maroonlegions Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 A Marine and Navyman are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands. "Hey," says the Navyman, "in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands." "In the Marines, they teach us not to **** on our hands." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maroonlegions Posted May 3, 2008 Author Share Posted May 3, 2008 and here is another, An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for ?600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked. "Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, "what the **** is that?" The barman says, "it's a moose." The Scottish chap says, "****me! How big are the cats?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lawriejambo Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 On Family Fortunes they asked 100 Glaswegians to name a fish begining with S. 98 said supper.. Scientists have found many women develop dysons disease after 2years of marriage. They make a continuous whinning noise and don't suck anymore... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1874robbo Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 When interviewed for the first time after being locked in a basement for 24 years Fritzels daughter Elisabeth was asked how she was coming to terms with a world dominated by mobile phones and the internet?. "Not a problem" she replied "but i can't get my f****** head round the fact that Rangers have got to the Uefa cup final". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2NaFish Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 mixu wanted to prove once and for all that hibs are not in fact the stupidest team alive, so he brings dean shields out into the middle of the pitcj at half time. he gets a microphone and asks dean-o, "what's 2+2?" "5" replies dean. Mixu shakes his head but the crowd chant, "One more chance! one more chance!" So he decides to make it easier. "dean. what's 1+2?" "4" says the hibs forward. Mixu shakes his head but the crowd chant, "One more chance! one more chance!" "Ok", says mixu, "dean, whats 1+1?" Dean Shields takes a long pause and eventually says, "Is it 2, gaffer?" The crowd chant, "One more chance! one more chance!" Boom boom!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Shin Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 A Polish guy drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Poland our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same glass twice' A Pakistani, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Pakistan we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.' A Scottish girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun and shoots the Pole and the Pakistani and catches her glass. She says, 'In Scotland we now have that many Pakistanis and Poles that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Aa explorer walking through the jungle comes across a pigmy standing over a dead lion. "Did you kill that lion?" asks the explorer. "Yeah, I beat it to death with my club," the pigmy replies. "****, you must have a big club," says the explorer. "Aye, there's about thirty of us." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tams bird Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Scientists have found many women develop dysons disease after 2years of marriage. They make a continuous whinning noise and don't suck anymore... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Did you know there are 3 different types of women? The beautiful, the intelligent and the majority. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1874robbo Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Had a wa** over an ex girlfriend last night.............I know it's wrong but i still have a key and she's a heavy sleeper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1874robbo Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Walter Smith has just been rushed to hospital. He has had a quadruple bypass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1874robbo Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 David Murray has today had a go at the spl because of their fixture chaos stating that it has been a disgrace as his team have been left with very tired legs. An spl spokesman told him to shut the fu** up as what would he know about having tired legs!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1874robbo Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Nasa send two monkeys and a rangers fan into space for a very important mission!. Houston to first monkey"Throttle back,release fuel pods and check oxygen level". Houston to second monkey"Engage auto pilot,align vectors and check oxygen level". Houston to Rangers fan"Feed monkeys,touch **** all!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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