What would you do?

[Naisys Tackle]

Hi JKB.

 

Just a random asking advice.  

 

You've separated from your partner and been away a few months.  In that time your son has had a broken arm and now back in the family home you find out 100% he was thrown down the stairs from your partner/their mum.

 

The person that does this works in a nursery.  Shouts and screams at them every day and acts the opposite when in a normal environment. 

 

Do you phone the police, let authorities know?  or do you keep it quiet for the family life and make sure you can keep a close eye on the kids? 

[Jamstomorrow]

Sounds like a job for the Social Work.   Speak to them and give them the evidence you have..  They may refer it to the Child Protection Unit of the Police.   

[Ked]

You need to put family first bud.

And you need to confront her.

If she cannot see sense then put your foot down .

Take control. SHe has lost control in one situation .That doesnt mean it will happen again but let her know you know and its unacceptable.

Put your kids first all will follow from that.

 

[Ked]

Just now, Jamstomorrow said:

Sounds like a job for the Social Work.   Speak to them and give them the evidence you have..  They may refer it to the Child Protection Unit of the Police.   

Can of worms .Try to sort it himself I'd say.

[milky_26]

1 minute ago, Ked said:

Can of worms .Try to sort it himself I'd say.

disagree, if she is willing to hurt her own child (assuming that is what has happened, im not doubting you OP) then there is a chance that she would make up some lies about the OP threatening her etc to pre-emptively discredit him if/when he goes to the child protection people

[Jamstomorrow]

1 minute ago, Ked said:

Can of worms .Try to sort it himself I'd say.

True to a degree.  Once you start the ball rolling it's near impossible to stop.   However, throwing the child down the stairs, shouting and screaming every day?   Not really a good environment for a kid to grow up in.

[Malinga the Swinga]

No excuses allowed, call the police. Throwing down the stairs is assault and is step on road to worse.

If anything happened, you'd never forgive yourself.

[His name is]

If there is even a hint that a parent has thrown a child down the stairs you been to contact the police ASAP

[Ked]

18 minutes ago, milky_26 said:

disagree, if she is willing to hurt her own child (assuming that is what has happened, im not doubting you OP) then there is a chance that she would make up some lies about the OP threatening her etc to pre-emptively discredit him if/when he goes to the child protection people

The truth generally comes out.

Just think it's a tough route for the bairns to involve social work.

You make valid points though.

[Ked]

17 minutes ago, Jamstomorrow said:

True to a degree.  Once you start the ball rolling it's near impossible to stop.   However, throwing the child down the stairs, shouting and screaming every day?   Not really a good environment for a kid to grow up in.

Still the bairns mum.

And they need to be put first no doubt.

 

[Jamstomorrow]

Just now, Ked said:

Still the bairns mum.

And they need to be put first no doubt.

 

The welfare of the child is what is put first.

[Naisys Tackle]

Police phoned.

 

It's going to cause a lot of problems but having listened to it back makes sick to my stomach.

 

It's not a one off either.  She's a bullying manipulative lassie all my kids are scared of.  

 

I wanted to keep it to use if I was denied access but I just can't any longer.    She's now saying I'm the abusive one etc so I've literally no choice to report it.  

 

All of this while working in a nursery.   She should be an actress. 

[sadj]

2 minutes ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Police phoned.

 

It's going to cause a lot of problems but having listened to it back makes sick to my stomach.

 

It's not a one off either.  She's a bullying manipulative lassie all my kids are scared of.  

 

I wanted to keep it to use if I was denied access but I just can't any longer.    She's now saying I'm the abusive one etc so I've literally no choice to report it.  

 

All of this while working in a nursery.   She should be an actress. 

Id say you have done the right thing. The kids have to come first but you are in a no win situation from a personal point of view. 

[Naisys Tackle]

40 minutes ago, Ked said:

Can of worms .Try to sort it himself I'd say.

 

I completely see where you're coming from.  Reporting it is the hardest thing I've done as I know it's relationship and family over.  When I found out I tried to blank it but I can't anymore.

 

What happens if my 3 year old trips and falls and breaks her neck?  All the children are frightened of her.  She then goes and acts the opposite in a nursery.

 

I can't have it on my conscience and it's all I think about when I'm not there.   Kids over parner.  

[Naisys Tackle]

Just now, sadj said:

Id say you have done the right thing. The kids have to come first but you are in a no win situation from a personal point of view. 

 

Nah I'm goosed mate.  Once she finds out I know and reported it I'm not seeing the kids for weeks, months.  

[sadj]

2 minutes ago, Robbies Tackle said:

 

Nah I'm goosed mate.  Once she finds out I know and reported it I'm not seeing the kids for weeks, months.  

If shes been behaving like that its entirely possible she wont be seeing them. Don’t stress yourself. Make sure you know your rights and make sure you put the kids first. Long term that will be worth it even if theres a short term pain. 

[been here before]

8 minutes ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Police phoned.

 

It's going to cause a lot of problems but having listened to it back makes sick to my stomach.

 

It's not a one off either.  She's a bullying manipulative lassie all my kids are scared of.  

 

I wanted to keep it to use if I was denied access but I just can't any longer.    She's now saying I'm the abusive one etc so I've literally no choice to report it.  

 

All of this while working in a nursery.   She should be an actress. 

 

Best thing to do as theyll involve the SW if it involves the welfare of a minor.

 

You've got to put the laddie first. Best to be wrong about it all and look an utter dick than worry about rocking the boat, do nothing and it gets worse and you were right all along.

 

I always look on these sort of situations from the point of view of having to explain myself if something goes wrong and Im not sure I could live with 'well I didnt want to upset things...'.

 

👍

[Ked]

19 minutes ago, Robbies Tackle said:

 

I completely see where you're coming from.  Reporting it is the hardest thing I've done as I know it's relationship and family over.  When I found out I tried to blank it but I can't anymore.

 

What happens if my 3 year old trips and falls and breaks her neck?  All the children are frightened of her.  She then goes and acts the opposite in a nursery.

 

I can't have it on my conscience and it's all I think about when I'm not there.   Kids over parner.  

Sorry mate.

I thought you were back in the home.

Tough times mate and if you are not there then you have done the right thing.

I based my reply on you being there and sorting it out.

 

[Dagger Is Back]

29 minutes ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Police phoned.

 

It's going to cause a lot of problems but having listened to it back makes sick to my stomach.

 

It's not a one off either.  She's a bullying manipulative lassie all my kids are scared of.  

 

I wanted to keep it to use if I was denied access but I just can't any longer.    She's now saying I'm the abusive one etc so I've literally no choice to report it.  

 

All of this while working in a nursery.   She should be an actress. 

 

You've done the right thing by putting it in front of the appropriate authorities.  

[Ked]

33 minutes ago, BarneyBattles said:

Completely disagree. This needs to be flagged up to social work / police. 
 

Too many kids have been harmed because people don’t want to ‘open a can of worms’. 

 

Folk need to think of what’s best for the kids here, not being worried about upsetting adults they know.  
 

 

Honestly thought he was back and I would have stuck to my original view.

People make mistakes as parents and my thoughts were about the bairns guilt .

 

But aye you are spot on.

Can of worms quite seems a bit crass now.

 

I suppose I'm a bit old fashioned in the sense that families break up so easily it seems.

 

Anyway RT keep being a good Dad.

It does pay off .

[JudyJudyJudy]

If a child has been harmed the right thing to do is contact the police or social work.

 

They will investigate it . They will “ joint interview “ him . This will be a social worker and a police person. It well be videoed too as evidence if it goes to court . 
 

The police will then decide if she will be charged . If she is then social work will have to make a risk assessment about his safety. Will he be able to stay with her or not . If she is charged she will also be suspended from her job as she is charged with an offence against a child . 
 

You said you are worried about seeing your kid as she might stop it ? Well if your name is on his birth certificate you have equal parental rights . 

[jack D and coke]

Bloody hell I honestly think I’d have her by the throat. Hurting a kid is lower than almost anything else on this planet along with defenceless animals. 
She deserves a doing. His own mum ffs. 

[JudyJudyJudy]

30 minutes ago, been here before said:

 

Best thing to do as theyll involve the SW if it involves the welfare of a minor.

 

You've got to put the laddie first. Best to be wrong about it all and look an utter dick than worry about rocking the boat, do nothing and it gets worse and you were right all along.

 

I always look on these sort of situations from the point of view of having to explain myself if something goes wrong and Im not sure I could live with 'well I didnt want to upset things...'.

 

👍

So true the amount of child deaths which could have been prevented if Joe public had called the police or social work are a lot . Even if wrong then better that than the alternative 

[JudyJudyJudy]

4 minutes ago, jack D and coke said:

Bloody hell I honestly think I’d have her by the throat. Hurting a kid is lower than almost anything else on this planet along with defenceless animals. 
She deserves a doing. His own mum ffs. 

Well despite what the general public perceive children are at most risk in the family home statistically. 

[jack D and coke]

1 minute ago, JamesM48 said:

Well despite what the general public perceive children are at most risk in the family home statistically. 

That’s shocking. Imagine hitting or hurting your kid? 
What a piece of human excrement you have to be. 

[luckyBatistuta]

She does need reported, but I hope this doesn’t lead to her turning the lad against his own dad because he reported his mum. She sounds like the type that would. It doesn’t sound like she should be anywhere near the job she does either. If she can hurt her own kids in the heat of the moment, then she could quite as easily do it to someone else’s kid when she loses it. I hope this all works out for you pal and doesn’t have too much impact on your lad going forward🤞

[Sharpie]

As long ago as when I was in the Edinburgh Police there was a Young Childrens Act, I think from the 1930's, if even the people of that era thought children deserved protection I would imagine its more so now. The situation explained requires not attention but urgent immediate attention. The initial report may go to the police but unless Scotland has gone completely Neanderthal, I would expect Social workers and their Department to get involved. There may be an uncomfortable period where the child or children is removed from the potential harm, but the ensuing treatment and advice given to the problem parent will hopefully have them understand their responsibilities of parenthood, and equally advise of the strong measures that can be introduced in failure to comply with advice and training given. For me and I have seen some of these cases the priority should always be the safety and well being of the child. The person failing to seek same is just as responsible as the alleged offender.

[Governor Tarkin]

8 hours ago, jack D and coke said:

That’s shocking. Imagine hitting or hurting your kid? 
What a piece of human excrement you have to be. 

 

It breaks my heart having to raise my voice to them, ffs.

If anyone, mother included, pushed my kids down the stairs, it would be the absolute end of them.

I'm sure most feel the same.

 

Th OP has done the right thing, 100%.

Edited September 6, 2021 by Governor Tarkin

[JimmyCant]

This IS a ‘can of worms’ but it’s one that needs to be opened. Obviously the immediate safety of the child concerned is the highest priority. But you also start an unstoppable train where you may have to think about what’s best for the children’s future. Can the OP take full custody or shared custody ? Shared custody is always a doable option but how would it work in a practical sense and how would it effect the kids day to day. Is this a violent and dangerous mum out of control on a daily basis or has she just lost it once ? Does she need help ? Is she getting help ? Is the parental relationship so poisonous that the kids are being used as bargaining chips here. The kids almost always lose when parents split up. It’s rarely amicable and sometimes tragic.

 

Done the right thing reporting this but you’ll need to be prepared to cooperate negotiate and compromise so that the kids get the best possible outcome and above all so that they are safe every day.

[Jamstomorrow]

12 hours ago, Sharpie said:

As long ago as when I was in the Edinburgh Police there was a Young Childrens Act, I think from the 1930's, if even the people of that era thought children deserved protection I would imagine its more so now. The situation explained requires not attention but urgent immediate attention. The initial report may go to the police but unless Scotland has gone completely Neanderthal, I would expect Social workers and their Department to get involved. There may be an uncomfortable period where the child or children is removed from the potential harm, but the ensuing treatment and advice given to the problem parent will hopefully have them understand their responsibilities of parenthood, and equally advise of the strong measures that can be introduced in failure to comply with advice and training given. For me and I have seen some of these cases the priority should always be the safety and well being of the child. The person failing to seek same is just as responsible as the alleged offender.

Correct Bob.  Section 12, C+YP Act 1937.

 

Basically it created an offence for any person aged 16 and over who has custody, charge or care of a child or young person under 16 and wilfully assault, ill treat, neglect, expose or abandon said child or young person or allow such to be caused.

[John Findlay]

19 hours ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Hi JKB.

 

Just a random asking advice.  

 

You've separated from your partner and been away a few months.  In that time your son has had a broken arm and now back in the family home you find out 100% he was thrown down the stairs from your partner/their mum.

 

The person that does this works in a nursery.  Shouts and screams at them every day and acts the opposite when in a normal environment. 

 

Do you phone the police, let authorities know?  or do you keep it quiet for the family life and make sure you can keep a close eye on the kids? 

You report it. Here is why. If you were the perpetrator in this case your partner(ex) would be reporting you without a second thought and going to court to stop you from going anywhere near the children.

[hughesie27]

You'll probably be feeling a plethora of emotions right now OP but you have done the right thing.

 

Some advice for you having regularly train in Child Protection in a previous job. Assuming you have spoken about this with your child then make sure you note down the exact words your child has used and in what context. Leave out all opinion from your part. Do it today and date/sign it. 

[John Findlay]

19 hours ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Police phoned.

 

It's going to cause a lot of problems but having listened to it back makes sick to my stomach.

 

It's not a one off either.  She's a bullying manipulative lassie all my kids are scared of.  

 

I wanted to keep it to use if I was denied access but I just can't any longer.    She's now saying I'm the abusive one etc so I've literally no choice to report it.  

 

All of this while working in a nursery.   She should be an actress. 

Do not feel any guilt. You have done the correct thing here.

[Der Kaiser]

20 hours ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Police phoned.

 

It's going to cause a lot of problems but having listened to it back makes sick to my stomach.

 

It's not a one off either.  She's a bullying manipulative lassie all my kids are scared of.  

 

I wanted to keep it to use if I was denied access but I just can't any longer.    She's now saying I'm the abusive one etc so I've literally no choice to report it.  

 

All of this while working in a nursery.   She should be an actress. 

 

100% the right thing to do.

 

It will probably get very upsetting and stressful in the coming days but children cannot protect themselves. They are one of our most vulnerable groups of people, if not THE most vulnerable, and rely solely on the ones around them to keep them safe. Your ex has failed to do that so she deserves everything coming to her.

 

Doesn't matter what has happened between you and your ex, the kids are the priority from day one. The fact the injury was deliberate makes it even more reprehensible. 

 

Hope everything works out well for you and your kids.

[JudyJudyJudy]

1 hour ago, hughesie27 said:

You'll probably be feeling a plethora of emotions right now OP but you have done the right thing.

 

Some advice for you having regularly train in Child Protection in a previous job. Assuming you have spoken about this with your child then make sure you note down the exact words your child has used and in what context. Leave out all opinion from your part. Do it today and date/sign it. 

The only evidence used will be the evidence which the child gives . Not second hand / hearsay evidence . Yes his statement can be given to social work but that’s about it . Unfortunately there are times parents who are in conflict with each , make false allegations against each other therefore a neutral interview is required . 

[JudyJudyJudy]

1 hour ago, Jamstomorrow said:

Correct Bob.  Section 12, C+YP Act 1937.

 

Basically it created an offence for any person aged 16 and over who has custody, charge or care of a child or young person under 16 and wilfully assault, ill treat, neglect, expose or abandon said child or young person or allow such to be caused.

Yes part of the act is still used today although much has been overridden by new legislation 

[JudyJudyJudy]

4 minutes ago, Der Kaiser said:

 

100% the right thing to do.

 

It will probably get very upsetting and stressful in the coming days but children cannot protect themselves. They are one of our most vulnerable groups of people, if not THE most vulnerable, and rely solely on the ones around them to keep them safe. Your ex has failed to do that so she deserves everything coming to her.

 

Doesn't matter what has happened between you and your ex, the kids are the priority from day one. The fact the injury was deliberate makes it even more reprehensible. 

 

Hope everything works out well for you and your kids.

Good post 

[hughesie27]

32 minutes ago, JamesM48 said:

The only evidence used will be the evidence which the child gives . Not second hand / hearsay evidence . Yes his statement can be given to social work but that’s about it . Unfortunately there are times parents who are in conflict with each , make false allegations against each other therefore a neutral interview is required . 

You are wrong. But okay.

[JudyJudyJudy]

3 minutes ago, hughesie27 said:

You are wrong. But okay.

Ok I do have Some qualifications in this area you know since you earlier mentioned you had something too . 

[hughesie27]

1 minute ago, JamesM48 said:

Ok I do have Some qualifications in this area you know since you earlier mentioned you had something too . 

Congratulations.

[JudyJudyJudy]

18 minutes ago, hughesie27 said:

Congratulations.

What an intelligent response. I corrected you about something and this is how you react ? Dearie me . 

[hughesie27]

34 minutes ago, JamesM48 said:

What an intelligent response. I corrected you about something and this is how you react ? Dearie me . 

It is intelligent. I'm not engaging with someone who is A. Wrong and B. Not going to change their mind. Waste of time.

[JudyJudyJudy]

2 minutes ago, hughesie27 said:

It is intelligent. I'm not engaging with someone who is A. Wrong and B. Not going to change their mind. Waste of time.

Im Not wrong . Children can say all they want to a parent or indeed an adult but they have to be formally   
“ joint interviewed” by a police officer and social worker , if they have alledged abuse of any sort . Only after that then decisions are made in “ the best interests of the child “. Check any council in Scotland “ Child protection” procedures and protocols. 

[hughesie27]

6 minutes ago, JamesM48 said:

Im Not wrong . Children can say all they want to a parent or indeed an adult but they have to be formally   
“ joint interviewed” by a police officer and social worker , if they have alledged abuse of any sort . Only after that then decisions are made in “ the best interests of the child “. Check any council in Scotland “ Child protection” procedures and protocols. 

None of that contradicts any of my advice. Thanks for playing.

Edited September 6, 2021 by hughesie27

[Savage Vince]

23 hours ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Hi JKB.

 

Just a random asking advice.  

 

You've separated from your partner and been away a few months.  In that time your son has had a broken arm and now back in the family home you find out 100% he was thrown down the stairs from your partner/their mum.

 

The person that does this works in a nursery.  Shouts and screams at them every day and acts the opposite when in a normal environment. 

 

Do you phone the police, let authorities know?  or do you keep it quiet for the family life and make sure you can keep a close eye on the kids? 

 

You contact Social Care Direct or the police. 

 

My advice is the former unless you think that he is in immediate danger. 

[Brighton Jambo]

23 hours ago, Robbies Tackle said:

Police phoned.

 

It's going to cause a lot of problems but having listened to it back makes sick to my stomach.

 

It's not a one off either.  She's a bullying manipulative lassie all my kids are scared of.  

 

I wanted to keep it to use if I was denied access but I just can't any longer.    She's now saying I'm the abusive one etc so I've literally no choice to report it.  

 

All of this while working in a nursery.   She should be an actress. 

You have done the right thing.  If anything else had happened and one of the kids had been hurt again you would have blamed yourself for not acting on what you knew.  
 

I am sorry to hear this as it sounds like a horrendous situation but hopefully now is the first step to it improving.  

[Locky]

You've done the right thing mate. If that's what she's capable of, then **** her.

[Jamstomorrow]

11 hours ago, hughesie27 said:

It is intelligent. I'm not engaging with someone who is A. Wrong and B. Not going to change their mind. Waste of time.

Out of curiosity, in what way is he wrong?

[hughesie27]

2 hours ago, Jamstomorrow said:

Out of curiosity, in what way is he wrong?

The child's testimony is not going to be the only relevant evidence.

[Jamstomorrow]

6 minutes ago, hughesie27 said:

The child's testimony is not going to be the only relevant evidence.

True.  I would imagine the investigators would speak to neighbours, school staff, medics as well as the child itself.  However, if these other agencies not notice anything pointing to abuse,  would it be down to the child's testimony against his mothers description of events?