IronJambo Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 At the in-laws. The Mrs tells me we should get them a new toilet seat because it's falling off. I tighten it every time we're here. There's nothing wrong with it and a new seat will be exactly the same. I'm no saying my mother-in-law is fat but I think if she lost 20 stone then it would be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim_Duncan Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Just be grateful you don’t have in-laws with the most unhygienic product known to mankind: a knitted toilet seat cover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 2 minutes ago, Jim_Duncan said: Just be grateful you don’t have in-laws with the most unhygienic product known to mankind: a knitted toilet seat cover. 🤣They had a carpet in their until a couple of years ago 🤢 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 How do you get a toilet seat on a jug? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 2 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: How do you get a toilet seat on a jug? The big jug is sat on the top of the unit that houses the cistern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 minute ago, IronJambo said: The big jug is sat on the top of the unit that houses the cistern. 😂 Big jug or Davie Moyes, which one you putting in Room 101? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 8 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: 😂 Big jug or Davie Moyes, which one you putting in Room 101? I'm sure David could carry this in with him. As long as he leaves the old man's aftershave or he won't smell nice anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Findlay Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 31 minutes ago, IronJambo said: At the in-laws. The Mrs tells me we should get them a new toilet seat because it's falling off. I tighten it every time we're here. There's nothing wrong with it and a new seat will be exactly the same. I'm no saying my mother-in-law is fat but I think if she lost 20 stone then it would be fine. Be brave and tell her to lose the Twenty stones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 11 minutes ago, John Findlay said: Be brave and tell her to lose the Twenty stones. Be a waste of breath mate. She thinks she can eat a kilo of maltesers a week because ballerinas can eat them before their performance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyNic Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 8 minutes ago, IronJambo said: Be a waste of breath mate. She thinks she can eat a kilo of maltesers a week because ballerinas can eat them before their performance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Potter Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: At the in-laws. The Mrs tells me we should get them a new toilet seat because it's falling off. I tighten it every time we're here. There's nothing wrong with it and a new seat will be exactly the same. I'm no saying my mother-in-law is fat but I think if she lost 20 stone then it would be fine. Amazon for a new one, i got one where you tighten from the top and not underneath, a game changer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Brown Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 54 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: How do you get a toilet seat on a jug? 50 minutes ago, IronJambo said: The big jug is sat on the top of the unit that houses the cistern. ?? Has a post been deleted? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 4 minutes ago, Tommy Brown said: ?? Has a post been deleted? No mate, the big jug is famous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 44 minutes ago, IronJambo said: I'm sure David could carry this in with him. As long as he leaves the old man's aftershave or he won't smell nice anymore. I couldn't stand there and piss staring at that. I'd have to sit down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommy Brown Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 5 minutes ago, IronJambo said: No mate, the big jug is famous. Ah!!! Me being dumb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrysmithsgloves Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 At one of my old jobs there was a gravitational challenged secretary that always cracked the lavy seat. A total knightmare if you didn't notice the crack in the seat before doing a poop... 🤕 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Dan Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: At the in-laws. The Mrs tells me we should get them a new toilet seat because it's falling off. I tighten it every time we're here. There's nothing wrong with it and a new seat will be exactly the same. I'm no saying my mother-in-law is fat but I think if she lost 20 stone then it would be fine. Is that you Les? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Claudias’ hair and now toilet seats. BTW, Iron - it’s good to hear that your M in Law has shed a few kilos. 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 25 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: I couldn't stand there and piss staring at that. I'd have to sit down. I maybe would if a fat ******* hadn't broke it 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Dan Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IronJambo Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 20 minutes ago, Don Dan said: My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it. If we find two more the same we could put them in a ring and have a real life game of hungry hippo's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pasquale for King Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 I only use the toilet in emergencies at my father in laws, the most bizarre bowl Ive ever seen. Why are every flush and lock different wherever you go 🤔🤪🤦🏽?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Findlay Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: Be a waste of breath mate. She thinks she can eat a kilo of maltesers a week because ballerinas can eat them before their performance. She's a ballerina?😃 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: The big jug is sat on the top of the unit that houses the cistern. She has big jugs😱 Normally do when you’re the size of a small whale Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 hour ago, IronJambo said: Be a waste of breath mate. She thinks she can eat a kilo of maltesers a week because ballerinas can eat them before their performance. Wait, what? Are you telling me that the honeycomb middle that weighs so little isn't a health food? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim_Duncan Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 51 minutes ago, Morgan said: Claudias’ hair and now toilet seats. BTW, Iron - it’s good to hear that your M in Law has shed a few kilos. 👍 It’s a highbrow forum, Mr Morg. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 My mother in law is so fat her 2 arse cheeks have different time zones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
If carlsberg did rivals... Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 On the subject of toilets, what's the view on toilet brushes? The wife won't have one in the house, why would you have a stick with shit on it in the house? Being the point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 hour ago, If carlsberg did rivals... said: On the subject of toilets, what's the view on toilet brushes? The wife won't have one in the house, why would you have a stick with shit on it in the house? Being the point! Toilet brushes aren't there to wipe stubborn shite away from the pan. They're meant to be used to clean under the rim when you're cleaning the toilet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lone Striker Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 9 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: Toilet brushes aren't there to wipe stubborn shite away from the pan. They're meant to be used to clean under the rim when you're cleaning the toilet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 (edited) 3 hours ago, superjack said: My mother in law is so fat her 2 arse cheeks have different time zones. My mother in law is so fat if she cuts herself she bleeds gravy, when she fell down the stairs it sounded like the end of Eastenders. Edited February 16 by Tazio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kaiser Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 18 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: Toilet brushes aren't there to wipe stubborn shite away from the pan. They're meant to be used to clean under the rim when you're cleaning the toilet. I've always found them particularly rough but I cant fault their effectiveness at leaving me spotless....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superjack Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 8 minutes ago, Tazio said: My mother in law is so fat if she cuts herself she bleeds gravy, when she fell down the stairs it sounded like the end of Eastenders. My mother in law is so fat she has smaller mother in laws orbiting her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lone Striker Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 12 minutes ago, superjack said: My mother in law is so fat she has smaller mother in laws orbiting her! 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il Duce McTarkin Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 39 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: Toilet brushes aren't there to wipe stubborn shite away from the pan. They're meant to be used to clean under the rim when you're cleaning the toilet. I always assumed they were for breaking up those stubborn sizeable logs into flushable chunks. 🤷♂️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 19 minutes ago, il Duce McTarkin said: I always assumed they were for breaking up those stubborn sizeable logs into flushable chunks. 🤷♂️ Why waste money on a brush when you have wooden spoons in the kitchen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il Duce McTarkin Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 7 minutes ago, Tazio said: Why waste money on a brush when you have wooden spoons in the kitchen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kila Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Put one of those in for her next visit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrysmithsgloves Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 minute ago, kila said: Put one of those in for her next visit I had one last year to stop me falling off the throne 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 minute ago, henrysmithsgloves said: I had one last year to stop me falling off the throne 🤣 It's a sign of the times when you look at such a thing and think........could do a job😔 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrysmithsgloves Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Just now, Dawnrazor said: It's a sign of the times when you look at such a thing and think........could do a job😔 Cup holder and your on to a winner 👍🏻😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Just now, henrysmithsgloves said: Cup holder and your on to a winner 👍🏻😂 I honestly thought of that to😂😂 The wife bought a couple of them camping seats, the fold away ones with the cup holders in the arms for watching our son at rugby games, I was sat in one one sunny afternoon thinking, if I cut a hole in the bottom of this and had a bucket, I wouldn't have to walk the half mile back to the club house for a Tom Tit😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrysmithsgloves Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 minute ago, Dawnrazor said: I honestly thought of that to😂😂 The wife bought a couple of them camping seats, the fold away ones with the cup holders in the arms for watching our son at rugby games, I was sat in one one sunny afternoon thinking, if I cut a hole in the bottom of this and had a bucket, I wouldn't have to walk the half mile back to the club house for a Tom Tit😂 It's a winner,cut a hole in these seats👍🏻 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 1 minute ago, henrysmithsgloves said: It's a winner,cut a hole in these seats👍🏻 We'll split the profits👍😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrysmithsgloves Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrysmithsgloves Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 5 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said: We'll split the profits👍😂 I'm going to get this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFK-1 Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 9 hours ago, IronJambo said: At the in-laws. The Mrs tells me we should get them a new toilet seat because it's falling off. I tighten it every time we're here. There's nothing wrong with it and a new seat will be exactly the same. I'm no saying my mother-in-law is fat but I think if she lost 20 stone then it would be fine. Knew a guy who had that problem with his mother in law, not at her house but his own when she came to visit. I thought he was joking at the time but he convinced me he wasn't. Every time she visited he had to readjust it if she had used it. As you say, nothing but a size reduction and not in the seat will change that. Maybe there's a gap in the market for industrial strength toilet seats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawnrazor Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 6 minutes ago, henrysmithsgloves said: I'm going to get this Nah, this is what we need, we could do an "interactive camping set". We could do a more expensive set with a plastic bag to go in the bucket and some nitrile gloves for the middle classes. We could call them the "Council and Corstorphine" range. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrysmithsgloves Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 5 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said: Nah, this is what we need, we could do an "interactive camping set". We could do a more expensive set with a plastic bag to go in the bucket and some nitrile gloves for the middle classes. We could call them the "Council and Corstorphine" range. A bit glitter on the bucket,we are in the money. Could try the slogan...smarten your skitters with glitter ,hate those jocks available in tartan for serious farting👍🏻 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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