martoon Posted February 14 The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. How did I do it, you may wonder? Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no! I was brushing my teeth. Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjcc Posted February 14 1 hour ago, martoon said: The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. How did I do it, you may wonder? Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no! I was brushing my teeth. Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury? The other half had the same injury last year. Walking to work and a tiny bit grit blew in her eye. You’d have though she was dying though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
martoon Posted February 14 14 minutes ago, gjcc said: The other half had the same injury last year. Walking to work and a tiny bit grit blew in her eye. You’d have though she was dying though. Full recovery? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjcc Posted February 14 23 minutes ago, martoon said: Full recovery? Yes, but you’d think she was blind in one eye when driving. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AlimOzturk Posted February 14 Apparently I had a fight with a traffic cone one night and ended up breaking my metatarsal bone. I say apparently because I was so hammered I cant remember said encounter but my mates all happily ripped the pish out of me for it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Smithee Posted February 14 I got a shoulder subluxation (dislocation that gets stuck half way out) from a morning stretch, shoulder's still a mess 3 years later. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Irufushi Posted February 14 2 hours ago, martoon said: The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. How did I do it, you may wonder? Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no! I was brushing my teeth. Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury? a very impressive way the injure yourself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Morgan Posted February 14 3 hours ago, martoon said: The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. How did I do it, you may wonder? Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no! I was brushing my teeth. Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury? Mine (a few years ago) involved a bag of Lindt chocolates, a bike and the automatic barrier that is supposed ( ) to keep people out of the port area, unless they have a boat berthed there. Resulted in a bashed head and nose, and a very red face. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
milky_26 Posted February 14 4 minutes ago, Morgan said: Mine (a few years ago) involved a bag of Lindt chocolates, a bike and the automatic barrier that is supposed ( ) to keep people out of the port area, unless they have a boat berthed there. Resulted in a bashed head and nose, and a very red face. we need more details of what actually happened Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mauricio Pinilla Posted February 14 Broke my toe attempting a rabona. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted February 14 Elbow injury after trying to put jeans on in the bathroom after a shower. Didn't dry my feet properly and one of them got stuck in the leg, started hopping around and then slipped on the wet floor. Fell right on the elbow, ouch! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Morgan Posted February 14 1 minute ago, All roads lead to Gorgie said: Elbow injury after trying to put jeans on in the bathroom after a shower. Didn't dry my feet properly and one of them got stuck in the leg, started hopping around and then slipped on the wet floor. Fell right on the elbow, ouch! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted February 14 1 minute ago, Morgan said: You may laugh but try lifting a glass with a dodgy elbow ☹️ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr 3 Putt Posted February 14 Torn my sternum trying to exercise, was off work for 6 weeks. Also hurt my chest while on the driving range. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Morgan Posted February 14 7 minutes ago, All roads lead to Gorgie said: You may laugh but try lifting a glass with a dodgy elbow ☹️ Sorry! That indeed, is no laughing matter. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Morgan Posted February 14 4 minutes ago, Mr 3 Putt said: Torn my sternum trying to exercise, was off work for 6 weeks. Also hurt my chest while on the driving range. FFS, now that sounds sore! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr 3 Putt Posted February 14 21 minutes ago, Morgan said: FFS, now that sounds sore! Yeah it was pretty sore, accidentally turning over in bed during the night was met with loud screams ha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
martoon Posted February 14 1 hour ago, Irufushi said: a very impressive way the injure yourself Gave the optician a laugh, too. I reckon he's deep into his 50's and suspected he'd have heard it before. Nope. He'd heard many bizarre eye injuries in his time but, he said, I'm the winner. 🙋😁 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
martoon Posted February 14 1 hour ago, Morgan said: Mine (a few years ago) involved a bag of Lindt chocolates, a bike and the automatic barrier that is supposed ( ) to keep people out of the port area, unless they have a boat berthed there. Resulted in a bashed head and nose, and a very red face. Was the chocolate ok? First thing I'd be asked when I got home. 😉 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted February 14 36 minutes ago, Morgan said: Sorry! That indeed, is no laughing matter. The drink did kind of dull the pain so it equalised out so to speak 😀 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
martoon Posted February 14 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Mr 3 Putt said: Yeah it was pretty sore, accidentally turning over in bed during the night was met with loud screams ha Worst thing about breaking/cracking ribs. Getting to sleep isn't easy, staying asleep is even more difficult. Like Morgan, a bike accident was my downfall. Instinctively threw up an arm to protect my head on the way down and the kerb did the damage to my left side. Woke up about 10-20 times a night in agony for about a fortnight. Edited February 14 by martoon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
superjack Posted February 14 (edited) We have a couple of bar stools at our breakfast bar. I’ve fallen of them pissed umpteen times with no injuries. This 1 time however, after coming on from work about half 5 in the morning, taxi driving so I was stone cold sober, I sat on 1 to read the paper before going to bed. Must have dozed off while leaning to my right reading the sports pages. Woke up in mid air in a superman flying type position. Ended up breaking my shoulder. Worst thing about it? Total lack of sympathy from wife. Managed to sleep in bed for an hour, got up just after the wife about half 7, my right arm hanging almost a foot lower than the left. I was promptly told to take some paracetamol and go back to bed, there is nothing broken, stop being a [email protected] Edited February 14 by superjack Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjcc Posted February 14 12 minutes ago, superjack said: We have a couple of bar stools at our breakfast bar. I’ve fallen of them pissed umpteen times with no injuries. This 1 time however, after coming on from work about half 5 in the morning, taxi driving so I was stone cold sober, I sat on 1 to read the paper before going to bed. Must have dozed off while leaning to my right reading the sports pages. Woke up in mid air in a superman flying type position. Ended up breaking my shoulder. Worst thing about it? Total lack of sympathy from wife. Managed to sleep in bed for an hour, got up just after the wife about half 7, my right arm hanging almost a foot lower than the left. I was promptly told to take some paracetamol and go back to bed, there is nothing broken, stop being a [email protected] hence the username? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Morgan Posted February 14 31 minutes ago, martoon said: Was the chocolate ok? First thing I'd be asked when I got home. 😉 She was behind me on her bike when it happened, so she knew most of the Lindt was fine (except the chocolate I was eating at the time of the incident). The automatic barrier was however, not fine . The port guard took my name and address and said we’d probably have to pay for the damage. This may well have happened if I had given him the correct name and address. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IronJambo Posted February 14 Broke my big toe. Was running down the stairs in my socks and my toe caught the edge of a step. I managed to stand on my left toe with my left foot whilst in full flight. Was a sair yin and the joint on it hasn't worked since. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Morgan Posted February 14 47 minutes ago, Mr 3 Putt said: Yeah it was pretty sore, accidentally turning over in bed during the night was met with loud screams ha That would have given the neighbours something to talk about! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
martoon Posted February 14 6 minutes ago, Morgan said: She was behind me on her bike when it happened, so she knew most of the Lindt was fine (except the chocolate I was eating at the time of the incident). The automatic barrier was however, not fine . The port guard took my name and address and said we’d probably have to pay for the damage. This may well have happened if I had given him the correct name and address. 😂 The irony of having had Columbo then Ray Sawyer as my avatar is not lost on me, btw. On safer ground with Oscar Madison, I reckon. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salad Fingers Posted February 14 Still got a scar on my arm from running out the shower to answer the phone, slipping on the floor right into the table causing a pint glass of water to fall on me and smash. What a state I was in. Lying on the floor in the scud, covered in glass and blood. I wouldn't have bothered answering it but I was expecting a phone call from my girlfriend of the time who was in Italy. Turned out it was my dad asking if I fancied a pint. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sooperstar Posted February 14 Ripped my banjo string during a one night stand. Had hemorrhaging at the back of my eye last year. Football right to the eye are fives. Felt like something was wrong with my vision a few days later. Optician was sceptical that there was any damage when I went to get it checked out. Proved him wrong! Ended up at the eye hospital and they discovered some weird eye condition which means I could go blind. I forget the name of it. No treatment but I think the risks are fairly low. Banjo string definitely the worst of the two. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cruyff Posted February 14 Imaced my bits once and burnt my c0ck. Had to stick Sudacrem on it. Brutal. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjcc Posted February 14 19 minutes ago, Cruyff said: Imaced my bits once and burnt my c0ck. Had to stick Sudacrem on it. Brutal. Had to read that twice to get what you meant. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cruyff Posted February 14 1 minute ago, gjcc said: Had to read that twice to get what you meant. that would have been funnier. This stuff, it's called veet now I think. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjcc Posted February 14 Just now, Cruyff said: that would have been funnier. This stuff, it's called veet now I think. I did get it eventually. I remember a funny eBay/Amazon review for using said product in a similar fashion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
superjack Posted February 14 1 hour ago, gjcc said: hence the username? Hmmmmm, could be? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Helzibob Posted February 14 I broke 3 fingers playing soft ball. They made me field with no mitt and I caught the ball strangely. Turns out a soft ball is anything but chuffing soft. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr 3 Putt Posted February 14 3 hours ago, Morgan said: That would have given the neighbours something to talk about! Yeah no doubt haha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fourcandles Posted February 14 Ruptured my sphincter to the point of bleeding once when forcing a fart out it in the shower. blood everywhere..........!! . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lovecraft Posted February 15 50 minutes ago, Fourcandles said: Ruptured my sphincter to the point of bleeding once when forcing a fart out it in the shower. blood everywhere..........!! . Something coming out? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lovecraft Posted February 15 Jumped off a 2 foot wall when I was pissed, then walked about 2 miles in the snow to Tescos to get pizza, then walked back home. Woke up in agony. Long story short - I broke my ankle. A 2 foot wall. The pizza was shite. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
John Gentleman Posted February 15 This year, 3 minutes in. Fireworks and rammies go off in local civic park. Every dug in neighbourhood joins in. Big noise. Lean on desk to shut windae. Desk collapses. Ribcage on the way down meets (now liberated) sidepanel of desk falling inwards. Two broken ribs. Very painful. Feeling much better now, thanks. 👍 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
John Gentleman Posted February 15 6 minutes ago, John Gentleman said: This year, 3 minutes in. Fireworks and rammies go off in local civic park. Every dug in neighbourhood joins in. Big noise. Lean on desk to shut windae. Desk collapses. Ribcage on the way down meets (now liberated) sidepanel of desk falling inwards. Two broken ribs. Very painful. Feeling much better now, thanks. 👍 No sooner had I clicked 'Submit Reply' then two chainsaws start up in property opposite me. Arborists chopping down massive tree. Big noise. Crawl under brand new desk and shut windae'. 👍👍 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
John Gentleman Posted February 15 1 hour ago, Fourcandles said: Ruptured my sphincter to the point of bleeding once when forcing a fart out it in the shower. blood everywhere..........!! Did something similar. I was sat by my desk here at home (what is it with desks and me?). Felt a fulsome fart coming on. Instead of 'lifting a leg' I let it go whilst my ersecheeks were still firmly planted on the chair. Then I felt a bit damp, then suddenly very wet. I thought, "FFS, I've just gone and shit myself". Except it wasn't merde, it was blood; lots of it. Took about an hour and two rolls of paper towels to stem the flow. Then hours of clean-up afterwards. Turned out it was an anal fissure, about 6mm long. Unreal the amount of blood a wee tear like that can leak though. The moral of the story is.... Let wind go free where 'ere you be, but lift your bloody leg first! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
martoon Posted February 15 (edited) There's a saying that if all humanity took their problems (accidents/injuries) to one place, each would be content to return home with their own. Quite relieved to be sitting here (at work on the nightshift) with my scratched cornea and toothbrush tale of woe. Cheers all. See you in A&E someday. 😂 Edited February 15 by martoon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
John Gentleman Posted February 15 47 minutes ago, martoon said: There's a saying that if all humanity took their problems (accidents/injuries) to one place, each would be content to return home with their own. Quite relieved to be sitting here (at work on the nightshift) with my scratched cornea and toothbrush tale of woe. Cheers all. See you in A&E someday. 😂 Aye, right enough.... The Bricklayers Song Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
luckyBatistuta Posted February 15 13 hours ago, martoon said: The cornea of my right eye was scratched on Monday night. How did I do it, you may wonder? Bravely fighting off a gang of muggers whilst heroically taking a punch or two? Saving the life of a distressed cat and getting clawed for my trouble? Boxing down the gym (as if), attacked by the wife, assaulted by Hibby...no! I was brushing my teeth. Vigorous upward brushing of the lower back teeth, from the gum up, as instructed, then suddenly the brush shot up, grazed my upper lip, then eyelash and wallop...my eyeball. Been to the optician and referred to the EP. Middle and long distance sight is back to normal but close up, ie reading, still out of focus. Anyone else done this or suffered any other bizarre accident or injury? Not an eye injury, but very close, snapped the old foreskin. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vlad Magic Posted February 15 Sliced my finger open attempting to remove the plastic packaging on a pallet of tiles. Using a double edged lock knife with one side o blade straight edged and the other serrated. Forgot to click the locking mechanism and the blade jumped back on me putting a lovely slice in my for finger right hand. Gets better. Ran it under the tap whilst a friend assessed the damage. I’m white and tunnel visioned at this point about to faint because I can’t handle blood. Next thing my dad walks in. “Cut my finger” Oblivious to my injury he picked up the knife I was using. Did the exact same thing as I did and cut same finger in the exact same place. Both of us walked in to AnE to get stitched up with same bandaged fingers. Was embarrassing to explain to the nurses. Like father like son as they say 😂 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jack D and coke Posted February 15 11 hours ago, Fourcandles said: Ruptured my sphincter to the point of bleeding once when forcing a fart out it in the shower. blood everywhere..........!! . What?!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boof Posted February 15 7 hours ago, luckyBatistuta said: Not an eye injury, but very close, snapped the old foreskin. Brushing your teeth??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ray Gin Posted February 15 51 minutes ago, jack D and coke said: What?!! One suspects that sphincter must have sustained damage prior to the fart attempt. 🤔 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
martoon Posted February 15 8 hours ago, luckyBatistuta said: Not an eye injury, but very close, snapped the old foreskin. 37 minutes ago, Boof said: Brushing your teeth??? 😅😂 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
