Morgan Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Having a major fall-out/disagreement with a close member of your family. Sound familiar? Was it always going to happen one day? Inevitable? Did it turn particularly nasty? Do/did you regret it? Was it a wee bit petty in hindsight? In any circumstance, it’s not pleasant. We’re currently in the midst of a beauty with a very close relative. We’re not sure how it will turn out, but we think we will win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Findlay Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 12 minutes ago, Morgan said: Having a major fall-out/disagreement with a close member of your family. Sound familiar? Was it always going to happen one day? Inevitable? Did it turn particularly nasty? Do/did you regret it? Was it a wee bit petty in hindsight? In any circumstance, it’s not pleasant. We’re currently in the midst of a beauty with a very close relative. We’re not sure how it will turn out, but we think we will win. I have found in my 58 years on this Earth that you have far more and bitter arguments with family than you ever do with friends, including very close friends. I have three younger sisters but, I'm not close to any of them. I'm at fault and so are they, but the difference I will admit I'm a t fault, but they never and I really do believe that is a female thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 26 minutes ago, Morgan said: Having a major fall-out/disagreement with a close member of your family. Sound familiar? Was it always going to happen one day? Inevitable? Did it turn particularly nasty? Do/did you regret it? Was it a wee bit petty in hindsight? In any circumstance, it’s not pleasant. We’re currently in the midst of a beauty with a very close relative. We’re not sure how it will turn out, but we think we will win. Morgan I thought it was a thread about Hylda Baker. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Byyy The Light Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Had a few mingled through various parts of family and extended family both directly and indirectly involved. Generally speaking through those experiences and having listened to friends most family disputes involves either: Money A stubborn or easily offended female A whipped guy who feels he has to stick up for said drama queen female Other females getting involved when there is no need Or various combos of all that. When you think about it...there are loads of ar53holes kicking about so the chances of being related to one are pretty high. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 If it is with your sister-in-law I am sure you will win unless she sits on you. My experience of family isnt great and the old saying about choosing friends and not family rings true with me. I have two siblings I havent spoke to for 9 & 18 years respectively. No tears on my part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilnunb Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Haven't had any contact with my 'mother' for over 10 years. My choice and no regrets whatsoever. The great thing was I stopped talking to her the week before her birthday and wedding so I saved myself 2 gifts. 🤣 👍 Sometimes you just have to say 'enough is enough' and walk away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helzibob Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 I’m super close to my parents and sister but apart from that I don’t keep in touch with any of my relations. I don’t have their numbers or have them on social media. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharpie Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 (edited) Its not a problem I have had, my mother was quite put out when we left to come to Canada, but no arguments or bad feelings, and no repercussions. If on my own there were incidents that I may as I am wont to do have held a grudge, but I not only on marriage gained a wife but also a counsellor who advised me of the uselessness of grudges. It's funny but as someone who would describe himself as a complete a**hole at times I have remained free of those types of incidence. Now if you include non family I would have a knighthood in a**holedness. Edited February 24, 2021 by Sharpie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted February 24, 2021 Author Share Posted February 24, 2021 44 minutes ago, The Real Maroonblood said: Morgan I thought it was a thread about Hylda Baker. . I thought someone might say that. I thought it might be you. 😀 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 14 minutes ago, Morgan said: I thought someone might say that. I thought it might be you. 😀 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovecraft Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 "A family’s like a loaded gun You point it in the wrong direction someone’s going to get killed" Belle and Sebastian lyrics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Life's too short, Morgs. Can it be resolved? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 1 minute ago, Lovecraft said: "A family’s like a loaded gun You point it in the wrong direction someone’s going to get killed" Belle and Sebastian lyrics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gorgie Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Fell out with my dad and we never spoke for 4 years. Never work with family, it never ends well, things that aren't work related end up being brought into work. Turned nasty and it ended up in court. Do I regret it? Of course, it could have easily been settled but we are both stubborn and the longer it went on the more we dug our heels in. All water under the bridge now and we've tried to make up for they lost years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Findlay Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 1 hour ago, The Real Maroonblood said: Morgan I thought it was a thread about Hylda Baker. . Showing your age now. Or Jimmy Jewel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 16 minutes ago, John Findlay said: Showing your age now. Or Jimmy Jewel. 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SectionDJambo Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 One thing that life has taught me is to never assume that family will do the right and honest thing where money is concerned. Make sure that wills are done and keep an eye on anyone "caring" for elderly relatives. Ask questions, and if nothing untoward is going on, you'll get answers without any hostility. All may be good and proper, and very often is but there are plenty of times when all is far from well. Knowing that checks are being made, and relevant questions being asked, can work very well towards future harmony. It can be astonishing to see the sense of entitlement that some close relatives can have. Make sure all of your own, grown up, children know exactly what your wishes after death are, if only to be confident of your family continuing in harmony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted February 24, 2021 Author Share Posted February 24, 2021 2 hours ago, The Real Maroonblood said: Morgan I thought it was a thread about Hylda Baker. . 1 hour ago, John Findlay said: Showing your age now. Or Jimmy Jewel. ‘I really must get an hour hand on this watch’. 😜 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted February 24, 2021 Author Share Posted February 24, 2021 1 hour ago, ri Alban said: Life's too short, Morgs. Can it be resolved? Yes, ri. We think it can. 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redjambo Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 2 minutes ago, Morgan said: Yes, ri. We think it can. 👍 Yes, but bloodlessly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamhammer Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 I would advise do everything you possibly can to resolve. When my folks split up I was the only one who didn’t give up on my Dad, (Whose fault it was) Other family members, eventually came round but lost years with him and he with them. You don’t get this time back. If you try and fail you will never have to second guess yourself if something awful happens Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 11 minutes ago, Morgan said: Yes, ri. We think it can. 👍 👍 Good Man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted February 24, 2021 Author Share Posted February 24, 2021 51 minutes ago, ri Alban said: 👍 Good Man. Thanks. It’s a real pain, we’re furious about it, but, as you said earlier, life is too short. We've actually made inroads on it tonight already. 59 minutes ago, redjambo said: Yes, but bloodlessly? Can’t promise that, Red. 😜 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted February 24, 2021 Author Share Posted February 24, 2021 58 minutes ago, Jamhammer said: I would advise do everything you possibly can to resolve. When my folks split up I was the only one who didn’t give up on my Dad, (Whose fault it was) Other family members, eventually came round but lost years with him and he with them. You don’t get this time back. If you try and fail you will never have to second guess yourself if something awful happens Good luck Nice post from you, Jh 👍 I very much appreciate your final remark. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Locky Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 I had plenty of daft run in's with my parents, but nothing an apology couldn't fix. I do have an uncle though who I mentioned on here in another thread a wee while ago. Both he and his (ex) girlfriend, swindled me out of money. Not huge amounts, but it was in dribs and drabs which added up to a couple of hundred quid. Point in case though, they fed me a pack of lies and I was too naïve to see past them. He then made me out to be the bad one in it all, and got offended when I found out where he was staying and turned up at his door one night. He vanished off the face of the earth for a while, only to approach me on social media and basically send me death threats because of compensation me and my siblings were getting. He wasn't getting a penny though as he's pretty much estranged from the whole family. Then, he disappeared again. He's been quite active on social media lately and been in moderate contact with me to build bridges. Mainly because his **** of a bird left him for another man. It took a couple of weeks before he asked me for a lend but he got told where to go. He's family, so I'll never turn him away, but he'll be kept at arms length unfortunately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu_HMFC Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Helzibob said: I’m super close to my parents and sister but apart from that I don’t keep in touch with any of my relations. I don’t have their numbers or have them on social media. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. I’m the same with this close to parents and my two sisters but have no interest in my cousins uncles or aunties don’t have their numbers or on social media either. Not one of them made contact with me and I wouldn’t attempt to with them. I seen my dads sister husband and sons two years ago at my dads dad ( grandad ) funeral before then I seen them about 10 years before this . Edited February 24, 2021 by Stu_HMFC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagger Is Back Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Mmh. We fell out with my folks when the kids were 4 and 1. That was 17 years ago. They’d see the kids regularly and had their own lives to live. With the wee fella about to go to nursery we needed to change the main day that they travelled up from East Linton to Edinburgh or we travelled down. That didn’t go down too well and Dad supported by Mum says it wouldn’t work because that was one of their walking club days. Things were said and boom that was it. He never saw the kids again and passed last January. Mum hasn’t seen them since either and my wife’s never forgiven them. As you get older and the sands of time start to ebb away for you and your parents you scratch your head and think how stupid could I have been to let things get to this irretrievable stage? Because of an argument borne out of things like stress, tiredness and stubbornness, amongst other things, we’ve all missed out. I wish I could turn the clock back and when I held his hand last January as he passed I couldn’t help but think of how utterly futile it had all been. It’s easy for me to say and every situation is different but I’ll always ask myself ‘is this how I really want things to end?’ Someone above said that life’s too short. They’re right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooperstar Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 55 minutes ago, Dagger Is Back said: Mmh. We fell out with my folks when the kids were 4 and 1. That was 17 years ago. They’d see the kids regularly and had their own lives to live. With the wee fella about to go to nursery we needed to change the main day that they travelled up from East Linton to Edinburgh or we travelled down. That didn’t go down too well and Dad supported by Mum says it wouldn’t work because that was one of their walking club days. Things were said and boom that was it. He never saw the kids again and passed last January. Mum hasn’t seen them since either and my wife’s never forgiven them. As you get older and the sands of time start to ebb away for you and your parents you scratch your head and think how stupid could I have been to let things get to this irretrievable stage? Because of an argument borne out of things like stress, tiredness and stubbornness, amongst other things, we’ve all missed out. I wish I could turn the clock back and when I held his hand last January as he passed I couldn’t help but think of how utterly futile it had all been. It’s easy for me to say and every situation is different but I’ll always ask myself ‘is this how I really want things to end?’ Someone above said that life’s too short. They’re right. That's a really sad outcome for everyone involved. Hopefully it isn't too late for your mum and kids to be reunited, although as teenagers now I can imagine they might not be up for forming a 'new' relationship with their absent granny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagger Is Back Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 59 minutes ago, Sooperstar said: That's a really sad outcome for everyone involved. Hopefully it isn't too late for your mum and kids to be reunited, although as teenagers now I can imagine they might not be up for forming a 'new' relationship with their absent granny. Yeah it’s pretty crap all round. She didn’t allow the kids to go to Dads funeral so there’s zero chance. Just a salutary lesson of how quickly things can spiral out of control Maybe someone will read this and it might help them to take a different turn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 12 hours ago, Dagger Is Back said: Mmh. We fell out with my folks when the kids were 4 and 1. That was 17 years ago. They’d see the kids regularly and had their own lives to live. With the wee fella about to go to nursery we needed to change the main day that they travelled up from East Linton to Edinburgh or we travelled down. That didn’t go down too well and Dad supported by Mum says it wouldn’t work because that was one of their walking club days. Things were said and boom that was it. He never saw the kids again and passed last January. Mum hasn’t seen them since either and my wife’s never forgiven them. As you get older and the sands of time start to ebb away for you and your parents you scratch your head and think how stupid could I have been to let things get to this irretrievable stage? Because of an argument borne out of things like stress, tiredness and stubbornness, amongst other things, we’ve all missed out. I wish I could turn the clock back and when I held his hand last January as he passed I couldn’t help but think of how utterly futile it had all been. It’s easy for me to say and every situation is different but I’ll always ask myself ‘is this how I really want things to end?’ Someone above said that life’s too short. They’re right. Sorry to hear what happened. Where your parents retired at the time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagger Is Back Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 6 hours ago, The Real Maroonblood said: Sorry to hear what happened. Where your parents retired at the time? Yeah they were both retired. Fault on both sides and shows how quickly something can spiral out of control Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irufushi Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 I don’t speak to my mother and I barely speak to my dad (the odd text is about it in 15 years) not something that bothers me and certainly not something I regret either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 10 minutes ago, Dagger Is Back said: Yeah they were both retired. Fault on both sides and shows how quickly something can spiral out of control I thought they would be. Not taking sides here just a view which who probably understand. Retiring and having a new lease of life. Worked all these years bringing up a family and now a newfound freedom. I was still working full time but my wife was only part time and she managed to help out when she could with the grandchildren. It’s probably quite a common problem these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malinga the Swinga Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 It happens. I get on far better with mother in law and brother in law than I ever did with my mum, when she was alive, and my own brother. My mum never got over who I chose to marry and brother only interested in what he could get out of family. Haven't seen him since my dad's funeral coming on 4 years ago, and wouldn't cross road to say hello to him now. Was it financial or was it my mums doing, I will never know, but I can't, or more likely won't, forgive his or her actions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 2 minutes ago, Malinga the Swinga said: It happens. I get on far better with mother in law and brother in law than I ever did with my mum, when she was alive, and my own brother. My mum never got over who I chose to marry and brother only interested in what he could get out of family. Haven't seen him since my dad's funeral coming on 4 years ago, and wouldn't cross road to say hello to him now. Was it financial or was it my mums doing, I will never know, but I can't, or more likely won't, forgive his or her actions. A very forthright post. Fair play to you. You're quite right getting on with your life. When you watch programmes on TV how wonderful families are I find it a lot of cobblers. Probably most are dysfunctional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beni Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagger Is Back Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 4 hours ago, The Real Maroonblood said: I thought they would be. Not taking sides here just a view which who probably understand. Retiring and having a new lease of life. Worked all these years bringing up a family and now a newfound freedom. I was still working full time but my wife was only part time and she managed to help out when she could with the grandchildren. It’s probably quite a common problem these days. No I totally get and understand that. Probably a problem which will grow given the fact that retirement ages are being pushed out even further. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Maroonblood Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 17 minutes ago, Dagger Is Back said: No I totally get and understand that. Probably a problem which will grow given the fact that retirement ages are being pushed out even further. Sadly it will get worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swanny17 Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 If I were to write my story I’d get RSI, but after being bullied and shafted upon from my “family” for years I decided enough was enough when they tried it in my daughter (who was 9 months old at the time) and my wife. Best decision I ever made. If I were to describe my mother, I’d say watch the Sopranos and in Tony Sopranos mum you will get the idea. Narcissistic doesn’t even start to cover it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagger Is Back Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 1 hour ago, The Real Maroonblood said: Sadly it will get worse. I agree. Another wee brick in the make up of society under threat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_razors_edge Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 I’ve not spoken to my mum for over 2 and a half years now. No fall out, just stopped keeping in touch. It’s a shame as she’s missing out on seeing her 3 beautiful grandchildren growing up. That said she has never had much interest in kids including myself and my brother so perhaps it’s no real surprise. No great loss to me or my kids really. As my relationship with her has deteriorated, my relationship with my aunt and uncle has grown stronger and they’ve almost taken her place as grandparents to my kids which has been fantastic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NANOJAMBO Posted February 26, 2021 Share Posted February 26, 2021 I don't speak to or about my m-in-law who lies as casually as you like about anything & everything. She was finally unmasked as a bare faced liar to all & sundry under the most excruciating (for her) of accidental meetings. The "reveal" was delicious : it happened in front of my daughter & another family member (so no chance of her saying it was a feud on my part or any kind of misunderstanding) and resulted in her "banning" me from the house under the pretext that she doesn't want men in the house because her carers attend every day and it's "awkward". She just can't face the reality. My own mother is even worse : the damage she has caused is huge and she cannot be trusted to tell the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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