Inappropriately bevvied

[heartgarfunkel]

Best true stories please! To start off, here's some all relating to the same person (he's now TT:))

 

Turned up reeking at his old man's retirement bash, grabbed the Lord Advocate (Hardie) and his missus in a double headlock and refused to release them, all the while bellowing 'Can you feel it?' (a line from a Rocky film I believe)

 

Challenging the minister at my wedding to a 'scrum down' contest with the enjoinder 'Scrum down ya charlie uncle november tango'.

 

Telling (recently battered) Sheryl Gascoigne at a wedding reception that Paul was 'misunderstood' and that she should 'get a grip'. This followed sitting in the Buddha position throughout the Bridal waltz in the middle of the dancefloor.

 

Magic!

[Doctor FinnBarr]

[UnworthyPapaLazaru]

Bravo indeed. Hilarious! I can understand this person now being TT.

[Peebo]

Best true stories please! To start off, here's some all relating to the same person (he's now TT:))

 

Turned up reeking at his old man's retirement bash, grabbed the Lord Advocate (Hardie) and his missus in a double headlock and refused to release them, all the while bellowing 'Can you feel it?' (a line from a Rocky film I believe)

 

Challenging the minister at my wedding to a 'scrum down' contest with the enjoinder 'Scrum down ya charlie uncle november tango'.

 

Telling (recently battered) Sheryl Gascoigne at a wedding reception that Paul was 'misunderstood' and that she should 'get a grip'. This followed sitting in the Buddha position throughout the Bridal waltz in the middle of the dancefloor.

 

Magic!

 

Sounds like an idiot.

[Isaac Begbie]

Best true stories please! To start off, here's some all relating to the same person (he's now TT:))

 

Turned up reeking at his old man's retirement bash, grabbed the Lord Advocate (Hardie) and his missus in a double headlock and refused to release them, all the while bellowing 'Can you feel it?' (a line from a Rocky film I believe)

 

Challenging the minister at my wedding to a 'scrum down' contest with the enjoinder 'Scrum down ya charlie uncle november tango'.

 

Telling (recently battered) Sheryl Gascoigne at a wedding reception that Paul was 'misunderstood' and that she should 'get a grip'. This followed sitting in the Buddha position throughout the Bridal waltz in the middle of the dancefloor.

 

Magic!

 

I know a guy who climed the mercat cross while inebriated. He also walked the west highland way and had to turn back after 1 night as he was kicked out of his B&B for causing the wallpaper to peel off by using his camping stove in the room. Idiot!

[heartgarfunkel]

I know a guy who climed the mercat cross while inebriated. He also walked the west highland way and had to turn back after 1 night as he was kicked out of his B&B for causing the wallpaper to peel off by using his camping stove in the room. Idiot!

 

lol, guilty on all charges, on same trip one of my companions started a pagger with another companion in the boozer over a dropped map earlier in the day;) the same boy also fell off the mercat cross and broke his arm, telling his bird he'd done it playing fitba but didn't brief his mates and got caught out!

[heartgarfunkel]

Sounds like an idiot.

 

On those occasions, yes - because he was 'inappropriately bevvied'!

 

Top notch human being otherwise.

[RockyBalboa]

I actually got inappropriately bevvied the worst time ever.

 

Lost the girl and had to move out my flat etc. No danger I'm going into it though! But would be good to hear other stories to make myself feel better!

[cookieboy]

no names mentioned (cept you Angus!) .one of the guys on our bus has been turned away at the turnstiles 3 times this season. one day he got turned away at the wheatfield turnstiles and made his way in through the GR entrance and got up onto the concourse only to see the polis who refused him in wheatfield street entrance who promptly sent him back to The Graysmill he was the lucky one!!!

[Tazio]

I got sent on a work training weekend/booze-up and they had the lack of foresight to book about 15 guys from various bits of Scotland who all knew each other but didn't hook up very often into a hotel with an all night bar.

 

Sadly the bar stopped taking cash at around 1am after everyone had been on the lash for 6 hours. In the spirit of generosity I loudly suggested that we just put it on the training companies room tab. At which point a guy in the corner of the room got a bit defensive. And announced that he had a rough idea who I was due to my general behaviour.

 

Obviously I was a bit offended and the following conversation took place much to everyones amusement.

 

Me: What's it got to do with you, you w******r?

 

Him: Who the feck are you calling a w*****r?

 

Me: You obviously, arsehole.

 

Him: And why do you think I'm a w*****r?

 

Me: Because your too effing ugly to get a ride and too greedy to pay for it.

 

At which point he stomped out the room to hoots of abuse from the other people.

 

Sadly the next day we were all introduced to the Chairman of the organisation that had arranged the weekend. AND I was 30 minutes late due to a raging hangover.

 

And then it turned out he was a good mate of my boss.

 

Good weekend away though all things considered.

[Bindy Badgy]

At my mate's wedding the bridesmaid's boyfriend got so drunk he literally couldn't speak. He spent the whole of evening do sitting in the corner rocking back and forth mumbling threats at anyone that made eye contact with him. It's a miracle he wasn't sick everywhere.

[cosanostra]

So many stupid things done when chemically enhanced.

 

Went home with a burd that had practically stalked me, caused me to change phone no and email address and move branches of the bank I worked for - I still can't believe i did that. What an idiot.

 

Fell into and pulled down a series of shelves in my living room and landed in a heap on the floor when a sopranos season 4 box set landed corner on the top of my head and cut me.

 

Befriended a crack-head in New York called Jamal and gave him 1$ to steal this huge plastic bottle of mustard from a Hot-Dog vendor. The cops saw him doing it and gave him a huge row while i stood near by sniggering, Mutley style. I then thought it would be funny to sit in the passenger seat of a cop car in Penn Station only for a copper to yell at me, unclip his night stick and search me. Decided maybe a taxi home was best at that point.

 

Fell through an antique stained glass door in a country house.

 

After the Scotland Ukraine game during last summer i was DJing at a techno club in Glasgow and I got so hammered after the game i turned up wearing the Scotland away shirt and camo shorts and turned the music off every few mixes and yelled

 

"JAMES MCFADDEN!!!!"

 

at the top of my lungs.

 

It was brilliant, everyone on the dance floor was going mental (I think).

[Dagger Is Back]

Had just been promoted to a management position in the bank where I used to work. It was just before Crimbo so me and the wife to be got an invite 'upstairs' to the bosses Xmas party.

 

Cue loads of Highland Park (ouch) and there's me sitting with the bosses wife.

 

Her - I suppose you'll be really busy soon studying for your bank exams

Me - Are you taking the ****? I'm too busy going out with my mates

 

I was found later that night by the wife to be, lying under the Xmas tree. She couldn't get me out so one of the bosses pulled me out by the legs.

 

Him - What are you doing he says?

 

Me - I'm taking out the plug for the Xmas tree. It could cause a fire you know.

 

I was transferred to Portobello Branch 8 weeks later!

[Dagger Is Back]

Got so ****ed at the NY derby - the 2-2 game when Fulton scored twice, that on getting home I lapsed into unconsciousness.

 

We were due up to the in laws that night for a family nosebag. Wife couldn't wake me and stormed off on her Jack Jones.

 

I woke up at 4am the following morning where I'd been left.

[heartgarfunkel]

Fell through an antique stained glass door in a country house.

 

 

Ouch. I once 'dreeped' from a bannister into a stairwell at a university department 'cheese' and wine to try and impress a girl I fancied when reeking. Not only did my trailing arm burst the nose of a lecturer upon landing, but my forward roll demolished an old table and smashed the giant old vase on it. Didn't go down too well. The lovely Linda graciously turned down my advances a few months later, and I much later found out that she thought I had mental health problems and a 'death wish'.

[Dagger Is Back]

The worst one was in my latter days in RBS. Went out with the other managers and ended the night asking my boss if she fancied a quick shag.

 

Luckily she saw the funny side of it.

[cosanostra]

 

I was transferred to Portobello Branch 8 weeks later!

 

hahah - quality!!

[cosanostra]

Ouch. I once 'dreeped' from a bannister into a stairwell at a university department 'cheese' and wine to try and impress a girl I fancied when reeking. Not only did my trailing arm burst the nose of a lecturer upon landing, but my forward roll demolished an old table and smashed the giant old vase on it. Didn't go down too well. The lovely Linda graciously turned down my advances a few months later, and I much later found out that she thought I had mental health problems and a 'death wish'.

 

Outstanding!!!

 

Can't believe you never got to put her away with style like that. There is truly no justice in thr world.

[heartgarfunkel]

Some top quality 'social hand grenade' tales of woe!

[heartgarfunkel]

Outstanding!!!

 

Can't believe you never got to put her away with style like that. There is truly no justice in thr world.

 

Thanks mate, her loss;)

[Dagger Is Back]

I'll probably have the PC brigade after me for this but it was 20 years ago.

 

My mates big brother was going out with a black girl and we were at some club watching a band. After a few bevvies the chat round the table got a bit risque and I can't even remember what she said now.

 

I did though turn round to her and say 'Christine, you know something? You'd give a darkie a red face'

[cosanostra]

This is honestly, honestly true.......

 

About 6 months ago I was in a club and this girl in front of me was dancing all over my feet. She eventually turned round and said

 

"oh so sorry for standing on your feet"

 

I, full of the drink (i always get mischievous / annoying when away with it) said

 

"it's cool, i've got a prosthetic limb, I can't feel anything"

 

She then gave me this astonished look and she gave me a little hug and put her hand on my arm. She then pulled up her sleeve and she only had a prosthetic feckin arm!!! The only time in my life i have ever pretended to have a prosthesis was to a girl who actually had one.

 

I came clean and told her I was lying, apologsed profusely etc She thought it was kind of funny.

 

The next night i was drunk again in a bar near my flat with all my mates i'd been out with the night before. When i left, i saw my mate Tom about 10 yards ahead of me and i shouted

 

"is that you away up the road you big ****ing mincer?"

 

When he turned round it was not my mate, just some random guy looking at me with a mixture of disbelief and maybe a little nervousness. Once again, I apologised and explained the situation.

 

Two in one weekend - what a plonker.

[Dagger Is Back]

This is honestly, honestly true.......

 

About 6 months ago I was in a club and this girl in front of me was dancing all over my feet. She eventually turned round and said

 

"oh so sorry for standing on your feet"

 

I, full of the drink (i always get mischievous / annoying when away with it) said

 

"it's cool, i've got a prosthetic limb, I can't feel anything"

 

She then gave me this astonished look and she gave me a little hug and put her hand on my arm. She then pulled up her sleeve and she only had a prosthetic feckin arm!!! The only time in my life i have ever pretended to have a prosthesis was to a girl who actually had one.

 

I came clean and told her I was lying, apologsed profusely etc She thought it was kind of funny.

 

The next night i was drunk again in a bar near my flat with all my mates i'd been out with the night before. When i left, i saw my mate Tom about 10 yards ahead of me and i shouted

 

"is that you away up the road you big ****ing mincer?"

 

When he turned round it was not my mate, just some random guy looking at me with a mixture of disbelief and maybe a little nervousness. Once again, I apologised and explained the situation.

 

Two in one weekend - what a plonker.

 

 

With a drink in you, you sound as dangerous as me.

 

I was only 19 when we were coming home from a mates house in the early hours. Got to the top of Granton Road and a car shot past at like what seemed like 100mph. Oi ya ****** we all shouted.

 

Car screeched to a halt, reversed back along the road towards us, car window was wound down and out popped a hand holding a gun which was pointing straight at the 3 of us.

 

A millisecond later, three of us were lying on our bellies in some folks garden and one of us had filled my, err their breeks.

[cosanostra]

With a drink in you, you sound as dangerous as me.

 

I was only 19 when we were coming home from a mates house in the early hours. Got to the top of Granton Road and a car shot past at like what seemed like 100mph. Oi ya ****** we all shouted.

 

Car screeched to a halt, reversed back along the road towards us, car window was wound down and out popped a hand holding a gun which was pointing straight at the 3 of us.

 

A millisecond later, three of us were lying on our bellies in some folks garden and one of us had filled my, err their breeks.

 

A real gun???? :eek:

 

Mental.

 

Is that Granton Rd. in south central LA?

[Tazio]

 

Is that Granton Rd. in south central LA?

 

 

Don't mess with the Granton crew.

 

I had a painful experience once trying to hail a taxi. He didn't stop so I shouted b******d at the cab and then as I turned around I muttered f******g ^^^^ to nobody in particular at which a boy asked what I had called his bird. Before I could explain he had left in the air Jet Li stylee and gave me a roundhouse kick to the side of the head. I presume he kept kicking until he got bored as the next thing i knew a couple were waking me up as I was lying unconscious on the pavement. They then told me that about 20 people had walked past me despite the fact I was clearly bleeding heavily from the head.

[cosanostra]

Don't mess with the Granton crew.

 

I had a painful experience once trying to hail a taxi. He didn't stop so I shouted b******d at the cab and then as I turned around I muttered f******g ^^^^ to nobody in particular at which a boy asked what I had called his bird. Before I could explain he had left in the air Jet Li stylee and gave me a roundhouse kick to the side of the head. I presume he kept kicking until he got bored as the next thing i knew a couple were waking me up as I was lying unconscious on the pavement. They then told me that about 20 people had walked past me despite the fact I was clearly bleeding heavily from the head.

 

I feel guilty for laughing, it was the use of the word "roundhouse" that got me.

 

Did you get taken to hospital?

[Ivan Drago]

So many stupid things done when chemically enhanced.

 

Went home with a burd that had practically stalked me, caused me to change phone no and email address and move branches of the bank I worked for - I still can't believe i did that. What an idiot.

 

Fell into and pulled down a series of shelves in my living room and landed in a heap on the floor when a sopranos season 4 box set landed corner on the top of my head and cut me.

 

Befriended a crack-head in New York called Jamal and gave him 1$ to steal this huge plastic bottle of mustard from a Hot-Dog vendor. The cops saw him doing it and gave him a huge row while i stood near by sniggering, Mutley style. I then thought it would be funny to sit in the passenger seat of a cop car in Penn Station only for a copper to yell at me, unclip his night stick and search me. Decided maybe a taxi home was best at that point.

 

Fell through an antique stained glass door in a country house.

 

After the Scotland Ukraine game during last summer i was DJing at a techno club in Glasgow and I got so hammered after the game i turned up wearing the Scotland away shirt and camo shorts and turned the music off every few mixes and yelled

 

"JAMES MCFADDEN!!!!"

 

at the top of my lungs.

 

It was brilliant, everyone on the dance floor was going mental (I think).

 

have u still got her number?

 

i blew a raspberry on my friends pet dog's belly last weekend, it looked rather suspicious to say the least.

[The Merse]

This is honestly, honestly true.......

 

About 6 months ago I was in a club and this girl in front of me was dancing all over my feet. She eventually turned round and said

 

"oh so sorry for standing on your feet"

 

I, full of the drink (i always get mischievous / annoying when away with it) said

 

"it's cool, i've got a prosthetic limb, I can't feel anything"

 

She then gave me this astonished look and she gave me a little hug and put her hand on my arm. She then pulled up her sleeve and she only had a prosthetic feckin arm!!! The only time in my life i have ever pretended to have a prosthesis was to a girl who actually had one.

 

I came clean and told her I was lying, apologsed profusely etc She thought it was kind of funny.

 

The next night i was drunk again in a bar near my flat with all my mates i'd been out with the night before. When i left, i saw my mate Tom about 10 yards ahead of me and i shouted

 

"is that you away up the road you big ****ing mincer?"

 

When he turned round it was not my mate, just some random guy looking at me with a mixture of disbelief and maybe a little nervousness. Once again, I apologised and explained the situation.

 

Two in one weekend - what a plonker.

 

The prosthetic limb story actually had me in stitches.

 

Oh my god.

 

So funny!!!!

[chester copperpot]

have u still got her number?

 

i blew a raspberry on my friends pet dog's belly last weekend, it looked rather suspicious to say the least.

 

 

 

You not out supporting the doonhammers victory tonight. PAH, after everything you said on here eh?

 

Lightweight.

[cosanostra]

have u still got her number?

 

i blew a raspberry on my friends pet dog's belly last weekend, it looked rather suspicious to say the least.

 

Mate, you wouldn't want it - trust me.

 

Bunny boiler does not even begin to describe.

 

How did the dog react? I do that to my burd all the time, it's hilarious.

[Tazio]

I feel guilty for laughing, it was the use of the word "roundhouse" that got me.

 

Did you get taken to hospital?

 

I was drunk so therefore had no use for modern medicine. I just hitched a free ride from a rickshaw driver who took pity on me. Bloody sore the next day when I woke up stuck to the pillow with dried blood.

 

Just my luck to find a psychotic martial arts expert wearing DM's.

[Dagger Is Back]

A real gun???? :eek:

 

Mental.

 

Is that Granton Rd. in south central LA?[/QUOTE]

 

The way some of the Granton nutters behaved you'd think so. Only things that were missing were sun, sand, good looking birds........

 

It looked real from where we were standing and we didn't hang about to check either. Got huckled to Drylaw Police Station and we were there till about 7am doing statements and **** like that.

 

Sobered me up in no time I tell you.

[Ivan Drago]

You not out supporting the doonhammers victory tonight. PAH, after everything you said on here eh?

 

Lightweight.

 

check the other thread

 

everything i need is in my fridge

[Ivan Drago]

Mate, you wouldn't want it - trust me.

 

Bunny boiler does not even begin to describe.

 

How did the dog react? I do that to my burd all the time, it's hilarious.

 

he (does that make it worse?) loved it!! he was asking for it though, dirty slag that he is.

[K1874M]

Offt too many.

 

An all night bender ended up with, me hiring a stripper to the bank hotel where there were around 8 of us chilling(in the wee room thru the back), none of them knew about it, and there was no reason ie wasnt any ones b.day just a normal weekend on it,

 

It was only quarter to 10 am.... we'd been up all night doing various ****, she arrived went to the bogs then came up and asked for me and my mate (I gave her a false name when I met her at the door and said it was Kenny and ****'s birthday) we sat in the middle where she then went on to strip.... one of the funniest moments of my life. Oh and she was a munter!

 

Other times would be meetng my now g/f by tryng to **** in her cupboard at a party.

 

Hitchiking back from preston after the pre season friendly.

 

Sleeping in a bush in Rotterdam after the feyenoord match.

[heartgarfunkel]

I feel guilty for laughing, it was the use of the word "roundhouse" that got me.

 

Did you get taken to hospital?

 

lol, reminds me of a 'roundhouse' bevvy related story. In 1989 a big squad of boys from Porty went to Paris for the massive celebrations to mark the bicentenary of the French Republic. All absolutely reeking, one of them climbed high up a statue, wearing a kilt. There were tens of thousands of folk in a big square, and at the appropriate moment, fireworks were set off. Many in the crowd had their own firecrackers/rockets, and the aforementioned climber was unlucky enough to receive a rocket which exploded under his kilt. He fell quite a distance, and also had his kilt in shreds, and meat and two veg burnt and injured. The sociopath in the group shouted 'it was one of the wee ******s' (it was nearly 20 years ago, sorry, chinese) and smacked a boy in the coupon. Cue a massive mob of 'wee ******s' delivering roundhouse kicks, other martial arts moves, and generally delivering a thorough leathering to all of the chaps wearing kilts.

[cosanostra]

lol, reminds me of a 'roundhouse' bevvy related story. In 1989 a big squad of boys from Porty went to Paris for the massive celebrations to mark the bicentenary of the French Republic. All absolutely reeking, one of them climbed high up a statue, wearing a kilt. There were tens of thousands of folk in a big square, and at the appropriate moment, fireworks were set off. Many in the crowd had their own firecrackers/rockets, and the aforementioned climber was unlucky enough to receive a rocket which exploded under his kilt. He fell quite a distance, and also had his kilt in shreds, and meat and two veg burnt and injured. The sociopath in the group shouted 'it was one of the wee ******s' (it was nearly 20 years ago, sorry, chinese) and smacked a boy in the coupon. Cue a massive mob of 'wee ******s' delivering roundhouse kicks, other martial arts moves, and generally delivering a thorough leathering to all of the chaps wearing kilts.

 

I spent a weekend in Tain once. It was mental.

 

I saw a Chinese guy behind the counter in a Chinese takeaway getting harrassed by a big drunken highlander. The Chinese guy eventually lost his temper, yelled at the guy to **** off etc they guy refused and knocked down a big pile of menus.

 

Chinese guy got out from behind the counter followed the guy out the front door and then delivered one of the most fierce beatings i've ever seen. He absolutely leathered the guy. He went back inside, got my mate and I our food and then pulled the big shutters down and closed the shop.

[heartgarfunkel]

I spent a weekend in Tain once. It was mental.

 

I saw a Chinese guy behind the counter in a Chinese takeaway getting harrassed by a big drunken highlander. The Chinese guy eventually lost his temper, yelled at the guy to **** off etc they guy refused and knocked down a big pile of menus.

 

Chinese guy got out from behind the counter followed the guy out the front door and then delivered one of the most fierce beatings i've ever seen. He absolutely leathered the guy. He went back inside, got my mate and I our food and then pulled the big shutters down and closed the shop.

 

Ouch. I learnt never to mess when I was at primary school with a great wee guy called Colin Chinery. He was on Blue Peter showing off his moves, awesome!

[Malcolm Tucker]

My mate (who shall remain nameless) got absolutely hammered one night and went back to my mate Neil's house to stay away from his parents (aye, they were both underage). So they go back, both wasted. Neil wakes up in the middle of the night hearing his younger sister screaming. He runs downstairs to see that my other mate has fallen asleep in front of the computer with porn on, ****** in hand, ready to umm...unleash some goo. He is too drunk to be woken so Neil just covers him up. His sister, I believe, is still scarred.

 

However Neil got him back by doing something quite horrible. At a party at un-named friends house, Neil really needed a slash and thought this to be the oppertune moment to get him back. So he starts taking a leak on his bathroom walls....and then my mates dog walks in...so he ****es on that too! And he videod it all to let his friend see.

 

 

Horrible to be honest!

[heartgarfunkel]

My mate (who shall remain nameless) got absolutely hammered one night and went back to my mate Neil's house to stay away from his parents (aye, they were both underage). So they go back, both wasted. Neil wakes up in the middle of the night hearing his younger sister screaming. He runs downstairs to see that my other mate has fallen asleep in front of the computer with porn on, ****** in hand, ready to umm...unleash some goo. He is too drunk to be woken so Neil just covers him up. His sister, I believe, is still scarred.

 

Horrible to be honest!

 

shocker!

[cosanostra]

My mate (who shall remain nameless) got absolutely hammered one night and went back to my mate Neil's house to stay away from his parents (aye, they were both underage). So they go back, both wasted. Neil wakes up in the middle of the night hearing his younger sister screaming. He runs downstairs to see that my other mate has fallen asleep in front of the computer with porn on, ****** in hand, ready to umm...unleash some goo. He is too drunk to be woken so Neil just covers him up. His sister, I believe, is still scarred.

 

However Neil got him back by doing something quite horrible. At a party at un-named friends house, Neil really needed a slash and thought this to be the oppertune moment to get him back. So he starts taking a leak on his bathroom walls....and then my mates dog walks in...so he ****es on that too! And he videod it all to let his friend see.

 

 

Horrible to be honest!

 

WTF????

[Malcolm Tucker]

WTF????

 

That's what I thought.

 

They were only 16 at the time. Does that make it better or worse???

[cosanostra]

That's what I thought.

 

They were only 16 at the time. Does that make it better or worse???

 

They sound like they are in an episode of Skins or something.

[chester copperpot]

They sound like they are in an episode of Skins or something.

[Malcolm Tucker]

They sound like they are in an episode of Skins or something.

 

Haha. Very true.

 

Not much was really made of it at the time though and I can't see why!

 

I 'lolled' when I was told.