Goose Baxter Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 As men why is it when we fart in the bed we do the old shake off the bed sheets or the dutch oven? In bed last night with the bird and let a regi blinker of a fart go and the smell was Alex Totten. Done the usual shake off the bed sheets and the bird went mental. Does every man do this or is it just a selected few? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamboy81 Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 I usually lie on my side and houk the covers up so your erse is sticking out into the open air. Slowly release in a silent nature. If any questions are asked, just pretend you are sleeping. The alternative is to get up and pretend you need a pish and release in the bog. This can arouse suspicion though. Also beware of toilets with no window. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartsfc_fan Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maroonlegions Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 The worst is when you are caught in a public place, queues, bus, ect and its one of the big build up ones that you are straining to hold in..Mind you its better out than in as Shriek once said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gershwin Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Usually blame it on the dog. Even though we don't have one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Baxter Posted May 3, 2009 Author Share Posted May 3, 2009 Once i was in a lift and it was just me and this other dude, i let a silent one off which was rank. The guy turned round and looked at me cause the smell had reached him. Looked up at him and said ' It wasnt me mate ' Then he laughed out loud. Funny times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PolitiCon06 Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Try bein on a treadmill and feeling one on its way. Holding it in is impossible. Thought I was gonna sh*t myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miller Jambo 60 Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 The worst is when you are caught in a public place, queues, bus, ect and its one of the big build up ones that you are straining to hold in..Mind you its better out than in as Shriek once said. Just let it go and blame someone else, best ones are on a bus, nice confined space. As for the bedroom the lifting of the sheets post wind is a ritual by many a bloke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Benoit Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Just let it go and blame someone else, best ones are on a bus, nice confined space.As for the bedroom the lifting of the sheets post wind is a ritual by many a bloke. Gotta agree Doug the missus should always get the benefit of a waft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverlikedElvis Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 i was standing on my own at a bus stop one morning. after a couple of minutes i let off a beauty. it was so loud i had a wee chuckle, before realising there were 3 people standing beside me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maroonlegions Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Just let it go and blame someone else, best ones are on a bus, nice confined space.As for the bedroom the lifting of the sheets post wind is a ritual by many a bloke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamb0_1874 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Try bein on a treadmill and feeling one on its way. Holding it in is impossible. Thought I was gonna sh*t myself. Aye another classic is while sitting on the marble benches in the steam room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goz Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 As men why is it when we fart in the bed we do the old shake off the bed sheets or the dutch oven? In bed last night with the bird and let a regi blinker of a fart go and the smell was Alex Totten. Done the usual shake off the bed sheets and the bird went mental. Does every man do this or is it just a selected few? Nah mate, I regularly do the same thing. I believe the sharing of a love puff is a sign of affection. Not everyone gets to smell your innards so the wife/bird should feel honored imo. If they do not share my opinion then it really is, literally a case of them sucking it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikki 74 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Nah mate, I regularly do the same thing. I believe the sharing of a love puff is a sign of affection. Not everyone gets to smell your innards so the wife/bird should feel honored imo. If they do not share my opinion then it really is, literally a case of them sucking it up. my hubby does that and it annoys the feck out of me!!! Affection my arse its minging! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neave Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Nah mate, I regularly do the same thing. I believe the sharing of a love puff is a sign of affection. Not everyone gets to smell your innards so the wife/bird should feel honored imo. If they do not share my opinion then it really is, literally a case of them sucking it up. Btw, beware of farting on Princes Street/in a town centre. Happened to be wandering slowly along the centre of Stirling with the girlfriend yesterday looking in the windows when I let off a silent but very violent one, obviously thinking the wind and us moving forward would render it unnoticed. Alas, no. As soon as it was out the burd noticed something in the window right next to us and stopped to look at it. A few seconds later she said "can you smell ****?". Awkward times! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goz Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 my hubby does that and it annoys the feck out of me!!! Affection my arse its minging! You're not fooling anyone here Nikki. You love it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikki 74 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 You're not fooling anyone here Nikki. You love it Oh yes, having a revolting smell being wafted about the bed is very attractive and is my favourite kind of foreplay....ewwww, why do you lot find it so amusing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goz Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Oh yes, having a revolting smell being wafted about the bed is very attractive and is my favourite kind of foreplay....ewwww, why do you lot find it so amusing? I knew it. I try to involve a love puff in foreplay too but unfortunately for my wife its not always possible. Farts and their pungent reek rock. Of that there is absolutely no doubt :****: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seats Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I can sit at my desk isolated, all afternoon. The split second I leak a warm one out, some bint will decide she needs to come and ask me about something Difficult to explain away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Boy Named Crow Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 A good fart shared is a wonderful thing. I did one a few weks ago that sounded like Chewbacker (sp?) off Star Wars. There was nobody around to hear it, I've seldom felt so sad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goz Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 A good fart shared is a wonderful thing. I did one a few weks ago that sounded like Chewbacker (sp?) off Star Wars. There was nobody around to hear it, I've seldom felt so sad! That's a heart wrenching story, I'm welling up. I'm sorry for your (and any potential attendees) loss mate. Keep the chin up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Baxter Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 You know its a good fart when you do it in the bath and the smell from the bubbles comes up and you smell it. Mind try no smell it under water Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S.N.T.H. Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I usually lie on my side and houk the covers up so your erse is sticking out into the open air. Slowly release in a silent nature. If any questions are asked, just pretend you are sleeping. The alternative is to get up and pretend you need a pish and release in the bog. This can arouse suspicion though. Also beware of toilets with no window. Mate, you musn't have been with your bird long enough. She HAS to get the full benefit of any fart activity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neave Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I usually lie on my side and houk the covers up so your erse is sticking out into the open air. Slowly release in a silent nature. If any questions are asked, just pretend you are sleeping. The alternative is to get up and pretend you need a pish and release in the bog. This can arouse suspicion though. Also beware of toilets with no window. My burd does that! Flushes the toilet and lets rip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I used to try and hide it but now i can't be arsed. I normally get punched now but its worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Stinkfinger Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I used to try and put a bit of force behind a good bedtime fart but had a couple of follow through moments so to save my marriage i have had to stop dumping on the wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Old Tolbooth Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 If I fart in Linda's direction, she retaliates by farting straight back at me!! It's like duelling arses sometimes!! The best ones are when your in the car and let one rip, and there's nothing she can do about it, they literally turn a funny shade of yellow, and the green as they make a mad scramble for the button for the electric window to let some air in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greedy_Jambo Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Whats all this talk of females farting back! no no no no no no! When a female starts farting back its time to get rid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Old Tolbooth Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Whats all this talk of females farting back! no no no no no no!When a female starts farting back its time to get rid! It's sheer disrespect for the superior race mate, it should be outlawed! The Saudi's have the right idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gadgey55 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 My fave is fartin whilst driving. Lean forward a wee bit, and it gets contained in the seat. 5 or 6 farts later, I get home, get out the car to open the driveway gates, then the release happens. The look on the Mrs face is a picture! Even better when I sit back down and scatter the aroma! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goz Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I really do think that sharing a fart is beautiful, romantic and down right sexy. In a funny way sharing something so wonderful also shows the lady how much you think of her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikki 74 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 If I fart in Linda's direction, she retaliates by farting straight back at me!! It's like duelling arses sometimes!! The best ones are when your in the car and let one rip, and there's nothing she can do about it, they literally turn a funny shade of yellow, and the green as they make a mad scramble for the button for the electric window to let some air in and they say romance is dead..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jambo 71 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Whats all this talk of females farting back! no no no no no no!When a female starts farting back its time to get rid! Why not????? As my granny used to say wherever you may be let yer wind go free!!!! or as john always reminds me " Better an empty hoose than a bad tenant"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoJack Horseman Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I remember a time that I used to hold them in for the bird. She's not that lucky anymore. I'm a fan of the 'stick the arse out the sheets and let go' technique. It's tried and true. Been with the girlfriend a year and have yet to hear her fart. Should I be pleased? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debut 4 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 It`s worse when you get blamed for a treacle tart someone else has done but buggered off from the scene of the crime. Like getting on the top deck of a bus with only one other person there. You instantly smell the aroma which makes you boak. Then, the assailant decides to get off the bus while others start piling on and head for the top deck. Looks of disgust slap the back of yer heed as they get the same experience you did when getting on and there`s feck all you can do about it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmfc_steve Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stupid Sexy Flanders Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Whats all this talk of females farting back! no no no no no no!When a female starts farting back its time to get rid! Correct! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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