Locky Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 21 minutes ago, Vlad Magic said: Video doing the rounds on social media of a policeman chasing a bad guy. Unsurprisingly the bad guy gets away from the old bill. Oblivious to being filmed the policeman is then sick, drops his kecks and violently shites a large liquid skid all over the grass. Then uses a sock to administer field dressings before dumping his sock! If he’d pulled his old man out and knocked one off he would have beaten me 3-2 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Locky Posted May 13, 2020 Author Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Vlad Magic said: It was in Cardiff. Not the city centre obviously 👍 I was involved with a direct sales company which involved knocking lots of doors selling utilities. This was over 20 years ago and I was just a young buck. Anyway id been knocking doors all day and as a general rule the majority of people home during the day are unemployed, retired or housewives. Knocked this door and the fittest young Welsh lass answered wearing tight jogging bottoms, baggy T shirt and no bra. Her nips sticking through the t shirt giving the no bra comment. She really was tidy!!! Well I new at this point I was going to have to release the testosterone that had just flooded my veins in the mere 30 seconds it had taken for her to say her mum wasn’t home. Left the estate I was on. Found some woods and bish bash bosh job done. Best Sherman I have ever had bar none 👍 Did you not try and get fired in? I ask as if I'd have the balls to try it on. 2 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Do any males on here ever sit down for piss ? Ever been for a shite at Tynecastle ? I sit down quite a lot, because I'm a lazy *******. Also, my aim isn't very good. I have a bad habit of pishing all over the floor. Never been caught short at a football match yet thankfully. Hope it never happens. I get why people might need to go, but will never understand someone who does so at their own free will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Did you leave the meeting room ?? was an audio call only haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Magic Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 28 minutes ago, Locky said: Did you not try and get fired in? I ask as if I'd have the balls to try it on. I sit down quite a lot, because I'm a lazy *******. Also, my aim isn't very good. I have a bad habit of pishing all over the floor. Never been caught short at a football match yet thankfully. Hope it never happens. I get why people might need to go, but will never understand someone who does so at their own free will. I was on commission only at that time. Saying that it took me 20 mins to find a quiet spot 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ri Alban Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 46 minutes ago, Smithee said: Aaaah, that would never even cross my mind! I'm definitely having a shit next time someone's on the roof 🤣 You might hear some expletives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theshed Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: Do any males on here ever sit down for piss ? Ever been for a shite at Tynecastle ? Sit down all the time nowadays Started years ago, I would get up through the night for a piss at least twice so rather than put lights on and wake myself up i sleep walk to toilet and sit down with lights still off then back to bed with no piss over the floor Edited May 13, 2020 by theshed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbo-Jambo Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 On 12/05/2020 at 11:06, Barack said: Actually means: "I've just done a loud smelly shite, and I'm too ashamed to go out and they see me. Then they tell the entire office." 😅 😅 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Gin Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 3 hours ago, jonnothejambo said: How did you manage a Sherman outside? In a forest ? On a secluded beach ? In Princes Street ? At Tynecastle? We need to know.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graygo Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 1 hour ago, Vlad Magic said: Video doing the rounds on social media of a policeman chasing a bad guy. Unsurprisingly the bad guy gets away from the old bill. Oblivious to being filmed the policeman is then sick, drops his kecks and violently shites a large liquid skid all over the grass. Then uses a sock to administer field dressings before dumping his sock! If he’d pulled his old man out and knocked one off he would have beaten me 3-2 👍 What kind of deviant shits outside then wipes his arse with a sock? Nobody on here surely? ps. Wasn't me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milky_26 Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, graygo said: What kind of deviant shits outside then wipes his arse with a sock? Nobody on here surely? ps. Wasn't me. only in croy though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Magic Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, graygo said: What kind of deviant shits outside then wipes his arse with a sock? Nobody on here surely? ps. Wasn't me. I once had to use a dead squirrel. Wrong place at the wrong time for the squirrel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graygo Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 6 minutes ago, milky_26 said: only in croy though That's the one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graygo Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 6 minutes ago, Vlad Magic said: I once had to use a dead squirrel. Wrong place at the wrong time for the squirrel. The wrong time would have been if it was still alive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknown user Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 6 minutes ago, Vlad Magic said: I once had to use a dead squirrel. Wrong place at the wrong time for the squirrel. Maybe it was a German squirrel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Magic Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 37 minutes ago, graygo said: The wrong time would have been if it was still alive. A. You can’t catch a squirrel B. I was sitting on a log after dropping a log unable to chase said squirrel!! 👍👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carl Fredrickson Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Saw the thread title a couple of days ago and havent clicked on it until tonight. Fair cheared me up. The title immediately brought back a memory from 1985 when I was at high school. Was unsure whether to post it or not - but what the hell, I think only one person on here knows who I am. The group I hung around with at school was a mix of lads and lassies. We would spend time together out of school and we were regulars in each others houses, often eating with each others families too (not all of us at once...). One lunchtime me and one of the lassies went to her house for lunch only to find that she had an empty. We were in the kitching flirting with each other and one thing led to another and things got pretty heavy. Her family had a solid wood kitchen table that took her weight and as I was bashing away, her mum walked in on us. Two bags of Co-op shopping got dropped to the floor and I stumbled out of their house trying to pull my trousers up. The afternoon in school was awkward as I had a stiffie for most of the afternoon. Havent shared this with anyone before. Just glad it was her mum and not her dad that walked in. Didnt get any more invites round for scran either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annushorribilis III Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 On 12/05/2020 at 11:05, Ray Gin said: There was a deviant on here a while back who revealed that if there was someone in the cubicle he deliberately pretended to leave the toilets then lurked about until he heard his colleague defecating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cannonfoda Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 Not shite but felt a bit shit afterwards..... I used to work for large electrical shop selling PCs to everyone and everywhere. One day these really fit ladies came in a bought a couple computers for their office. I get chatting and you do when helping flog stuff and casually say "I hope business has been good".... stone cold silence erupted and they refused to speak to me... Turns out they worked at rape crisis centre. Oooops. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 45 minutes ago, cannonfoda said: Not shite but felt a bit shit afterwards..... I used to work for large electrical shop selling PCs to everyone and everywhere. One day these really fit ladies came in a bought a couple computers for their office. I get chatting and you do when helping flog stuff and casually say "I hope business has been good".... stone cold silence erupted and they refused to speak to me... Turns out they worked at rape crisis centre. Oooops. They need it to happen for them to be in a job to be fair Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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