savage Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 apologies to those who may have seen this but i could not see it anywhere 1875 - Founded by members of St Patrick's Roman Catholic Church, who immediately set about inventing the colour green. Beginning a tradition that would last for 132 years, Hibs lose the first Edinburgh derby 1-0. A reporter at the game describes Hibs performance as "the greatest exhibition of footballing flair ever seen". 1885 - Hibernians take an 18 month break from playing "to allow the world to marvel at our flair", and return under the name of Hibernian. 1887 - Hibs win Scottish Cup. "Many more to come" says the captain. 1888 - Celtic Football Club founded. Players, staff, fans, the Scottish Cup and other Easter Road furnishings depart en masse but plans to relocate Easter Road itself to the east end of Glasgow are shelved as the estimated 4p cost "wouldn't look great on the balance sheet". 1896 - Hibs lose only Cup final held outside Glasgow, 3-1 to Edinburgh rivals Hearts. A near riot is only just dispersed by police, with Hibs fans angry at Hearts blatant goalscoring tactics. ITS NOT FLAIR screams the headline in the Evening News. 1900 - Hibs introduce football to a very industrial Brazil, who's government immediately responds by recolouring the national flag. Its previous greyscale version is replaced by a predominantly green flag in homage to Hibs. 1902 - A second Scottish Cup win. "I can't believe we've had to wait 15 years to win the Scottish Cup again" says one Hibs fan. Princess Street is packed with nearly 200 people for Hibs open top horse and cart parade. 1914 - Defeated in Scottish Cup final. 1923 - Defeated in Scottish Cup final. 1924 - Defeated in Scottish Cup final. 1947 - Defeated in Scottish Cup final. 1952 - Win league championship for the second year running. "The only thing that could top this would be if Hearts were to lose the title on the last day of the season and it had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with us!" declares one Hibs fan. 1955 - Hibs invent floodlights, and are invited to play in the inaugural European Cup despite finishing fifth. UEFA states Hibs invitation is because "they would have won the league had the other teams not been bigger and stronger than them". 1958 - Defeated in Scottish Cup final. 1970 - A mesmerising Brazil side wins the World Cup, and players immediately pay tribute to Hibs. "I was thinking of Hibs when Pele was conceived" claims Pele's mum. 1972 - Defeated in Scottish Cup final by record 6-1 margin. The Evening News says the match is a "travesty for flair all over the world". All is forgotten with Hibs maiden League Cup win later in the year. "That's the one we really wanted to win" says manager Jobby Turnbull. 1979 - Defeated in Scottish Cup final. 1990 - In the ultimate act of pity, Hearts attempt to buy Hibs. Tom Farmer steps in to save the club with fans rejoicing after he promises to make them "the most financially secure club in the universe". 1991 - Hibs fans boycott their League Cup win over Dunfermline, in protest at the negative tactics employed by Alex Miller. 1996 - Alex Miller is sacked, marking the end of the ONLY period in the club's history when the team has not played with the greatest attention to flair. 1998 - In amongst a particularly physical Premier Division lineup, Hibs are understandably relegated. "They were bigger than us" says sacked manager Duff Jimmy. 1999 - Attendances soar at Easter Road as Hibs romp to the First Division championship, seeing off the likes of Stranraer and Hamilton along the way. 2001 - Defeated in Scottish Cup final. 2003 - At a sunny Hampden Park 35 000 Hibs fans enjoy a feast of flair football as Hibs get beaten 2-0 in the League Cup Final by world superpower Livingston FC. 25 000 Hibs fans are abducted by aliens on their way home. 2005 - Hibs launch their new club motto: "We'll develop youth so the Old Firm don't have to". 2006 - In order to save face, some Hibs fans disguise themselves as seats for their Scottish Cup semi-final with rivals Hearts. Throughout the course of the game more and more fans disguise themselves as seats as Hibs embarrass themselves by getting hammered 4-0. "I consider this a moral victory, as we lost with a great amount of flair" says manager Tony Monkey. 2007 - Reports that Hibs might smash their wage structure by paying Jessie Jones ?50 a week are strongly denied by the board. Topless posters of John Collins sell out within 15 minutes of going on sale at Easter Road. "With a cash injection like this we can now afford to buy a barn for the players to train in" says Rod Petrie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hans007 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 choose Hibs Choose Leith, choose not winning the cup for over 105 years, choose Gareth Evans,choose a disabled fan?s carer running on to the park for a sly kick at Stuart Dougal,choose ?2.99 for 3 litres, choose the smell wafting from the Seafield sewage works over the Links each morning, choose loosing to a bunch of Lithuanian waiters in the Inter Tattie cup. Choose entering the Inter tattie cup in the first place, choose Jocky Scott,choose dirty needles, choose not selling out the biggest match in your club's history. Choose having the worst derby record in the entire world, choose joe tortolano,choose making a big deal about being ?the first to wear the green? like it actually matters,choose being one day away from being closed down by your biggest rivals,choose looking like you ran out of peroxide half way through,choose being ?classy? when 96% of your your support is made up of chavs,choose singing songs poking fun at refugees. Choose trying to kid people into believing that you?ve always played good football when the truth is that you?ve been absolutely ***** for 30 years.Choose the Leith San Giro, choose thinking your players age is lower than Peter Pan,choose going on and on and on and incessantly on about a game that occurred before most of you were born, choose the Loch Inn,choose getting humped 5-1 by some Ukranian team whose name nobody can pronounce,choose hiring an open-top bus for a cup final against a diddy team and then proceeding to lose the match, choose loosing 30,000 ?fans? on the way home from said cup final,choose thinking Portobello beach is the Copacabana and Easter Road is the Maracana,choose going 2 goals up after 92 minutes of a New Years day derby match and still not winning, choose your derby rivals having won more derby matches at your (crap) ground than you have, choose to go on and on about once beating Real Madrid in a friendly match,choose running on the park for a sly kick at Andy Goram, choose Salamander Street,choose Derek Riordan, choose going 22 games in a row without beating your biggest rivals,choose making a big deal about a scoreboard that worked for a month, choose Alex Miller,choose incessantly going on about how some shady Russian is going to sell Tynecastle and shutHearts down only to look on in horror as he invests heavily in the team, writes off millions of pounds of debt and builds a new main stand, choose Alec McLeish,choose Burberry caps, skiddy pants and shell-suits, choose having a squint mohawk,choose thinking that ?Sunshine on Leith? is not dreadful,choose hero worshipping Ivan "headless chicken"/"run Forest run" Sproule,choose to get relegated the week before your biggest rivals win the Scottish Cup,choose John Robertson scoring 27 goals against you,choose Wayne Foster actually scoring a goal against you and putting you out of the cup into the bargain, choose Blobby Williamson, choose hiring a manager with a monkeys head,choose worshipping and buying a decanter for a manager who only won one match,choose defending your club captain for urinating in a charity shop doorway after a team night out at a strip club. Choose thinking that the term ?yam? is even slightly offensive or amusing in any way, shape, or form,choose an inferiority complex, choose Tam McManus, choose buckfast in the morning,choose being the most ungracious losers in Christendom, choose the cow-shed,choose going out of business when Celtic nicked all your players, choose running on to the pitch to celebrate your first derby win in 10 years only to be chased offagain by the visiting support, choose living in the shadows of your neighbours for 131 years and forever knowing that YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE WEE TEAM!,choose the Proclaimers, choose John Leslie, choose Hibs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savage Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 this is very funny if you read it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pants Shaton Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 this is very funny if you read it If you don't read it it has very little effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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