Most ridiculous/funny shout you've ever heard at a game

[milky_26]

5 hours ago, cosanostra said:

There was a weird guy who sat near me when I had a season ticket in the school end years ago that springs to mind. He sat middle, just a few rows above the crossbar. He looked like Doc from Back to the Future but with dark hair.

Anyway, he was generally quiet but he ****ing hated Lee Wiklie that played for Dundee for some reason. He used to yell "you big, giant lesbian" at him and make drooling, sort of mentally disabled noises at him while slapping the back of his own hand. Most of his insults seemed to centre on Lee Wilkie being a lesbian. 🤔🤔🤔

He'd be there with his quiet, well presented kids and just abuse the hell out of Lee Wilkie for the 45 minutes that Dundee were at the school end. 

I never really cared for Lee Wilkie either tbh. Always seemed like a bell end. 

 

Wasn't there a poster on here who absolutely hated Ross tokely? And he gave tokely dogs abuse for the full 90 minutes.

 

 

 

For me it might not sound funny but for some reason made me laugh. We were playing Dundee and Paul McGowan was taking an age to get off the park while being subbed, near me someone shouted hurry up and get off the park ya weegie toerag. It was probably the fact I hadn't heard toerag for years that set me off

[stuckinsunderland]

Must have been the 97/98 season when I had a nomadic existence just getting a ticket for different bits of the stadium wherever was available so I rarely ended up near the same people.  I ended up in the first couple of rows of the Wheatfield around halfway.  Can't remember who the opposition was but one of their players was taking a throw in and doing that usual thing of trying to get some distance so he leaned way over the front of the stand backwards.  Guy sat next to me, cool as you like stood up and quietly said right into the players ear "here your missus makes a shite breakfast".  The player just stopped mid throw, hesitated and looked round to see about 10 people who had heard it in stitches.  If he'd shouted it I don't think I would have found it half as funny, it was all in the quiet casual delivery

[TWF]

Attended a European Tie a few years ago at Murrayfield along with son, against Schalke from Germany. Schalke had just scored and their supporters were singing loudly when son jumped up and in a very loud voice shouted - " You weren't singing like that in 1945"  The crowd round about were falling about laughing. I was looking for somewhere to hide

[Go for it 1308]

4 hours ago, Absolute Scenes said:

FFS 😭😭😭

Oh mate😂

[Sir PH]

Playing amateur football years ago, centre forward shouts over to the winger "keep the high bawz low".

[Texaco]

At a Kelty Hearts v Dunfermline youth friendly once. The pars youth, fit as a fiddle, were full of running. A wee fat Kelty winger was huffing and puffing and struggled to keep up. A Kelty fan threw a coin at him shouting 'here's 50p away and get a taxi up the wing' . The linesman picked up the coin and marched up to the the supporter and I thought oh no trouble. He handed the the coin back to the guy and in typical Fife language said 'dinae waste yer F'n money on yon useless C..t. ye ken'  

[Sooks]

Not Hearts related but the one that I remember from Off the Ball a few years ago was :

 

Aw naw , no Anoni on noo annaw

[Polonia Gorgie]

I was sitting in the old shed, Eamonn Bannan did this quick turn n pass with the ball, this boy behind me screamed "on ye go shiner" 

[westbow]

Mid-nineties at Tynecastle: "Hey Cantona, gonnae kick something?" at some lazy feck, possibly Paille.  

[Busby8]

'

Edited May 3 by Busby8

[Gundermann]

Was at a midweek cup game away at Montrose in the 80s. Game was dire and so the Hearts fans amused themselves by singing 'baldie, baldie' at some local auld guy who was standing on his tod near the corner flag.

 

He took mucho offence to this and started gesticulating towards us. A female cop came and lightly tapped him on the shoulder to calm him down. He elbowed her in the coupon. She called for assistance and it took 3 or 4 cops to manhandle the auld radge out of the ground to much cheering from us.

[Gav M]

wur goan doon Stotty

[mscjambo]

1 hour ago, TWF said:

Attended a European Tie a few years ago at Murrayfield along with son, against Schalke from Germany. Schalke had just scored and their supporters were singing loudly when son jumped up and in a very loud voice shouted - " You weren't singing like that in 1945"  The crowd round about were falling about laughing. I was looking for somewhere to hide

😆 🤣 

[chester copperpot]

I was at a Liverpool v Man utd game in the 90's when Schmeichel was accused of saying racist stuff to Ian Wright.

 

The boy behind me kept shouting 'Schmeichel you're nothing but a ****ing racist' 

Then John Barnes miscontrolled a pass and the same guy behind me shouts 

'Ffs Digger you black twat'

Wasn't PC but everyone was pissing themselves at the irony.

[main]

I’d say about 2014-16 ish, there was a guy a few rows behind me in G lower who would bellow abuse and funny shouts at the opposition players. He was so loud and the ground relatively quiet that he got his own thread on here ‘the shouter’ and my pal claims to have heard ‘the shouter’ in G lower from his seat in the Gorgie stand.

 

I also remember during the club’s brief anti fans standing up period about 2017/18 in N and G, a female steward had come down from upper G and was, bless her, trying to get us G lower standers to sit down to no avail. Then all of a sudden this old guy in the front row in the 4 by 4 block in the corner (now permanently closed with safe standing things in them) who never said a peep with his son/grandson shouted 

‘excuse me can you sit down I can’t see the game!’

Probably had to be there but the steward and everyone else were in stitches. 

Edited May 3 by main

[Chillidigits]

Had just started in an office having left school. The boss. whose son played for Cowdenbeath was harping on to everyone about his dazzling display the night before. He said " you know what . he went tearing down the wing , beat three men and hit the post. I shouted back " what about the ball ? "  Not my cleverist moment. 

[Chillidigits]

Many years ago standing on the terracing among the Hearts fans. Someone shouted out " If ye cannae git the baw git the man." Someone immediately replied " An if ye cannae git the man git 'es baws "

[Colquhoun76]

Suso mis- controlled the ball near the touchline...my mate shouts/groans 'aaawww Jeeeesus!' got a few laughs from those around him...

[scott herbertson]

Was at Craven Cottage with a Wimbledon supporting mate for a cup game when Fulham were first division and Wimbledon Premier. Fulham won and there was a pitch invasion, Mohammed Al Fayhed came on the pitch to wave to the fans, dressed as dapper as ever

 

 

He came over to applaud the Wimbledon fans, generously

 

The Wimbldon fans, known as being a bit of a prawn cocktail sarnie brigade, sang back at him 

 

"We'll never shop at Harrods, We'll never shop at Harrods"

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 3 by scott herbertson

[Sooks]

Game v the old Hun . They were chanting HIV . One big fat guy near G in particular . Wee laddie stood up pointed at the fat lad and shouted : “ aye , your ma gave it to the monkeys “ . I did chortle a little 

[boag1874]

Few years ago in the relegation season when I had a S/T in the Gorgie, we had a goal chalked off v Dundee Utd for god knows what, finished 0-0 in the end iirc. Auld boy sat close to me shouts "THIS IS A JOKE, IT'S NO EVEN FUNNY!"

 

 

[Malone]

I recall a guy near me shouting “Ulrika-ka-ka” at Stan Collymore taking a throw-in during a pre-season friendly not long after it his physical abuse was in the press. Collymore was raging. 🤣

[Daktari]

5 hours ago, AllyjamboDerbyshire said:

Andy Watson, ex-Aberdeen and never popular with Hearts supporters,

I remember being at a game where Watson was getting booked and the Hearts support chanting 'Off! Off!Off!' 

[If carlsberg did rivals...]

At the quarters V Bayern, Ferguson scores and a guy near me, after things calm down shouts "that's what you call vorsprung durch technik!"

[gorgieheart]

Game v sevco ,  i was in wheatfield section F lower,  two rows from front...i think.

 

anyway, gazza was playing...clearly carrying a bit of weight...  he waddles near to where im sat ...

 

not sure why, but i shouted Gascoigne, you roundabout.....much chortling around me ,  Gazza turns , smile and thumbs up 

 

cant recall the score...had been in diggers for a shandy or 5 before the game.

 

 

[Daktari]

I was at a Six (maybe even Five) Nations game at Murrayfield, it was a while ago.... Gavin Hastings had fumbled a pass for a certain try. A voice, in a perfect Morningside Edinburgh accent calls out from just behind me, and quite close to the pitch as Hastings was walking back - 'Gavin!, Gavin!'. He probably thought it was someone he went to school with, looked up smiling and as far as I could see made eye contact with the bloke. In the same posh accent - 'You're just a big soapy tit w*nk!'. The smile faded but there was much hooraying from the boy's chums. 

[ramrod]

Years ago we had a season ticket in the Gorgie Stand just above the Hospitality seats  

As usual there were a  few straglers after halftime as the game had started .

We had a corner and one wag shouted at the top of his voice  " Sit down ya pie munching *******s " 

Probably not funny now but at the time a few of us cracked up at it 😂

 

[highlandjambo3]

Bout 10ish years ago we were at home to St Mirren….it was a nothing game near the end of the season with neither team playing particularly well, probably about 8k there but quiet enough to hear a shout…..I was near the dug out and a guy, pished out of his skull a few rows down shouted at the top of his voice “Old McDonald’s dyslexic….E, I, X, L, P….got a decent laugh, most of the subs in the dugout were pishing themselves 😂😂

[James1874f]

Playing Hibs at Tynecastle can't remember what game, Hibs players warming up before the game hit the ball into the Wheatfield. The white haired pale lad Ryan McGivern comes over to get the ball, Hearts fan chucks ball at him and shouts 'you mind put on your sunblock Ryan' even he had a laugh at it. 

[Tommy Brown]

Design Ormond

Back in the grim years

 

He obviously didn't mean to say design 

[Sooks]

“ CHARNLEY FOR SCOTLAND!!!! “

Enjoy the first division you risible scaffs  

[Worthing Jambo]

Was there not some cracking chants when we played Spurs at White Hart Lane?

it was just after the Enfield riots.

[AllyjamboDerbyshire]

3 hours ago, Daktari said:

I remember being at a game where Watson was getting booked and the Hearts support chanting 'Off! Off!Off!' 

Yes, he was never very popular as he wasn't the player we all thought he was from his time at Aberdeen, Leeds etc. At least he gave me that one memorable moment in his Hearts career (well really it was the joker in the crowd who did that).

[The Goalscoring Knee]

4 hours ago, scott herbertson said:

Was at Craven Cottage with a Wimbledon supporting mate for a cup game when Fulham were first division and Wimbledon Premier. Fulham won and there was a pitch invasion, Mohammed Al Fayhed came on the pitch to wave to the fans, dressed as dapper as ever

He came over to applaud the Wimbledon fans, generously

The Wimbldon fans, known as being a bit of a prawn cocktail sarnie brigade, sang back at him 

"We'll never shop at Harrods, We'll never shop at Harrods"

Ralph McTell used to tell the story of when Fulham were in the old Third Division and really not very good.

The game was halted while an injury was being treated and as the players loitered about, one exasperated voice came from the terrace: "Don't just stand there, Fulham - practise!"

[rubyruby]

28 minutes ago, Worthing Jambo said:

Was there not some cracking chants when we played Spurs at White Hart Lane?

it was just after the Enfield riots.

I was at that game,I remember hearing us singing "We,re only here to steal ur tellies" this was obviously during the Tottenham riots.

[rubyruby]

I remember miko being apprehended by police Scotland at Hamilton,we were 2-0 up and miko was warming up in front of us & was getting dugs abuse from the Hamilton scaffs cos miko was doing the 2-0 with his fingers at them & they got offended & reported him to the nearest copper,Miko thought it was funny & was shaking his head in disbelief but he was laughing.so were we.

[avhudtheteeshirt]

Years ago I was at Meadowbank Thistle V Clyde, during the game on a very cold afternoon, I notice a young Thistle fan getting more and more agitated as the Clyde fans were shouting "The Bully Wee The Bully Wee", after a while he stood up and at the top of his voice shouted "I bet you don't even know who Napoleon is" and sat down again.

The fact that he was well wrapped up he mistook what the were shouting, the fans around him just fell about laughing!!!

[scott herbertson]

At the Watford Hearts friendly way back in 1987 there were a number of amusing little songs sung to Elton John (and to the goalie Steve Sherwood whose testimonial it was , who took it in good humour when after we scored we sang "Stevie, Stevie, give us a goal")

 

We also played West Ham at Dagenham in 1994 in  a friendly benefit match for a west ham fan, Mick Dunne, who had Motor neurone disease. The floodlights failed at half time. After about 20 minutes in pitch darkeness some joker  started a chant of "We want our money back". I remember a policewoman looking horrified and waving at us to stop but fortunately the west Ham fans realised it was a joke.

 

 

[bajthejambo]

There was a meme about 12 years ago that was a guy chasing his dog shouting 'Fenton, FENTON! OH JESUS CHRIST'.

 

The usual pumping of Hibs at Easter Road and someone started shouting it at Fenlon. Of it's time but very funny all the same.

[waterboy11]

Not sure if it fully meets the criteria, but when Osman Sow scored that raker of a free kick against Celtic in the 90th minute. Scott Wilson was mid announcement.

 

'And the fourth official has indicata.. YAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!'

[Armageddon]

The boy at the back of the Wheatfield that would always scream “WINNURRSS” every week and multiple times each game.

[Heartsfth]

13 minutes ago, Armageddon said:

The boy at the back of the Wheatfield that would always scream “WINNURRSS” every week and multiple times each game.

There is a boy in section B that, as soon as there is a slight dip in our play, shouts “Neilson unacceptable booooo! Swap Neilson for any other manager still the same

[Clear few]

Chunky linesman running the Wheatfield during a St Midden game a few years ago.

Some card from lower bit of the stand in a moment of quiet shouts out “are your shorts digging in a wee bit big man?” 

😂 poor guy was stony faced and much laughter from the fans that heard!

It could only have been improved by it being that c u next Tuesday Douglas Ross but sadly I don’t think it was. 

[Oneneilberry]

my mates old man asked Les Fridge if a wee light came on when he opened his legs while collecting a ball behind the Goals 

Oddly enough years later I found myself buying some fruit and veg for a Kitchen I was working in at Fort William,there was dairy unit beside it and his Dad ran it .Great name for a milkman 😃

[Ulysses]

13 hours ago, tian447 said:

The one that I always remember and will never forget was at the Hearts 0-5 Spurs game in Europe in August 2011.  If you can cast your mind back, we got a bit of a doing by a bunch of players who physically made our players look like a bunch of wee lads, and outpaced them athletically and in every other way. It was a bit of a lesson in football. 

 

Anyway, obviously we were going to get cuffed, but the most baffling / funny thing was when it went 2-0 after 13 minutes when Defoe scored (who'd have thought he'd have ended up in Scottish football a decade later), the 2 old boys in front of me, who had been absolutely fizzing at the first goal, stood up, shouted "**** OFF HEARTS FOR ****S SAKES" and stormed out. One of them launched their scarf. 

 

The people sat beside me glanced over, and we both burst out laughing. It was such an unhinged reaction considering the odds we were up against.

 

I still think about it to this day. What were they expecting ffs?

 

Their squad was full of quality players, and then 2 years later, Spurs sold Bale for £85 Million, which would have bought Tynecastle, every single player in the squad, and a season ticket in every single seat, multiple times over.  But aye, **** off Hearts, eh?

 

 

 

IIRC, at 5-0 up the Spurs fans started to sing, to the tune of "Blue Moon" :

 

"6-5, you're going to win 6-5"

[Horatio Caine]

1 hour ago, Clear few said:

Chunky linesman running the Wheatfield during a St Midden game a few years ago.

Some card from lower bit of the stand in a moment of quiet shouts out “are your shorts digging in a wee bit big man?” 

😂 poor guy was stony faced and much laughter from the fans that heard!

It could only have been improved by it being that c u next Tuesday Douglas Ross but sadly I don’t think it was. 

Probably not, but maybe this has offered us a suggestion for the next time he treads our turf.

[Montgomery Brewster]

19 hours ago, busbyfth said:

The collective "The FFFHibs are having a party" etc etc at Tynie .....so we beat them and they ended up getting relegated.........Karmas a right bitch at times 😄

🙂👍🏻

[ShortmanRossco]

🎶Gnanduillet he’s 7ft and he cannae shoot 🎶 - a particular favourite of mine 

 

 

Dumpling.

[jimbojambo]

Davie Dodds (elephant man) was looking towards the old enclosure at a throw in. Old Bob next to us piped up " look away Dodds you barstewart I've just has my tea". 

[Seymour M Hersh]

One of the old guys I used to stand next to in the 80's came out with a beaut once. Can't remember the game but I suspect we were not getting "stuck in" enough to his liking until someone put in a solid challenge (probably a red card nowadays). Old Shuggie then shouts out "that's it Hearts give them the beef, that's what it's all about, the ****ing beef "! Made me laugh anyway. 

Edited May 4 by Seymour M Hersh