Tuesday funny

[tedp6873]

Read out loud........

 

 

 

Subject: TENJEWBERRYMUDS

 

 

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2007.

 

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

 

Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. - Roon sirbees.'

 

 

Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'

 

 

RS: 'Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??'

 

G: 'Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs.'

 

RS: 'Ow July den?'

 

G: 'What??'

 

RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'

 

G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?

Sorry, scrambled please.'

 

RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'

 

G: 'Crisp will be fine.'

 

RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'

 

G: 'What?'

 

RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'

 

G: 'I don't think so.'

 

RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'

 

G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'

 

RS: 'Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?'

 

G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'

 

RS: 'We bodder?'

 

G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'

 

RS: 'Wad! ?'

 

G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'

 

RS: 'Copy?'

 

G: 'Excuse me?'

 

RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?'

 

G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.'

 

RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??'

 

G: 'Whatever you say.'

 

RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'

 

G : 'You're very welcome.'

 

 

NOW YOU ARE BILINGUAL. GOOD JOB.

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!

[Helzibob]

That made me laugh out loud. Got some funny looks of my colleagues though.

[chester copperpot]

Just emailed that to all the folks in the office. Was pretty good.

[tedp6873]

sorry thought this was funny so should be bumped

[JAYEL]

Lol !!

 

Yeah , quality mate.

 

Got tears running down my face.

 

Will have to copy it and send round the hotel tomorrow.

 

 

[The Old Tolbooth]

Seen it before but it's quality heh heh!!

[boy_in_maroon]

thats right of a "Benny Hill" script ;)

[I P Knightley]

I've just been sent through these "Tommy Cooperisms" - hadn't seen a few before so thought I'd share.

 

Enjoy:

 

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'

 

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

 

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?'

I said, 'No, permanent.'

 

I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'

 

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'

 

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'

 

I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'

 

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.

 

I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'

 

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.

 

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.

 

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

 

The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'

 

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'

 

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me.'

 

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'

 

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'

 

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'

 

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'

 

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'

 

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.

 

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

 

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'

I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

 

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'

 

I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'

 

A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?'

'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'

[Beverley]

i loved tommy cooper

 

he was fab!

 

 

RIP big man, must be nice to know that even after all these years, people are still laughing at your jokes

[Tams bird]

Stevie

Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is

absolutely

 

 

packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new

audience he

 

 

asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little

old Japanese man

 

 

jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at

the top of his voice

 

 

"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's

varied

 

 

career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and

then goes

 

 

into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he

finishes the

 

 

whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again

and shouts "No, no,

 

 

play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord"

 

 

 

 

 

A bit

ticked off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is,

dives

 

 

straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat

minor

 

 

chord and really tears the place

apart. The crowd goes wild with this

 

 

impromptu show of his technical

expertise. The little old man jumps up

 

 

again. "No, no. Play a Jazz

chord, play a jazz chord"

 

 

 

 

 

Well and truly outraged that this little

guy doesn't seem to appreciate his

 

 

playing ability, Stevie says to him

from the stage "OK smart ass. You get up

 

 

here and do it!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The

little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike

and

 

 

starts to sing. "A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

[I P Knightley]

Stevie

starts to sing. "A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

 

Ken Lee anyone?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RgL2MKfWTo