My - Yours- Our Mental Health

[Heartsofgold]

Folks.

 

The Devin Gordon Tragedy has really shaken me and brought up feelings and thoughts I have buried deep for many years.  Old wounds and issues have been reopened and I think I need to say something.

 

I have considered suicide in the past.  I was so low that I could see no way out.  Thankfully as solution presented itself right at the perfect moment that sorted things out and I was able to move past a very black period in my life.  If I'm being honest, it was my 'movie scene' moment.  Had I taken the permanent solution then I would not have seen my kids grow up and they would have been wounded in ways I cannot imagine.

 

That being said, I still struggle at times with dark periods and thoughts but I always manage to get through them.

 

As men, we are always supposed to be the 'strong ones'.  We are not supposed to openly discuss how we feel, what's wrong or bothering us or, heaven forbit, lay our emotions out for all to see.  I'm not saying we need to become total wallflowers but we need to be able to talk about our issues.  We need to encourage our kids to talks about stuff, and more importantly we need to LISTEN to them when they come to us with their problems.  I know I've been neglectful in the past in this respect.  No more!!!  I will help my kids move through and past their issues and help them deal with their problems.  I don't want to be in the same position as Devin's poor parent, having to deal with this.  I am in no way condemning them or criticising them, not a chance.  Their pain must be unimaginable.

 

Please, please please folks, if you feel down or in a dark place, find someone to talk to.  A partner, a mate, a neighbour.  There is always someone to talk to before you may a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[manaliveits105]

Very good post and absolutely talking to someone close or even a stranger on a helpline will always help situations

There is nothing in this world which cannot be fixed 

[jack D and coke]

That wee boy killing himself…jesus man..

13 ffs that’s heartbreaking stuff. 
Hurts to think why he done that. What the hell was the matter?! It could’ve been fixed. 
Tragedy. 

[Sharpie]

Having dealt with death in many of its ways, with the uncertainty of what it offers to  me bringing on ones own untimely death is not the solution to ones problems. Often in cases of suicide the first comment acquaintainces make is why did they not come to me, I could have helped or at least offered support. If we all just give some attention to those around us, particularly those suffering visibly we would all be better off.

Edited January 21, 2022 by Sharpie

[hughesie27]

A lot of people been saying they can't believe a 13 year old could feel that low but my reaction was quite the opposite. Whe  I was about his age, maybe a year or so younger I developed really bad OCD around germs/washing. It totally took over my life gradually getting worse and worse and although I never got close to doing anything Final the idea did pop up in my mind as the only way to properly escape it. I do t know why but I kept telling myself that these things go I worried about were never an issue 2 years before and that over time it would just go away.

 

That both helped and never helped as it probably kept me declining as quickly but the idea it would go away itself was way off. 

Eventually I opened up to my mum who got me to the Dr's and was prescribed some form of anxiety medication. As soon as I started taking it its like a switch was flicked in my head and everything that consumed my every movement suddenly disappeared over the course of 2 weeks. I reckon that tablet could have been anything and the placebo affect would have sorted me out. Or perhaps I'm not giving thr medication enough credit.

 

No idea what was going through Devin's mind at the time but it's a really sad thought to think that he could have been sorted like me with such a simple intervention.

I actually thought the other night when I was posting the thread for him on the Terrace that I joined KB when I was 13 years old, nearly 18 years ago. To think of everything I've experienced in live in that time alone that he will miss out on is shite.

So good thread OP.

[rudi must stay]

54 minutes ago, hughesie27 said:

A lot of people been saying they can't believe a 13 year old could feel that low but my reaction was quite the opposite. Whe  I was about his age, maybe a year or so younger I developed really bad OCD around germs/washing. It totally took over my life gradually getting worse and worse and although I never got close to doing anything Final the idea did pop up in my mind as the only way to properly escape it. I do t know why but I kept telling myself that these things go I worried about were never an issue 2 years before and that over time it would just go away.

 

That both helped and never helped as it probably kept me declining as quickly but the idea it would go away itself was way off. 

Eventually I opened up to my mum who got me to the Dr's and was prescribed some form of anxiety medication. As soon as I started taking it its like a switch was flicked in my head and everything that consumed my every movement suddenly disappeared over the course of 2 weeks. I reckon that tablet could have been anything and the placebo affect would have sorted me out. Or perhaps I'm not giving thr medication enough credit.

 

No idea what was going through Devin's mind at the time but it's a really sad thought to think that he could have been sorted like me with such a simple intervention.

I actually thought the other night when I was posting the thread for him on the Terrace that I joined KB when I was 13 years old, nearly 18 years ago. To think of everything I've experienced in live in that time alone that he will miss out on is shite.

So good thread OP.

 

It's a shame his life got so tough he did it. 

Edited January 21, 2022 by rudi must stay

[Салатные палочки]

Thirteen to say, 16/17 is such a difficult age as we all know. I mean how many of you would open up to your parents, teachers, even your best mates at that age. 

 

My son is 16 now. Before he was 13 he was a happy, chatty wee guy. When he hit 13 it totally changed and he was diagnosed with Aspergers not long after that. I worry about him at times, as all parents do about their children. Sometimes he looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. But I always tell him that if there is anything you want to talk about or get off your mind, please speak to me. He might not be arsed but I want him to know I'm here for him. 

 

My daughter is 14 in April and the past 2/3 years have been hard for her. She was born with Hemiplegia and walked with a limp. Before the operation to correct her foot she was really withdrawn and anxious and was diagnosed with an eating disorder. When she was younger it never bothered her much but as she got older and the hormones start creeping in, everything changes. She's now had the operation and has changed a lot since. She can now wear the trainers she wants and the clothes she wants without feeling she is being judged and loves being out and about with her mates. Before that she went through stages of being a goth and wearing vintage clothes but I think that was her way of drawing attention away from her foot. She no longer receives support with her eating disorder and it seems to have been linked to her feelings at the time. However, the difference between her and her brother is that she was very open about her feelings and she would speak very frankly with me about not feeling "real" at times (thinking she was living in a dream etc.). I was able to relate to that as I have felt like that at times throughout the years when I have been depressed or anxious. 

 

I think the point I am trying to make is that we forget that kids can suffer greatly from mental health issues at times and they have a great way of hiding it. They also don't open up about it as much as we do as adults. It's not so much a "man up" thing rather they don't want to draw attention to themselves or stand out from their peers. Also, social media and instant messaging has a massive influence on young people these days. I'm not saying we were any happier before now, but I feel like there is a lot of pressure on young people these days to appear to be part of a crowd and be keeping up with the fake male and female "influencers" who, lets be honest, make their money from weak people fawning over their way of life. 

[jack D and coke]

17 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said:

Thirteen to say, 16/17 is such a difficult age as we all know. I mean how many of you would open up to your parents, teachers, even your best mates at that age. 

 

My son is 16 now. Before he was 13 he was a happy, chatty wee guy. When he hit 13 it totally changed and he was diagnosed with Aspergers not long after that. I worry about him at times, as all parents do about their children. Sometimes he looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. But I always tell him that if there is anything you want to talk about or get off your mind, please speak to me. He might not be arsed but I want him to know I'm here for him. 

 

My daughter is 14 in April and the past 2/3 years have been hard for her. She was born with Hemiplegia and walked with a limp. Before the operation to correct her foot she was really withdrawn and anxious and was diagnosed with an eating disorder. When she was younger it never bothered her much but as she got older and the hormones start creeping in, everything changes. She's now had the operation and has changed a lot since. She can now wear the trainers she wants and the clothes she wants without feeling she is being judged and loves being out and about with her mates. Before that she went through stages of being a goth and wearing vintage clothes but I think that was her way of drawing attention away from her foot. She no longer receives support with her eating disorder and it seems to have been linked to her feelings at the time. However, the difference between her and her brother is that she was very open about her feelings and she would speak very frankly with me about not feeling "real" at times (thinking she was living in a dream etc.). I was able to relate to that as I have felt like that at times throughout the years when I have been depressed or anxious. 

 

I think the point I am trying to make is that we forget that kids can suffer greatly from mental health issues at times and they have a great way of hiding it. They also don't open up about it as much as we do as adults. It's not so much a "man up" thing rather they don't want to draw attention to themselves or stand out from their peers. Also, social media and instant messaging has a massive influence on young people these days. I'm not saying we were any happier before now, but I feel like there is a lot of pressure on young people these days to appear to be part of a crowd and be keeping up with the fake male and female "influencers" who, lets be honest, make their money from weak people fawning over their way of life. 

I’m always blown away with the stuff my daughter hits me with. Stuff I’d have never been able to ever say to my parents. I always said to her when she was growing up to never be afraid to tell me anything cos I’d probably done it or worse and she seems to have totally taken that on board. She had a lot of issues with her mum and she totally unloads on me too. 
Im glad though. I feel I know her and we have some really frank conversations. 
It’s great. 

 

[Locky]

Cracking OP. The news of young Devin on Wednesday night really hit home to me. To hear of anyone committing suicide is of course heartbreaking. But someone so young, so loved and with so much potential really cut me up something rotten.

 

I've spoke on here a bit recently about my own troubles. Most of my current thoughts and feelings have stemmed from a drastic change in life but I think its only now I've had time to truly re-evaluate myself and realise that in one way or another, I've struggled from mental health problems for as long as I can remember. Only recently though due to my own circumstances has it truly manifested to dark thoughts. Not saying I've truly contemplated suicide, but the fatigue of feeling emotional pain and the thought of never being truly happy again has left me feeling like there's only one way to stop it all.

 

That said, this past week or so I've felt good. I know it might not be long before it comes back again, but in the short term I am just trying to enjoy the good moods and appreciate the finer things in life. I've got a long road to get to a place I think I really want to be, but to start walking down that road I need to address the short term and accept my current position in life. Nothing else for it.

 

My PM's here, as ever, are always open to anyone at all. My own life might be a mess but I'm surprisingly good at giving others advice.  

[Dusk_Till_Dawn]

My mate’s kids go to Bathgate academy. I haven’t spoken to him about it but the story is almost too awful to read. I hate the idea of people feeling like they have no way out, especially at so young an age.

 

About a year ago I stopped posting on the Terrace here because I was being a ***** to a lot other posters. Penny dropped eventually about the damage it might be doing. Just no need.

[Sharpie]

The death of a child is always a tragedy. Sadly in some cases suicide in particular their young mind is not functioning normally and they think if I kill myself things will be different, all while not considering the real finality of death, that is why it is so important for adults to listen attentively to children, sometimes a clue will reveal itself in the statements being made.

 

[Savage Vince]

I once attended the funeral of a young teenage girl who had committed suicide. It was unbelievably shocking to witness grief like that. I really don't know what can be done to reach young people who are feeling they are close to that situation. I do however feel that society has continued to isolate young people more and more.

 

Young people are demonised in the media and in their own communities. They are constantly told how easy they have it and how everyone around them should be shown the respect that not too many people in society seem willing to show to young people.

 

It will be a long journey back. 

[Sharpie]

23 minutes ago, Sharpie said:

The death of a child is always a tragedy. Sadly in some cases suicide in particular their young mind is not functioning normally and they think if I kill myself things will be different, all while not considering the real finality of death, that is why it is so important for adults to listen attentively to children, sometimes a clue will reveal itself in the statements being made.

 

 

I have lost a child although in her adult years, I am not aware as of yet of a road back.

[trotter]

Brilliant (although that is probably the wrong adjective) thread to start. 

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 5, back when the NHS/education authorities didn't acknowledge it as 'a thing'. I was always bright, so in primary school I would be given work that should have taken an hour, I'd get it done in 15 minutes. Then I became bored, so I'd start causing trouble. I was suspended 6 times, I was put in residential care at Fort Teviot House for a year. I made it back to primary school, moved onto secondary, and everything changed. I got stuck in, did what I had to do, found something that actually interested me (physics and chemistry) and here I am 20 years later, living in Texas as the Senior Process Engineer at a major oil and gas company.

All that being said, I still find myself with ongoing mental health issues. Specifically, bouts of depression and crippling anxiety/panic attacks. It's something that I've just learned to accept as a feature of 'me'. I've talked to doctors about it, but the standard reaction that 'we have drugs for that' didn't appeal to me. I don't want to live my life dependent upon pills to exist. It's never going to go away, but I've accepted it, and I've learned to deal with it in my own way for better or worse. If anyone reading is interested, I found that listening to Pure Shores by All Saints can calm me down for some reason. No idea why, but it does. 

 

I've never been suicidal thankfully, and I'll never be able to understand people that are. Without being callous, I can appreciate how low you must feel to get there, but for me it is just a cowards way out. You 'solve' all your problems but at the same time completely ruin the lives of those that are near to you that you leave behind. That's probably not going to be a popular opinion, but it is mine and I stand by it, so apologies in advance to anyone that is offended by it. 

BUT, if you are having any sort of mental health issues, I cannot underestimate how good it is just to talk to someone about them. It doesn't have to be family or friends, just talk to someone.