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lauriesrank

Struggling

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lauriesrank

Guys, I know I try and put a brave face on and nonsense however, I cannot cope with my dad dying, seriously, I can't get over finding him and think about it at least every hour, I cry every day I cannot concentrate when working, how do you guys who have been through it cope?

 

I have a CPN, but don't think she can empathise!  Just looking for some crying out assistance.  

 

I found my dad on the 17th of Augusr, ane whereas I know grief can be rough.. I just cannot get over it all.  Again, never looking for sympathy, just a semblance of help from empathisers.

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J.T.F.Robertson
12 minutes ago, lauriesrank said:

Guys, I know I try and put a brave face on and nonsense however, I cannot cope with my dad dying, seriously, I can't get over finding him and think about it at least every hour, I cry every day I cannot concentrate when working, how do you guys who have been through it cope?

 

I have a CPN, but don't think she can empathise!  Just looking for some crying out assistance.  

 

I found my dad on the 17th of Augusr, ane whereas I know grief can be rough.. I just cannot get over it all.  Again, never looking for sympathy, just a semblance of help from empathisers.

 

I cannot imagine going through what you have but ask yourself, would your dad want you to take it like this? The answer must be an emphatic "no". 

It's a shit fact of life and though it may sound trite, it will ease.

 

Hang in.

 

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Mollo

Firstly my condolences, it’s not easy. But it is possible to move on so don’t give up. I found it difficult when my mum died - but a few thoughts got me to brighter days:

 

She was a great parent and I got 23 great years with her. Some folk get less, some get more with shitty parents

 

She brought me up without wallowing in the death of her own folks and that was a good reference point for me to focus on

 

As other poster says, what would they want? Moving on would bring much relief to them if they knew how you were. 

 

I was determined that all the things that made me smile about her when she was alive would continue to do so when she was gone! What made you smile before still should now 🙂

 

Remember it’s part of life and trillions of people have been there. It’s normal and you CAN cope. It’s possible so be determined to not let it consume you. The end of his life should not cause bad times in yours. 

 

Lastly - talking face to face with folk is more powerful than you’d think. Reach out for it as well as on here. 

 

Hoping for the best for you 👍🏻

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Carl Fredrickson

Sorry to hear this. It is good that you miss your dad as it shows that you had a good relationship with him. It is normal to grieve over a loved one and it can take years before things "settle down" emotionally. Time doesnt heal, but what it does is put a distance between the worst pain and where you are now.  

 

i lost my dad when I was 24 and I have now lived more of my life without him. It still hurts but things have to move on.

 

As Mollo says - talk to others about how you feel. Often friends or colleagues you least expect to be of help will be the best support. 

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Sarah O

Really sorry to hear and deepest condolences on your loss - I have no real advice other than let it out. There is no shame in crying and can often act as a release. You never truly get over the loss of someone so dear but it will become more manageable over time. 

 

Stick in there. 

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fabienleclerq

Sorry for your loss.

 

I lost my old boy a couple years ago, I still struggle to talk about it without turning into a bubbling mess. You learn to cope with it, I wouldn't say I'm over it or ever will be. 

 

I spoke to a few cousins and all four of us lost a parent before 30, we all agreed you kind of learn to block it out. For me getting back to my usual routine helped and I kind of took a **** it life's too short attitude and pushed myself to get a better job twice over. I use it for motivation and weirdly for not being religious at all, look to sky at times for focus/inspiration from him.

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Dannie Boy
6 hours ago, lauriesrank said:

Guys, I know I try and put a brave face on and nonsense however, I cannot cope with my dad dying, seriously, I can't get over finding him and think about it at least every hour, I cry every day I cannot concentrate when working, how do you guys who have been through it cope?

 

I have a CPN, but don't think she can empathise!  Just looking for some crying out assistance.  

 

I found my dad on the 17th of Augusr, ane whereas I know grief can be rough.. I just cannot get over it all.  Again, never looking for sympathy, just a semblance of help from empathisers.

 

Please accept my sincere and heart felt condolences.

Grief affects everyone differently. There is no timeline that says when and if you will ever get over it however there are stages of grief which are (copied from the web) 

SHOCK & DENIAL- You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. ... 

PAIN & GUILT- ... 

ANGER & BARGAINING- ... 

"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- ... 

THE UPWARD TURN- ... 

RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- ... 

ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

You may not experience them all and there in no time scale for passing through any stages of grief.

 From a personal experience both my parents are dead and I do think of them and miss them but I realise within myself that they have passed as we will all do at some point. However my wife on the other hand is often in tears when she remembers her parents or something like a birthday triggers her grief again. She says she’ll never got over it.

The bottom line is that you loved your Dad and and that love will never die. 

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lauriesrank

Thanks for the messages guys, some great statements and sincerity :)  I of course had another wee greet reading them!  

 

Aye, he'd be mightily pissed off if he did see me blubbering, quite possibly rightly so too!!

 

This might sound a little silly but I actually think by asking it has been a release of some sort!

 

Anyway, it was an outpouring of grief this morning and I am genuinely thankful for you guys taking the time out.

 

Cheers, Paul.

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I P Knightley

First up, well done for recognising the issue and asking for help.

 

Like Mollo and Carl, I was early 20s when my dad died and I was nowhere near prepared for it. You don't get over it but your approach to thinking about it and dealing with it will change over time.

 

I don't believe in 'life after death' in the way of ghosties or heaven and hell but I know that my dad is with me all the time. He helped to shape me to be the person I am; he cared for me and got me through whatever I was going through so I know that there are ways I behave because of him and, 30-odd years on, I'll still look back on my day and see where he's influenced me. The same applies, of course, to the rest of my family and friends who I grew up surrounded by.

 

In the early stages, I'd have been like you. I had work and some exams I had to focus on and would often find myself daydreaming when I should have been more productive. I was helped by two factors: One was that I had moved away from Edinburgh so there was less to remind me of him (also, he and my mum had moved house a little while before so when I went/go 'home' it's not me and my dad's home). You can't engineer that - it was just my circumstances.

 

The other thing was that I made plans to set aside a time just for reflection about Dad; out of my work & study routine and away from where I was living, socialising etc.

 

For me, there were a few churches around where I was working. I would set a plan to go to one of them and just sit on my own for 30 minutes, thinking, smiling, crying, whatever. I stress - this was not a religious thing; I wasn't speaking to God or a vicar - they weren't even churches of the RC denomination I was brought up in (though, come to think of it, Dad was a proddy and, if there was such a thing as hanging around, he was more likely to be in St Bride's or St Paul's cathedral than soaking up the incense and candles!)

 

Doesn't have to be a church. A library, a garden of remembrance, sitting on a rock at Silverknowes beach... anywhere away from hustle and bustle where you won't be disturbed.

 

I don't know whether it helped me cope any better than if I'd done anything else. I'm not good at opening up to people face-to-face and was a lot worse when younger so, although I'm sure I had that outlet, I didn't use it.

 

Anyway, Laurie, you have a lot of good replies so far. Hope that you find something helpful in at least one of them.

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I P Knightley
1 minute ago, lauriesrank said:

Aye, he'd be mightily pissed off if he did see me blubbering, quite possibly rightly so too!!

 

Mate, I'd be royally pissed off if I thought my boys weren't blubbering about my demise :D. I'd find a way to come back and haunt the ungrateful little fokkers.

 

Seriously, it would probably mean I'd been a shite dad.

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JamesM48

i know its a cliche but time is a great healer.  Sometimes it can hit you like a ton of bricks...Memories...My dad or mums favourite song on the telly or radio and memories come flooding back etc.  But I love to have those memories . They are comforting as it evidences I had a great enduring love for them. But like i said it takes time it only becomes an issue if it impacts on daily life and work , routines, mood , enjoyment etc

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lauriesrank
16 minutes ago, I P Knightley said:

Mate, I'd be royally pissed off if I thought my boys weren't blubbering about my demise :D. I'd find a way to come back and haunt the ungrateful little fokkers.

 

Seriously, it would probably mean I'd been a shite dad.

Aye, I think I meant more the excessiveness, although you made me smile :)

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Herbert

Maybe the shock of finding him isn't helping. I still remember all the bodies I've dealt with and it's horrible thinking about them even years later. Just think of the last time you spoke to him as the last time you seen him. If you think of your dad and that image of him dead crops up you'll remember how you felt then and it's gonna make you feel 100x worse. 

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Dawnrazor

Go and speak to a professional mate, sit down with someone who can help. Take care. 

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iantjambo
1 hour ago, lauriesrank said:

Thanks for the messages guys, some great statements and sincerity :)  I of course had another wee greet reading them!  

 

Aye, he'd be mightily pissed off if he did see me blubbering, quite possibly rightly so too!!

 

This might sound a little silly but I actually think by asking it has been a release of some sort!

 

Anyway, it was an outpouring of grief this morning and I am genuinely thankful for you guys taking the time out.

 

Cheers, Paul.

 

Getting how you’re feeling out into the open is definitely a good thing mate, even if it is just to a bunch of knobheads on a message board.

 

I remember the thread you started when this happened. Once again, my deepest condolences to you.

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Bagel

Very sorry about your loss mate, I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling. There’s a good podcast available called Griefcast, that may be worth a listen. The presenter speaks to a new person every week (usually a comedian or actor) about someone they’ve lost, and their experiences of grief and ways of coping. It’s fairly light-hearted considering the subject matter. You may find that you can relate to some of the things that are discussed, which may help a little. I appreciate it may not be something you’re at the stage to do yet but thought it was worth mentioning. Take care.

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BarneyBattles
4 hours ago, lauriesrank said:

Thanks for the messages guys, some great statements and sincerity :)  I of course had another wee greet reading them!  

 

Aye, he'd be mightily pissed off if he did see me blubbering, quite possibly rightly so too!!

 

This might sound a little silly but I actually think by asking it has been a release of some sort!

 

Anyway, it was an outpouring of grief this morning and I am genuinely thankful for you guys taking the time out.

 

Cheers, Paul.

 

Something which may bring you a crumb of comfort looking ahead is that the memories of your dad will remain as fresh as they are now for ever. My old man died 10 years ago and I think about him every day and still feel as close to him now as I did when he was alive.

 

So don't worry about the years fading your memories of him, they won't.

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bobsharp

Death is a cruel master, it not only takes, but it also makes you think about those who have passed even when you try not to. Like another poster I dealt with death aa a young man through my work, it became the normal as opposed to the new, and even in that way it proved its cruelty.

I went back to Scotland to visit my mother when she was admitted to hospital with what turned out to be pancreatic cancer. She died a few days after I got there, I done all I could for my father, and was rewarded by being told she never forgave me for coming to Canada. Death I knew right then where was thy sting.

I brought my Dad to Canada after as he could not take care of himself, he lasted a year, I took his ashes home and he lies permanently on a slope in Holyrood Park, where he can see his native Fife and the Edinburgh he loved. In his case I said death .... you.

My sister who lived for sixty years died three years ago from Dementia related causes she suffered chronic homesickness in the United States, in loyalty to her alchoholic husband who helped her by sobering and rela

apsing on a daily basis. O.K death you got me this time.

Not to be outdone death got me again with the passing of my daughter. O.K big guy you win again.

It is the saddest thing that can hit a person, but you have to get up, face it and take solace from the fact that in your mind you done the right things, and from what I read you did. Time is the healer, I find if I am in to a thinking mood I realise that death is inevitable, it is fair some times and takes us from pain, it is permanent so we can heal ourselves, and

 it will happen to us all, so take  consolation that you done your best, you maintained your love for your Dad, and consider the wisdom my mother imparted to a relative who asked her if she was afraid of dying, and she responded "no I will be glad of the rest".

 

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Dagger Is Back

Really sorry for your loss Paul.

 

You’ll never get over it as you clearly had a great relationship. You will though in time cope with it a bit better.

 

My wife list her Mum in March almost 2 years to the day she lost her Dad. 

 

She felt it really really badly. Cruse offered one to one help after 3 months and that’s been very helpful.

 

Don’t bottle up your feelings. Speak to people. It’s absolutely normal to mourn and cry. Both of us are still crying and it can be the smallest thing that sets us off.

 

Don’t neglect your own well being either. From personal experience it’s easy to shut yourself away, stop eating properly etc 

 

Don’t know if you have kids mate but keep an eye on them too. Ours are 19 and 16 and I thought they were coping. Events in the last 2/3 months tell me orherwise.

 

Take care

 

 Paul

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The Old Tolbooth

I absolutely sympathise with you Laurie, and you have my deepest condolences. 

 

A lot of what you said resonates with myself because I lost my own father in October 2017, and I was beating myself up about it every single hour of every single day that I wasn't with him when he passed (cancer). I had a pre booked holiday planned and he seemed as well as could be expected when I left to go on holiday, I was going to cancel it but he got annoyed at me and told me to go and he'd see me when I got back, I didn't enjoy the holiday because of the situation and it didn't feel right being there, but I went anyway as per his wishes. I was about to board the plane to come home and was standing in the queue when I received a phone call from my sister t say that he'd passed away literally 2 minutes earlier, my sister was broken, I was in absolute tears in the queue trying to board the plane, it was the most hellish flight home I've ever had, and I blamed myself and felt so guilty for going on holiday, I literally beat myself up for months afterwards. 

 

Fast forward a few months and I had to speak to someone about it as it was eating me inside out, it helped, it helped a lot. People kept saying to me that it was my dads wishes for me to go on holiday, and he absolutely wouldn't want me to be like I was, and they were absolutely correct, in fact he'd be really annoyed at me for it. It eventually sunk in and my sister and I recently scattered this ashes on the exact one year anniversary of his death on his favourite golf course, and that's given me closure, I no longer beat myself up about it and I'm back to normal again, I guess time really is the healer in this instance, but there will always feel like a massive void in my life, it's never going to be quite the same. 

 

I really hope you don't beat yourself up like I did mate, and taking the steps to talk about it is a brave thing to do, your dad would be so proud of you right now, think of the good times, remember his memory, I've even put up a picture which holds 5 other pictures inside it all of my dad and put it up in my office, all pictures are of him smiling and I still chat away to him about the shite we used to spraff about, it really helps, it's the little things mate. 

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Phil Dunphy

I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my dad when I was 14 to lung cancer and it absolutely crushed me. Saturday just gone was the 17th anniversary of his passing and it was a rough one. 

 

Losing a parent is something I don’t think you ever really get over. You learn to cope with the grief and the missing element but you never really move on. I know things are hard now, but you won’t be alone. Don’t be afraid to just go into a room and scream. Let your feelings out whenever you feel they get on top of you. 

 

I was lucky that my best friend had gone through the same thing a few years before so she knew what I was going through and I finally understood what she went through. We didn’t live in the same town or go to the same school by that point, but I think that cemented our friendship. Which is the only positive to take away from what was absolutely the worst period in my life. 

 

Don't ever be afraid to open up. And don’t ever feel ashamed that you miss him. Because I miss my dad every single day. 

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CostaJambo

What you are going through is absolutely normal mate, you are not alone.

 

Being brutally honest, you are never going to get over it, but over time you learn to live with it easier, simple as that. 

 

The first xmas, first birthday, first this, first that are always hard but hopefully you will be able to make a bit more sense of the loss by the time the second one comes around.

 

All the best, hope this helps.

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Morgan

Paul,

 

I can only sympathise with you. I was exactly the same when my wee mum went away. Wasn't quite so bad with my dad as we had a close, but not very close, relationship.

 

Christmas will probably be a real [email protected] for you but just cry until you're done and then think of him and try to smile.

 

You won't ever fully get over it but, and I know it's a cliche, time will ease your pain.

 

Keep your chin up man.

 

Morgan

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martoon

Speak to other members of your family about your dad and, if possible, his friends. Talk about old times and funny times. Tears and a little laughter can be a real tonic in tough times. 

 

All the best, mate. 

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LeftBack
10 hours ago, JamesM48 said:

i know its a cliche but time is a great healer.  Sometimes it can hit you like a ton of bricks...Memories...My dad or mums favourite song on the telly or radio and memories come flooding back etc.  But I love to have those memories . They are comforting as it evidences I had a great enduring love for them. But like i said it takes time it only becomes an issue if it impacts on daily life and work , routines, mood , enjoyment etc

This. I lost my mum suddenly in January 2017 and for a year it was hell. Initially my body shut down to deal with the shock but it was tough. The funeral, her birthday in February, my birthday, Xmas, new year and the anniversary of her death. But this year has definitely been easier. I still think about her of course but not painfully. Stick in there mate and well done for being so open. 

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jamie1874

As others have said, time does help. Sounds like it was unexpected since you found him, which I can only imagine makes it really hard.

 

I was in my early 20s when my dad passed, its now 15 years later and there is times I wake up and he was clearly in my dream and I can remember it all and then reality kicks. No point prentending it not tough, especially at various moments in your life where you wish he could see you as you hope he would be proud of things you have done etc.

 

However to be honest that is actually how I deal with it, he brought me up to be a person who believes you should always push yourself to better yourself and you get nothing handed to you. Therefore when things go well I like to think he would have been proud, and while that can be a sad moment it’s also a warm moment as you know the person you are is down to him. The other thing I try to think about is the people my dad would have lost in his lifetime, he would have had the same sad moments, however he didn’t let any of that stop him bringing me up the way he did, and I think that thought then makes me know he would hate if my life stood still due to grief for him, so instead I try and use that sadness to motivate me instead. 

 

But everyone one has their own way of dealing with things and you should never apologise to anyone on how you feel no matter what the time period has passed.

 

 

 

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Dusk_Till_Dawn

If you feel the need, try and speak to someone professional (I don’t mean pay but go to a doctor or something like that). A mate of mine very nearly lost his wife earlier this year and was really traumatised by the experience. I convinced him eventually that he needed help to rationalise his thought process about it and it definitely helped him. Much as I was chatting to him loads, it’s not the same.

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Sooperstar

One of my colleagues lost his mum and dad within weeks of each other about 18 months ago. They were his life. He saw them every day, before and after work. Didn't live with them but ate every meal with them. He was obviously devastated when they died and he was off work for almost a year. When he came back he was still a broken man, just not himself at all. Slowly but surely though he has come back to himself and is much much better than he was. He can go out and enjoy himself and it helps take his mind off things.

 

Just take your time, as long as you need. You'll get there in the end.

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Roxy Hearts
19 hours ago, lauriesrank said:

Guys, I know I try and put a brave face on and nonsense however, I cannot cope with my dad dying, seriously, I can't get over finding him and think about it at least every hour, I cry every day I cannot concentrate when working, how do you guys who have been through it cope?

 

I have a CPN, but don't think she can empathise!  Just looking for some crying out assistance.  

 

I found my dad on the 17th of Augusr, ane whereas I know grief can be rough.. I just cannot get over it all.  Again, never looking for sympathy, just a semblance of help from empathisers.

My Dad passed away a few years ago on Boxing Day in a foreign country and we never got to bury him or grieve properly. I decided to have a plaque at the wall of remembrance at Tynecastle and to me and my family he's always there. 

 

You will find the inner strength Lauriesrank, it's in all of us. Stay strong and cry all you want as it's a way of coping rather than bottling it up. 

 

Always remember the good times and don't be scared to talk about it. This is the first time I've posted something about my Dad, a Hearts man, a real PHM. If not for him or my Grandad I don't know which team I would've supported. Wish you the best Christmas you can have at this time as I can understand your feelings as the date of my Dad's passing is close. Celebrate his life and have a drink for yourself and for him. All the best. 

 

Edited by Roxy Hearts

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The Frenchman Returns

Firstly condolences Laurie

 

There's an awful lot of great advice on this thread, some that will suit you and some that might not. 

 

I lost my mum 8 years ago because she drank herself to death. The men in our family don't show emotions and it was expected that my dad and I kept it together and looked after everyone else. I finally broke down once at home and months of pent up grief came out, I cried , howled is probably a better description, like I have never done before or since. I agreed to go to the doctors but didn't feel that made things better, I probably hoped someone would wave a magic wand. It wasn't until I was seeing the practice nurse, who I had always thought was a stuck up cow, that I found someone who understood. She sat me down and we talked and talked. Her help, understanding and advice was invaluable. It was one of those eureka moments where I can remember where and when it was.

 

Times got better and we moved on. Then a couple of years down the line my dad came to see me the day I got back from holiday, he had been diagnosed with cancer. We say the specialists and he was given between a day and a year. He made it clear that it was down to him and me to keep it together and we would get through this making sure everyone else was ok. Instead of a year he fought it for 20 months until he basically had had enough. It was time to go. I had done everything he wanted and would do the same again. 

 

Months later we were at a party and a girl my wife and I  have known for 20 odd years pulled me aside. I thought my luck was in but she had been watching me. She said I wasn't right, as usual I poo pooed it but she persisted. She made me realise I was putting on a front and needed time to grieve. She had seen it in my eyes, perceptive lovely lady that she is.

 

Anyway time is a healer although you will never fully heal. I love and respect my dad more now than ever. I miss him daily and only a couple of days ago my daughter was telling me she was treating an old Hearts player, she is a nurse, and the first thing that went through my mind was I will have to tell dad. I burst into tears. Its one of the best and worst things about the relationship we had, so much of our enjoyment together revolved around Hearts. The memorial garden is a great place to go when I need to speak to him.

 

Sorry for rambling on

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JamesM48

I lost my dad at a young age and the most upsetting thing about it was the dreams i had. It may sound odd but i think its something which people never really acknowledge. Id dream that he was alive and telling me that everything was fine. They i  would wake up and the grief would start all over it,,  It did eventually subside.   Now i welcome dreaming about those i loved who have died. Its very comforting. 

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I P Knightley
12 hours ago, The Frenchman Returns said:

Firstly condolences Laurie

 

There's an awful lot of great advice on this thread, some that will suit you and some that might not. 

 

I lost my mum 8 years ago because she drank herself to death. The men in our family don't show emotions and it was expected that my dad and I kept it together and looked after everyone else. I finally broke down once at home and months of pent up grief came out, I cried , howled is probably a better description, like I have never done before or since. I agreed to go to the doctors but didn't feel that made things better, I probably hoped someone would wave a magic wand. It wasn't until I was seeing the practice nurse, who I had always thought was a stuck up cow, that I found someone who understood. She sat me down and we talked and talked. Her help, understanding and advice was invaluable. It was one of those eureka moments where I can remember where and when it was.

 

Times got better and we moved on. Then a couple of years down the line my dad came to see me the day I got back from holiday, he had been diagnosed with cancer. We say the specialists and he was given between a day and a year. He made it clear that it was down to him and me to keep it together and we would get through this making sure everyone else was ok. Instead of a year he fought it for 20 months until he basically had had enough. It was time to go. I had done everything he wanted and would do the same again. 

 

Months later we were at a party and a girl my wife and I  have known for 20 odd years pulled me aside. I thought my luck was in but she had been watching me. She said I wasn't right, as usual I poo pooed it but she persisted. She made me realise I was putting on a front and needed time to grieve. She had seen it in my eyes, perceptive lovely lady that she is.

 

Anyway time is a healer although you will never fully heal. I love and respect my dad more now than ever. I miss him daily and only a couple of days ago my daughter was telling me she was treating an old Hearts player, she is a nurse, and the first thing that went through my mind was I will have to tell dad. I burst into tears. Its one of the best and worst things about the relationship we had, so much of our enjoyment together revolved around Hearts. The memorial garden is a great place to go when I need to speak to him.

 

Sorry for rambling on

That's a lovely post, Frenchie but ... this is JKB so...

 

 

You and the nurse? Eh? Didya? Eh?

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I P Knightley
11 hours ago, JamesM48 said:

I lost my dad at a young age and the most upsetting thing about it was the dreams i had. It may sound odd but i think its something which people never really acknowledge. Id dream that he was alive and telling me that everything was fine. They i  would wake up and the grief would start all over it,,  It did eventually subside.   Now i welcome dreaming about those i loved who have died. Its very comforting. 

I still occasionally wake up with tears on my face having had a dream that Dad has been with me and, particularly, that he's taken pride in my kids - who he never knew.

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JamesM48
2 minutes ago, I P Knightley said:

I still occasionally wake up with tears on my face having had a dream that Dad has been with me and, particularly, that he's taken pride in my kids - who he never knew.

Does it upset you or comfort you?   You did say you wake up with tears on your face?  Like i said I feel a sense of comfort when I dream about people who i loved who have died. Dreams are an interesting area . Its mainly our own subconscious fears or wishes wish we dream about. I remember when I was in my mid 20s and always dreamed about being late for an exam...I felt this was me feeling i was underachieving and should do something more with my life.  I went to Uni etc and after a time this dream ended.  Thats just an example..The content of dreams are symbols of things in your life maybe causing stress/ anxiety/ happiness etc. 

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I P Knightley
7 minutes ago, JamesM48 said:

Does it upset you or comfort you?   You did say you wake up with tears on your face?  Like i said I feel a sense of comfort when I dream about people who i loved who have died. Dreams are an interesting area . Its mainly our own subconscious fears or wishes wish we dream about. I remember when I was in my mid 20s and always dreamed about being late for an exam...I felt this was me feeling i was underachieving and should do something more with my life.  I went to Uni etc and after a time this dream ended.  Thats just an example..The content of dreams are symbols of things in your life maybe causing stress/ anxiety/ happiness etc. 

I figure that the tears come in that semi-conscious moment between the dream and waking. Once I've properly come to, I can smile about it through my own pseudo psychology that I'm passing on Dad's values to my kids and that I am probably doing a half decent job of it. I'm probably wondering whether Dad approves but I'm pretty certain he would. They may be arseholes at times but my kids are alright.

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JamesM48
1 minute ago, I P Knightley said:

I figure that the tears come in that semi-conscious moment between the dream and waking. Once I've properly come to, I can smile about it through my own pseudo psychology that I'm passing on Dad's values to my kids and that I am probably doing a half decent job of it. I'm probably wondering whether Dad approves but I'm pretty certain he would. They may be arseholes at times but my kids are alright.

Yes I would agree with your analysis. !!

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