Nearest and Dearest?

[Morgan]

Having a major fall-out/disagreement with a close member of your family.  Sound familiar?

 

Was it always going to happen one day?  Inevitable?

 

Did it turn particularly nasty?

 

Do/did you regret it?

 

Was it a wee bit petty in hindsight?

 

In any circumstance, it’s not pleasant.

 

We’re currently in the midst of a beauty with a very close relative.  We’re not sure how it will turn out, but we think we will win.

 

 

 

 

[John Findlay]

12 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Having a major fall-out/disagreement with a close member of your family.  Sound familiar?

 

Was it always going to happen one day?  Inevitable?

 

Did it turn particularly nasty?

 

Do/did you regret it?

 

Was it a wee bit petty in hindsight?

 

In any circumstance, it’s not pleasant.

 

We’re currently in the midst of a beauty with a very close relative.  We’re not sure how it will turn out, but we think we will win.

 

 

 

 

I have found in my 58 years on this Earth that you have far more and bitter arguments with family than you ever do with friends, including very close friends. I have three younger sisters but, I'm not close to any of them. I'm at fault and  so are they, but the difference I will admit I'm a t fault, but they never and I really do believe that is a female thing.

[The Real Maroonblood]

26 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Having a major fall-out/disagreement with a close member of your family.  Sound familiar?

 

Was it always going to happen one day?  Inevitable?

 

Did it turn particularly nasty?

 

Do/did you regret it?

 

Was it a wee bit petty in hindsight?

 

In any circumstance, it’s not pleasant.

 

We’re currently in the midst of a beauty with a very close relative.  We’re not sure how it will turn out, but we think we will win.

 

 

 

 

Morgan I thought it was a thread about Hylda Baker.

.

 

[Byyy The Light]

Had a few mingled through various parts of family and extended family both directly and indirectly involved.

 

Generally speaking through those experiences and having listened to friends most family disputes involves either:

 

Money

A stubborn or easily offended female

A whipped guy who feels he has to stick up for said drama queen female

Other females getting involved when there is no need

 

Or various combos of all that.

 

When you think about it...there are loads of ar53holes kicking about so the chances of being related to one are pretty high.

 

 

 

[Carl Fredrickson]

If it is with your sister-in-law I am sure you will win unless she sits on you. 

 

My experience of family isnt great and the old saying about choosing friends and not family rings true with me. 

 

I have two siblings I havent spoke to for 9 & 18 years respectively. No tears on my part. 

[neilnunb]

Haven't had any contact with my 'mother' for over 10 years. My choice and no regrets whatsoever. The great thing was I stopped talking to her the week before her birthday and wedding so I saved myself 2 gifts. 🤣 👍

 

Sometimes you just have to say 'enough is enough' and walk away. 

 

 

[Helzibob]

I’m super close to my parents and sister but apart from that I don’t keep in touch with any of my relations. I don’t have their numbers or have them on social media. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything.

[Sharpie]

Its not a problem I have had, my mother was quite put out when we left to come to Canada, but no arguments or bad feelings, and no repercussions. If on my own there were incidents that I may as I am wont to do have held a grudge, but I not only on marriage gained a wife but also a counsellor who advised me of the uselessness of grudges. It's funny but as someone who would describe himself as a complete a**hole at times I have remained free of those types of incidence. Now if you include non family I would have a knighthood in a**holedness.

Edited February 24, 2021 by Sharpie

[Morgan]

44 minutes ago, The Real Maroonblood said:

Morgan I thought it was a thread about Hylda Baker.

.

 

I thought someone might say that.

 

I thought it might be you.  😀

[The Real Maroonblood]

14 minutes ago, Morgan said:

I thought someone might say that.

 

I thought it might be you.  😀

[Lovecraft]

"A family’s like a loaded gun
You point it in the wrong direction someone’s going to get killed"

 

Belle and Sebastian lyrics.

 

 

[ri Alban]

Life's too short, Morgs. Can it be resolved? 

[The Real Maroonblood]

1 minute ago, Lovecraft said:

"A family’s like a loaded gun
You point it in the wrong direction someone’s going to get killed"

 

Belle and Sebastian lyrics.

 

 

[The Gorgie]

Fell out with my dad and we never spoke for 4 years. Never work with family, it never ends well, things that aren't work related end up being brought into work. Turned nasty and it ended up in court. Do I regret it? Of course, it could have easily been settled but we are both stubborn and the longer it went on the more we dug our heels in. 

 

All water under the bridge now and we've tried to make up for they lost years.

[John Findlay]

1 hour ago, The Real Maroonblood said:

Morgan I thought it was a thread about Hylda Baker.

.

 

Showing your age now. Or Jimmy Jewel.

[The Real Maroonblood]

16 minutes ago, John Findlay said:

Showing your age now. Or Jimmy Jewel.

👍

[SectionDJambo]

One thing that life has taught me is to never assume that family will do the right and honest thing where money is concerned.

Make sure that wills are done and keep an eye on anyone "caring" for elderly relatives. Ask questions, and if nothing untoward is going on, you'll get answers without any hostility.

All may be good and proper, and very often is but there are plenty of times when all is far from well. Knowing that checks are being made, and relevant questions being asked, can work very well towards future harmony.

It can be astonishing to see the sense of entitlement that some close relatives can have. 

Make sure all of your own, grown up, children know exactly what your wishes after death are, if only to be confident of your family continuing in harmony.

[Morgan]

2 hours ago, The Real Maroonblood said:

Morgan I thought it was a thread about Hylda Baker.

.

 

 

1 hour ago, John Findlay said:

Showing your age now. Or Jimmy Jewel.

‘I really must get an hour hand on this watch’.

 

😜

[Morgan]

1 hour ago, ri Alban said:

Life's too short, Morgs. Can it be resolved? 

Yes, ri.

 

We think it can.  👍

[redjambo]

2 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Yes, ri.

 

We think it can.  👍

 

Yes, but bloodlessly?

[Jamhammer]

I would advise do everything you possibly can to resolve.

When my folks split up I was the only one who didn’t give up on my Dad, (Whose fault it was)

Other family members, eventually came round but lost years with him and he with them.

You don’t get this time back.

 

If you try and fail you will never have to second guess yourself if something awful happens 

 

Good luck 

[ri Alban]

11 minutes ago, Morgan said:

Yes, ri.

 

We think it can.  👍

👍 Good Man. 

[Morgan]

51 minutes ago, ri Alban said:

👍 Good Man. 

 

Thanks.  It’s a real pain, we’re furious about it, but, as you said earlier, life is too short.

 

We've actually made inroads on it tonight already.

 

59 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

Yes, but bloodlessly?

 

Can’t promise that, Red.  😜

[Morgan]

58 minutes ago, Jamhammer said:

I would advise do everything you possibly can to resolve.

When my folks split up I was the only one who didn’t give up on my Dad, (Whose fault it was)

Other family members, eventually came round but lost years with him and he with them.

You don’t get this time back.

 

If you try and fail you will never have to second guess yourself if something awful happens 

 

Good luck 

Nice post from you, Jh 👍

 

I very much appreciate your final remark.  Thank you.

[Locky]

I had plenty of daft run in's with my parents, but nothing an apology couldn't fix.

 

I do have an uncle though who I mentioned on here in another thread a wee while ago. Both he and his (ex) girlfriend, swindled me out of money. Not huge amounts, but it was in dribs and drabs which added up to a couple of hundred quid. Point in case though, they fed me a pack of lies and I was too naïve to see past them.

 

He then made me out to be the bad one in it all, and got offended when I found out where he was staying and turned up at his door one night. He vanished off the face of the earth for a while, only to approach me on social media and basically send me death threats because of compensation me and my siblings were getting. He wasn't getting a penny though as he's pretty much estranged from the whole family. Then, he disappeared again.

 

He's been quite active on social media lately and been in moderate contact with me to build bridges. Mainly because his **** of a bird left him for another man. It took a couple of weeks before he asked me for a lend but he got told where to go. He's family, so I'll never turn him away, but he'll be kept at arms length unfortunately.

[Stu_HMFC]

4 hours ago, Helzibob said:

I’m super close to my parents and sister but apart from that I don’t keep in touch with any of my relations. I don’t have their numbers or have them on social media. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything.

I’m the same with this close to parents and my two sisters but have no interest in my cousins uncles or aunties don’t have their numbers or on social media either. Not one of them made contact with me and I wouldn’t attempt to with them. I seen my dads sister husband and sons two years ago at my dads dad ( grandad ) funeral before then I seen them about 10 years before this . 

Edited February 24, 2021 by Stu_HMFC

[Dagger Is Back]

Mmh.

 

We fell out with my folks when the kids were 4 and 1. That was 17 years ago.

 

They’d see the kids regularly and had their own lives to live. With the wee fella about to go to nursery we needed to change the main day that they travelled up from East Linton to Edinburgh or we travelled down.

 

That didn’t go down too well and Dad supported by Mum says it wouldn’t work because that was one of their walking club days.

 

Things were said and boom that was it. He never saw the kids again and passed last January. 
 

Mum hasn’t seen them since either and my wife’s never forgiven them.

 

As you get older and the sands of time start to ebb away for you and your parents you scratch your head and think how stupid could I have been to let things get to this irretrievable stage?

 

Because of an argument borne out of things like stress, tiredness and stubbornness, amongst other things, we’ve all missed out.

 

I wish I could turn the clock back and when I held his hand last January as he passed I couldn’t help but think of how utterly futile it had all been.

 

It’s easy for me to say and every situation is different but I’ll always ask myself ‘is this how I really want things to end?’

 

Someone above said that life’s too short. They’re right.

 

 

 

[Sooperstar]

55 minutes ago, Dagger Is Back said:

Mmh.

 

We fell out with my folks when the kids were 4 and 1. That was 17 years ago.

 

They’d see the kids regularly and had their own lives to live. With the wee fella about to go to nursery we needed to change the main day that they travelled up from East Linton to Edinburgh or we travelled down.

 

That didn’t go down too well and Dad supported by Mum says it wouldn’t work because that was one of their walking club days.

 

Things were said and boom that was it. He never saw the kids again and passed last January. 
 

Mum hasn’t seen them since either and my wife’s never forgiven them.

 

As you get older and the sands of time start to ebb away for you and your parents you scratch your head and think how stupid could I have been to let things get to this irretrievable stage?

 

Because of an argument borne out of things like stress, tiredness and stubbornness, amongst other things, we’ve all missed out.

 

I wish I could turn the clock back and when I held his hand last January as he passed I couldn’t help but think of how utterly futile it had all been.

 

It’s easy for me to say and every situation is different but I’ll always ask myself ‘is this how I really want things to end?’

 

Someone above said that life’s too short. They’re right.

 

 

 

That's a really sad outcome for everyone involved. Hopefully it isn't too late for your mum and kids to be reunited, although as teenagers now I can imagine they might not be up for forming a 'new' relationship with their absent granny.

[Dagger Is Back]

59 minutes ago, Sooperstar said:

That's a really sad outcome for everyone involved. Hopefully it isn't too late for your mum and kids to be reunited, although as teenagers now I can imagine they might not be up for forming a 'new' relationship with their absent granny.

Yeah it’s pretty crap all round. She didn’t allow the kids to go to Dads funeral so there’s zero chance.

 

Just a salutary lesson of how quickly things can spiral out of control 

 

Maybe someone will read this and it might help them to take a different turn. 

[The Real Maroonblood]

12 hours ago, Dagger Is Back said:

Mmh.

 

We fell out with my folks when the kids were 4 and 1. That was 17 years ago.

 

They’d see the kids regularly and had their own lives to live. With the wee fella about to go to nursery we needed to change the main day that they travelled up from East Linton to Edinburgh or we travelled down.

 

That didn’t go down too well and Dad supported by Mum says it wouldn’t work because that was one of their walking club days.

 

Things were said and boom that was it. He never saw the kids again and passed last January. 
 

Mum hasn’t seen them since either and my wife’s never forgiven them.

 

As you get older and the sands of time start to ebb away for you and your parents you scratch your head and think how stupid could I have been to let things get to this irretrievable stage?

 

Because of an argument borne out of things like stress, tiredness and stubbornness, amongst other things, we’ve all missed out.

 

I wish I could turn the clock back and when I held his hand last January as he passed I couldn’t help but think of how utterly futile it had all been.

 

It’s easy for me to say and every situation is different but I’ll always ask myself ‘is this how I really want things to end?’

 

Someone above said that life’s too short. They’re right.

 

 

 

Sorry to hear what happened. 

Where your parents retired at the time?

[Dagger Is Back]

6 hours ago, The Real Maroonblood said:

Sorry to hear what happened. 

Where your parents retired at the time?

Yeah they were both retired. Fault on both sides and shows how quickly something can spiral out of control 

[Irufushi]

I don’t speak to my mother and I barely speak to my dad (the odd text is about it in 15 years)

 

not something that bothers me and certainly not something I regret either. 

[The Real Maroonblood]

10 minutes ago, Dagger Is Back said:

Yeah they were both retired. Fault on both sides and shows how quickly something can spiral out of control 

I thought they would be.

Not taking sides here just a view which who probably understand.

Retiring and having a new lease of life.

Worked all these years bringing up a family and now a newfound freedom.

I was still working full time but my wife was only part time and she managed to help out when she could with the grandchildren.

It’s probably quite a common problem these days.

 

[Malinga the Swinga]

It happens. I get on far better with mother in law and brother in law than I ever did with my mum, when she was alive, and my own brother. 

My mum never got over who I chose to marry and brother only interested in what he could get out of family. 

Haven't seen him since my dad's funeral coming on 4 years ago, and wouldn't cross road to say hello to him now. 

Was it financial or was it my mums doing, I will never know, but I can't, or more likely won't, forgive his or her actions. 

[The Real Maroonblood]

2 minutes ago, Malinga the Swinga said:

It happens. I get on far better with mother in law and brother in law than I ever did with my mum, when she was alive, and my own brother. 

My mum never got over who I chose to marry and brother only interested in what he could get out of family. 

Haven't seen him since my dad's funeral coming on 4 years ago, and wouldn't cross road to say hello to him now. 

Was it financial or was it my mums doing, I will never know, but I can't, or more likely won't, forgive his or her actions. 

A very forthright post.

Fair play to you.

You're quite right getting on with your life.

When you watch programmes on TV how wonderful families are I find it a lot of cobblers. 

Probably most are dysfunctional. 

[Beni]

 

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way".

 

Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

[Dagger Is Back]

4 hours ago, The Real Maroonblood said:

I thought they would be.

Not taking sides here just a view which who probably understand.

Retiring and having a new lease of life.

Worked all these years bringing up a family and now a newfound freedom.

I was still working full time but my wife was only part time and she managed to help out when she could with the grandchildren.

It’s probably quite a common problem these days.

 

No I totally get and understand that. 
 

Probably a problem which will grow given the fact that retirement ages are being pushed out even further.

 

 

 

 

[The Real Maroonblood]

17 minutes ago, Dagger Is Back said:

No I totally get and understand that. 
 

Probably a problem which will grow given the fact that retirement ages are being pushed out even further.

 

 

 

 

Sadly it will get worse.

[Swanny17]

If I were to write my story I’d get RSI, but after being bullied and shafted upon from my “family” for years I decided enough was enough when they tried it in my daughter (who was 9 months old at the time) and my wife. Best decision I ever made. If I were to describe my mother, I’d say watch the Sopranos and in Tony Sopranos mum you will get the idea.  Narcissistic doesn’t even start to cover it. 

[Dagger Is Back]

1 hour ago, The Real Maroonblood said:

Sadly it will get worse.

I agree. Another wee brick in the make up of society under threat.

[The_razors_edge]

I’ve not spoken to my mum for over 2 and a half years now. No fall out, just stopped keeping in touch. It’s a shame as she’s missing out on seeing her 3 beautiful grandchildren growing up. That said she has never had much interest in kids including myself and my brother so perhaps it’s no real surprise. No great loss to me or my kids really. As my relationship with her has deteriorated, my relationship with my aunt and uncle has grown stronger and they’ve almost taken her place as grandparents to my kids which has been fantastic. 

[NANOJAMBO]

I don't speak to or about my m-in-law who lies as casually  as you like about anything & everything. She was finally unmasked as a bare faced liar to all & sundry under the most excruciating (for her) of accidental meetings. The "reveal" was delicious : it happened in front of my daughter & another family member (so no chance of her saying it was a feud on my part or any kind of misunderstanding) and resulted in her "banning" me from the house under the pretext that she doesn't want men in the house because her carers attend every day and it's "awkward".  She just can't face the reality.

 

My own mother is even worse : the damage she has caused  is huge and she cannot be trusted to tell the time.