocAndy Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Told bursd I was a rep for Wella hair care from 20 to 25 years just as a laugh, till I met a good friend through motorbikes who was actually a rep for Wella hair care! I've been a dolphin polisher too. Is that in the Paul Merson way of "polishing the dolphin"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davie749 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Is that in the Paul Merson way of "polishing the dolphin"? No idea what you're on about mate, you'll need to explain, just liked to tell them that we were and made them all shiny for the waterpark, the look of confusion on their faces was priceless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PsychocAndy Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Merse used to polish his dolphin a couple of hours before a game, if you get my drift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GlasgoJambo Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Convinced an Irish bursd one night that I was Dutch by speaking rubbish broken English with a slight nederlander twisht (a la Steve McLaren). Still got in on but had to leave before she woke the next morn as there's no danger could have pulled it off sober. Maybe not the biggest lie I've ever told but probably the greatest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Porcupine Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 My workmate and I told a couple of nurses in a club in Inverness we were in town filming a TV programme and were stuntmen for the main guy in the show. Despite the fact I'm 5'7" and my mate was about 6'0" they bought the story. True we were in town filming but were doing sound and the show was Get Fresh, a Saturday morning kids show starring Gaz Topp. I'm sure I've told bigger lies but that one always sticks in my mind. You work in the TV industry? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor FinnBarr Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 You work in the TV industry? Yes, Taz has producing the X-Factor and Blind Date under his belt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Was that the one with Phil Cornwell as the alien, Gilbert?, i think? Yep, Gilbert spent a lot of the time sponsored by Colombia if you know what I mean You work in the TV industry? Did. Yes, Taz has producing the X-Factor and Blind Date under his belt. And this is why I left it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalamazoo Jambo Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I remember in primary 3 or 4, everyone was bragging to the teacher about how good they were with a Rubik's cube. Everyone was telling her that they could do 2 or 3 sides. I wanted to impress the teacher and I told her that I can't quite complete it yet but I can do 5 sides of the 6. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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