Urban legends

[The People's Chimp]

What's your favourite urban legend, and any you've propagated, in the knowledge they were total nonsense?

 

I had my ex (who has a phd) believing that KFC grew chickens in labs without wings or legs, and were basically just living blobs. She brought it up at pretty much every party she went to.

 

As for Joanna Lumley...

[I.J]

If she had a plastic arse, then surely her pumps would be amplified massively?

 

That'd be hilarious!

[The People's Chimp]

If she had a plastic arse, then surely her pumps would be amplified massively?

 

That'd be hilarious!

 

She may have upgraded to rubber, I suppose. I'm sure it made for some comedy moments for the Gurkhas recently!

[Gorgiewave]

What's your favourite urban legend, and any you've propagated, in the knowledge they were total nonsense?

 

I had my ex (who has a phd) believing that KFC grew chickens in labs without wings or legs, and were basically just living blobs. She brought it up at pretty much every party she went to.

As for Joanna Lumley...

 

Is this why she's your ex?

 

We were told at boys' football training that it was a bookable offence to shout "mine!" to claim the ball, rather than "Jimmy's" (for example). Whenever I am close to the play, I always instinctively listen out for whether players shout their names when claiming a ball.

 

Maybe not an urban legend, just a lie told to children to make them do what you want.

[Cigaro]

I take huge pleasure in winding up naive folk at work with complete nonsense stories, and have a knack of making them seem true.

 

I had a guy believing that every year at Halloween, one person is picked to make pumpkin soup for the whole of Africa. The entire continent. And this is why Tesco was continuously running out of pumpkins. At Halloween. The year in question's nominee was the manager of the fruit and veg and she was buying 100 pumpkins a day, hence the shortage.

 

The story was going well, so I decided that the person that picks the lucky soul to make wheens of soup was....Bono.

 

Somehow, my mate lapped this up, and actually asked the manager in question. I'm not sure I've laughed harder or for longer before or since.

[The People's Chimp]

Is this why she's your ex?

 

We were told at boys' football training that it was a bookable offence to shout "mine!" to claim the ball, rather than "Jimmy's" (for example). Whenever I am close to the play, I always instinctively listen out for whether players shout their names when claiming a ball.

 

Maybe not an urban legend, just a lie told to children to make them do what you want.

 

"SPEECH PLAY!"

[Johanes de Silentio]

Agnetha, the tidy blonde in Abba is the result of post-war experiments in genetics in Scandanavia.

[Boof]

"Nae name, ref"

[2NaFish]

Is this why she's your ex?

 

We were told at boys' football training that it was a bookable offence to shout "mine!" to claim the ball, rather than "Jimmy's" (for example). Whenever I am close to the play, I always instinctively listen out for whether players shout their names when claiming a ball.

 

Maybe not an urban legend, just a lie told to children to make them do what you want.

 

it can be construed as unsportsmanlike behaviour in the correct circumstances, ie giving an opponent the idea that he should leave it for one of his teammates. a fair few boys clubs refs used to give fouls for this when i was a lad.

[Gorgiewave]

Still not what is meant by an urban legend, but when on Florida, I was sent to a nearby shop to ask for "tartan ink and a long stand". Pointless.

 

 

[Johanes de Silentio]

Larry Kingston earns ?15,000 per week...

 

and is 34 years of age.

 

Is it too obvious to mention that Hivernian play with flair?

[2NaFish]

you shouldnt peel the white bits off of oranges because they help stop you getting cancer.

[Gorgiewave]

If you swallow apple pips, an apple tree will grow inside you.

If you don't eat your crusts, your hair won't be curly (presented as a bad thing).

If something disappears down the drain, it will end up in Australia.

[I P Knightley]

Since the advent of the internet and email you get quite a few that do the rounds. They often come to me via my Mum who doesn't stop to think whether there's any sense in them.

 

There was one about if you'd had some (specified) problem with your cashcard at the hole in the wall, you should enter your PIN in reverse. When I mentioned that my PIN is 2112 (it's not), it started to dawn on her that maybe there was something fishy.

 

I also received one that told me, if I was coming into the petrol station, that I could look at the symbol on the fuel gauge to tell me on which side I would find the fuel filler. The nozzle on the wee picture of a fuel pump might be on the right or left of the picture; whichever side it's on in the picture is supposed to be the side of the filler. That rule only worked on 50% of my cars at the time!

 

 

Oh. And I can confirm that Hitler's other ball is not in the Albert Hall.

[Tazio]

 

 

Oh. And I can confirm that Hitler's other ball is not in the Albert Hall.

 

My grandfathers name was Albert Hall. He suffered viciously at the hands of the Anti Nazi League due to this myth.

 

However his brother Usher was OK.

[Charlie-Brown]

That seaman Staines and young master Bates were characters in the original Captain Pugwash stories.

[marshallschunkychicken]

That seaman Staines and young master Bates were characters in the original Captain Pugwash stories.

 

Ah, but was there really a 'Roger the Cabin Boy'?

[Flimsy]

One I heard a few years ago was that Una Stubbs likes to be shat on (for sexual gratification).

[Cheile]

One I heard a few years ago was that Una Stubbs likes to be shat on (for sexual gratification).

 

 

That's clearly a load of sh1te.

[The People's Chimp]

There's also the story about a certain TV magician and his blonde wife, the wife in question having been a fantasy figure for boys in the 80s, and her predilection for German Shepherds, of which there is allegedlyphotographic evidence.

[Tazio]

There's also the story about a certain TV magician and his blonde wife, the wife in question having been a fantasy figure for boys in the 80s, and her predilection for German Shepherds, of which there is allegedlyphotographic evidence.

 

Hold onto your breakfast chaps.

 

The same rumour is common for Wee Jimmie Krankie.

[Boris]

One I heard a few years ago was that Una Stubbs likes to be shat on (for sexual gratification).

 

 

 

 

Push........

[Hugh Phamism]

Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon is an exact match as a soundtrack for the Wizard of Oz.

 

Stuart and Tam were talking about this on Saturday's 'Off the Ball'........

[Commander Harris]

Ah, but was there really a 'Roger the Cabin Boy'?

 

nope, his name was Tom.

[Johanes de Silentio]

Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon is an exact match as a soundtrack for the Wizard of Oz.

 

Stuart and Tam were talking about this on Saturday's 'Off the Ball'........

 

Aye, some stoners have posted this on Youtube - there are a couple of bits that are uncannily in sync, but it's a coincidence...

 

sadly!

[Carl Spackler]

Madonna wants Bill Oddie to rub his hands all over her body.

[Walter Bishop]

Paul McCartney is dead.

 

Any Hearts player earns more than 8k per week.

 

Hibs play "flair" football.

[Taffin]

I told my girlfriend that rubbing semen into your face dries up spots and helps keep your skin clear. I advised her that I do this daily and it works a treat and that my friend did it too. She texts his out of the blue asking if he rubs cum on his face to keep in clear from spots. Girls eh, so gullible.

[Primavera]

Agnetha, the tidy blonde in Abba is the result of post-war experiments in genetics in Scandanavia.

 

Wrong one, its the brunette, Anni-Frid Lyngstad who was married to Benny Andersson, and it does have an element of truth in it. The publication of her story in the press is apparently part of the reason for reclusiveness. Experiment in genetics is an exaggeration, but the basic jist of the story I mind seeing was that her father was a German soldier and her mother Norwegian and that they had been encouraged to mate because they were genetically a nice Aryan looking couple. See attached linkie I just googled up.

 

Observer Article

[Guest GhostHunter]

 

The whole camel spider thing that perpetuated itself round the net not long ago....

[Malcolm Tucker]

I take huge pleasure in winding up naive folk at work with complete nonsense stories, and have a knack of making them seem true.

 

I had a guy believing that every year at Halloween, one person is picked to make pumpkin soup for the whole of Africa. The entire continent. And this is why Tesco was continuously running out of pumpkins. At Halloween. The year in question's nominee was the manager of the fruit and veg and she was buying 100 pumpkins a day, hence the shortage.

 

The story was going well, so I decided that the person that picks the lucky soul to make wheens of soup was....Bono.

 

Somehow, my mate lapped this up, and actually asked the manager in question. I'm not sure I've laughed harder or for longer before or since.

 

 

 

 

 

Hahaha that is total comedy gold.

[Cade]

[jamboinglasgow]

caught eating a

in

[The People's Chimp]

 

I suppose we should ask the mods to rename the thread "rumours" as there is a good chance this, the alsation one and blatantly the Lumley story, are actually true. It's like the stories about George Burley, Marcus Tudgay and the goalkeeper's sister, for example, not really an "urban legend" as such.

 

 

 

[bighusref]

I suppose we should ask the mods to rename the thread "rumours" as there is a good chance this, the alsation one and blatantly the Lumley story, are actually true. It's like the stories about George Burley, Marcus Tudgay and the goalkeeper's sister, for example, not really an "urban legend" as such.

 

 

 

 

If we are going to break off at that tangent, there are the truthful stories of Robin Galloway and a frozen trout and Kirsty Young's novel way of marching with Colombians.

[jamboinglasgow]

If we are going to break off at that tangent, there are the truthful stories of Robin Galloway and a frozen trout and Kirsty Young's novel way of marching with Colombians.

 

do tell, I am intrigued.

[Craig Gordons Gloves]

Someone want to help a joey and explain the Joanna Lumley plastic anus one. It's not something i feel comfortable googling at work!

[Cade]

Someone want to help a joey and explain the Joanna Lumley plastic anus one. It's not something i feel comfortable googling at work!

 

allegedly, in the 60's men would dust their ****** in cocaine before indulging in a bit of greek with the girlfriend. Ms Lumley was said to be a fan of this practise but all the coaine ruined her ersehole and she had a rubber ringpiece fitted.

[Johanes de Silentio]

allegedly, in the 60's men would dust their ****** in cocaine before indulging in a bit of greek with the girlfriend. Ms Lumley was said to be a fan of this practise but all the coaine ruined her ersehole and she had a rubber ringpiece fitted.

 

Very nicely put, sir!

[westbow]

allegedly, in the 60's men would dust their ****** in cocaine before indulging in a bit of greek with the girlfriend. Ms Lumley was said to be a fan of this practise but all the coaine ruined her ersehole and she had a rubber ringpiece fitted.

Makes sense if you think of daniella westbrooks face. imgurl=http://everythingabouteastenders.today.com/files/2009/05/danniellamos0605_450x520.jpg&imgrefurl=http://everythingabouteastenders.today.com/2009/05/07/daniella-westbrook-says-shes-clean-for-eastenders-return/&h=520&w=450&sz=78&tbnid=LM95n8Ku2mpMlM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=113&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddaniella%2Bwestbrook&hl=en&usg=__7Vz5cqkcYsNFgGuUZbMhKFtX4qA=&ei=9DjXS6LrLKH00gSqmtmICA&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=7&ct=image&ved=0CBoQ9QEwBg[/img]

[Craig Gordons Gloves]

allegedly, in the 60's men would dust their ****** in cocaine before indulging in a bit of greek with the girlfriend. Ms Lumley was said to be a fan of this practise but all the coaine ruined her ersehole and she had a rubber ringpiece fitted.

 

Ah, thanks Cade. Similar to the story that porn actresses (and some actors) end up having to wear some form of nappy as their ringpiece loses any control after being used the wrong way so much.

[Johanes de Silentio]

Wrong one, its the brunette, Anni-Frid Lyngstad who was married to Benny Andersson, and it does have an element of truth in it. The publication of her story in the press is apparently part of the reason for reclusiveness. Experiment in genetics is an exaggeration, but the basic jist of the story I mind seeing was that her father was a German soldier and her mother Norwegian and that they had been encouraged to mate because they were genetically a nice Aryan looking couple. See attached linkie I just googled up.

 

Observer Article

 

Ahah - so there is some truth in it!

[westbow]

Makes sense if you think of daniella westbrooks face. imgurl=http://everythingabouteastenders.today.com/files/2009/05/danniellamos0605_450x520.jpg&imgrefurl=http://everythingabouteastenders.today.com/2009/05/07/daniella-westbrook-says-shes-clean-for-eastenders-return/&h=520&w=450&sz=78&tbnid=LM95n8Ku2mpMlM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=113&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddaniella%2Bwestbrook&hl=en&usg=__7Vz5cqkcYsNFgGuUZbMhKFtX4qA=&ei=9DjXS6LrLKH00gSqmtmICA&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=7&ct=image&ved=0CBoQ9QEwBg[/img]

Y

 

 

 

Yeah, I'll not try that again.

[Cade]

Y

 

 

 

Yeah, I'll not try that again.

 

 

Are you saying that Daniella Westbrook's nose got like that by men shagging it? :-p

[The Doctor]

I found a random forum where they were discussing this and have been for two years! It's running for 49 pages.

 

Allegedly Judy Finnigan lost control of her bowels live on air and had to be mopped up in an ad break like a 50 year old baby.

 

And Carol Smillie, or perhaps Chris Evans, were about to be Gotcha'd live by Noel Edmonds, only they were enjoying some 'personal recreational time' in front of the TV. Smillie was knuckle deep/Evans was surrounded by Kleenex.

 

It's all true honest.

 

Somebody called Hypno-Toad came up with these beauties...

 

F1 driver sacked for doing cocaine in his bosses office.

 

At least three 'lavender' scented F1 drivers, two in shame marriages, one already mentioned.

 

Member of a boy band who isn't gay, not in the slightest, always seen with fit young ladies. So not the one who spent a drink filled night doing the brokeback with my gay Welsh mate before he was truly famous.

 

Sir Jing Jangle Jewellery? Don't even get me started.

 

Breakfast TV presenter with a rather obvious wig collection

 

Radio One DJ who was one of the biggest weed dealers in the whole of Sussex.

 

Female ex Blue Peter presenter & 'her close personal friend' the dark skinned female singer/songwriter.

 

The ex Blue Peter presenter known for the phrase when being pleasured by a young lady "Tits or face?"

 

The footballer who used to show the video of him taking his famous blonde ex girlfriend up the garden path on the team coach on the way to games until she got a injunction to make him destroy the tape. Which was odd considering her record with footballers....

 

The footballer who although paints a picture of family life in the UK, is well known for his affairs in the rest of Europe. And he only got together with his current wife because one of her 'girlfriends' turned him down.

 

Member of defunct girl band who likes buttered muffins but has dated a fair few famous men including one mentioned above as it disguises both of their real preferences.

 

The Hollywood action star who uses the phrase "Cup the balls, work the shaft" when being pleasured.

 

Ex well known lecherous F1 driver who when he moved into his new tax dodge, the first thing he did was shag his new neighbours (a pop star) wife.

 

The movie star who pays to rent boys to "drop the kids off at the pool" onto a glass coffee table while he watches underneath.

 

The female second lead in a well known SciFi horror series who is not a pain in the neck but will quite happily swing both ways.

 

The two incredibly beautiful Hollywood actresses who both became very famous, very quickly a few years ago without much sign of true acting ability. The fact that both of them used to be part of a well known Hollywood madams working girl staff had nothing to do with it.

 

And last but by no means least;

The female pop star who has done so much gak which has damaged her nasal canals that she has to pay a roadie to blow it up her bum with a straw.

 

And if you think I'm naming any names forget it.

 

There used to be in about 2000/2001 a website in the US which was very plain, no fancy graphics but was compiled by waiters, hotel staff, personal trainers etc. It was amazing reading but its now unsurprisingly been taken down. Some stuff on there about people you couldn't possibly put on the web now.

 

Website is here; http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=210&t=539680&mid=0&i=0&nmt=Celebrity%20Urban%20Legends&mid=0

 

Oh and apparently Ralph Schumacher's a pansy.

[The People's Chimp]

I found a random forum where they were discussing this and have been for two years! It's running for 49 pages.

 

Allegedly Judy Finnigan lost control of her bowels live on air and had to be mopped up in an ad break like a 50 year old baby.

 

And Carol Smillie, or perhaps Chris Evans, were about to be Gotcha'd live by Noel Edmonds, only they were enjoying some 'personal recreational time' in front of the TV. Smillie was knuckle deep/Evans was surrounded by Kleenex.

 

It's all true honest.

 

Somebody called Hypno-Toad came up with these beauties...

 

 

 

Website is here; http://www.pistonhea...20Legends&mid=0

 

Oh and apparently Ralph Schumacher's a pansy.

 

 

Ha ha, that's quite a funny link; I heard the one about the celebrity chef.

 

Only difference is it was a video and not just over the microphone. DONE!

 

 

[Dunks]

Call me old fashioned, but I still like:

 

Bob Holness played saxophone on Bakers Street and

 

David Bowie invented Connect 4

 

[Morgan]

One I heard a few years ago was that Una Stubbs likes to be shat on (for sexual gratification).

Coffee tables.