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The terrible onrush of urination


Tazio

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Why is it that I had 4 pints in Diggers, had a pee before leaving.

 

Got to the bus-stop, didn't need a pee.

 

On the bus for 20 minutes, didn't need a pee.

 

Went to the shop after I got off the bus, didn't need a pee.

 

Walked from the shop, didn't need a pee.

 

100 yard from front door, maybe needed a pee.

 

Got to end of my path, really needed a pee.

 

Reached front door, desperate for a pee, can barely get my key to the lock, hopping around in desperation.

 

Reached toilet, just. The last 3 yards being a fight between me and my trousers to get them open by the time I reached the pan.

 

How can you go from not needing a pee to being desperate to the point of thinking about peeing in the garden in the space of 10 yards?

 

Physical or mental?

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You're just getting old.

 

Another couple of years and they'll have a chamber pot under your table at the Diggers.

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dodethejambo

Just be grateful it was only a pee,

 

imaging the same scenario when needing a Eartha Kitt :eek: that hopping at the door and the 3 yard dash would take on a whole new twist.

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Just be grateful it was only a pee,

 

imaging the same scenario when needing a Eartha Kitt :eek: that hopping at the door and the 3 yard dash would take on a whole new twist.

 

There is a name for this very scenario:

 

"Touching cloth"

 

Not at all pleasant.

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70's Throwback
Why is it that I had 4 pints in Diggers, had a pee before leaving.

 

Got to the bus-stop, didn't need a pee.

 

On the bus for 20 minutes, didn't need a pee.

 

Went to the shop after I got off the bus, didn't need a pee.

 

Walked from the shop, didn't need a pee.

 

100 yard from front door, maybe needed a pee.

 

Got to end of my path, really needed a pee.

 

Reached front door, desperate for a pee, can barely get my key to the lock, hopping around in desperation.

 

Reached toilet, just. The last 3 yards being a fight between me and my trousers to get them open by the time I reached the pan.

 

How can you go from not needing a pee to being desperate to the point of thinking about peeing in the garden in the space of 10 yards?

 

Physical or mental?

 

I know of a female from my work who, when reaching the end of the path was faced with the option of wazzing herself and finishing her fish supper or leaving the food, finding her house keys and going in to urinate. Guess which option she chose....yip, p*sh and chips!

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You're just getting old.

 

Another couple of years and they'll have a chamber pot under your table at the Diggers.

 

The Diggers is a chamber pot

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Snake Plissken

I once had a pee on the bus.

 

Alcohol and the length of the journey were factors - I was not the only one.

 

That is my contribution to this insightful thread.

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70's Throwback
I once had a pee on the bus.

 

Alcohol and the length of the journey were factors - I was not the only one.

 

That is my contribution to this insightful thread.

 

Quite a valid contribution though...well done.

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Why is it that I had 4 pints in Diggers, had a pee before leaving.

 

Got to the bus-stop, didn't need a pee.

 

On the bus for 20 minutes, didn't need a pee.

 

Went to the shop after I got off the bus, didn't need a pee.

 

Walked from the shop, didn't need a pee.

 

100 yard from front door, maybe needed a pee.

 

Got to end of my path, really needed a pee.

 

Reached front door, desperate for a pee, can barely get my key to the lock, hopping around in desperation.

 

Reached toilet, just. The last 3 yards being a fight between me and my trousers to get them open by the time I reached the pan.

 

How can you go from not needing a pee to being desperate to the point of thinking about peeing in the garden in the space of 10 yards?

 

Physical or mental?

 

Aye, true enough, but what a feeling when you actually make it to the bog!

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Why is it that I had 4 pints in Diggers, had a pee before leaving.

 

Got to the bus-stop, didn't need a pee.

 

On the bus for 20 minutes, didn't need a pee.

 

Went to the shop after I got off the bus, didn't need a pee.

 

Walked from the shop, didn't need a pee.

 

100 yard from front door, maybe needed a pee.

 

Got to end of my path, really needed a pee.

 

Reached front door, desperate for a pee, can barely get my key to the lock, hopping around in desperation.

 

Reached toilet, just. The last 3 yards being a fight between me and my trousers to get them open by the time I reached the pan.

 

How can you go from not needing a pee to being desperate to the point of thinking about peeing in the garden in the space of 10 yards?

 

Physical or mental?

 

Don't worry. This is a temporary phase you're going through. In a few years it will be different, and it will go something like this:

 

Go to Diggers and have ONE pint. Have a pee before you leave. Get to the toilet door, then go back and have another pee, just in case.

 

Go to the bus stop. Think about the 20 minute bus drive. Go back to Diggers and have another pee.

 

Say 'Hello' to your pals, who are trying not to snigger to your face. Go to the toilet again, just in case.

 

Wave cheerio to your pals who are falling about the floor. Go to the bus stop. Think about the 20 minute bus drive. Go to the nearest other pub and have a pee.

 

Get a taxi home. Rush in the front door and have another pee.

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davemclaren
Don't worry. This is a temporary phase you're going through. In a few years it will be different, and it will go something like this:

 

Go to Diggers and have ONE pint. Have a pee before you leave. Get to the toilet door, then go back and have another pee, just in case.

 

Go to the bus stop. Think about the 20 minute bus drive. Go back to Diggers and have another pee.

 

Say 'Hello' to your pals, who are trying not to snigger to your face. Go to the toilet again, just in case.

 

Wave cheerio to your pals who are falling about the floor. Go to the bus stop. Think about the 20 minute bus drive. Go to the nearest other pub and have a pee.

 

Get a taxi home. Rush in the front door and have another pee.

 

Is this you talking from exPEErience? ;)

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Why is it that I had 4 pints in Diggers, had a pee before leaving.

 

Got to the bus-stop, didn't need a pee.

 

On the bus for 20 minutes, didn't need a pee.

 

Went to the shop after I got off the bus, didn't need a pee.

 

Walked from the shop, didn't need a pee.

 

100 yard from front door, maybe needed a pee.

 

Got to end of my path, really needed a pee.

 

Reached front door, desperate for a pee, can barely get my key to the lock, hopping around in desperation.

 

Reached toilet, just. The last 3 yards being a fight between me and my trousers to get them open by the time I reached the pan.

 

How can you go from not needing a pee to being desperate to the point of thinking about peeing in the garden in the space of 10 yards?

 

Physical or mental?

 

Disgusting subject but personally I think it's physical. Never noticed the next day after having a few sherries and 20 trips to the loo you just can't wee for love nor money the next morning and no matter how much you drink the whole day after your always thirsty!!!!

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Miller Jambo 60
Why is it that I had 4 pints in Diggers, had a pee before leaving.

 

Got to the bus-stop, didn't need a pee.

 

On the bus for 20 minutes, didn't need a pee.

 

Went to the shop after I got off the bus, didn't need a pee.

 

Walked from the shop, didn't need a pee.

 

100 yard from front door, maybe needed a pee.

 

Got to end of my path, really needed a pee.

 

Reached front door, desperate for a pee, can barely get my key to the lock, hopping around in desperation.

 

Reached toilet, just. The last 3 yards being a fight between me and my trousers to get them open by the time I reached the pan.

 

How can you go from not needing a pee to being desperate to the point of thinking about peeing in the garden in the space of 10 yards?

 

Physical or mental?

 

2 pints my man MA HA:)

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Miller Jambo 60
Disgusting subject but personally I think it's physical. Never noticed the next day after having a few sherries and 20 trips to the loo you just can't wee for love nor money the next morning and no matter how much you drink the whole day after your always thirsty!!!!

 

Good one

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