WSTR Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Got out of the shower last night, went through to my room and sat on the bed, naked, as I do after every shower. Only this was no normal post-shower naked seat. I had unfortunately for me placed my freshly cleaned bottom onto the very sharp bottom of a dead wasp which had somehow ended up on my bed (I'm assuming it fell through the spotlight that is directly above my bed which is also home to a family of the *******s). Anyway, I yelped in the manliest way possible and swiped the wasp to the floor. I proceeded to destroy it with my shoe to make sure it was dead. All that remains now is it's stinger, proudly displayed on my carpet. Wasps are dicks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter_hmfc Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 You mad :'> ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WSTR Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 If it wasn't dead when it thought it was a good idea to plunge it's sting into my arse, then it's dead now. I won. It's over. It's not like it was sore or anything... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter_hmfc Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 If it wasn't dead when it thought it was a good idea to plunge it's sting into my arse, then it's dead now. I won. It's over. It's not like it was sore or anything... Sounds like a kamikaze wasp job to me, you must have killed its mate and now it wanted revenge. In other words, you deserved it . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auld Reekin' Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 "O death, where is thy sting?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WSTR Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 Sounds like a kamikaze wasp job to me, you must have killed its mate and now it wanted revenge. In other words,you deserved it . No human deserves that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WSTR Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 "O death, where is thy sting?"In my bloody ring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Was playing golf with a few mates at my club one day and my mate hit his drive into a small wooded area. I went in looking for it and shouted to him that I'd found it. It was inside the trunk of one of the trees, but I wasn't sticking my hand in to get it as it looked minging. I tried to poke it out instead with my club only to find out it was a fekin wasps nest. I was instantly stung in the arm and then the eye and ran screaming into the middle of the fairway. I then fell down on the ground, rolling around screaming like a girl with them all over me. My mate had to pull them all out of me as they were all still attached to my arms and inside my top, all over my body. So, yes...WASPS ARE DICKS!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter_hmfc Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 No human deserves that. Took one for the team, fair play to you for that. Here's a picture of a jam sponge for you for absolutely no reason whatsoever. EDIT: Couldn't be arsed finding one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I hope it got you right up the gary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter_hmfc Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I hope it got you right up the gary. Certainly sounds like it hit a nerve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Currahee! Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 At the Belgian GP a few years ago there were millions of them. All my mates got stung on the 1st 2 days, much to my amusement. As did loads of fans around us. Then they attacked me on race day. I got stung twice on each side of the neck. Karma for my laughing I suppose. I also watched one fly down and land on my shoulder and it just started stinging away. It couldn't get through and left a wee pool of sting. It died moments later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussieh Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The Skinhead of the insect family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Currahee! Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 You sound like a wasp magnet. I think I will stand somewhere else on Saturday as these beasts scare the sh1t out if me. There were hundreds who got stung that weekend. They even mentioned it during the race on TV. I'm not going on Saturday as I'm away to a wedding so you're safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kmeister Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I can only concur that wasps are indeed dicks. Couple of years ago whilst getting dressed I put on sock and immediately got a searing pain on my big toe. Bstrd wasp had obviously flown into my sock whilst it was hanging up to dry and taken refuge despite the sock being paired. I **** hate wasps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victorian Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I've seen wasps in my loft during a hard winter. They should be dead or hibernating. Dicks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Stinkfinger Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I've seen wasps in my loft during a hard winter. They should be dead or hibernating. Dicks. Loft wasps are deadly, they have acclimatized themselves to the dark and when they eventually escape and go hunting, you sat dribbling in your chair will become the perfect prey. You've no got long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlimOzturk Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Got stung on friday. Was ****ing sore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Tucker Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Wasps have stung me pretty much every year since I was 3. I'll always remember the 1st sting. Running up my grandmum's stairs as a happy wee 3-year-old, not a care in the world when BAM. Stung on the leg. The little shit had crawled up my jammy bottoms and started going to town. I screamed like **** to the extent I couldn't tell my mum what was wrong, so it proceeded to sting another few times before it was found. I then watched my dad kill it. It gave me a taste for wasps blood. This was to begin a war that continues to this day. Every time I see one I have to kill it, any time they see me they have to sting me. But I won't stop. I won't be intimidated by these angry wee dicks, hellbent on ruining my life. I will be victorious. Also, hornets can GTF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo-Jimbo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Wasps are indeed dicks. When I was 11, I stumbled upon a bing, the wasps weren't to happy about this, well it was carnage. The only way I got away was by running into a wood, anyway by the time I got home my mum and dad thought I had been drinking but I had also swelled up like the Michelin Man. After a few days in hospital I was well on the mend, turned out I had over 30+ stings from the little twats but had also must have had a bad reaction probably due to the amount of venom in me. I have never been stung since. Bumble Bee's, I have no problem with and will even let them get relatively close. Honey Bee's, I'm a bit more wary off. Wasps just don't get close to me now as I just take of in the opposite direction like a bat out of hell much to the amusement of the wife, she's also the one who has to deal with any which come into the house. I don't mind admitting I'm petrified of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Stinkfinger Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo-Jimbo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 GET TO **** What type of mutant is that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Stinkfinger Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 GET TO **** What type of mutant is that? That is a Loft Wasp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo-Jimbo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 That is a Loft Wasp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Les Izemore Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 As a kid I riled up a bees hive in my garden by poking it with a golf club. One of the *******s managed to sting me in my eye and got its sting stuck in my tear gland. There was nothing manly about my screaming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Wasps? Pfffttt...try falling into a fecking hornet's nest at the age of five. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boof Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Was playing golf with a few mates at my club one day and my mate hit his drive into a small wooded area. I went in looking for it and shouted to him that I'd found it. It was inside the trunk of one of the trees, but I wasn't sticking my hand in to get it as it looked minging. I tried to poke it out instead with my club only to find out it was a fekin wasps nest. I was instantly stung in the arm and then the eye and ran screaming into the middle of the fairway. I then fell down on the ground, rolling around screaming like a girl with them all over me. My mate had to pull them all out of me as they were all still attached to my arms and inside my top, all over my body. So, yes...WASPS ARE DICKS!!! Errrmmm - have you ever considered a change of username? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyscott82 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 A wasp stung the wee man on the cheek a few weeks ago in the garden. I picked up one of his wee plastic spades and took great delight in smashing the evil little ******* out the air and watching it explode! Just wish I had had some fire to kill it with instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OTT Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 One flew into my can of coke a few years back and stung my lip, ended up walking about looking like ***** pete burns for 3 days... Brutal And yes wasps are dicks (making a point of killing any I see as pay back) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Le Clos Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Never been stung The other day one flew into may kitchen through the open half of the French doors. Despite it being a good 4 feet into the kitchen, I connected with a Zidane-at-Hampden-esque volley which sent it straight back out the open door. Genuinely never been so in my life. Excitedly asked my Mrs if she'd seen it. She hadn't. Couldn't find the ######, she didn't believe me True story. Edit: To confirm, I couldn't find the wasp, not my wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Only been stung the once. Me and my mates had just left the old UCI cinema at Kinaird Park and were running for the bus home when one of the little ******* stung me on the arm These are the ***** that wouldn't get invited if the other insects had a party but would gate crash it anyway and start causing shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Tucker Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I recall reading something earlier in the summer about a giant hornet that is in England. Dangerous *******s as well. Heading north apparently.......... Hopefully it only gets as far as Currahee's part of the world. Coming to the UK you say? See ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyBatistuta Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Errrmmm - have you ever considered a change of username? Beginning to think I should, that's about 3 or 4 times someone on here has said that to me now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester copperpot Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Wasps are horrible *******s and I was traumatised as a kid due to one. John Mitchell loves posting horrid ****ing photos of them on my Facebook page Evil ***** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 An ex of mine managed to get stung when we were having a nice summers day picnic. Through an unfortunate combination of short loose shorts and going commando she managed to get stung right on the, er, lower ladies lip. Christ she didn't half go on about it though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo-Jimbo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I recall reading something earlier in the summer about a giant hornet that is in England. Dangerous *******s as well. Heading north apparently.......... Hopefully it only gets as far as Currahee's part of the world. Feck that, means I'm in the firing line as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fitzroy Pointon Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Do they actually serve a purpose? Like bees for example. Seems to me they are just annoying wee dicks. I hate killing things, I even feel bad killing spiders these days even though I hate them but wasps I take great delight in smashing with a shoe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo-Jimbo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Wasps are horrible *******s and I was traumatised as a kid due to one. John Mitchell loves posting horrid ******* photos of them on my Facebook page Evil ***** Same here mate, absolutely petrified of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iantjambo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 An ex of mine managed to get stung when we were having a nice summers day picnic. Through an unfortunate combination of short loose shorts and going commando she managed to get stung right on the, er, lower ladies lip. Christ she didn't half go on about it though. yeah I'm sure she was the only one pissed off about it right enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All roads lead to Gorgie Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I have been stung a few times but the worst was why I managed to put my foot into an old rabbit burrow which unfortunately contained a wasp nest and you can guess the rest. Multiple stings on arms, legs and head, a very painful experience and an ongoing hatred of these little *****! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norm Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I've been stung once. Never caught the ******* so I make a point of killing any of the wee ****ers I meet in the vain hope it's the one that got me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homme Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I think i posted this on the 'What have you achived in Life' thread but i will add my tuppence worth here too... I once killed a wasp by throwing an M&M at it full force from about 2 or three metres away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auld Reekin' Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The missus was stung by a wasp( so she thought) while on holiday last week, when we were out on our scooter. Heard her cry out, so naturally I stopped the bike, and she asked me to look. On closer inspection, it appeared she'd been impaled by a small javelin. I plucked it out and chucked it away. She hates wasps. She'd have had a fit if I'd told her it was a hornet that stung her instead. Only just resisted the impulse to post the Kenneth Williams smiley in response to the first part of the quote highlighted above. The second part would suggest it was a bee wot done 'er, as only bees leave their stings in the victim (and then they die, if that's any consolation to her...), whereas wasps don't and carry on with their nasty, sting-ey, little lives.. And, yep, wasps are nasty wee feckers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auld Reekin' Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 An ex of mine managed to get stung when we were having a nice summers day picnic. Through an unfortunate combination of short loose shorts and going commando she managed to get stung right on the, er, lower ladies lip. Christ she didn't half go on about it though. This post is useless without... etc., etc.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 This post is useless without... etc., etc.... The pictures are in my head. But suffice to say you know when someone gets stung on their lip and it puffs right up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussieh Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Wood wasps are fecking enormous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norm Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 The pictures are in my head. But suffice to say you know when someone gets stung on their lip and it puffs right up? If that was my missus, I'm still not sure I'd be able to tell the difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WSTR Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 I feel a little better that so many of you have a fear of wasps. I always thought it was a girly fear to have. I too am absolutely petrified of them. I remember once being on holiday in Aberfeldy when I was 11 or 12 and getting back to the car to discover a wasp had flown in. I refused to get into the car and walked the 3 miles back to the lodge, alone Even to this day, if I'm at work and a wasp flies into the kitchen I'll stop service immediately, vacate the kitchen and find the nearest waiter/dishwasher to kill it. Only once it is dead will customers get food Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlimOzturk Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I once seen a video of a gigantic wasp fighting a transala. Guess who won..... Wasps are evil ****ers. Tbey serve no purpose but to sting. Bees on the other hand we could not live without Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Sausage Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Got stung by one of the little dicks when it crawled into my pocket and stung my leg. I instinctively stuck my hand into my pocket and got stung again. Slapped it and stunned it, walked the 100 yards back to my flat and emptied it out of my pocket onto the floor. It was still crawling around so I put it under a glass and went back to the shop thinking of how best to kill it. As I came back in with my game plan to douse the wee prick in deodorant and set him on fire, I was genuinely gutted to see it had died in the glass. Maybe one of the Shan thread... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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