Moncs Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I ma best man at my mates wedding on Friday and just after some good general jokes that I could use. I have most of the speech written but always good to throw in a few more if anyoen has some Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 when you congratulate the bride and groom you could point out that statistically speaking they're sitting right next to the person most likely to murder them. its quite tough, i'm a best man in august and i'm quite scared that my speech ends up like a stand up show. i'm finding the balance between being jokey and serious quite hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Weathers Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 On a night of recent revelry I asked the groom what he wanted to get from his marrage. He said "Well, I want to be a model husband. I want to be a model citizen. And I want to be a model lover!" Being a naive chap I looked up "model" in the dictionary. It said "A small miniature replica of the real thing!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig R Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 "I was feeling a bit nervous about making this speech so I prepared a few lines earlier...and after snorting them I feel much better." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Weathers Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 "I was feeling a bit nervous about making this speech so I prepared a few lines earlier...and after snorting them I feel much better." That's a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Maybe more of a telegram message but you could say that you hope their wedding night is like the kitchen table. Four bare legs and nae drawers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belly Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 My brother used this at my wedding, He produced a packed of three condoms, but they were not any old condoms, they were olympic condoms, coloured gold, silver, and bronze. he then piped up, tonight wear the silver condom and let your wife come first for a change. You could also take a look at this it has example of speeches and people have rated them, you may get some insperation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor FinnBarr Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Why does the bride smile when shes walking down the aisle? She knows shes given her last blow job. Prob best to leave it until the bar later! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marmeladent?rtchen Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 My mate was a best man for an English guy who was getting wed to an Ozzie in Oz about 6 years ago. He Kicked off with; "To be asked to be best man is a bit like being asked to sleep with the queen mother! Its a great hounor, but you dont really want to do it!." It went down a storm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marshallschunkychicken Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 If you're looking for a website, weddingspeechbuilder.com is good. My advice would be to try and get something topical in, if its current it can make up for the fact that it's not hilarious - for example, at my mates wedding last August I thanked the minister, thanked the bridesmaids, then most of all thanked Setanta Sports for moving Aberdeen v Hearts to the Sunday so that it didn't clash. Not hugely funny, but topical and unexpected, so it went down well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K1874M Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I ma best man at my mates wedding on Friday and just after some good general jokes that I could use. I have most of the speech written but always good to throw in a few more if anyoen has some Gary Naysmith done a beauty for his brother in law... He pretended he had the grooms diary from when he was a nipper and read snippets from it... basically bigging him self (gary) up, saying how he (groom) fancied the brides mum and other v.funny stuff. Think I might nick that idea for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherlock Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 [insert grooms name here] confided in me that he a w@nk over his ex-girlfriend last night...... He knew it was wrong but he still has a key and she is a really heavy sleeper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy.C Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Opening line 'You know, I was told a best mans speach shouldn't last longer than the groom does during sex....thank you and goodnight' Then sit down. Thats worth a laugh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Era Macaroons Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 to amuse the elderly... .....today has been a splendid, emotion charged day for everyone, even the cake has been reduced to tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i8hibsh Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I ma best man at my mates wedding on Friday and just after some good general jokes that I could use. I have most of the speech written but always good to throw in a few more if anyoen has some Best man joke? gotta be Lenny Henry that ^^^^ is a total joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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