mscjambo Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Reading about Miko turning 40 made me reflect and remember him as a young gun. Made me feel old too! Was talking to a mate and reflecting on games of years gone by. We got talking about funny things we remembered. One of the topics was funny things we'd heard from fellow fans. Cup final vs Gretna. Penalties loom. Tension as Robbie Neilson picks up the ball, the guy behind me shouts: "You better be going to shy that into the net" In context at the time with the tension got a laugh... My question is what's the funniest/most ridiculous thing you've ever heard at a game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deevers Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 A few years ago now but standing in the old South Enclosure. Jimmy Bone was playing CF for us. Jimmy was at the end of his playing career and had be come just a bit rotund. Anyway he got flagged offside in a very narrow call and angrily confronted the referee near the touch line at the stand and the guy behind me bellowed out “it’s no you thats offside Jimmy, it’s your fecking belly”. Even Jimmy laughed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cosanostra Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 There was a weird guy who sat near me when I had a season ticket in the school end years ago that springs to mind. He sat middle, just a few rows above the crossbar. He looked like Doc from Back to the Future but with dark hair. Anyway, he was generally quiet but he ****ing hated Lee Wiklie that played for Dundee for some reason. He used to yell "you big, giant lesbian" at him and make drooling, sort of mentally disabled noises at him while slapping the back of his own hand. Most of his insults seemed to centre on Lee Wilkie being a lesbian. 🤔🤔🤔 He'd be there with his quiet, well presented kids and just abuse the hell out of Lee Wilkie for the 45 minutes that Dundee were at the school end. I never really cared for Lee Wilkie either tbh. Always seemed like a bell end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig_ Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Remember sitting despondent staring at the away end after Celtic scored a late winner at Tynecastle many years ago. Old guy behind me pats my shoulder and says, "don't worry son, they'll all be deid soon". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finlay James Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 I used to have my season ticket in the old main stand enclosure. There was a guy next to me who used to mercilessly rib one of the twins who played for Aberdeen (Darren I think) and goaded him every time he came near where we were sat. The best part was that Darren Young knew him and reacted angrily and got distracted. I asked the guy what the story was as they clearly knew each other and it turns out he had shagged Young’ girlfriend a few years back and they hated each other. It was petty but hilarious to watch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscjambo Posted May 3 Author Share Posted May 3 7 minutes ago, Finlay James said: I used to have my season ticket in the old main stand enclosure. There was a guy next to me who used to mercilessly rib one of the twins who played for Aberdeen (Darren I think) and goaded him every time he came near where we were sat. The best part was that Darren Young knew him and reacted angrily and got distracted. I asked the guy what the story was as they clearly knew each other and it turns out he had shagged Young’ girlfriend a few years back and they hated each other. It was petty but hilarious to watch. That's priceless 😆 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazzas right boot Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 (edited) V Hibs 1-1, big crowd John Miller equaliser iirc. Before KO, early on before it was rammed a Steward collapsed and had a fit. Auld guy shouts down, "calm down mate, we've not scored yet." Steward was OK. Edited May 3 by Bazzas right boot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copa-mundial Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 I remember being at Tannadice last game of the season. Not long after the news of David Goodwillie broke out. 2010/11 season possibly. A ball was played out to where the away fans sit pitch side (where the dug outs are.) Goodwillie Chased it down, was put under pressure and the ball went out for a throw in, as Goodwillie walked for the ball, a boy shouts " I heard she was 12!" To which DG replies with a face like he didn't know if he needed a shit or a haircut " naw she wisnae" Needless to say it had a good few laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HamishMcGonagall Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 I can't remember what game it was but Perry Kitchen hit a very tame shot and some old boy shouted "christ, I hit my wife harder than that" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Absolute Scenes Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 22 minutes ago, HamishMcGonagall said: I can't remember what game it was but Perry Kitchen hit a very tame shot and some old boy shouted "christ, I hit my wife harder than that" FFS 😭😭😭 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasAndy Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Might not sound funny now but I remember a shout during a game against Rangers when Jorge Albertz was playing (and dominating the game). Guy in front who was prone to a few shouts during games was trying to blurt out some sort of shout at Albertz. "Albertz, Albertz yer biscuits are shi*e" I couldn't stop chuckling at this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tian447 Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Not at a football game as such, but Rangers asking Dundee for a 5 figure sum of money to cover their postponed matches has to be one of the funniest shouts I've heard in a long time. Get ****ed Rangers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownkg Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 My cousin once shouted out "Referee your decisions are more inconsistent than my Mum's custard and she's not called lumpy Daniels for nothing" we still refer to him as "lumpy" at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tian447 Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 (edited) The one that I always remember and will never forget was at the Hearts 0-5 Spurs game in Europe in August 2011. If you can cast your mind back, we got a bit of a doing by a bunch of players who physically made our players look like a bunch of wee lads, and outpaced them athletically and in every other way. It was a bit of a lesson in football. Anyway, obviously we were going to get cuffed, but the most baffling / funny thing was when it went 2-0 after 13 minutes when Defoe scored (who'd have thought he'd have ended up in Scottish football a decade later), the 2 old boys in front of me, who had been absolutely fizzing at the first goal, stood up, shouted "**** OFF HEARTS FOR ****S SAKES" and stormed out. One of them launched their scarf. The people sat beside me glanced over, and we both burst out laughing. It was such an unhinged reaction considering the odds we were up against. I still think about it to this day. What were they expecting ffs? Their squad was full of quality players, and then 2 years later, Spurs sold Bale for £85 Million, which would have bought Tynecastle, every single player in the squad, and a season ticket in every single seat, multiple times over. But aye, **** off Hearts, eh? Edited May 3 by tian447 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1953 Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Many years ago in the family enclosure at Dunfermline the linesman running the line in front of us was rubbish. Late on, after a particularly poor decision against us, a guy ran down to the front and shouted 'linesman your crap and you're no even good looking either'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooks Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 A guy who stood up ten minutes in to a game once and shouted “ **** of Levein this is shite “ , “ and take Hartley with you “ ………… made his whole family get up and leave Not sure if this one counts but every time the opposition have sang “ Hearts are falling apart again “ only to lose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lost in space Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 A long time ago - Hearts at home to Hobos. Willie Jamieson playing for Hearts at CH. He had been at hobos for many years and signed for 1 year I think. Very close to the Main stand Willie is giving his ex teammate and pal Keith Wright a very hard time and the 2 of them are struggling for the ball. Jambo fan shouts - "get into that Hibz ****". Both of them couldnt continue for laughing - as they were both Hibs *****. Later that season - Hearts at Tynie are a goal down to Celtic (3-2, I think). Very late in the game, Jamieson (who is a CH and not a goal-scorer) lines up to take a shot from 30 yards. I shout - "Willie dont be so stupid............GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". A screamer into the top corner. Brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey J J Jr Shabadoo Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 H1b5 fans singing Happy New Year to us, just as Graeme Weir came on to pitch, a couple of minutes into injury time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnjambo Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 At the last home game versus Ross County the women that sit next to me spent the whole game shouting about what a Malky McKay was. It was Derek Adams in the technical area. I suppose they were right. He is a whether he was there or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnjambo Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debut 4 Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 1 hour ago, HamishMcGonagall said: I can't remember what game it was but Perry Kitchen hit a very tame shot and some old boy shouted "christ, I hit my wife harder than that" I’ve heard a variation on that from my Dad-in-Law’s mate. Someone hit a tame effort at goal and he shouted, “I’ve shot my duff harder!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooks Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Ten men couldnt carry Scotland ………… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Beni of Gorgie Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 A middle aged bloke who barely looked as if he had ever been at a football match, with his young son, maybe only 6, last day of the season at St Johnstone, mid 90s, every time the flag went up, he would stand and sing "Offside Offside.....Offside Offside". I doubt the poor kid ever went back to a football match, cringing every time dad stood up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveyT Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 I was at a Motherwell away game years ago. The fans were separated by a wire fence. Motherwell scored and started singing: Well Well Well Well Well. An old Hearts bloke shouted Well ****ing what ? Even the Motherwell fans were laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex member of the SaS Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Christ my memory is sh!t anyway was were abroad with a crowd of young lads on a stag, and took in some diddy game, we all ( without making the decision ) to applaud the nearside linesman whenever he made a call. Got to the point where he couldn't keep up with play and couldn't turn towards us at half time. You had to be there, anyway the game was so poor I can't even remember the score! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gundermann Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 26 minutes ago, Sooks said: Ten men couldnt carry Scotland ………… This! Hibs fans have a good record of such soothsaying. They did in with Halliday too in yon derby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
embra jam tart Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 My mate who is blind as a bat used to be embarrassed about wearing glasses so often didn't wear them at the football. When someone gave the ball away or messed up he would ask me who gave it away. No matter who the culprit was I used to tell him it was Miko. Was very funny watching him stand up and shout 'for f sake Miko' when poor Miko was no where near the ball. Loved Miko though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig_ Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 52 minutes ago, lost in space said: Later that season - Hearts at Tynie are a goal down to Celtic (3-2, I think). Very late in the game, Jamieson (who is a CH and not a goal-scorer) lines up to take a shot from 30 yards. I shout - "Willie dont be so stupid............GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". A screamer into the top corner. Brilliant. To be fair, I've done that with Alan Forrest a couple of times recently. "Don't shoot...oh for fu.......YESSSS!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagger Is Back Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Hearts v Killie at Tynie Killie make a sub and Chris Johnston a winger comes on. He was 5 foot 4. Greeted with a shout of ‘Hi Ho’ from a lad in Section G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimp Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 3 hours ago, cosanostra said: There was a weird guy who sat near me when I had a season ticket in the school end years ago that springs to mind. He sat middle, just a few rows above the crossbar. He looked like Doc from Back to the Future but with dark hair. Anyway, he was generally quiet but he ****ing hated Lee Wiklie that played for Dundee for some reason. He used to yell "you big, giant lesbian" at him and make drooling, sort of mentally disabled noises at him while slapping the back of his own hand. Most of his insults seemed to centre on Lee Wilkie being a lesbian. 🤔🤔🤔 He'd be there with his quiet, well presented kids and just abuse the hell out of Lee Wilkie for the 45 minutes that Dundee were at the school end. I never really cared for Lee Wilkie either tbh. Always seemed like a bell end. 😂 Love when someone just has it in for a certain player. This one is even funnier the fact he was acting out of character and couldn't contain himself😆 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chong Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 In the 90s, at a little lul in the game, while away at Ibrox when my mate stood up and shouted "get yer hair cut ya baldy *******!" at Mark Hateley. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooks Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 54 minutes ago, Gundermann said: This! Hibs fans have a good record of such soothsaying. They did in with Halliday too in yon derby. Andy Halliday , could have won the cup but ………….. Kablammy …………… Kablammy again ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hagar the Horrible Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 In the good/bad ole days, you used to go to other games, if yours was off, I went on the Rangers bus to Tannadice, Standing with my mates some guy standing right next to me just randomly shouted FFS Rangers get into these orange b@51425s, the place fell silent and everybody started slowly getting a bit of distance from the guy like he had just farted. he said what? looked totally confused, I had to explain to him who were orange and United were in tangerine, he found a new place to stand Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pasquale for King Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Scott Crabbe scored a free kick against us for Utd up at Tannadice and someone ahouted “YOU HEARTS *******” 🤣😂?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandylejambo Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 I got Jock Wallace laughing out loud when we played Rangers at Tyne castle, we were getting beat 3-0 and Alex Miller was warming up, I shouted "for F sake Wallace bring Miller on and give us a F'n chance" Miller gave me daggers and Big Jock laughed his nuts off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandylejambo Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Coming out of Tynecastle after a game we won handsomely a bloke said to his mate " that was better than my mother in-laws funeral" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllyjamboDerbyshire Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Clydebank v Hearts at Kilbowie Park. It was a very small ground and Hearts were struggling to beat a crap Clydebank side. During a very quiet part of the game, and the crowd virtually silent, our player, Andy Watson, ex-Aberdeen and never popular with Hearts supporters, had been sent out to warm up and was running in front of our supporters when a very loud shout went out, 'Taxi for Watson'. He clearly heard it and knew why it was shouted (no one wanted him on the park) and looked quite hurt by it - especially by the gales laughter from everyone in the crowd. It was the highlight of the game for most of us and is the only thing I clearly remember from that day, not even sure but think the result was 0-0. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AC Mallin_51 Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 “Come on Oda. Dae what Odas dae” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Absolute Scenes Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 Was at the Crawley town friendly either last season pre season or year before, and the ref gave a free kick to them for a foul on us, a few groans and moans but nothing serious considering it was a friendly 30 seconds later, after game has resumed, a boy jumps up and screams “IDIOT” (sounded like “ADIOT” in his broad accent) Took the whole stand by surprise and definitely saw a few chuckles. My mate was with, me who isn’t really into football but wanted to come to a game to experience it, was like “is he awrite?”, laughter from myself a few others around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meister Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 My work used to have a sales incentive where for the highest monthly sales they had 2 Hibs hospitality tickets that were offered up. I won it one month so took a hibs supporting mate of mine along. Game was shite and the ground was, as usual, pretty quiet. A wee lull in the game an the crowd was doing nothing. Hibs player goes down injured next to the main stand, and at the same time someone's text message alert goes off fairly loudly. Boy down near the front screamed "TAXI FOR LOVELL !!!" and Alex McLeish turned round, not saying he was laughing but he appeared to see the funny side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tharig Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 In the main stand back in the day I heard two shouts that have puzzled me to this day directed at Kenny Aird. “away and lie on your side” and about 15 mins later ” your just a biscuit barrel” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batistuta87 Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 (edited) Boy near me to Paul McGinn... "PAUL! PAAAAUL!" "YER PARENTS LOVE JOHN MORE!" Also... to Stephen O'Donnel: "HOW THE **** DID YOU GET IN THE SCOTLAND TEAM!" SO: "DUNNO" 🤣 Edited May 3 by Batistuta87 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matty Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 A long time ago probably about 20 years, I sat in front of 2 old guys - they had one chant they would do 2-3 times throughout a match. In their loudest voice... One would shout 'Heart of Midlothian' The other would then shout 'Destroy' Well I thought it was funny 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Leitch Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 3 hours ago, Bazzas right boot said: V Hibs 1-1, big crowd John Miller equaliser iirc. Before KO, early on before it was rammed a Steward collapsed and had a fit. Auld guy shouts down, "calm down mate, we've not scored yet." Steward was OK. Funny one that Tosh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caveman Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 V Motherwell in the late 80’s / early 90’s & they’re a goal up, Hearts fans go quiet whilst the ‘well fans are rubbing it in - until one of our fans stands up and shouts “at least we have jobs.” Silence from their end & howls of laughter from ours… Another game saw Christian Nade go on a great run down the wing, boy behind us shouts “Go Nads” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busbyfth Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 The collective "The FFFHibs are having a party" etc etc at Tynie .....so we beat them and they ended up getting relegated.........Karmas a right bitch at times 😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stupid Sexy Flanders Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 2 hours ago, brownkg said: My cousin once shouted out "Referee your decisions are more inconsistent than my Mum's custard and she's not called lumpy Daniels for nothing" we still refer to him as "lumpy" at times. That's incredible 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the posh bit Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 I once stood behind the goal on the old terracing and watched Rangers (RIP) pump us 5-2 at home, a rare win at Tynecastle for them back in they days. Butcher was running the show and at one point someone shouted "C'mon Hearts, someone hit that ***** Butcher, he's like Russ Abbott in tight shorts, FFS." 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartsfth Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 From playing football many years ago. Had a team mate who had very pale skin. It was a freezing cold day and he was dribbling down the wing. Up goes a shout from the other team “get him with the purple legs” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Findlay Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 I like to shout at the bald officials when I perceive them to have gotten a decision wrong or missed something. Referee/linesman, did your hair get in your eyes again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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