Work Nicknames

[Der Kaiser]

The thread about swots got me thinking about my days working in an office. The only thing I really missed about working in an office was I worked with some cool folk and we'd spend a considerable amount of time mucking about or inventing office games. We even went through a period of coming up with office challenges whereby we'd take it in turns to come with silly challenges to do at work to pass the time....my most memorable being the "double shot espresso from the coffee machine every half hour" challenge.....no-one made it past lunch. My heart made more of a humming sound than a beat if I recall.

 

Anyhoo.....the other thing I remember was office nicknames we gave to folk we work with. I remember my old man telling me when he was a copper they had a

 

Snowman......"It's no my job" being his response to any work requests.

and

The Olympic Torch......An inspector who never went out.

 

The ones I remember from my work were...

 

Maury......Lassie would never shut the **** up.

BAFTA.....Big Arse ******* Terrible Attitude

Plissken.....You simply could not trust this lass. Utter snake who'd rat you in for anything behind your back.

 

I quite liked mine.....War Rocket.......after a long running Flash Gordon joke I was embodied with this.

 

Anyone got any particularly ingenious ones at their work or was it just my pathetic old office that had this crud?

[The Mighty Thor]

we used to have a boy nicknamed Thrombosis - slow moving thick clot but my favourite was 'two shits' didn't matter what you'd done this **** had done it better, you went on holiday to Tenerife he'd been to elevenerife.

[The Brow]

Had a boy we called 'Tiger' as no matter what you were talking about, or to whom, he would always chip in.

 

Im glad I no longer work in offices. They're shite.

[2NaFish]

more of a stock gag in this vein rather than an actual one but always liked one for a lazy bigger who was related to the boss and was therefore untouchable

 

Broken Arrow - Doesn't work and you can't fire him.

[Currahee!]

There's a guy in the pub gets called Harpic.

 

He drives everyone around the bend.

[gadgey55]

we used to have a boy nicknamed Thrombosis - slow moving thick clot but my favourite was 'two shits' didn't matter what you'd done this **** had done it better, you went on holiday to Tenerife he'd been to elevenerife.

 

:rofl:

 

There is one of them in every workplace!

[desmondo]

A man fae out work Mr G Cross is NOW known as Double Cross

 

Harmless colleague at work known as daft Alister as he's a bit slow

 

A young lad known as the ;heed

 

Won gets called downs;

,

Plenty but tamless

[2NaFish]

A man fae out work Mr G Cross is NOW known as Double Cross

 

Harmless colleague at work known as daft Alister as he's a bit slow

 

A young lad known as the ;heed

 

Won gets called downs;

,

Plenty but tamless

 

Downs? that's like something some sort of spazzy **** would come up with.

 

(what your lack of tam has to do with anything is beyond me)

[Ray Gin]

So we're all agreed - work patter is universally abysmal.

[superjack]

we used to have a boy nicknamed Thrombosis - slow moving thick clot but my favourite was 'two shits' didn't matter what you'd done this **** had done it better, you went on holiday to Tenerife he'd been to elevenerife.

had one of these gobshites working with me before. Anywhere someone had been, he had been.

One day my mate made up a name of a fictitious place and guess what? He had been there too

[IronJambo]

There's a competence manager at work called 'Whiffy'. Everyone calls him this to his face. When he started with the company 15 or so years ago it was decided that it was a pain in the arse that he had the same name as someone else. Someone had been to school with another dude of the same name who was a bit smelly and so Whiffy was born.

[Daniel Bryan]

There was a guy in my old work who was a bit of a d**k and he had really dry skin

 

 

We called him Crusty cum face

[Der Kaiser]

had one of these gobshites working with me before. Anywhere someone had been, he had been.

One day my mate made up a name of a fictitious place and guess what? He had been there too

 

At my old work we had a guy known as "Burgers". He had abysmal BO which someone once remarked smelled like cooking burgers that were off hence the strange nickname. He was also the office gobshite. From his story about meeting Jonah Lomu who interveened for him when a guy was bothering his girlfriend in the Three Sisters to his "fake" housebreaking at his flat in which he cancelled police involvement as he "traced the guy using his own contacts and sorted it himself if you know what I mean" to....his best ever story.....about chasing a pickpocket outside the Dome and getting his wallet back. He told this story a mere 2 hours AFTER I had told folk about having my wallet pickpocketed in Tenerife and getting it back after chasing the two guys who did it. As i stood in complete disbelief as someone recited my own story back to me I had to say "That's pretty similar to what happened to me in Tenerife" to which his response was "Aye...it's quite common".

[The Doctor]

Worked with a guy who was fond of a tall tale who got nicknamed Simba, cos he was the lying king.

[indianajones]

There was a guy in my old work who was a bit of a d**k and he had really dry skin

 

 

We called him Crusty cum face

 

[Chris Benoit]

One of my old apprentices was called scud book, asked his journeyman why and he said "because every time I look at him I want to have a w@nk"

 

Poor wee shite

 

 

I got called shag because I wasn't good looking enough to be shagger.

 

[dougal]

We've a guy at work who's called LOMBARD (Loads of Money but a Right Dick). Never has a nickname been more apt.

[Tazio]

more of a stock gag in this vein rather than an actual one but always liked one for a lazy bigger who was related to the boss and was therefore untouchable

 

Broken Arrow - Doesn't work and you can't fire him.

 

I worked with a similar one except we called him Rusty Musket, but not to his face as he'd grass you up for anything.

 

When I worked for LRT there was a bloke called Shagger that I hadn't met, I expected some sort of sex symbol, he turned out to be about 5ft nothing, fat and greasy, totally repulsive. Turned out he was called Shagger as any time a woman walked past he's say "I'd shag 'er"

[dav1e]

Guy who worked in a mill in Penicuik lost 5 toes when the metal shutter door came down on his foot. His workmates re named him '18 inches' .

[Brian Whittaker's Tache]

Used to work with a guy called "Timebomb"

 

Quiet as a mouse all the time at work but a few bevvies on a Friday night and he went off and would fight the world

 

My apprentice is called Dildo Baggins

[Locky]

Mine was Hightower, Potter or Skinny Fat B**tard.

 

Best nickname I've ever heard was in my last job. We used to call one of the other labourers B.O. Baracus.

[graygo]

Guy who worked in a mill in Penicuik lost 5 toes when the metal shutter door came down on his foot. His workmates re named him '18 inches' .

 

Going to have to explain that one for me?

 

Edit: Got it, lost half a foot of 2 feet.

[GlasgoJambo]

Not work but there was a kid at my school who was known as Wavy. The development of his nickname was thus; his parents were Saudi and his name was Mustafa. He developed proper facial hair about age 12 and had a full on whispy moustache and burns which led to him being called Mustafa Shave. From shave it went to Razor and then on to Wilkinson as in Wilkinson Sword. That became Wilkie which then became David Wilkie which then just became David and then Davy. And as Vic Reeves Big Night Out was popular viewing at the time that became Wavy Davy - and then onto just Wavy.

Good lad and not seen him in years but hope his nickname is now something else even more away from the original.

[He Who Cannot Be Named]

I got called Semi for a wee while after i answered the door to my mates with a semi.

[Angry Haggis]

Used to work with 'Wild Man of Borneo'..basically as he used to lose the rag for no reason and start banging his keyboard about. Tosser.

 

Also 'Monkey Boy' - on the account of being onstage in the Damn with a stripper nun inserting a banana. Good times.

[Angry Haggis]

Used to work with a guy called "Timebomb"

 

Quiet as a mouse all the time at work but a few bevvies on a Friday night and he went off and would fight the world

 

My apprentice is called Dildo Baggins

 

'Dildo Baggins' - classic.

 

[I.T.K]

I worked with a similar one except we called him Rusty Musket, but not to his face as he'd grass you up for anything.

 

When I worked for LRT there was a bloke called Shagger that I hadn't met, I expected some sort of sex symbol, he turned out to be about 5ft nothing, fat and greasy, totally repulsive. Turned out he was called Shagger as any time a woman walked past he's say "I'd shag 'er"

 

About 5 years ago there was a nickname thread on JKB and rusty musket and it was the first time I heard of it.

 

Later that day i was chatting to a colleage and he said the guy he is working with useless. I said is he a rusty musket? What that? Old, usless, and you cant fire it! He pissed himself. Even today he is know as Rusty!

[mcdougg]

Used to work with 'Wild Man of Borneo'..basically as he used to lose the rag for no reason and start banging his keyboard about. Tosser.

 

Also 'Monkey Boy' - on the account of being onstage in the Damn with a stripper nun inserting a banana. Good times.

 

Ah the Wild man.... Crazy Irish *******...

 

Aye - going to the 'Dam as an innocent 18 year old, coming home as a 'man' after eating said banana... The nickname still sticks with some people aswell. Classic.

[Ribble]

Only one that really sticks out for me is a guy that I used to work with, part of his job was stopping/sacking agency staff that were scamming hours/shifts etc but he went at it with such enthusiasm that he was known as Herr Flick!

[1874robbo]

I was quite argumentative as an apprentice especially about football etc and I always got the last word in or made sure I did so they called me

Amen!!!!!!

[smallfaces]

Had a boy we called 'Tiger' as no matter what you were talking about, or to whom, he would always chip in.

 

Im glad I no longer work in offices. They're shite.

 

***** still here - an even bigger expert on even more subjects now than he was last time you saw him.

[Jamhammer]

One of my mates is named Aneel so the wags called him Slippy, because an eel is slippy.

When I worked on a building site there was a guy called William Shartner so called cos he shit himself at a night out

[Norm]

There's a guy at my work called David. We call him Dave. Yeah. We're just that crazy.

[Templeton Peck]

Used to work beside a guy we called Tattoo because he looked like the guy from Fantasy Island and there was a girl who was barley human called Doris Karloff.

 

Also heard of someone called Dalton Grant because he was always for the high jump.

[Brandt]

A girl called Lydia who was affectionalely know Chlamy.... Work it out

[superjack]

There is a boy I work with now called Clifford.

When he was 15, he fell off a cliff and buggered his knee.

On his first week back to school, he got knocked down by by ford transit.

Cliff-ford

Also once worked with a sparky who was called temporary lights.

I myself only got called jack because when I started working in the caley sample room, there was 4 of us called John, as I was the cellar man I got named after jack duckworth

[Say What Again]

Some of these are pretty good

 

Unlike mine - but these are all I have to add. When I started as an apprentice in the printing, there were two guys who were always together. Shared a car to work, went for lunch together, obviously shared the car home again. They were known as Vest and Pants.

 

Another guys name was Finlay. Every morning when he came in, the wee old guy nearest the door would say 'Hi Fin', so he became 'em score' (maybe more of a printing joke )

 

Lastly, there was a wee old bald guy, about 5ft tall. He started of as egghead, but that became Jimmy Henshite.

[Boris]

There's a guy at my work called David. We call him Dave. Yeah. We're just that crazy.

 

Osborne-esque post, imo.

 

[Stuart Lyon]

Red haired guy I worked with was known as Duracell as he went on and on an on.

[Homme]

There is a guy in here that gets called Buzz. As he looks like Buzz lightyear according to his hangers on and arse lickers.

 

What's worse is he plays up to this and his desk is littered with Toy Story gear.

 

Retires next week, thank feck.

[Chris Benoit]

There is a guy in here that gets called Buzz. As he looks like Buzz lightyear according to his hangers on and arse lickers.

 

What's worse is he plays up to this and his desk is littered with Toy Story gear.

 

Retires next week, thank feck.

 

 

That's ******* tragic

[H J Simpson]

I play football with a guy who chopped one of his fingers off at work.

 

Behind his back he's affectionately known as kit-kat .

[Floyd]

There is a guy in here that gets called Buzz. As he looks like Buzz lightyear according to his hangers on and arse lickers.

 

What's worse is he plays up to this and his desk is littered with Toy Story gear.

 

Retires next week, thank feck.

 

That's beyond tragic!!!!!

 

I've never had a nickname at work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unless I do and the feckers call me it behind my back.

[Feed The Goat]

Boy at my work has got the name Tourist as he wanders about the shop all night n never seem to work

[¼½¾]

Used to work with a girl who answered to the name Poodle. We told her it was because she had a gay dug, a yorkie or something. In reality she was named after the poodle in Eastenders, Rolly, because she looked like one of the Rolly Pollys.

[IronJambo]

 

When I worked for LRT there was a bloke called Shagger that I hadn't met, I expected some sort of sex symbol, he turned out to be about 5ft nothing, fat and greasy, totally repulsive. Turned out he was called Shagger as any time a woman walked past he's say "I'd shag 'er"

 

I named a bloke at my work Shagger. 6 kids by the time he was 30. He still hasn't got a telly

[bigman1]

We have a guy at work who's face looks like it has been whacked with a shovel

Affectionately known as flat dish

[Les Izemore]

There's an old chef in my work known as Pete Fahrenheit as he burns all the food and the other chefs reckon he's never heard of Celcius. He's a total fire hazard and has set fire to both himself and a fridge.

 

Another guy was born without his pinkie or ring finger on his right hand, he answers to the name Ten Pin.

[HampdenHearts]

One of my tradesman got called blue as he was wiring up a job and ran out of brown and earth cable and done it all in neutral!

[GuitarJambo]

used to work with a laddie called chrisy the fish, no idea why he was called that, and he was a grade A ****.