Goose Baxter Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Anyone think this is a no no???? I am desperate for one the now but in the 5 years at work I have never been able to come to terms in having to do one at work. There is something that is telling me not to do it! There is a smelly Hobo at work who: When you are taking a pee is in the next cubical and is clearly doing a gladis and is plopping away, squeaking and grunting!!! Its just wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambosim Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 i do it all the time. nothing better than getting paid to **** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Stinkfinger Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Better out than in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartsfc_fan Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 i do it all the time. nothing better than getting paid to **** Exactly I always go to the bog which is far away. Hardly anyone uses it A pooh in comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Merse Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Part of my afternoon routine at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Nothing wrong with it if you ask me. I'm not a noisy pooer but there are some people in my office that have no shame at all and make the most unbelievable noises. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamboy81 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 As long as you take the proper precautions you should be ok. The 3 stick trick for example is a neccessity is using a communal toilet pan. I'd suggest selecting a bog far away from your normal position, avoiding any "awkward" moments. Personally i like to cook it so i can let all hell loose when i get home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Baxter Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 As long as you take the proper precautions you should be ok. The 3 stick trick for example is a neccessity is using a communal toilet pan. I'd suggest selecting a bog far away from your normal position, avoiding any "awkward" moments. Personally i like to cook it so i can let all hell loose when i get home. I am like that so i can read the paper when i get in from work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jed The Jedi Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 i do it all the time. nothing better than getting paid to **** Snap, even better if its a Sunday and your getting double bat to crack the shanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
makateer Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 You canny beat a dump at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cliffundo Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 We have a toilet for disabled use only where I work, but no disabled peeps....It's a good bit away fom the office...and nobody ever uses it. I can regularly be found in there reading a copy of the metro (they have them beside the lift for peeps comming in and out). It has a nice big mirror for making sure you look good and a arm rest beside the pan, just incase you end up in there longer than expected or you need a bit of grip for the pushing. once you break your duck you will be fine. give it a bash and if it aint for you.....simply leave it in the stove till you get home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartsfc_fan Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 We have a toilet for disabled use only where I work, but no disabled peeps....It's a good bit away fom the office...and nobody ever uses it. I can regularly be found in there reading a copy of the metro (they have them beside the lift for peeps comming in and out). It has a nice big mirror for making sure you look good and a arm rest beside the pan, just incase you end up in there longer than expected or you need a bit of grip for the pushing. once you break your duck you will be fine. give a bash and if it aint for you.....simply leave it in the stove till you get home. Sounds like what I do at my work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigwull22 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 8:45 Seafield special, ye cannae beat it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomber Harris' Best Mate Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Anyone think this is a no no???? I am desperate for one the now but in the 5 years at work I have never been able to come to terms in having to do one at work. There is something that is telling me not to do it! There is a smelly Hobo at work who: When you are taking a pee is in the next cubical and is clearly doing a gladis and is plopping away, squeaking and grunting!!! Its just wrong first of all I agree second, why do you pee in a cubical third - what else do you expect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cliffundo Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Sounds like what I do at my work! Good skillz....I don't like sitting in the cubicles with some big heefer giving it laldy till their blue in the face.....just grosses me right out! I like a quiet and tranquil environment to sail my ships down U-bend harbour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 first of all I agree second, why do you pee in a cubical third - what else do you expect My work only has cubicles, his may be the same I'm guessing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
systemx Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 At least you,ve got a bog at work.Because I regularly work at remote radio masts etc a hole has to be dug/hide behind tree or wall and adopt a pose on your hunkers, remember to pull jeans forward and let go.(Always carry bog-roll in car) Years ago when I worked down the pit and loos were few and far between a mate forgot to pull his overalls fully through **** in them and pulled them on without realising. A few more good stories about dumping underground but as this is a family site.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Baxter Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 first of all I agree second, why do you pee in a cubical third - what else do you expect Cause there are no pee pots!!! Canae do it in the sink Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe.gausden Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 We have a toilet for disabled use only where I work, but no disabled peeps....It's a good bit away fom the office...and nobody ever uses it. I can regularly be found in there reading a copy of the metro (they have them beside the lift for peeps comming in and out). It has a nice big mirror for making sure you look good and a arm rest beside the pan, just incase you end up in there longer than expected or you need a bit of grip for the pushing. once you break your duck you will be fine. give it a bash and if it aint for you.....simply leave it in the stove till you get home. a **** in comfort. that sounds like heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Baxter Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 It must have just been a fart i was needing as i went for a single fish and let one rip and now i feel fine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Another thread on toilet behaviour. There's things in life that just should not be discussed with other human beings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamboy81 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 It must have just been a fart i was needing as i went for a single fish and let one rip and now i feel fine An escapee eh. I'd be careful, in similar situations i've found myself touching cloth before too long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Baxter Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 An escapee eh. I'd be careful, in similar situations i've found myself touching cloth before too long. Done that the other week in the shower thinking it was just a fart and followed through. Wasnt nice!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vlad on the tyne Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I work in a "working mans environment" so the toilets as you can imagine are to be treated as roundabouts!. Some of the "dumpers" at work have no shame. For example, I have walked into the john for a routine emptying of the bladder to be staring straight into the eye of a 4 inch long skidmark and deposits that peter andre could mistake as his stepson. Employers should be taking disciplinary action against these, these...... animals!! Myself?,I like to brew n spew. My toilet is my mecca, its my dumping zone. There aint no better feeling than after a hard day at work keeping the turtle head in its shell getting into your own toilet getting the breeks down to half mast and resting the cheeks against a clean surface and releasing the fury. sorry for the graphic nature of my posting but its a subject I hold close to my ars....heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marmeladent?rtchen Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 We have a toilet for disabled use only where I work, but no disabled peeps....It's a good bit away fom the office...and nobody ever uses it. I can regularly be found in there reading a copy of the metro (they have them beside the lift for peeps comming in and out). It has a nice big mirror for making sure you look good and a arm rest beside the pan, just incase you end up in there longer than expected or you need a bit of grip for the pushing. once you break your duck you will be fine. give it a bash and if it aint for you.....simply leave it in the stove till you get home. Sod the Metro,,,, I take the iPhone in and check JKB!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Rev Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 http://www.hmfckickback.co.uk/showthread.php?t=42204 Read that thread and you should be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portobellojambo1 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Anyone think this is a no no???? I am desperate for one the now but in the 5 years at work I have never been able to come to terms in having to do one at work. There is something that is telling me not to do it! There is a smelly Hobo at work who: When you are taking a pee is in the next cubical and is clearly doing a gladis and is plopping away, squeaking and grunting!!! Its just wrong Your place of work doesn't install sh*thouses for show, they are there for a purpose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cade Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Nipping off a length at work is what Overtime was invented for. Time-and-a-half for having a jobby. Can't beat it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victorian Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 meh. i work in a commercial premises and work alone for large parts of the day, and my guts steadfastly refuse to fall into line with the staffing patterns in place. whenever i am forced to strap myself in in preperation for sending one off to see the hibs i can absolutely guarantee that some bugger will come in the door. not the toilet door thankfully... the main door. anyway, there's something just not right about having to hurry the fellow out while some impatient auld git is shouting "hello?... is there anyone there? SHOP!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Stinkfinger Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 meh. i work in a commercial premises and work alone for large parts of the day, and my guts steadfastly refuse to fall into line with the staffing patterns in place. whenever i am forced to strap myself in in preperation for sending one off to see the hibs i can absolutely guarantee that some bugger will come in the door. not the toilet door thankfully... the main door. anyway, there's something just not right about having to hurry the fellow out while some impatient auld git is shouting "hello?... is there anyone there? SHOP!!!!" With the amount of Barry White that you talk I'm really surprised you have any left to pass in the normal way. Hee hee haw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 If you return from the water closet and the screensaver on your computer hasn't kicked in yet then consider it a wasted journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victorian Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 With the amount of Barry White that you talk I'm really surprised you have any left to pass in the normal way. Hee hee haw. you may well scoff liontadger but it's no joke. tolley time harassment is not easy to deal with. sometimes no sooner has the 'point of no return' been passed and there's someone in shouting the odds. after a hurried 'job' has been waved off to the seaside i will go and deal with the pesky panny protester and they invariably have the gall to scowl at a hard working chap like moi. even worse you get a huff and a puff when one has the audacity to go and wash one's hands. no wonder i start crying at nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr X Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants ESCAPEE Definition:- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flush you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it.No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) Definition:- When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of Dihhorea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH Definition:- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Definition:- Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition:- A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition:- A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVEN Definition:- A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Definition:- A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH Definition:- A false cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE Definition:- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON Definition:- A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET Definition:- A load of Dihhorea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE. UNCLE TED Definition:- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY Definition:- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. CRACK WHORE Definition:- A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include hair, pee stains and s**t streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN. BED OF REST Definition: The creation of a hammock from toilet paper just above the water line, thus cushioning the fall of a turd. Extremely effective in averting a possible WATERMELON incident. However, such a construction cannot be expected to cope with a HANAVA OMELET. Also, the complete lack of sound emitting from your stall may alert an UNCLE TED of suspicious activity. Discretion is required before using this technique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northfieldhearts Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 You have to. You are getting paid for it, using their paper and getting away from your desk for 20 minutes! Plus when working overtime, there is nothing better than a Double Time Dump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Capone Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I will **** in work till the cows come how, also had two ***** in there as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff Kilpatrick Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 i do it all the time. nothing better than getting paid to **** Correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dean Winchester Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Just done one the now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambo4eva Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Anyone think this is a no no???? I am desperate for one the now but in the 5 years at work I have never been able to come to terms in having to do one at work. There is something that is telling me not to do it! There is a smelly Hobo at work who: When you are taking a pee is in the next cubical and is clearly doing a gladis and is plopping away, squeaking and grunting!!! Its just wrong hell yeah!!!!!! getting paid to $?!? and saving money on cack roll - great stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattyw_1874 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 ***** break Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo83 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I took inspiration from this thread and went to chop some logs earlier. Thoroughly enjoyed it and now feel much better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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