Swanny17 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Anyone got any? I need cheering up!! I used to go out with a lobster, but she got dumped. Turned out she was a shellfish barsteward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedbump Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 What's square and hairy? A pubic cube. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherlock Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Q: what's the difference between a French women and a basketball team? A: The basketball team showers after 4 periods. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- What did Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Tuffet have in common? They both had Kurds in their way! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a dump." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
269miles Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Two drunken Irishman walking through a graveyard looking at gravestones after a night at the boozer. After a bit Paddy shouts out 'Mick , Mick , I think I've found the world's oldest man !!!' Mick asks 'How old was he ?. Paddy says '177' Mick asks 'what was his name' Paddy says 'Miles , from London'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tynie b Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 A girl asks her Mum, "Mum,The place Where a man put his Penis in a woman, Is that were the baby comes out??" "Yes" says Mum, "Fek me, That'll break ma Jaw!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belly Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 A Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm, and says this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache. At which point his wife looks up from her book and says that's not a pig, it's a sheep, to which he replys it was the sheep I was talking too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dodethejambo Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- A man is walking by a church one Sunday, and happens by a cute 6 year old girl sitting on the sidewalk, dressed up very nicely, playing with her dog. The man asks, "what is your name little girl?" "Candy," says the little girl. "They call me that because I like candy so much. And this is my dog Porky." "They call him that because he likes pork so much?" the man wonders. "No," she says. "They call him Porky because he likes to **** pigs." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharky999 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 An irish man walking down the street, See's a sandwich lying on the ground with 2 red wires sticking out from it, He phones the police, They ask "is it tickin", He replies. No its beef. Boom boom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharky999 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 I was walking past the local mental hospital the other day, all the patients were in the yard shouting 13, 13, 13, 13. The fence was too high to see over but i found a gap in the planks of wood and looked through to see what was going on. Some Fecker poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting 14,14,14,14.................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alwaysthereinspirit Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 I was walking past the local mental hospital the other day, all the patients were in the yard shouting 13, 13, 13, 13. The fence was too high to see over but i found a gap in the planks of wood and looked through to see what was going on. Some Fecker poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting 14,14,14,14.................. PMSL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharky999 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Got it as a text, and i done the same funniest ive had for a long time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gadgey55 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 A cat falls into a puddle and a rooster laughs. The moral of the story is...A wet pussy makes a ****** feel good. Crap I ken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gadgey55 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Paddy goes into Superdrug and asks "Have you got any KY jelly?" The assistant says "No. Have you tried Boots?" Paddy replies "I want to slide in not ******in march in!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookieboy Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 2 girls at college one posh one a ******* Teacher asks "give me a sentence with the word improper" posh girl says "papa dug potatoes at the weekend with a spade but that was improper he should have used a fork" ******* says"I was shaggin ma boyfriend last night and when his balls were bangin ma arse I knew he was improper":rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cairneyhill Jambo Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 A guy gets called through to see his doctor and as soon as walks into the consultation room the doctor stands up and say's "hello Mr Smith, what can I do for you?" The guy punches the doc right between the eyes The doc picks himself up and says "what did you do that for?" The guy says " that's for saying my wife had acute angina" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cairneyhill Jambo Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque.' 'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!' 'I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!! When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, 'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!' To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funktasticlad Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's 13 or so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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