Funny things that your bairns do

[Craigieboy]

My wee lad is sitting beside my wife on the top deck of a packed bus.

 

Suddenly theres's a minging smell. So he grins & looks at the wife and says, "someones pumped mummy, I can smell it". Holding his arm over his nose, he laughs away to himself. Mummy kind of knows what is coming & tries to distract him whilst trying not to encourage him by laughing.

 

Then a few seconds later, he points at some poor guy across from him, & announces to the bus, "it's THAT guy. It's that brown guy".

 

The others on the bus are like -

 

The wife is like -

 

What a ****ing embarrassment eh?

 

.

[The Old Tolbooth]

Brilliant

[JKBMod 10]

as it's about your bairns, not "The Bairns" it might be better off here

[Craigieboy]

as it's about your bairns, not "The Bairns" it might be better off here

 

Thanks

[dutch_jambo]

Not my own bairn but my wee cousin when he was about 4 got into the bus and wanted to put the change into the machine for his mums ticket and some old woman asked if he wanted any help to which he kindly replied "**** off i don't need to f'n help"

[Miller Jambo 60]

Not my own bairn but my wee cousin when he was about 4 got into the bus and wanted to put the change into the machine for his mums ticket and some old woman asked if he wanted any help to which he kindly replied "**** off i don't need to f'n help"

 

Was down in North Berwick with my 2 boys camping in July.

Great day ,fish suppers , 2 strongbows and then kip.

But Lewis decided he wanted his cover which was in the boot.

Got the cover but left the keys in the boot.

Majic phoned the AA but where are you SCOTLAND DDDDD

2 hours later a polish gent from EYEMOUTH arrived who toiled for 30 mins with no joy.

Mondeo are good for not breaking in to GREAT.

Sister in law brought my wife down with the spare keys on the sat.

[Griclesfield]

i remember being at a hearts game in tynie a few years back now and lad in front of me had taken his son to tynie and the game was honking so his son turned to the father and said .... " daddy, why is that guy brown ..... " .... the dad pretty much had to bury his head in the sand ... how do you answer that ... the son kept laughing every time he touched the ball ..... brilliant.

[nikki 74]

while in the kfc on london road my son started singing about hibees finding a died rat in the street and they think its a street, which didn,t amuse the hobo sitting near us

[Doctor FinnBarr]

Kay was just asking about the cervical cancer jabs last week and when the wife explained she asked "Will it save me from HMV as well"?

 

[stevie]

At one game last season,five minutes into the game my son turned and said"dad this is rubbish can we just go back to the pub",he is only 11.

On the morning of the Gretna cup final we were waiting for the bus "dad" he says"wouldnt it be great if the game goes to penalties as i havent seen a penalty shoot out before".

[heartgarfunkel]

Fired on GTA 4 a few months back and played it for a wee bit while the wee man (3) was building his Thomas train set and playing with it contentedly. I had the sound well down due to the content of course. Hours later his mum came back in from work and asked him to come down stairs to see her - his reply was a loud 'Don't **** with me mum'. I proffered the explanation that his language was being influenced by 'cheeky Liam' at nursery.

[JennyJambo]

A year or so ago I was chatting to the Mum of one of my son's school friends (He's 8). I'd never met her before and she was quite posh (she's a leading surgeon!) so I was being extra polite. She was telling me that her son had been getting bullied from an older boy who lives near them. I was sympathising as you do when my son pipes up with "Mum she should do what you did when Kyle was hitting me" I am trying to ignore him and tell him to be quiet but he continues regardless with "mind Mum, we went to Kyle's house and you's were shouting and you said to his Mum every time your son hits my son I'll *****ing hit you and eh Kyle's not hit me since Mum?"

 

Mortified.

 

My daughter is no better. She's 11 and has just started High School. One of the first things they did was a Q&A session with their new classmates and house teacher to get to know each other. My daughter was asked what she did after school. Her reply? "Well I go straight to the pub after school" when her (slightly shocked) teacher asked her why she said "because my Mum spends all day in the pub and I need to get the house key". She failed to enlighten them that Mum is in the pub all day cause she bloody runs it! Luckily I've since met her teacher and sorted that one out so I'll not be getting a visit from social services!

[Ulysses]

"because my Mum spends all day in the pub and I need to get the house key".

 

[Mr Nobody]

Was helping out at my son's Kindy class here in Oz and the teacher asked all the kids if they noticed someone different in the class. My kid pipes up that it is his dad and he is from Scotland. Teacher then proceeds to ask the rest of the class if anyone else has parents that aren't Australian. Being Oz half the classes hands go up. Somebody had parents from Singapore and South Africa when one little girl sticks her hand up and announces that her parents are from England, teacher says her parents are from England as well. My kid listens to this stands up and shouts "Booooo, Englands rubbish"

[Tom Heaney]

My wee lad is sitting beside my wife on the top deck of a packed bus.

 

Suddenly theres's a minging smell. So he grins & looks at the wife and says, "someones pumped mummy, I can smell it". Holding his arm over his nose, he laughs away to himself. Mummy kind of knows what is coming & tries to distract him whilst trying not to encourage him by laughing.

 

Then a few seconds later, he points at some poor guy across from him, & announces to the bus, "it's THAT guy. It's that brown guy".

 

The others on the bus are like -

 

The wife is like -

 

What a ****ing embarrassment eh?

 

.

 

On that note.... When my wee boys were just starting to talk I would be watching baseball and when David Ortiz (known as Big Papi) would come up to bat I would often yell at the TV "C'mon Papi". Ortiz is pretty unmistakable, about 6ft 4 and a pretty hefty guy and is black.

 

So anyway, the weeks go buy and one of the wee guys (Logan) starts to use the words "Papi" anytime he sees him on TV or in a book etc........Now to my point, The missus is out on day pusing the stroller around a supermarket, they turn up one aisle and there is this big black dude standing so what does Logan shout ? Yup...You got it "PAPI" my wife did not know where to look or even how to try explain to the bewildered guy who though he was being tracked down for child support

[Tom Heaney]

OOPS, Just remembered a recent trip to Ikea when Logan brought a wee smile to my face and made his mother very embarrased, all of a sudden the cry was....no, Not No Surrender, but..."Oh The Hibees Are Gay" not once but about 5 or 6 times, MAGIC. Mind you I dunno where he got that one from;)