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Wifes Xmas Present


Currahee!

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What do I get the wife?

 

1. Something nice that she'll like in the off chance she'll perform. (and perhaps some bum games)

 

2. Something that she might find handy but'll go mental at me for? I.e An Iron board or a pressure cooker?

 

3. Something She'll hate that I could use? A Mens pair of jeans that fit me?

 

4. feck all? She's a horrible. miserable cow and deserves nothing?

 

Over to you.

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Can't wait till I get back from the darts tonight knowing that this thread will be waiting for me. (assuming it doesn't get shut down)

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Your bum or hers OP?

 

Hers.

 

The worry is she says ok but only if she can interfere with mine. :stunned:

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their usually greed bitches when it comes to presents, get rid of 4 but get another at no1, summit sparkly they love shiny things. present them in reverse order and laugh while doing so, by the time you get to the sparkly/shiny thing they'll be putty and you'll have a new pair of jeans that she thought she was gonna get. by the time the stupit bint has broken her gaze from the sparkly/shiny thing, you'll have been out for a good night with the lads, no ear bashing and you wont have go near her again for a while. sorted

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their usually greed bitches when it comes to presents, get rid of 4 but get another at no1, summit sparkly they love shiny things. present them in reverse order and laugh while doing so, by the time you get to the sparkly/shiny thing they'll be putty and you'll have a new pair of jeans that she thought she was gonna get. by the time the stupit bint has broken her gaze from the sparkly/shiny thing, you'll have been out for a good night with the lads, no ear bashing and you wont have go near her again for a while. sorted

 

I never get an ear bashing for my nonsense in the pub.

 

I even went to Lithuania without telling her. :lol:

 

If you do anything other than nr 1 she will :lolpoint: **** you up

 

Think I'm scared of her Jimmy? :ninja: Have you met her before?

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Hers.

 

The worry is she says ok but only if she can interfere with mine. :stunned:

 

Finding the male G-spot for Christmas eh? :oohmatron:

 

What does she get you at Xmas? Easy life - spend just a wee bit more.

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Finding the male G-spot for Christmas eh? :oohmatron:

 

What does she get you at Xmas? Easy life - spend just a wee bit more.

 

:look:

 

I honestly can't think what she normally gets me.

 

Some shit that I neither need nor want.

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What do I get the wife?

 

1. Something nice that she'll like in the off chance she'll perform. (and perhaps some bum games)

 

2. Something that she might find handy but'll go mental at me for? I.e An Iron board or a pressure cooker?

 

3. Something She'll hate that I could use? A Mens pair of jeans that fit me?

 

4. feck all? She's a horrible. miserable cow and deserves nothing?

 

Over to you.

 

If she is a horrible, miserable cow get her feck all. Thats what i do with mine every year. Back to you. :cool4:

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I once bought a mixing bowl because she broke the one we had just before Christmas. Now knowing that I would probably need to guy two and hide one if that was all i bought I needed to sweeten the medicine so I bought a nice bit of gold too. Next something was needed to hide the prize and I hit upon the idea of jelly beans so going by volume I ended up with 5 of the bags full of mixed beans. I went up to the counter and got them weighed. ?40 was asked for and I was too red faced to say no thanks (feel free to adjust this figure for 30 years of inflation).

Christmas day arrives and the present is opened closely followed by a tirade about not buying her fattening things and WTF was I thinking about buying a lifetime supply of beans? Words were exchanged and huffs were taken on both sides of the divide. There was no way I was going to let on about the bling so she didn't find it till the end of Feb by which time a big hole had been made in the beans , oh and a second mixing bowl had been purchased too. Cue another raging strop. No pleasing CDMs(women of a certain age think Cadburys Dairy milk but us blokes know it is Chemically Driven Mentalcases)

 

As you can tell I am still alive to dispense advice and am still married to the same person buy her something nice but make sure you hide it in something practical.

 

MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL remind her that you are helping her:= You need the sand in the oyster of life to make pearls

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I never get an ear bashing for my nonsense in the pub.

 

I even went to Lithuania without telling her. :lol:

 

 

 

Think I'm scared of her Jimmy? :ninja: Have you met her before?

 

I remember when you first started dating her, eons ago :)

 

(talk o the toon coz he had a bird a few years older than him) lol

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Curahee hates his wife. LOL

 

Kicked the arse out of that particular routine son.

 

:gotwife:

 

If you knew her you'd understand.

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If 4 then why 1?

 

A ride's a ride.

:thumbsup:

strapon it is then :10900:

 

Up yours. :laugh:

 

I remember when you first started dating her, eons ago :)

 

(talk o the toon coz he had a bird a few years older than him) lol

 

She was nice back then. I honestly think she despises me now.

 

the feeling is mutual.

 

Some would say we're in a rut.

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The People's Chimp

Curahee hates his wife. LOL

 

Kicked the arse out of that particular routine son.

 

This.

 

Also kicked the arse out of the arse routine as well.

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Sterling Archer

 

Curahee hates his wife. LOL

 

Kicked the arse out of that particular routine son.

 

Did he not **** around on her and then brag about it on here?

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Did he not **** around on her and then brag about it on here?

 

I'm still here so you can ask me instead of asking someone else.

 

Yes I did stray but it ended very badly so don't go there please.

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I'd recommend diamonds then.

 

It'd work for a day then we'd be back to our usual crap.

 

Btw I've tried to PM you but can't.

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Get her spa vouchers, that way you can get shot of her for a weekend and she might come back marginally improved.

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After the OP's earlier concerns regarding "bum play" we all know where that strapless dildo is gonna end up :D

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Invite her sister round and give them a joint present :thumbsup:

 

realdoe-800x800.jpg

 

:laugh:

 

I'll end up bailing out and going for 1. I'm a shitbag. :10900:

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It took me a good three or four minutes to work out what you do with that thing.

 

I was like.....

 

 

.... oh, I get it!

 

That's why it's called Realdoe!

 

At first your like - eh wtf?

 

Then it clicks and it's like *doh*

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Sterling Archer

Has anyone seen the one for guys. Goes up your arse and vibrates behind your ballsack.

 

:look:

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Has anyone seen the one for guys. Goes up your arse and vibrates behind your ballsack.

 

:look:

 

 

 

 

You have to get out more mate.

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