Mid Calder Jambo Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 The Book of Hibernians a.k.a the Gospel of St. John The one known as Big John And soon after the one they call Mogga had departed for the Land of Bromwich a new disciple became upon the fields of loch-end, the one known as John ?Big John?. Big John was well known to the Mid ?Lothians as a man from the border lands from the fields of Gala. He was known to the Mid ?Lothians as Robert of Sponge. These fields were known to be similar to those known as loch-end because stories were known of woman who were sister and mother to the same legion. This man of legend could out fight his own troops and came unto the fields of loch-end bearing skills of the ?one handed press up? and the ?strong arm tactic?. The legions were none happy that Big John had put challenge to the troops. But he say unto the legions ?I will make you all strong again?. ?I will lead you to lift up the big cup in the land of Hamp-den? and the legions preyed to Big John because they would be saved from the famine of the Big Cup which the Mid- Lothians held unto them and from whence the Mid-Lothians would chant of this long famine ?being 5 score years and 5? in a row. The Battle for the cup known as Wee. The Hibernians were to find succour and Big John was to be hailed as a true Hibernian, by the legions, in the battle of the wee cup. They smited the Mid-lothians at the field of loch-end helped on by a Welsh warrior known as Jones the bean pole. The Hibernians then came unto the hallowed fields of Tynecastle to do battle with Saint John?s Toun, a battle that they nearly lost and the scribes sayeth? Lucky Hibernians could fall in the Leith Water and come up smelling of the man they call Baldrick? The lands of loch-end were full of hope for retrieving this cup of wee and they were to battle a tribe from the lands known as Ayr-shire. A tribe led by a true Mid-lothian, the warrior known as JJ. Many Mid-Lothians wagered their shekel that day at the tables of the tribe known as Bet-365 on the tribe from the lands of Ayr-shire. The Mid-Lothians knew well of this tribe from the lands of Ayr-shire but were to be out done as it had been decreed by the Judge Douglas of McDonald that the Hibernians were to be victorious and the warrior JJ was to be smited and sent back to the lands of Ayr-shire without the cup of wee. There was to be much celebrating in the fields of loch-end as the Hibernians won the trophy known as cup of wee. Legions took unto a potion known as ?white lightning? and a magic powder known as ?dope? and they were to be happy until the day they call the day of the giro. The Mid-lothians were weakened by blight but they knew a battle that they could not win on the fields with their warriors would be won in the stadia of loch-end by the legions. The battle for the Big Cup And in the battle for the ?Big Cup? the Hibernians were to travel unto the ?Hill of Dung? to the fields of the sheep and come away without defeat. The armies battled again at the loch-end and the Hibernians were aided in this conquest by a marauding Mid-lothian, of the ginger persuasion, known as Stewart of Gorgie. This ginger warrior had battled for clan Ferguson of Trafford but was found to be gash and made his return to the Mid-Lothians only to be gash there to. The Hibernians were to triumph at the field of loch-end. The Hibernians were thence to smite an old foe of the Mid-lothians, the tribe known as the ?Men of Anvil? from a land near Englandshire a land known only as Gretna. And the Hibernians did smite the men of anvil aided by the Welsh warrior and by one from far off lands from across the sea. The one known as Benji. The Mid-lothians only knew of Benji as a dog and were to make much mirth from this unfortunate reptile. And it came to pass that the Hibernians were smited by a tribe from the lands across that river known as ?The Forth? a tribe that to this day that wallow in legions lower than the Warrior Leishman believes that they should wallow in. The battle for the Big Cup had endeth once more as it had done for 5 score years and 5 before. The big cup famine was to be cast unto the Hibernians by the Mid ?lothians. The celebrations of the ?cup of wee? There then came the day that the Mid-lothians were to do battle with the Hibernians at the fields of loch-end. A day that the moustachioed one known only as Pee-Tree had been decreed ?cup of wee celebration day?. The legions of the Mid-lothians had taken much of the mead on their way to the fields of loch-end and had decreed themselves that as the custodians of the Big Cup they would make much mirth at the Hibernians at ?cup of wee celebration day?. The Mid-lothians would smite the Hibernians that day. The warrior known as ?Big Zal? from the legions of Lith-uania would conquer the Hibernians. The Hibernians were mightily smited and were taunted by the Mid-lothians ?Big Team Big Cup, wee team wee cup? a chant that was to be repeated with much mirth and vigour from the stadia. The Mid-lothians had won this small battle but it is written that they remain in the stadia of the field of loch ?end for much time before being goaded by the centurions of the L&B to leave the fields of loch-end. And the Mid-lothians did leave to take of more mead and merriment in the fields of Tynecastle. The chant ?the Mid-lothians are having a party the Hiberians are in their beds? was to be heard much on the road to Tynecastle<br style=""> <br style=""> The abdication of St John. It then came to pass that the legions lost heart in St John. He had challenged the warriors for one last time. The one known as Pee-Tree had denied St John the shekels he sought to strengthen his warriors and so he was to be ordained as tribal leader in the land of Englandshire at the field known as Full-Ham. The tribal leaders at Full-ham were wise though and sought the services of leader Hodgson and St John travelled across the seas known as North, to the land of the Bells and made up with the tribe known as Charleroi and he was never to be seen on the fields of loch-end ever again, unless within the hut known as Sky-Espn as a ?pundit of battle? where he continued to sayeth the guff for which the legions of the Hibernians had known him in the days before. Here endeth the lesson of St John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hector Riva Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Fantastic! THANK YOU Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad-Stupid Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mid Calder Jambo Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I have some ideas for the "norse years" so may have a stab at that but if anyone has an idea let me know. I'm no Jeffery Archer ( I have never been in prison) but I am happy to have a stab for comic purposes only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pivotno1 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 dougie in east calder you in mid calder must be something in the water oot there,feckin brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gorgie_rebel Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 :rofl: That has made my hangover 20 times better Excellent work Ouch!!! the keyboard keys are making too much noise.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Chat Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Good stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo1874 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Very, very funny have been giggling like a school girl and tears of laughter on my face. Helping the hangover a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mid Calder Jambo Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Thanks for your good comments guys. The "Norse Years" is in production and I will post when complete. Continuing apologies to those who are literary experts but hopefully it will get a laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redm Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 Just what you need when dealing with the after effects of much mead and merriment. Fantastic stuff. Robert of Sponge... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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