Kids

[Weakened Offender]

1 hour ago, Locky said:

Important thing to remember as a parent, is it's all about your growth as well as theirs.

 

Its easy for folk to run out of space to grow when they're bringing up kids.

Edited May 29, 2022 by Weakened Offender

[The Dragon Reborn]

Just now, Weakened Offender said:

 

Its easy for folk to run out of space to grow when they're bringing up kids.

It definitely is. You definitely have to find the space and time to maintain your own wellbeing though. It’s tough at times and it feels like all you are is a parent but you have to remember you’re also a husband/son/brother/person. If you don’t find that space it diminishes you and eventually diminishes the efficacy of your parenting.

[Ulysses]

28 minutes ago, The Dragon Reborn said:

Tell us, what first attracted you to the poetry of the fascist misogynist Philip Larkin?

 

If we are to accept that Larkin was all of those things (especially as he got older, as we all must), then it could be argued that the explanation lies in his father's flirtation with fascism.

 

If that can be argued, then perhaps, just perhaps, the poem (the wonderful poem) that James referenced might be relevant:

 

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin

 

They **** you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were ****ed up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself.

[The Dragon Reborn]

5 minutes ago, Ulysses said:

 

If we are to accept that Larkin was all of those things (especially as he got older, as we all must), then it could be argued that the explanation lies in his father's flirtation with fascism.

 

If that can be argued, then perhaps, just perhaps, the poem (the wonderful poem) that James referenced might be relevant:

 

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin

 

They **** you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were ****ed up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself.

Definitely. 👍🏻

[graygo]

8 minutes ago, Ulysses said:

 

If we are to accept that Larkin was all of those things (especially as he got older, as we all must), then it could be argued that the explanation lies in his father's flirtation with fascism.

 

If that can be argued, then perhaps, just perhaps, the poem (the wonderful poem) that James referenced might be relevant:

 

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin

 

They **** you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were ****ed up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself.

 

All fair points, what wouldn't be fair would be to meet a fascist and automatically assume that their parent must also be a fascist.

[Ulysses]

4 minutes ago, graygo said:

 

All fair points, what wouldn't be fair would be to meet a fascist and automatically assume that their parent must also be a fascist.

 

Indeed.  Although in Larkin's case, whether or not he was a fascist or a misogynist, it's on record that his dad more or less dominated his mum's life and also dallied with fascism.  Poetry, eh?

 

I've worked with a lot of educators in my time, and a lot of them would say that when a tricky issue arises with a young person or in a young person's schooling, how successful they will be in dealing with the issue almost depends almost entirely on the attitude, understanding and motivation of the parents.  I'm not saying that's universally true, but it's a big factor

[Ked]

40 minutes ago, Weakened Offender said:

 

Its easy for folk to run out of space to grow when they're bringing up kids.

What a really good post mate.

I was far  too young when my older kids were born.

I wasn't what I should have been as a parent.

But I love them and we are all very close.I do think though that they have maybe found life more difficult because I wasn't as focused as I should have been.And I did feel what you described when I was younger.

My youngest is different in some ways as I was a fair bit older when he came along.

There's pros and cons I suppose.

I have beaten myself up a fair bit about my shortcomings .

I suppose we all do.

It's a lifelong love though and I will always be in for them.

[Weakened Offender]

32 minutes ago, Ked said:

What a really good post mate.

I was far  too young when my older kids were born.

I wasn't what I should have been as a parent.

But I love them and we are all very close.I do think though that they have maybe found life more difficult because I wasn't as focused as I should have been.And I did feel what you described when I was younger.

My youngest is different in some ways as I was a fair bit older when he came along.

There's pros and cons I suppose.

I have beaten myself up a fair bit about my shortcomings .

I suppose we all do.

It's a lifelong love though and I will always be in for them.

 

I was a teenager when my oldest was born. Looking back, it was a whirlwind, I was still a bairn myself. 

[Locky]

2 hours ago, Des Lynam said:

 

Fantastic point made!

I think that's the one thing you can never prepare for as a parent. Without sounding cliched, it really is a journey.

 

1 hour ago, Weakened Offender said:

 

Its easy for folk to run out of space to grow when they're bringing up kids.

For sure, but I think that's one advantage that I have as a so-called 'part time' parent. I find it hard enough to keep on top of my own mental health at times, but getting my wee one at the weekends gives me something to keep working towards and look forward to. Then when she comes to stay, I find it easy to keep the stresses of life at bay and give her the best version of me. I often wonder if I'd be able to do that as much if I was still with her mother and living with her full time.

[Ked]

20 minutes ago, Weakened Offender said:

 

I was a teenager when my oldest was born. Looking back, it was a whirlwind, I was still a bairn myself. 

Exactly how I look on myself then.

Both my niece and nephew recently had bairns.

They're very young and I try to give support as much as I can .

One thing I think I've learned is that getting older it's really important to guide(😄 me guiding ) them and remind them of what's important.

I think despite what we read about horrific parents that in a way in general parenting has got better.

You don't see for instance people being violent to their bairns in the way you once did.

And I mean that on the lesser scale of smacking them.

Even my old Dutch as soft as she was smacked us.

My old Grandad taught me so much more with softly spoken words that were firm.

Although he wasn't about when I had mines .He'd have maybe made me more focused on what was really important.

It's took me a long time to grow up I suppose.

😄 guilt man it definitely comes with having bairns no matter how good or bad ye have been as a parent.

[jambo89]

16 hours ago, mrcrisps said:

3 daughters. 6 cats. Have decided to stop.

IVF?

[The Dragon Reborn]

Hats off to those who had children when in their late teens/early twenties. I had mine in my mid thirties and know how challenging it has been despite the extra life experience. Have nothing but respect for you 👍🏻

[Doctor FinnBarr]

2 hours ago, The Dragon Reborn said:

Hats off to those who had children when in their late teens/early twenties. I had mine in my mid thirties and know how challenging it has been despite the extra life experience. Have nothing but respect for you 👍🏻

 

I was in my late 30s when my daughter was born. I got all my partying and touring europe by motorcycle out of the way beforehand to a certain extent. She's now 22, gave me the most beautiful grandaughter any one could wish for. By certain extent I mean she went in nappies in a sidecar to the Czech Republic cause we couldn't get a babysitter.

[rudi must stay]

13 hours ago, Morgan said:

Why do you hate so much, Rudi?

 

It’s not healthy, or natural imo.

 

Well if you were in my shoes you'd hate too

[il Duce McTarkin]

3 hours ago, The Dragon Reborn said:

Hats off to those who had children when in their late teens/early twenties. I had mine in my mid thirties and know how challenging it has been despite the extra life experience. Have nothing but respect for you 👍🏻

 

I was in my mid 40s before mine came along. My only regret is that I won't have as many years with them as I would have as a younger parent.

[XB52]

Had my first kid too young and we drifted apart. Then inherited 2 daughters from my wife who both call me dad. Had another son when I was 25 then became a grandad at 28 (officially step grandad but I've only ever been grandad to him and the 11 that followed). Back in contact with my first son and have another 2 granddaughters from him. It's not been plain sailing but the plusses vastly outnumber the minuses 

[iantjambo]

On 28/05/2022 at 17:59, Jambo-Jimbo said:

Grandkids are great.........you can hand them back at the end of the day.

Grandkids are ace. You get to be the favourites cos you fill them full of sweets and other shite to get them completely hyper. Then you give them back to the parents to deal with the aftermath

 

[Carl Fredrickson]

15 hours ago, Locky said:

Cracking post Carl. Pretty much sums it up for me too, particularly that last paragraph. Had a proper chat with my daughter the other day about maybe meeting my new girlfriend and her kids next week. Brought up a lot of talking points, particularly about my ex and stuff, but it was great having that. She's at that age now too where she is coming out with all manner of things I'd rather not here her say but it's all part of her growing up. I did the same thing to my parents. Important thing to remember as a parent, is it's all about your growth as well as theirs.

 

It is amazing when kids open up or confide in them. My parents came from a time or background where kids should be seen and not heard. Hard to have a loving bond or open up when emotions are always hidden. Your comment about parents growth is spot on. I think I am a far better parent with child 2 as with my firstborn I was clueless and far too overprotective. With No 2 I would probably let her play with snakes if she wanted to

 

I am the oldest parent in the playground when I drop my daughter off or collect her and hearing other parents chat makes me chuckle to myself as I think we all need to remember we were all young once. 

[Carl Fredrickson]

12 hours ago, Locky said:

I think that's the one thing you can never prepare for as a parent. Without sounding cliched, it really is a journey.

 

For sure, but I think that's one advantage that I have as a so-called 'part time' parent. I find it hard enough to keep on top of my own mental health at times, but getting my wee one at the weekends gives me something to keep working towards and look forward to. Then when she comes to stay, I find it easy to keep the stresses of life at bay and give her the best version of me. I often wonder if I'd be able to do that as much if I was still with her mother and living with her full time.

 

2 quotes in a few minutes, I can empathise with you Re weekend dad. I am also a carer for a parent so my time is already stretched (thank goodness for homeworking!). Weekends with the kids are amazing, always trying to do fun things but also teaching life skills (washing dishes, cutting grass, using washing machine etc). 

 

I condensed my work hours to allow me to get Mondays off which means I can take my daughter to school and have a day for housework. Work/life balance is vital to allow the kids to get the best of me.  

[Jeff]

On 28/05/2022 at 18:31, Ray Gin said:

Never had the slightest desire to have kids. 

 

There are too many humans on the planet already anyway.

 

That was the excuse I used to use when I couldn't get my hole

[Jambo-Jimbo]

We had our kids whilst we were still young, Mrs JJ was 20 & I was 24 when our first arrived and 27 & 31 respectively when our last was born.

 

We were grandparents in our early 40's.  We could easily be great grandparents in our early 60's.

 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Jambo-Jimbo

[Jambo-Jimbo]

2 hours ago, iantjambo said:

Grandkids are ace. You get to be the favourites cos you fill them full of sweets and other shite to get them completely hyper. Then you give them back to the parents to deal with the aftermath

 

 

So true.

[Ray Gin]

1 hour ago, Steak said:

 

That was the excuse I used to use when I couldn't get my hole

 

You were trying to get your hole with kids?!?

[Jeff]

1 minute ago, Ray Gin said:

 

You were trying to get your hole with kids?!?

 

Oft, a proper uno reverse card there

[Locky]

3 hours ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

It is amazing when kids open up or confide in them. My parents came from a time or background where kids should be seen and not heard. Hard to have a loving bond or open up when emotions are always hidden. Your comment about parents growth is spot on. I think I am a far better parent with child 2 as with my firstborn I was clueless and far too overprotective. With No 2 I would probably let her play with snakes if she wanted to

 

I am the oldest parent in the playground when I drop my daughter off or collect her and hearing other parents chat makes me chuckle to myself as I think we all need to remember we were all young once. 

It's definitely uneasy having certain conversations, but some things are better taught from me or her Mum rather than having a skewered perception on life.  

[The Dragon Reborn]

7 hours ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

2 quotes in a few minutes, I can empathise with you Re weekend dad. I am also a carer for a parent so my time is already stretched (thank goodness for homeworking!). Weekends with the kids are amazing, always trying to do fun things but also teaching life skills (washing dishes, cutting grass, using washing machine etc). 

 

I condensed my work hours to allow me to get Mondays off which means I can take my daughter to school and have a day for housework. Work/life balance is vital to allow the kids to get the best of me.  

You sound like a great dad CF 👍🏻

[Carl Fredrickson]

31 minutes ago, The Dragon Reborn said:

You sound like a great dad CF 👍🏻

 

I have a mug with "Worlds best dad" on it so I must be 😁

 

 

[Locky]

14 hours ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

I have a mug with "Worlds best dad" on it so I must be 😁

 

 

Me too, starting to have doubts now.  

[Carl Fredrickson]

4 minutes ago, Locky said:

Me too, starting to have doubts now.  

 

[Jambo-Jimbo]

14 hours ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

I have a mug with "Worlds best dad" on it so I must be 😁

 

 

 

I don't have a mug, but I do have a pint glass, in fact I've got two, one saying 'World's best dad' and the other 'Dad's pint'.

 

You guys get tea mugs, I get pint glasses......mmm wonder if the my kids were trying to tell me something.

[il Duce McTarkin]

2 minutes ago, Jambo-Jimbo said:

 

I don't have a mug, but I do have a pint glass, in fact I've got two, one saying 'World's best dad' and the other 'Dad's pint'.

 

You guys get tea mugs, I get pint glasses......mmm wonder if the my kids were trying to tell me something.

 

So do I. The kids are just toddlers, though, so I assume the Mrs had some input.

[il Duce McTarkin]

1 minute ago, jonesy said:

 

 

 

I don't have either a mug or glass. My kids obviously hate me  

 

Hate is a strong word, jonesy. I'd go with indifference.

[Carl Fredrickson]

3 minutes ago, jonesy said:

 

 

 

I don't have either a mug or glass. My kids obviously hate me  

 

I said to my son once that I love him - but I dont need to like him. It stopped his misbehaviour in its tracks that day. I am sure deep down they love you too

[Locky]

21 minutes ago, jonesy said:

 

 

 

I don't have either a mug or glass. My kids obviously hate me  

Me, @Carl Fredrickson and @Jambo-Jimbo are having a Fathers Day bevvy to celebrate being the worlds best Dads. Sorry Jonesy, but you're not invited. I don't make the rules.

[Carl Fredrickson]

8 minutes ago, Locky said:

Me, @Carl Fredrickson and @Jambo-Jimbo are having a Fathers Day bevvy to celebrate being the worlds best Dads. Sorry Jonesy, but you're not invited. I don't make the rules.

 

Hiding our beer in a mug, our drinking isnt as obvious

 

[Locky]

10 minutes ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

Hiding our beer in a mug, our drinking isnt as obvious

 

You might have to explain to Jonesy what that is.

[rudi must stay]

Who has a car with world's greatest dad inprinted on it 

[JudyJudyJudy]

17 hours ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

I have a mug with "Worlds best dad" on it so I must be 😁

 

 

That reminds me of the time I accidentally broke my dads “ Hearts “ mug . I was crapping it so in my child way of thinking I picked it all up and buried it in a area of grass near the house ! Bizarre really . But I thought I’d get into serious bother  if he started to look for it in the bin . Anyway he briefly mentioned it one day that his mug had “ disappeared “ and made no further reference to it ! Phew 😥 

[Locky]

8 minutes ago, jonesy said:

 

Yer killing me, Locky  

 

I'm currently drinking out of a mug with a picture of a Jack Russell on it. Does that make me a dog?

Did yer kids buy you that one?  

 

Think they're trying to tell you something mate.

[Morgan]

3 hours ago, rudi must stay said:

Who has a car with world's greatest dad inprinted on it 

Not me.

 

Do you?

 

 

[il Duce McTarkin]

19 minutes ago, jonesy said:

 

Yer killing me, Locky  

 

I'm currently drinking out of a mug with a picture of a Jack Russell on it. Does that make me a dog?

 

 

[rudi must stay]

10 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Not me.

 

Do you?

 

 

 

Yes. BMW. Black 

[Morgan]

50 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

Yes. BMW. Black 

Cool.  👍

[Locky]

6 minutes ago, jonesy said:

 

You mean they've caught me trying to lick my own nuts?

  better than catching you humping the wifes leg!

[rudi must stay]

1 hour ago, Morgan said:

Cool.  👍

 

I believe I will add you as a friend. Good lad, people have been saying I should be more appreciative of the support it is a fair comment so I'll add a few people 

[Morgan]

57 minutes ago, rudi must stay said:

 

I believe I will add you as a friend. Good lad, people have been saying I should be more appreciative of the support it is a fair comment so I'll add a few people 

Cheers, rudi.  👍

 

 

[Angel eyes]

[iantjambo]

On 30/05/2022 at 20:40, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

I have a mug with "Worlds best dad" on it so I must be 😁

 

 

 

On 31/05/2022 at 11:36, Jambo-Jimbo said:

 

I don't have a mug, but I do have a pint glass, in fact I've got two, one saying 'World's best dad' and the other 'Dad's pint'.

 

You guys get tea mugs, I get pint glasses......mmm wonder if the my kids were trying to tell me something.

 

On 31/05/2022 at 12:02, Locky said:

Me, @Carl Fredrickson and @Jambo-Jimbo are having a Fathers Day bevvy to celebrate being the worlds best Dads. Sorry Jonesy, but you're not invited. I don't make the rules.

 Not only am I the worlds best dad. I’m also the worlds best Grandad.

 

 

 

😁

[Carl Fredrickson]

1 hour ago, iantjambo said:

 

 

 Not only am I the worlds best dad. I’m also the worlds best Grandad.

 

 

 

😁

 

Congratulations 

[iantjambo]

14 minutes ago, Carl Fredrickson said:

 

Congratulations 

 Thanks