Petty (and I mean petty) Things That Have Made You Happy

[RobM]

Noticed earlier on today that Southampton have fallen into the bottom three and may now be destined for Division Nonsense.

 

Now this, by and large, wouldn't have registered but I remember when Rudi signed for them checking out a Saints forum where a few Jambos were giving fairly honest assessments of Rudi's abilities and foibles. Most of the Saints fans were brand new but there were a couple of right ***** who insisited on making the point that what would we know being a shower of thick jock eejits who followed a team that would do well to survive in the Championship (or whatever they call the second tier these days).

 

I can only sum up by saying to those self same ***** -

 

Haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw.

 

Anybody else got a really petty grudge to share?

[chester copperpot]

Aye, you're a tit Rob

[RobM]

Aye, you're a tit Rob

 

No ah'm no.

[Cigaro]

I like seeing people falling off stuff.

 

Not sure if that counts, but its still funny.

 

Just minor falls, not cliffs and that.

[neave]

I like seeing people falling off stuff.

 

Not sure if that counts, but its still funny.

 

Just minor falls, not cliffs and that.

People falling over in public is one of the few real joys in life.

[Rawrrrrrrr]

When the bus drives past people

Loud idiots in front of you in nightclub queues who get kb'd

When widos get the punch they deserve

[Ivan Drago]

People falling over in public is one of the few real joys in life.

 

Especially old people

[John S]

Noticed earlier on today that Southampton have fallen into the bottom three and may now be destined for Division Nonsense.

 

Now this, by and large, wouldn't have registered but I remember when Rudi signed for them checking out a Saints forum where a few Jambos were giving fairly honest assessments of Rudi's abilities and foibles. Most of the Saints fans were brand new but there were a couple of right ***** who insisited on making the point that what would we know being a shower of thick jock eejits who followed a team that would do well to survive in the Championship (or whatever they call the second tier these days).

 

I can only sum up by saying to those self same ***** -

 

Haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw haw.

 

Anybody else got a really petty grudge to share?

 

Good shout RobM - I remember that too. I remember thinking how arrogant and discourteous they were. Karma and all that!

[sked21]

Especially old people

 

Exactly. The only thing is when the fall right I front of you or are about to fall. What do you do? Help them? Nah. I just pretend I don't notice.

 

Also when kids are running round in a sports centre for example then fall over and start greeting.

[Cigaro]

Especially old people

 

Thats the best.

 

Especially when carrying shopping. Their arms stay at their side so as to save their biscuits, and instead they break their fall with their face.

 

Theres this laddie in my girlfriends estate, and he is always falling off his bike, skateboard, scooter etc. The guy gets no luck. Brilliant.

 

I saw this boy going down Ferry Road on a micro scooter. His front wheel must have hit a stone and he went straight over the handle bars. Absolute genius. I was in fits, and his mate just sat down next to him and waited on him getting up.

[Cigaro]

Exactly. The only thing is when the fall right I front of you or are about to fall. What do you do? Help them? Nah. I just pretend I don't notice.

 

Also when kids are running round in a sports centre for example then fall over and start greeting.

Kids running in my work and then just buckling down. Its genius.

 

I always want to boot one off those heelie things though, just to see what happens. Those things do my nut in.

[leginten]

I love the "state funeral" demeanour adopted by BBC sports presenters when England have lost an important match. (The all-time classic was Des Lynam's "Well? How do you feel?" after the penalty shoot-out in Italia '90.) It's not so much the defeats that please me (frankly, my dear, I couldn't give a damn) as the knowledge that the rest of the UK is rolling on the floor laughing as these gits - who always appear blissfully unaware that three out of the four countries receiving the broadcast have no vested interest in England progressing - do the solemn thing.

Petty? Yes. Richly deserved? Definitely.

[sked21]

Kids running in my work and then just buckling down. Its genius.

 

I always want to boot one off those heelie things though, just to see what happens. Those things do my nut in.

 

Are they the wheel things that stick out the shoe?

 

If so they get right on my tits. They deserve to be kicked.

[Cigaro]

Are they the wheel things that stick out the shoe?

 

If so they get right on my tits. They deserve to be kicked.

Aye on the sole.

 

They just whizz past you.

 

Tiny wheels and I've still to see someone fall on them. Its a damn shame.

[neave]

Aye on the sole.

 

They just whizz past you.

 

Tiny wheels and I've still to see someone fall on them. Its a damn shame.

Whenever I'm in Tesco and I see one of the wee mutants on their blade/shoe contraptions, I always try that wee bit harder to make sudden movements, so as to either knock them on their arse or **** up their balance.

[Toxteth O'Grady]

Whenever I'm in Tesco and I see one of the wee mutants on their blade/shoe contraptions, I always try that wee bit harder to make sudden movements, so as to either knock them on their arse or **** up their balance.

 

Good one Neave - Wheelies are evil.

 

I like when I see people at B&Q or Ikea who have bought something that is far too big to go in their car:)

[neave]

Good one Neave - Wheelies are evil.

 

I like when I see people at B&Q or Ikea who have bought something that is far too big to go in their car:)

And you stand at a distance watching them struggle and get more and more annoyed?

 

Love that one, too, although it's usually my old man that does it and I have to help him while being called all the insults under the sun for sniggering away.

[Darren]

When the bus drives past people

Loud idiots in front of you in nightclub queues who get kb'd

When widos get the punch they deserve

 

 

Speaking of which, anyone know how to remove hardened congealed blood from your face? I've only just woken up from being turfed out of Leeds infirmary yesteray afternoon after sleeping from 2am Sat - 3pm Sat. Then slept for almost 24 hrs. Painful.

[Tazio]

There are few things in life funnier than someone walking into a lamp post.

[blondejamtart]

Whenever I'm in Tesco and I see one of the wee mutants on their blade/shoe contraptions, I always try that wee bit harder to make sudden movements, so as to either knock them on their arse or **** up their balance.

 

Teehee - nice to see it's not just me then! I thought a lot of shops had banned the bloomin' things (heelies that is, not the kids, although come to think of it....) but most of them don't seem to bother any more.

[tommythejambo]

When drunk folk fall off their seats.

[Bindy Badgy]

Especially old people

 

Fat people falling over is better.

 

It's the way there flab wobbles when they hit the deck that does it for me.

[RobM]

Fat people falling over is better.

 

It's the way there flab wobbles when they hit the deck that does it for me.

 

Of course if they're fat, old, drunk Southampton fans you've hit the jackpot.

[sked21]

I also love it when you get someone with the old pull the seat away before they sit down trick.

 

Do it in the oub quite a bit. When they hit the deck in front of everyone it is class.

[Craigieboy]

When you see some guy or woman wearing a hibs top, they are 9 times out of 10 ugly as ****.

 

Never fails.

 

.

[Alan_R]

Especially old people

 

Fat people are even better though.

 

Especially stereotypical American tourist types.

 

[see someone got there first. didn't read the whole thread]

[Sooperstar]

Good one Neave - Wheelies are evil.

 

I like when I see people at B&Q or Ikea who have bought something that is far too big to go in their car:)

 

That's just not funny!

 

I once bought a bed from Makro, got out to the car, tried to get it in and it just wouldn't go at all. I stood for a few minutes, wondering what I could do and then came up with the idea of loading it onto a flatbed trolley and wheeling it home. So that's what I done.

 

It took me ages, walking through the streets of Sighthill and it was bloody hard work. The thing is, I was in a rush cos it was the night Hearts played Boro in the friendly and I was going to the match, so I couldn't even stop to rest. Some of the looks I got were priceless.

 

When I eventually got home I still had the problem of getting my car back from Makro. Total nightmare.

[Ray Winstone]

I also love it when you get someone with the old pull the seat away before they sit down trick.

 

Do it in the oub quite a bit. When they hit the deck in front of everyone it is class.

 

Did you ever do that at school?

 

Funny how every teacher had a story about a friend of a friend who had it done to them and they split their head open and almost died!

[The Doctor]

I watched a lady out walking her two large dogs one night, she was the mother of a boy I was at school with, I didn't like him, I didn't like her much either. She's walking these two large dogs, one was a german shepherd, I don't remember the other, with a lead in each hand. Suddenly a cat ran out from under a fence and bolted up the street, the dogs followed, pulling hard on their leads, just as she caught her shoe on a paving slab. Her arms shot forward, her legs didn't even bend as she slammed face first into the pavement.

 

To my shame, my mate and I just doubled over and fell to the ground laughing. Her face was a right mess, but we were helpless.

[CostaJambo]

Was on a bus once (double decker) and a fat old lady stood up to get off just as the driver braked suddenly to avoid rear ending someone. The poor old dear basically RAN several steps towards the driver before falling flat on her face while carrying 2 shopping bags. To add to her indignity, her skirt rode up her back to reveal a horrific old pair of bloomers. Funny as feck.

[Boaby Ewing]

[Boaby Ewing]

She's alive!

 

[Medico]

She's alive!

 

 

Thats brilliant!!

 

I bet she didn't find it quite so funny at the time though

[Dix Handley]

In my teenage years,skateboarding with school chum who had just got

a new board. Guy took a right hander far too quickly, board went from

under him as he was leaning into the corner and he went face first into

a dog turd....well you did say petty!!

[Era Macaroons]

Was on a bus once (double decker) and a fat old lady stood up to get off just as the driver braked suddenly to avoid rear ending someone. The poor old dear basically RAN several steps towards the driver before falling flat on her face while carrying 2 shopping bags. To add to her indignity, her skirt rode up her back to reveal a horrific old pair of bloomers. Funny as feck.

 

I so wish I had seen the above

 

I have actually seen somebody slip on a banana skin whilst carrying furniture and it was just as funny as the cartoons

[I P Knightley]

Moving away from the rather disturbing theme of "taking great pleasure in other people's misfortune", I find that there's nothing to beat putting on a jacket, coat etc. that I've not worn in months and finding money in the pocket. It's never too much - sometimes a tenner but more often a puond coin or two - but has to be one of the happiest feelings known to man.

[Leebo]

When you are stading in a queue to get into a club, and you walk right in without getting ID'd, then the person behind you gets stopped, ID'd and then told they can't get in Love It

[Alan_R]

When you are stading in a queue to get into a club, and you walk right in without getting ID'd, then the person behind you gets stopped, ID'd and then told they can't get in Love It

 

"not tonight son" or "you wont like it here" or "this isn't for you"

 

never had it to be personally but had it happen to mates ive been out with. Even though they were in week/night before.

 

I hate bouncers though. Always on power trips for theit sh**ey wee job. Gets right up my nose.

[BASIL_HEARTS]

like when some looneys running for a bus but never gonna make it and the driver slowly drives away its happened to me but its funny watching it happen to someone else

[269miles]

People who don't hold on while waiting to get off a bus and then fall over when the bus stops.

 

Once saw an old wino who did this and realised he hadn't pushed the 'stop' button and did it right at the last second. The driver slammed on the anchors and the poor guy went flying down the bus and hit the windscreen head first before collapsing in a heap (and his own pesh - which had now puddled on the floor and was sloshing up and down the bus). My and my mate were in hysterics.

[geebo117]

When i was younger i worked in sainsburys and was doing trolleys. this guy had just finished loading his car with his shopping then looks at me gets in his car and leaves his trolley, what he didnt realise was the trolley started to roll back and hit his car his face was a picture when he got out i couldnt help but start ****ing myself!!! Lazy bassa

[trotter]

I used to work in Ikea when I was at uni and those Wheelie things used to get right on my nipple ends. I never said anything to the kids though 'cos I knew if I waited long enough i'd get to see something funny....

 

Sure enough one day I was wandering through the warehouse and this wee lassie came tanking along on those stupid wee things, she then must have put the tip of her foot down on the floor cos she suddenly had lots of grip on one foot and none on the other, cue epic face plant clean into the concrete floor - couldn't help but pesh myself with laughing, made funnier by the fact that I was the first aider who had to go and help....

 

In other news, people walking into lamposts is always a winner

[The Merse]

"not tonight son" or "you wont like it here" or "this isn't for you"

 

never had it to be personally but had it happen to mates ive been out with. Even though they were in week/night before.

 

I hate bouncers though. Always on power trips for theit sh**ey wee job. Gets right up my nose.

 

I'm a big fan of bouncers personally.

 

[Del1812]

A 'mate' of mine (I work with him but don't really like him all that much - talks far too much) once tried to think he was hard outside Liquid Rooms and kick over a bin. All he did instead was dislocate his knee and had to lie flat out on his back while the rest of the population of Edinburgh who fancied a bit of Indie tunes that night exited the club and walked past him.

 

Just to make it funnier, I took a several photos on my phone of him lying in the street and waited until just about everybody had left (and had a good look at this erse) before phoning for an ambulance.

[neave]

A 'mate' of mine (I work with him but don't really like him all that much - talks far too much) once tried to think he was hard outside Liquid Rooms and kick over a bin. All he did instead was dislocate his knee and had to lie flat out on his back while the rest of the population of Edinburgh who fancied a bit of Indie tunes that night exited the club and walked past him.

 

Just to make it funnier, I took a several photos on my phone of him lying in the street and waited until just about everybody had left (and had a good look at this erse) before phoning for an ambulance.

Get them posted.

[Pete Seeger]

Waking up thinking it's the morning and time to get up and working only to look at the clock and see you've still got valuable sleeping time left. Great feeling

[Del1812]

Get them posted.

 

Unfortunately it was taken on an old phone (as my current one is knackered) and it doesn't have the capabilities to be transferred onto the computer. The bloody thing doesn't even have a flash!

 

Pics are enjoyed by me.

[Del1812]

Waking up thinking it's the morning and time to get up and working only to look at the clock and see you've still got valuable sleeping time left. Great feeling

 

Waking up at 07:57 when your alarm is set. Not getting up but waiting those three minutes until you get up on a nice round number.

 

Why? God knows but so many people do it.

[Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC]

Waking up thinking it's the morning and time to get up and working only to look at the clock and see you've still got valuable sleeping time left. Great feeling

 

That is my favorite feeling, it honestly is.

 

Wakening up at say 5 and realising you still have a few hours kip is better than sex.

 

I got into a routine of setting my alarm for 6 so that I still had an hours kip when I woke up but I felt knackered after a bit!

 

God I love sleep.

[Sooperstar]

That is my favorite feeling, it honestly is.

 

Wakening up at say 5 and realising you still have a few hours kip is better than sex.

 

I got into a routine of setting my alarm for 6 so that I still had an hours kip when I woke up but I felt knackered after a bit!

 

God I love sleep.

 

I set 2 alarms on my phone, 1 goes off 20 minutes before I get up.