The People's Chimp Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 I was driving home after work and noticed yet another poster advertising DANNY DYER making an EPIC and, no doubt, PROPA NAWTY, appearance at some degenerate nightspot. I think in this case he's supposed to be "DJING" so I suppose he'll be pressing play on a pre-mixed CD* or at least, ostensibly doing something. A ridiculously bad night awaits all those stupid enough to fork out for it. But what of those even worse events, the ones where the "celebrity" simply makes an appearance? I've seen posters advertising "Some guy off Hollyoaks" "Some Bird off Hollyoaks" "Some bint off Corrie" and "Some absolute fecking cretin of a man off Britain needs shot." What do these numpties do when they turn up? Do they drunkenly shout inanities through a microphone, unaware of where they even are? "I F'king LOVE YOU CARDIFF." Far out. Or are the "Public" allowed the great honour of mingling with these great totems of the end of civilisation for an extra fiver and entrance to the soi disant VIP area, with a plastic glass of warm and carbonated acidic piss water thrown in? I'm genuinely interested in what actually goes on in these places, not to mention people's minds when the appearance of a talentless orange simpleton in a bar causes a mass outbreak of panty wetting and muscle flexing. With any luck the "are you looking at my bird" crowd who populate these hellholes will all spontaneously combust in a mass outbreak of steroidal rage when "X actor from hollyoaks" gets said "BURSD" throwing their bras at the stage. *juste comme joostice, allegedly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I P Knightley Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Nice rant liquidator. I think the jist of it is that they stand there, being orange, and wave while the main act gets all excited about it. Makes me think of the comedy show on the telly, Live at the Apollo, where the comic has to point out some no-marks in the audience and say, "Hey, everyone, guess who we've got in the audience tonight? Yeah, someone you may never heard of but he's so much more special that you proles who only queued up in the pissing rain for your seats here." And then tha audience goes "Woooh!" You know what I'd do if I was in that audience? I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd expressly not "woooh!" That's what I'd do. Fokkers, the lot of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcolm Tucker Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Agree with 100% of what's been said. Cav apparently had, or is having, some slag from Hollyoaks. Why? Just why?? There is no point in them being there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bainy Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 I was driving home after work and noticed yet another poster advertising DANNY DYER making an EPIC and, no doubt, PROPA NAWTY, appearance at some degenerate nightspot. I think in this case he's supposed to be "DJING" so I suppose he'll be pressing play on a pre-mixed CD* or at least, ostensibly doing something. A ridiculously bad night awaits all those stupid enough to fork out for it. But what of those even worse events, the ones where the "celebrity" simply makes an appearance? I've seen posters advertising "Some guy off Hollyoaks" "Some Bird off Hollyoaks" "Some bint off Corrie" and "Some absolute fecking cretin of a man off Britain needs shot." What do these numpties do when they turn up? Do they drunkenly shout inanities through a microphone, unaware of where they even are? "I F'king LOVE YOU CARDIFF." Far out. Or are the "Public" allowed the great honour of mingling with these great totems of the end of civilisation for an extra fiver and entrance to the soi disant VIP area, with a plastic glass of warm and carbonated acidic piss water thrown in? I'm genuinely interested in what actually goes on in these places, not to mention people's minds when the appearance of a talentless orange simpleton in a bar causes a mass outbreak of panty wetting and muscle flexing. With any luck the "are you looking at my bird" crowd who populate these hellholes will all spontaneously combust in a mass outbreak of steroidal rage when "X actor from hollyoaks" gets said "BURSD" throwing their bras at the stage. *juste comme joostice, allegedly. Belter of a post! Its sounds like it was written by Stewie Griffin! I agree 100% though absolute cringe! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 4 mins 35 secs in... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frrmT8SJ34o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Baxter Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 The ****** in question was in Livingston's only super dupper night club last weekend!!!! People will do anything for money these days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalMac Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 If it's a bloke doing the appearance, I'm anticipating he's doing it so that they'll loads of available birds wanting to be with them. In this day & age that appears to be viewed as a career path, shag someone famous, talk to a paper/tv programme, get them out for a mag, get 5 mins of slag related fame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Say What Again Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 The ****** in question was in Livingston's only super dupper night club last weekend!!!! Young lad at work was there (not to see Danny Dyer I should add) and said he's an even bigger ****** in the flesh than he appears on TV. As for the "DJING" liquidator mentions, apparently that consisted of him standing in the DJ booth, no doubt one hand on the 'cans', pretending, while someone else clearly did the work beside him. I'm led to believe the local tertz (no doubt Miss West Lothian contestants) were almost killing each other to get near him. This phenomenon is not exclusive to clubs either. The pokie little hole that is Broadfields Bar on Northfield Broadway was advertising an appearance by some page 3 stunna a few months back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Treasurer Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 The OP has to go down as rant of the day (week) Even better that he's spot on with his observations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Weathers Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 This phenomenon is not exclusive to clubs either. The pokie little hole that is Broadfields Bar on Northfield Broadway was advertising an appearance by some page 3 stunna a few months back. That would be quality, tbf! *no touching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CostaJambo Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 I was at Coasters in the late 80s to see Linda Lusardi make a celebrity appearance. All that really happened was the crowd sang 'get your tits out for the lads'. She smiled but didn't oblige unfotunately. Although I always preferred Gaynor Goodman and Kathy lloyd myself though. Hahaha, I was there too and remember my mate going nuts when I refused to follow him in his quest for a couple of tarts to go up on stage to get Linda's autograph! Asked her for a kiss but she was having none of it. Also remember Hazel Dean there around the same time miming to her record. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forza Cuore Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Here you go Liquidator....just to get you're heckles up again. http://www.clubearth.net/gallery-in.php?m=2&y=2010&sel=5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Romanov Saviour of HMFC Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Great rant but I've actually been to one of these things before (to my eternal shame!) Went to see Dirty Sanchez at City (spit) and tbf, it was a great laugh. They actually performed some stunts and got folk on the stage etc. Can't see what the likes of Danny Dire bring to the table. Murder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Changingman Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 I remember years ago the High Spots in Dalkeith went through a phase of public appearances, there nothing better than throwing lager at Sinitta and Strawberry Switchblade when your blootered.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazio Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Here you go Liquidator....just to get you're heckles up again. http://www.clubearth.net/gallery-in.php?m=2&y=2010&sel=5 Click on the first photo and check oot the colour of the two bursd in it. Ah Bisto! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 When i was at Uni in Stirling they had a few of these nights,1 of them was Michael Greco (Beppe Di Marco from Eastenders) my flatmate loved him so she decided to buy us all tickets for it, he was interviewed by the DJ for about 10mins, who he ended up snapping at as the DJ kept calling him Beppe and they then sat him in the upstairs bar and had it as a VIP area. Another time the Student Union had Toby Anstis and Gorden the Gopher, that was an epic night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darren Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I'm led to believe the local tertz (no doubt Miss West Lothian contestants) were almost killing each other to get near him. I can confirm that a former Miss West Lothian contestant confirmed this shortly after the event, unfortunately! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
va va voom Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 Click on the first photo and check oot the colour of the two bursd in it. Ah Bisto! Miss West Lothian's first and second place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Pupkin Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 The big bloke with the grey hair behind Danny Dire in pics 4 and 5 is my brother in law.He had the unenviable task of babysitting the twat all night.(tho in fairness he did say he was a nice guy) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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