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It's not of the Hootsman is funny ha ha but


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You have to laugh at this wee article about the last few hours of the transfer window on Radio Scotland.

 

This sort of stuff would do very nicely in the JKB Gullit (sp) lounge I feel

 

Tall tales get Beeb's rumour mill moving

 

 

Channel hopper

 

 

 

By Stuart Bathgate

31 January 2008. 11.30am. Panic. A quick look at the BBC website has failed to find a mention of Through The Window.

Through The Window

 

BBC Radio Scotland, Thursday

 

In previous years it started around 7pm and ran all the way through to midnight, didn't it? Now all that's listed is Sportsound in the early evening then Iain Anderson's music show from 10.30pm. Better phone them up.

 

11.35am. Panic over. It's on from 10.30pm on medium wave. This may not be the long build-up to the bells that we want, that makes it feel like Hogmanay again, but at least it's something.

 

10.29pm. An enthralling programme about central heating for pensioners comes to an end, and the continuity announcer invites us to choose between Anderson and Richard Gordon. Richard laughs off the very suggestion that anyone might opt for Anderson. "Everyone's listening to Through The Window," he claims.

 

10.32pm. Murdo McLeod, Allan Preston, Jim Spence and all the others play their mobile tones. When we hear them ring we'll know that it's another BIG EXCLUSIVE on the way. Murdo's plays Duelling Banjos.

 

10.38pm. Mixu Paatelainen bangs on about the many strengths of Mickael Antoine-Curier, whom Hibs have just loaned to Dundee. So either he can't be quite as good as the manager reckons, or they've been really stupid to let him go.

 

10.42pm. A text comes in to say that Sami Hyppia has just been spotted at the Hilton. Doesn't say which Hilton. And so it goes. More and more texts from listeners are read out, then have their virtues debated or are simply chuckled out of court. On a night when few deals of any size are still hanging in the balance, Gordon and friends wisely play it mainly for laughs.

 

10.47pm. A text: Justin Hoyte is at Celtic Park RIGHT NOW.

 

10.50pm. Another text asks "Anything happening at Cowdenbeath?" This turns out to be a philosophical inquiry about the town, along the lines of "Is there life on Mars?", and not a specific question about the football club.

 

10.52pm. Alan Gow is signing for Hearts, Dundee United and Aberdeen. Chick Young spoils the fun by saying "Alan Gow ain't going anywhere".

 

10.58pm. A waiter at a Glasgow hotel says he's just served tea to Kenny McDowall, Ally McCoist and Theo Walcott. The notion that McCoist would be sipping tea at this time of night is enough for the presenters to dismiss the claim out of hand.

 

11.09pm. Campbell Ogilvie and Pedro Lopez are locked in talks at Riccarton with two unnamed players. Wishful thinking by a Hearts fan, presumably.

 

11.16pm. John Hartson has apparently acquired the power of bilocation, after simultaneously being spotted in Kilmarnock and in a Birmingham curry house.

 

11.18pm. Poor old Billy Brown, Kilmarnock's assistant manager, is woken up by a phone call to ask him what's going on at Kilmarnock. Unsurprisingly, he reckons very little is going on, though there is still a chance that Killie will sign Allan Russell from Airdrie.

 

11.20pm. Hyppia takes a taxi back to Glasgow Airport, where he bumps into Walcott.

 

11.28pm. Walcott is now test-driving a Volkswagen around Greenock.

 

11.42pm. Someone in the studio says he always thought of Brown and Jim Jefferies as a partnership like Morecambe and Wise, sleeping inthe same bed and all that.

 

11.46pm. My mate Andy texts in to say he's just seen Glenda Jackson and Angela Rippon heading for Rugby Park. No-one reads it out, so either they don't get the Morecambe and Wise reference or they just don't think it's as funny as Andy did.

 

11.52pm. Someone called Baz Savage is going to Kilmarnock on trial after being released by Brighton. They look him up on Youtube to see if his goal celebrations are up to scratch for the SPL.

 

11.56pm. Russell is not going to Kilmarnock just yet. The timescale was too tight, according to Jefferies.

 

11.57pm. Gardner Spiers is still very happy.

 

11.59pm. Dundee United were involved in a tug-of-war but they went to bed.

 

12 midnight BONG. It's over to Big Ben for the official closing of the window. The show is due to go on for another half-hour, but that's it, excitement over, tension dissipated. Time for a kip

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