Mr Loverman Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 what's your fav Management speak/BS? here's a few of mine: Blue sky thinking Call to action Pick off the low hanging fruit what's your favourite ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N User Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 "solution focused" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P-Dizzle Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 My dad and his friend used to play "w4nker bingo" at Office dinners and such when they had these executive types with lines such as "pushing the envelope" and would talk about "streamlining". If you got all your boxes you had to shout out ******. My dad's been in his job 35 years. Needless to say he never won, came close though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Currahee! Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Hit the ground running. Think outside the box. What do they actually mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Bob Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Imagineering. FFS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neave Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Imagineering. FFS That's a terrible one. First time I've heard it actually. Up there with 'Blue Sky thinking'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerothehero Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Touch base. That's awful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Bob Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 Human resources. Yeuch!! Always leaves me thinking of the boss phoning HR, and asking for another human, because this ones defective. The term must be up there with "Joy Division" or "Strength Through Joy". Terrible cold terms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpy Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 "Going forward" grates on my nerves but "Best Practice" especially when used as an excuse to hide behind some stupid rule and avoid doing what needs done really, really gets me going e.g. me "my aunts deaf, just get the carers to shout so she can hear them": Fife council social work manager "We can't shout at her, its not best practice". Unbelievable but true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dodethejambo Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 "Going forward" grates on my nerves but "Best Practice" especially when used as an excuse to hide behind some stupid rule and avoid doing what needs done really, really gets me going e.g. me "my aunts deaf, just get the carers to shout so she can hear them": Fife council social work manager "We can't shout at her, its not best practice". Unbelievable but true. Should have asked them if they knew Lionel Blair & Una Stubbs then they all could have a game of Give us a Clue (have to be of a certain age to get the joke) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallfaces Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 "Sanity check" I've got a ****ing **** of a manager who always uses that. ****ing oompa-loompa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marshallschunkychicken Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 I deal with a few American companies. A lot of the people I've spoken to don't get in touch with people. They 'reach out' to them. GTF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Lyon Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 'Engaging' customers, colleagues etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff Kilpatrick Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Take that offline Engage with stakeholders Two personal favourites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Busby ! Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Worked for a US company for 15 years and ultimately all this stuff came from the yanks (god bless 'em). God help me, I still use some of it... ...20'000 feet view ...getting the ducks lined up ...low hanging fruit ...if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem ...put it in your DNA The one I hated most though was "leveraged" ... everybody, everything, every process had to "leveraged" (with the 'e' being said as an 'eh'). Horrid mangling of language.... Much of US workplace culture comes from the MBA mentality and the plethora of management books that stack airport bookshelves. When I took redundancy 5 years ago, some a-hole US manager came over to clear the way for job-losses by blethering on about "Who moved my cheese" ... which was the in-vogue book/approach to treat staff as rodents who might get upset because their job was changing ... or eh ... actually disappearing A-holes ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I got an e-mail the other day about encouraging "positive spontaneity" Utter bollocks from an English **** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissyd2003 Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 haha, just spontaneously slap him in the chops!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only a Game Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 "The battle for market share starts here" said our manager who's previous losses in the battle for market share had taken the company into administration "Your a bit fecking late for inspirational bllshtt" said one chap close enough to retirement not to give a feck. The same manager presented a sales strategy which started with the line "Pot as many balls as you can" "Corporate responsibility" is a phrase that does my tits in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 My boss appears to think I'm paid to spend my working hours " managing expectations". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamdub Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Feckin 'Synergy' and all of the above American bull****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randle P McMurphy Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 whats the elephant in the room? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gasman Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 whats the elephant in the room? WTF is that supposed to mean ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gadgey55 Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 "You need to be more proactive and less reactive" Hear that all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondejamtart Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 The one which really rips my knitting is "looked after children" - ie, children in care. Huh???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 "You need to be more proactive and less reactive" Hear that all the time. Does that mean get on wi yer job and stop going on strike (Sorry, couldn't resist) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gadgey55 Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Does that mean get on wi yer job and stop going on strike (Sorry, couldn't resist) I don't do strikes Boab. Always gave me an easy day too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randle P McMurphy Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Whats the elephant in the room? WTF is that supposed to mean ? Its supposed to mean, what is the real issue that everyone is actually avoiding talking about i.e. there is a big beast in the corner but everyone is ignoring it, walking around it etc so lets just talk about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul_ Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 "Time Management" Might be ok if you have enough time but 9 times out of 10 this is another way of saying make an impossible task possible or it'll come back on you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stewart MacD Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 whats the elephant in the room? I think it's a reference to the Riccarton dressing room, where people are too polite to name names. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Digby Chicken Caesar Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 "You're a team player!" I'm not a 'team player' i just fing work hard! douche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Baxter Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 You can only pi55 out the c0ck you've got Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I'm forever hearing my boss saying we need to 'touch base' about things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigwull22 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Every word that ever leaves a Managers mouth is either a lie or complete bull****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomstick Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 "Let's run some ideas up the flagpole." Actually let's not. Flag debates get people suspended or banned. Angus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain_Peacock Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 The wife works in the Hotel game and they're always holding corporate conferences. The bollox flying around the place on such occasions is unbearable. It seems a corporate hot shot needed to check out in a hurry, he was talking on his mobile about a HUGE deal while he was at reception checking out. He asked the receptionist "what the damage was"? She started to list all the items on the bill. Corporate hot shot then just asked for the "bottom line"? Receptionists response "this is not a vat receipt". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissyd2003 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 'as a starter for 10' we should do this you what nobheed?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazbo Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 "You need to be more proactive and less reactive" Hear that all the time. Sounds familiar! what about:- abit CLARITY on the issue? streamlining? lapsed? Uso? P7359? the list is endless, but ive got other things to do!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gadgey55 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Sounds familiar! what about:- abit CLARITY on the issue? streamlining? lapsed? Uso? P7359? the list is endless, but ive got other things to do!! In your gaff, the word 'pristine' gets well overused! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Dover Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 "Let's run some ideas up the flagpole." Actually let's not. Flag debates get people suspended or banned. Angus Jeezo I remember that phrase from the classic courtroom drama 'Twelve angry men' ( 1957 ) "lets run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it" The Yanks must have been spraffing that kind of sh*te way back then "Lets not throw the baby out with the bathwater".............WTF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
132goals1958 Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Hate buzz words ------Strategic management objectives to optimise efficiencies and maximise synergistic benefits. I remember one director (good guy no longer with us) . I was on the top floor and he would ask me to slide down the greasy pole. When you got to his office he would say ---take a pew. He was a church elder and I often wondered if he said likewise when the minister visited his hoose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Worked for a US company for 15 years and ultimately all this stuff came from the yanks (god bless 'em). God help me, I still use some of it... ...20'000 feet view ...getting the ducks lined up ...low hanging fruit ...if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem ...put it in your DNA The one I hated most though was "leveraged" ... everybody, everything, every process had to "leveraged" (with the 'e' being said as an 'eh'). Horrid mangling of language.... Much of US workplace culture comes from the MBA mentality and the plethora of management books that stack airport bookshelves. When I took redundancy 5 years ago, some a-hole US manager came over to clear the way for job-losses by blethering on about "Who moved my cheese" ... which was the in-vogue book/approach to treat staff as rodents who might get upset because their job was changing ... or eh ... actually disappearing A-holes ! Can one go right ahead and say "areshole" on kickback? Apparently so, excellent intelligence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 "Let's run some ideas up the flagpole." Actually let's not. Flag debates get people suspended or banned. Angus Admin humps management any day of the fecking week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig Gordons Gloves Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 i work within a very large US corporation - some of my favorites have already been mentiioned, such as 'reach out to' and 'leverage resources' - in addition people always "speak to the results" - at which i always like to point out that they aren't in fact speaking to the results, they are speaking about them. If they were speaking to the results then they would be in the room on their own with a list of figures talking to them. My favourite though is "customer centricity" mainly because it is so over used it is frightening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbankboy Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 i work within a very large US corporation - some of my favorites have already been mentiioned, such as 'reach out to' and 'leverage resources' - in addition people always "speak to the results" - at which i always like to point out that they aren't in fact speaking to the results, they are speaking about them. If they were speaking to the results then they would be in the room on their own with a list of figures talking to them. My favourite though is "customer centricity" mainly because it is so over used it is frightening. Yes, and similarly 'speaking to a report' is one that I hear all the time which really gets my goat. This is a great thread by the way. It's good to know that I am not alone in finding all this riduculous management clap trap amajor source ofdispleasure. By the way I am speaking as a 'valued employee' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackJAC? Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 I own a Ducati. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Yes, and similarly 'speaking to a report' is one that I hear all the time which really gets my goat. This is a great thread by the way. It's good to know that I am not alone in finding all this riduculous management clap trap amajor source ofdispleasure. By the way I am speaking as a 'valued employee' Who is the gent in your avatar barkanboy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CostaJambo Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 In about 2000 or 2001 we had some management consultants in and someone came to me and said he'd been given a 'strawman' report by one of them and what the hell was it? I had never heard of it and fortunately have never heard of it since. Would be interested to know if anyone else has come across the term. Turns out it was just a draft!! Management consultants, they ask to borrow your watch and then tell you what time it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Who is the gent in your avatar barkanboy? Captain Cook. Not to be confused with Captain Kirk, Captain Caveman or Captain Sensible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgiewave Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Captain Cook. Not to be confused with Captain Kirk, Captain Caveman or Captain Sensible. Or Michael Stewart. Thanks for the information JoH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auldbauldfan Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 "Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it" Slightly off-topic, but the following do my head in: "political correctness gone mad" "there is no such word as can't" (Yes there ******* well is!) TV presenters referring to "Strictly Come Dancing" as "Strictly". (Not too keen on them referring to it at all frankly) Oh aye, "does my head in" does my head in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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