Hibs' Criminal Records

[The People's Chimp]

HIBS' CRIMINAL RECORDS

 

Now, those looking at this thread, at first glance could be forgiven this is yet another thread about auchtermuchty’s favourite spec wearing twins, but no, alas, you’ll have to simply go to Google images and insert “hibs *****” if you’re so desperately in need of a cheap laugh. Rather, this is about Hibs’ record in 3 very important competitions. Now, Hibs, in European terms, may not be the biggest club, but they’re not the smallest either. Indeed, they have a proud History, and a proud, if not a little sparse, fanbase. They are one of the big clubs in Scotland. Sadly, in terms of supporters, the clubs out with the old firm have neither the requisite bigotry, media support, SFA support or trophies to ensure a Huge fanbase enabling them to compete on, or at least turn up on, the European stage regularly. They dominate the domestic scene as well, while owing even more debt to the one sided nature of Scottish Football; decisions, decisions, decisions. Anyway, I digress; this isn’t a thread about the ugly sisters and their poisonous stranglehold on this beautiful game, but about Hibs, and some peculiar statistics. Anyone who has seen one of Mixu’s sports bras or been privy to the workings of Rod Petrie’s mind, will no doubt be aware that Hibs and Peculiar statistics go together like Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding, Real Ale and beards or St. Mirren fans and burglary convictions.

 

Anyway, the point is, that in 3 separate footballing spheres, Hibs, for all their grand plans, their –no laughing at the back – ‘flair football,’ their promising youngsters, their relative size, their solid fanbase and so on, have been truly awful. They have what can only be called, a lengthy criminal record.

 

They’ve been continually pumped out of the intertattie early doors, in a string of hilariously embarrassing results. Now, Hearts haven’t always got too far in Europe, but we’ve never been embarrassed and have put in a string of great results and almost there performances over the years. Of course, Hibs have the spurious claim to have been the first British team in Europe and to have beaten Real Madrid in a friendly. I hope you’ll join me in a collective sharp intake of breath at this moment and acknowledge such golden achievements, before moving on to the real issue, their ham-fisted and bungling attempts at UEFA cup qualification through the Intertattie competition. Who could forget, even, the Latvians of Dinaburg who they beat 8-0, only for it to emerge that the same Dinaburg players, staying in Student halls, had played a Jewel and Eskbank College select, made up of jannies, cleaners and students and been beaten by a similar margin to Hibs “glorious” result. Or, the team of legend, the Lithuanian stars of F.K. VETRA and an away defeat to absolute unknowns. I’d imagine the anti-Lithuanian jibes were a little less heartfelt around Lochend on that occasion. Yet again, this year, Hibs have crashed out of the Intertattie, in a hilariously inept performance, they were again left looking nervously at their shoes, shuffling their feet while the rest of Scotland drew in a collective breath and tried not to **** themselves laughing. Yet, like a dog coming back for a bone, and being skelped every time, they’ve never given up. Each year they get another skelping.

 

Now, the biggie, the icing on the collective cake of criminal results and cup final hilarity. Surely, for an ancient club, if you forget about their dissolution and subsequent reformation, 107 years without the Scottish Cup must be some kind of European record, for a team as important to their league, as Hibs are to the SPL.*Their fans, as delusional as one would need to be to cope with the heights of occasional mediocrity and relentless embarrassment, crow off about 7-0 to us, the hearts fans who can boast two, count ‘em, two Scottish Cup wins in recent memory. Now 7-0, more of that later, but what of the rest of the league? How do they offer a plea in mitigation to those Dundee United fans, or Aberdeen fans who must mock them regularly? They have nothing to throw back but discounted myths, exaggerations and soi disant firsts. “Oh right, says the United ST holder, Floodlights, great. But what about 107 years without the Scottish Cup?”

 

And so, moving on, to the final nail in Hibs ‘head held high’ coffin. The Edinburgh Derby. I know some statto has disproven the claim that Hibs have THE worst Derby record in World football. Fair enough, there are some even bigger losers out there, I can live with that. But that doesn’t discount the fact that they have ONE OF THE Worst Derby records in World Football. There can’t be many sides to have lost more games at home to their so-called rivals than they themselves have won. Therein lies the rub, 22 in a row, 02.04.06, Sir Wayne of Foster, John Robertson and all the glorious games which were before my time. Mark de Vries scored 4 on his debut and they think that 7-0 in some way addresses the imbalance? One flash in the pan which we all know will be avenged sooner, rather than later, and that’s it?

 

It really must hurt to be a Hibs Fan.

 

 

 

*I suppose a disclaimer is necessary here. The SPL seemed to do OK without them when they were going away down to Stranraer and getting pumped, but you know, the Edinburgh Derby is the finest occasion in Scottish Football.

[Gambo]

HIBS' CRIMINAL RECORDS

 

Now, those looking at this thread, at first glance could be forgiven this is yet another thread about auchtermuchty?s favourite spec wearing twins, but no, alas, you?ll have to simply go to Google images and insert ?hibs *****? if you?re so desperately in need of a cheap laugh. Rather, this is about Hibs? record in 3 very important competitions. Now, Hibs, in European terms, may not be the biggest club, but they?re not the smallest either. Indeed, they have a proud History, and a proud, if not a little sparse, fanbase. They are one of the big clubs in Scotland. Sadly, in terms of supporters, the clubs out with the old firm have neither the requisite bigotry, media support, SFA support or trophies to ensure a Huge fanbase enabling them to compete on, or at least turn up on, the European stage regularly. They dominate the domestic scene as well, while owing even more debt to the one sided nature of Scottish Football; decisions, decisions, decisions. Anyway, I digress; this isn?t a thread about the ugly sisters and their poisonous stranglehold on this beautiful game, but about Hibs, and some peculiar statistics. Anyone who has seen one of Mixu?s sports bras or been privy to the workings of Rod Petrie?s mind, will no doubt be aware that Hibs and Peculiar statistics go together like Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding, Real Ale and beards or St. Mirren fans and burglary convictions.

 

Anyway, the point is, that in 3 separate footballing spheres, Hibs, for all their grand plans, their ?no laughing at the back ? ?flair football,? their promising youngsters, their relative size, their solid fanbase and so on, have been truly awful. They have what can only be called, a lengthy criminal record.

 

They?ve been continually pumped out of the intertattie early doors, in a string of hilariously embarrassing results. Now, Hearts haven?t always got too far in Europe, but we?ve never been embarrassed and have put in a string of great results and almost there performances over the years. Of course, Hibs have the spurious claim to have been the first British team in Europe and to have beaten Real Madrid in a friendly. I hope you?ll join me in a collective sharp intake of breath at this moment and acknowledge such golden achievements, before moving on to the real issue, their ham-fisted and bungling attempts at UEFA cup qualification through the Intertattie competition. Who could forget, even, the Latvians of Dinaburg who they beat 8-0, only for it to emerge that the same Dinaburg players, staying in Student halls, had played a Jewel and Eskbank College select, made up of jannies, cleaners and students and been beaten by a similar margin to Hibs ?glorious? result. Or, the team of legend, the Lithuanian stars of F.K. VETRA and an away defeat to absolute unknowns. I?d imagine the anti-Lithuanian jibes were a little less heartfelt around Lochend on that occasion. Yet again, this year, Hibs have crashed out of the Intertattie, in a hilariously inept performance, they were again left looking nervously at their shoes, shuffling their feet while the rest of Scotland drew in a collective breath and tried not to **** themselves laughing. Yet, like a dog coming back for a bone, and being skelped every time, they?ve never given up. Each year they get another skelping.

 

Now, the biggie, the icing on the collective cake of criminal results and cup final hilarity. Surely, for an ancient club, if you forget about their dissolution and subsequent reformation, 107 years without the Scottish Cup must be some kind of European record, for a team as important to their league, as Hibs are to the SPL.*Their fans, as delusional as one would need to be to cope with the heights of occasional mediocrity and relentless embarrassment, crow off about 7-0 to us, the hearts fans who can boast two, count ?em, two Scottish Cup wins in recent memory. Now 7-0, more of that later, but what of the rest of the league? How do they offer a plea in mitigation to those Dundee United fans, or Aberdeen fans who must mock them regularly? They have nothing to throw back but discounted myths, exaggerations and soi disant firsts. ?Oh right, says the United ST holder, Floodlights, great. But what about 107 years without the Scottish Cup??

 

And so, moving on, to the final nail in Hibs ?head held high? coffin. The Edinburgh Derby. I know some statto has disproven the claim that Hibs have THE worst Derby record in World football. Fair enough, there are some even bigger losers out there, I can live with that. But that doesn?t discount the fact that they have ONE OF THE Worst Derby records in World Football. There can?t be many sides to have lost more games at home to their so-called rivals than they themselves have won. Therein lies the rub, 22 in a row, 02.04.06, Sir Wayne of Foster, John Robertson and all the glorious games which were before my time. Mark de Vries scored 4 on his debut and they think that 7-0 in some way addresses the imbalance? One flash in the pan which we all know will be avenged sooner, rather than later, and that?s it?

 

It really must hurt to be a Hibs Fan.

 

 

 

*I suppose a disclaimer is necessary here. The SPL seemed to do OK without them when they were going away down to Stranraer and getting pumped, but you know, the Edinburgh Derby is the finest occasion in Scottish Football.

 

 

I find nothing about their losses to be criminal. I find it hilarious. The more times these reptiles muck it up, the better for all concerned.

 

FTH

[Chris Benoit]

No revelations but an enjoyable read all the same

[Doctor FinnBarr]

[Le Chat]

Hibs have the spurious claim to have been the first British team in Europe and to have beaten Real Madrid in a friendly.

 

I'm sure that there was a thread on here a year or so ago that proved this to be no more than the usual Hobo wind and pish.

 

Apparently Dundee beat them before the vermin fluked a jammy 1-0 against their reserves.

 

I'm not 100% about it but I think it may have been Davy Allan that posted the proof.

[boabster]

What a hilariously funny read for a Friday afternoon.

 

That's put me in no end of a good mood for the weekend.

 

There'll be a thread on this over on circusclowns.net shortly feebly attempting to backtrack on all the FACTS presented above just to make them feel better about themselves again.

 

Top post !! :107years:

[this_is_my_story]

Good stuff!

Must be ****** when all you have to grasp on to is Albert Kidd & one 35-year old result. That said... the 4-1 game at Tynie 05/06 is when we really should have avenged that... 4-0 up after about 50 minutes, and the helmets down to ten men!!

[$ilvery_Moon]

[maroonlegions]

Good stuff!

Must be ****** when all you have to grasp on to is Albert Kidd & one 35-year old result. That said... the 4-1 game at Tynie 05/06 is when we really should have avenged that... 4-0 up after about 50 minutes, and the helmets down to ten men!!

 

 

 

i tell you now that if we manage to avenge that result in my life time it i will waste no time in ramming down every hobo i know , 02-04-06 and :107years: is most satisfying just now and to have that as well will make me an even happier jambo.:107years:

[this_is_my_story]

 

Haha, check the pic at 1:46 - the dejected roadrunner a solitary figure as he leaves the field... Note also the diminishing Hibs 'legions' in the background!!:107years:

[Ray Winstone]

Thats cheered me up no end.

 

I am ready for a good night out now!

[The People's Chimp]

Good stuff!

Must be ****** when all you have to grasp on to is Albert Kidd & one 35-year old result. That said... the 4-1 game at Tynie 05/06 is when we really should have avenged that... 4-0 up after about 50 minutes, and the helmets down to ten men!!

 

Ah yes, Hibs' player of the year 1986.

 

What a sad and damning indictment of their supporters.