Horatio Caine Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Another disappointing day of football. Could do with a laugh but there hasn't been any jokes on here (at least I haven't caught them). Can anyone oblige with one? Fresh out of them myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flux Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JAYEL Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Another disappointing day of football. Could do with a laugh but there hasn't been any jokes on here (at least I haven't caught them). Can anyone oblige with one? Fresh out of them myself. Glasgow couple come out the divorce court The guy turns to see her crying. Dont worry he says Your still ma sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CostaJambo Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Have you seen the drunk Russian high jumper Ivan Ukhov on youtube? That might cheer you up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boab Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 The other day a girl asked me if I preferred legs or breasts.I said I like erses and she said that wasn't an option in the KFC Mega-Bucket! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannymann1 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 The other day a girl asked me if I preferred legs or breasts.I said I like erses and she said that wasn't an option in the KFC Mega-Bucket! Ha Ha! very good!! The Finnish high jumper???....... Mats Forlanden.....!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dodethejambo Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Gary Glitter has bought 10 cases of Glenfiddich scotch whisky today. Because the salesman told him "It's a cheeky wee 12 year old that goes down well" -------------- I keep having my profile rejected on dating site Match.com, one of the questions is "what are you looking for in a woman" Apparently "My c**k" is not an acceptable answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannymann1 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Or the Norwegian Delicatessen?...........Fjords the bakers!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coppercrutch Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 It's not that bad - just think, you could be the person on this board.............. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=wuw_W0SgIkQ Amazing Video. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Caine Posted September 13, 2008 Author Share Posted September 13, 2008 Ha ha. Thanks for all the repsonses guys. Keep em coming. Had just read the thread again, and felt a bit better. Then I went through the house to find Mrs Luther playing a James Blunt CD. Back to square 1.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DuffKirkMacKenzie Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave. Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!' The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!' More sighs and loud applause. Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, if the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.' There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?' Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies: 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, '**** the Vicar'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DuffKirkMacKenzie Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 *Elderly driver *A Banbury senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of The car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 Mph,enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. * *'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the Pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he sawa Police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. * *'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as He floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he Thought,'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to Catchup with him. * *Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's Side of theBMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 Minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can Give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.' * *The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years Ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her Back.' * *'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannymann1 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 *Elderly driver *A Banbury senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of The car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 Mph,enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. * *'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the Pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he sawa Police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. * *'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as He floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he Thought,'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to Catchup with him. * *Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's Side of theBMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 Minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can Give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.' * *The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years Ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her Back.' * *'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman * Cricky......now YOU are a funny man.............!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neave Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Ha ha. Thanks for all the repsonses guys. Keep em coming. Had just read the thread again, and felt a bit better. Then I went through the house to find Mrs Luther playing a James Blunt CD. Back to square 1.! I thought I got a burd pregnant. After looking for all the world like my life was over, ridiculous odds were defied and I found out a few days ago that she isny. Well it ****ing cheered me up!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paws (FTH) Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 I thought I got a burd pregnant. After looking for all the world like my life was over, ridiculous odds were defied and I found out a few days ago that she isny. Well it ****ing cheered me up!! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boris Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Ha Ha! very good!! The Finnish high jumper???....... Mats Forlanden.....!!!! Reminds me of a Chic Murray gag.... i was at an athletics meet the other week and I saw a burly east european warming up so I asked him if he was a pole vaulter. He replied, "No, I'm Latvian, but how did you know my name was Walter?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wattie Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 I thought I got a burd pregnant. After looking for all the world like my life was over, ridiculous odds were defied and I found out a few days ago that she isny. Well it ****ing cheered me up!! Word man. Word. The same thing happened to me about 18 months ago. I was ****ing myself for weeks. The relief was immeasurable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Bateman Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Need cheering up? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iL9MDxO36w MA HA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 For some reason this made me laugh a lot. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwvVh0_ZelI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kannymann1 Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Reminds me of a Chic Murray gag.... i was at an athletics meet the other week and I saw a burly east european warming up so I asked him if he was a pole vaulter. He replied, "No, I'm Latvian, but how did you know my name was Walter?" ha ha ha! DON'T tell me there's is somebody else on here over 50 year old??!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boab Posted September 13, 2008 Share Posted September 13, 2008 Reminds me of a Chic Murray gag.... i was at an athletics meet the other week and I saw a burly east european warming up so I asked him if he was a pole vaulter. He replied, "No, I'm Latvian, but how did you know my name was Walter?" On the Chic Murray theme....."I remember when I walked into my first digs,the curtains were drawn...the rest of it was real though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horatio Caine Posted September 13, 2008 Author Share Posted September 13, 2008 For some reason this made me laugh a lot. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwvVh0_ZelI So... which one is Nakamura? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JAYEL Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-brixQ9mwg0&NR=1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daydream Believer Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 What's brown and rymes with snoop? Dr Dre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JP1874 Posted September 14, 2008 Share Posted September 14, 2008 2 men in a pub, 1 says "I've been married for 10 years and the sex has dropped to 3 or 4 times a year!!" 2nd guy says "you should count yourself lucky! If my wife didn't sleep with her mouth open i'd get eff all" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A load of blokes are at a bucking bronco contest. 1 guy manages to stay on for 15 minutes. A guy asks how come he managed to stay on so long? The guy replies "ahh that was easy my wife is eplieptic" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the differance between a Greyhound & Gary Glitter? The Greyhound waits on the hare to appear. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Last 1 before i get suspended Paddy phone for an ambulance as Mick got hit by a car. Operator asks where is the accident is? "He's outside 28 Eucalyptus Road" replies Paddy. The operator asks Paddy to spell that. The lines goes quiet for 5 minutesas then operator starts to get worried Paddy then says "it's ok i've dragged him to 3 Oak Street" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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