Bizarre Injuries

[martoon]

The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. 

 

How did I do it, you may wonder? 

 

Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? 

 

Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? 

 

Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no!

 

I was brushing my teeth. 

 

Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. 

 

Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. 

 

Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury?

 

 

 

 

[gjcc]

1 hour ago, martoon said:

The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. 

 

How did I do it, you may wonder? 

 

Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? 

 

Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? 

 

Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no!

 

I was brushing my teeth. 

 

Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. 

 

Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. 

 

Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury?

 

 

 

 

The other half had the same injury last year. Walking to work and a tiny bit grit blew in her eye. You’d have though she was dying though. 

[martoon]

14 minutes ago, gjcc said:

The other half had the same injury last year. Walking to work and a tiny bit grit blew in her eye. You’d have though she was dying though. 

 

Full recovery? 

[gjcc]

23 minutes ago, martoon said:

 

Full recovery? 

Yes, but you’d think she was blind in one eye when driving. 

[AlimOzturk]

Apparently I had a fight with a traffic cone one night and ended up breaking my metatarsal bone. I say apparently because I was so hammered I cant remember said encounter but my mates all happily ripped the pish out of me for it  

[ƒιѕнρℓαρѕ]

I got a shoulder subluxation (dislocation that gets stuck half way out) from a morning stretch, shoulder's still a mess 3 years later.

[Irufushi]

2 hours ago, martoon said:

The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. 

 

How did I do it, you may wonder? 

 

Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? 

 

Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? 

 

Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no!

 

I was brushing my teeth. 

 

Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. 

 

Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. 

 

Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury?

 

 

 

 

 

a very impressive way the injure yourself  

[Morgan]

3 hours ago, martoon said:

The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. 

 

How did I do it, you may wonder? 

 

Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? 

 

Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? 

 

Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no!

 

I was brushing my teeth. 

 

Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. 

 

Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. 

 

Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury?

 

 

 

 

Mine (a few years ago) involved a bag of Lindt chocolates, a bike and the automatic barrier that is supposed (  )

to keep people out of the port area, unless they have a boat berthed there.

 

Resulted in a bashed head and nose, and a very red face.

 

[milky_26]

4 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Mine (a few years ago) involved a bag of Lindt chocolates, a bike and the automatic barrier that is supposed (  )

to keep people out of the port area, unless they have a boat berthed there.

 

Resulted in a bashed head and nose, and a very red face.

 

we need more details of what actually happened

[The Internet]

Broke my toe attempting a rabona.

[All roads lead to Gorgie]

Elbow injury after trying to put jeans on in the bathroom after a shower. Didn't dry my feet properly and one of them got stuck in the leg, started hopping around and then slipped on the wet floor. Fell right on the elbow, ouch!

[Morgan]

1 minute ago, All roads lead to Gorgie said:

Elbow injury after trying to put jeans on in the bathroom after a shower. Didn't dry my feet properly and one of them got stuck in the leg, started hopping around and then slipped on the wet floor. Fell right on the elbow, ouch!

 

[All roads lead to Gorgie]

1 minute ago, Morgan said:

 

You may laugh but try lifting a glass with a dodgy elbow ☹️

[The Gorgie]

Torn my sternum trying to exercise, was off work for 6 weeks. Also hurt my chest while on the driving range. 

[Morgan]

7 minutes ago, All roads lead to Gorgie said:

You may laugh but try lifting a glass with a dodgy elbow ☹️

Sorry!   

 

That indeed, is no laughing matter.  

 

[Morgan]

4 minutes ago, Mr 3 Putt said:

Torn my sternum trying to exercise, was off work for 6 weeks. Also hurt my chest while on the driving range. 

 

FFS, now that sounds sore!

[The Gorgie]

21 minutes ago, Morgan said:

 

FFS, now that sounds sore!

Yeah it was pretty sore, accidentally turning over in bed during the night was met with loud screams ha

[martoon]

1 hour ago, Irufushi said:

 

a very impressive way the injure yourself  

 

Gave the optician a laugh, too. 

 

I reckon he's deep into his 50's and suspected he'd have heard it before. 

 

Nope.

 

He'd heard many bizarre eye injuries in his time but, he said, I'm the winner. 🙋😁

[martoon]

1 hour ago, Morgan said:

Mine (a few years ago) involved a bag of Lindt chocolates, a bike and the automatic barrier that is supposed (  )

to keep people out of the port area, unless they have a boat berthed there.

 

Resulted in a bashed head and nose, and a very red face.

 

 

Was the chocolate ok? 

 

First thing I'd be asked when I got home. 😉

[All roads lead to Gorgie]

36 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Sorry!   

 

That indeed, is no laughing matter.  

 

The drink did kind of dull the pain so it equalised out so to speak 😀

[martoon]

16 minutes ago, Mr 3 Putt said:

Yeah it was pretty sore, accidentally turning over in bed during the night was met with loud screams ha

 

Worst thing about breaking/cracking ribs. Getting to sleep isn't easy, staying asleep is even more difficult. 

 

Like Morgan, a bike accident was my downfall. Instinctively threw up an arm to protect my head on the way down and the kerb did the damage to my left side. 

 

Woke up about 10-20 times a night in agony for about a fortnight. 

Edited February 14, 2020 by martoon

[superjack]

We have a couple of bar stools at our breakfast bar. I’ve fallen of them pissed umpteen times with no injuries. This 1 time however, after coming on from work about half 5 in the morning, taxi driving so I was stone cold sober, I sat on 1 to read the paper before going to bed. Must have dozed off while leaning to my right reading the sports pages. Woke up in mid air in a superman flying type position. Ended up breaking my shoulder. Worst thing about it? Total lack of sympathy from wife. Managed to sleep in bed for an hour, got up just after the wife about half 7, my right arm hanging almost a foot lower than the left. I was promptly told to take some paracetamol and go back to bed, there is nothing broken, stop being a f@nny.

Edited February 14, 2020 by superjack

[gjcc]

12 minutes ago, superjack said:

We have a couple of bar stools at our breakfast bar. I’ve fallen of them pissed umpteen times with no injuries. This 1 time however, after coming on from work about half 5 in the morning, taxi driving so I was stone cold sober, I sat on 1 to read the paper before going to bed. Must have dozed off while leaning to my right reading the sports pages. Woke up in mid air in a superman flying type position. Ended up breaking my shoulder. Worst thing about it? Total lack of sympathy from wife. Managed to sleep in bed for an hour, got up just after the wife about half 7, my right arm hanging almost a foot lower than the left. I was promptly told to take some paracetamol and go back to bed, there is nothing broken, stop being a f@nny.

hence the username?

[Morgan]

31 minutes ago, martoon said:

 

Was the chocolate ok? 

 

First thing I'd be asked when I got home. 😉

She was behind me on her bike when it happened, so she knew most of the Lindt was fine (except the chocolate I was eating at the time of the incident).  The automatic barrier was however, not fine  .

 

The port guard took my name and address and said we’d probably have to pay for the damage.

 

This may well have happened if I had given him the correct name and address.

[IronJambo]

Broke my big toe. Was running down the stairs in my socks and my toe caught the edge of a step. I managed to stand on my left toe with my left foot whilst in full flight. Was a sair yin and the joint on it hasn't worked since.

[Morgan]

47 minutes ago, Mr 3 Putt said:

Yeah it was pretty sore, accidentally turning over in bed during the night was met with loud screams ha

That would have given the neighbours something to talk about!

[martoon]

6 minutes ago, Morgan said:

She was behind me on her bike when it happened, so she knew most of the Lindt was fine (except the chocolate I was eating at the time of the incident).  The automatic barrier was however, not fine  .

 

The port guard took my name and address and said we’d probably have to pay for the damage.

 

This may well have happened if I had given him the correct name and address.

 

😂

 

The irony of having had Columbo then Ray Sawyer as my avatar is not lost on me, btw. 

 

On safer ground with Oscar Madison, I reckon. 

 

 

[Fitzroy Pointon]

Still got a scar on my arm from running out the shower to answer the phone, slipping on the floor right into the table causing a pint glass of water to fall on me and smash. What a state I was in. Lying on the floor in the scud, covered in glass and blood. 

 

I wouldn't have bothered answering it but I was expecting a phone call from my girlfriend of the time who was in Italy. Turned out it was my dad asking if I fancied a pint. 

[Sooperstar]

Ripped my banjo string during a one night stand.

 

Had hemorrhaging at the back of my eye last year. Football right to the eye are fives. Felt like something was wrong with my vision a few days later. Optician was sceptical that there was any damage when I went to get it checked out. Proved him wrong! Ended up at the eye hospital and they discovered some weird eye condition which means I could go blind. I forget the name of it. No treatment but I think the risks are fairly low.

 

Banjo string definitely the worst of the two.

[Cruyff]

Imaced my bits once and burnt my c0ck. 

 

Had to stick Sudacrem on it. Brutal. 

[gjcc]

19 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

Imaced my bits once and burnt my c0ck. 

 

Had to stick Sudacrem on it. Brutal. 

Had to read that twice to get what you meant.  

 

[Cruyff]

1 minute ago, gjcc said:

Had to read that twice to get what you meant.  

 

that would have been funnier. 

This stuff, it's called veet now I think. 

 

[gjcc]

Just now, Cruyff said:

that would have been funnier. 

 

This stuff, it's called veet now I think. 

 

 

I did get it eventually. I remember a funny eBay/Amazon review for using said product in a similar fashion. 

[superjack]

1 hour ago, gjcc said:

hence the username?

Hmmmmm, could be?

[Helzibob]

I broke 3 fingers playing soft ball. They made me field with no mitt and I caught the ball strangely. Turns out a soft ball is anything but chuffing soft. 

[The Gorgie]

3 hours ago, Morgan said:

That would have given the neighbours something to talk about!

Yeah no doubt haha

[Fourcandles]

Ruptured my sphincter to the point of bleeding once when forcing a fart out it in the shower.

 

blood everywhere..........!!

 

.

 

 

[Lovecraft]

50 minutes ago, Fourcandles said:

Ruptured my sphincter to the point of bleeding once when forcing a fart out it in the shower.

 

blood everywhere..........!!

 

.

 

 

 

Something coming out?

[Lovecraft]

Jumped off a 2 foot wall when I was pissed, then walked about 2 miles in the snow to Tescos to get pizza, then walked back home.

 

Woke up in agony.    Long story short - I broke my ankle.

 

A 2 foot wall.

 

The pizza was shite.

 

 

[John Gentleman]

This year, 3 minutes in. Fireworks and rammies go off in local civic park. Every dug in neighbourhood joins in. Big noise. Lean on desk to shut windae. Desk collapses. Ribcage on the way down meets (now liberated) sidepanel of desk falling inwards. Two broken ribs. Very painful.

 

Feeling much better now, thanks. 👍

[John Gentleman]

6 minutes ago, John Gentleman said:

This year, 3 minutes in. Fireworks and rammies go off in local civic park. Every dug in neighbourhood joins in. Big noise. Lean on desk to shut windae. Desk collapses. Ribcage on the way down meets (now liberated) sidepanel of desk falling inwards. Two broken ribs. Very painful.

 

Feeling much better now, thanks. 👍

No sooner had I clicked 'Submit Reply' then two chainsaws start up in property opposite me. Arborists chopping down massive tree. Big noise. Crawl under brand new desk and shut windae'.

👍👍

[John Gentleman]

1 hour ago, Fourcandles said:

Ruptured my sphincter to the point of bleeding once when forcing a fart out it in the shower.

 

blood everywhere..........!!

Did something similar. I was sat by my desk here at home (what is it with desks and me?). Felt a fulsome fart coming on. Instead of 'lifting a leg' I let it go whilst my ersecheeks were still firmly planted on the chair. Then I felt a bit damp, then suddenly very wet. I thought, "FFS, I've just gone and shit myself". Except it wasn't merde, it was blood; lots of it. Took about an hour and two rolls of paper towels to stem the flow. Then hours of clean-up afterwards.

Turned out it was an anal fissure, about 6mm long. Unreal the amount of blood a wee tear like that can leak though.

The moral of the story is....

Let wind go free where 'ere you be, but lift your bloody leg first!

[martoon]

There's a saying that if all humanity took their problems (accidents/injuries) to one place, each would be content to return home with their own. 

 

Quite relieved to be sitting here (at work on the nightshift) with my scratched cornea and toothbrush tale of woe. 

 

Cheers all.

 

See you in A&E someday. 😂

 

 

Edited February 15, 2020 by martoon

[John Gentleman]

47 minutes ago, martoon said:

There's a saying that if all humanity took their problems (accidents/injuries) to one place, each would be content to return home with their own. 

 

Quite relieved to be sitting here (at work on the nightshift) with my scratched cornea and toothbrush tale of woe. 

 

Cheers all.

 

See you in A&E someday. 😂

 

 

Aye, right enough....

The Bricklayers Song

[luckyBatistuta]

13 hours ago, martoon said:

The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. 

 

How did I do it, you may wonder? 

 

Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? 

 

Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? 

 

Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no!

 

I was brushing my teeth. 

 

Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. 

 

Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. 

 

Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury?

 

 

 

 

Not an eye injury, but very close, snapped the old foreskin. 

[Vlad Magic]

Sliced my finger open attempting to remove the plastic packaging on a pallet of tiles. Using a double edged lock knife with one side o blade straight edged and the other serrated.

 

Forgot to click the locking mechanism and the blade jumped back on me putting a lovely slice in my for finger right hand.

 

Gets better.

 

Ran it under the tap whilst a friend assessed the damage. I’m white and tunnel visioned at this point about to faint because I can’t handle blood.

 

Next thing my dad walks in.

“Cut my finger”

 

Oblivious to my injury he picked up the knife I was using. Did the exact same thing as I did and cut same finger in the exact same place.

 

Both of us walked in to AnE to get stitched up with same bandaged fingers.

 

Was embarrassing to explain to the nurses.

 

Like father like son as they say 😂

[jack D and coke]

11 hours ago, Fourcandles said:

Ruptured my sphincter to the point of bleeding once when forcing a fart out it in the shower.

 

blood everywhere..........!!

 

.

 

 

What?!! 
 

[Boof]

7 hours ago, luckyBatistuta said:

Not an eye injury, but very close, snapped the old foreskin. 

 

Brushing your teeth???  

[Ray Gin]

51 minutes ago, jack D and coke said:

What?!! 
 

 

One suspects that sphincter must have sustained damage prior to the fart attempt. 

🤔

[martoon]

8 hours ago, luckyBatistuta said:

Not an eye injury, but very close, snapped the old foreskin. 

 

37 minutes ago, Boof said:

 

Brushing your teeth???  

 

😅😂