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Zlatanable

A one sentence life lesson.

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Craig_
13 hours ago, Maple Leaf said:

Late in life, it's better to regret the things you did rather than the things you didn't do.

 

Possibly not if you're doing a ten stretch in Saughton... 

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Maple Leaf
2 hours ago, Craig_ said:

 

Possibly not if you're doing a ten stretch in Saughton... 

True enough.

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Morgan
6 hours ago, Craig_ said:

 

Possibly not if you're doing a ten stretch in Saughton... 

You writing from your cell, Craig?   :wink: 

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John mcCartney

you can only piss with the cock you`ve got




 

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Zlatanable

Before vodka is a different world to after vodka.

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cosanostra

Never bet on Italian football or boxing.

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Samuel Camazzola

Don't get them wet, expose them to bright light and never ever feed them after midnight! 

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Stokesy

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jake

Never put your hands where you wouldn't put yer cock.

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andyscott82

If it moves shag it, if it doesn’t move move it, then shag it. 

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Maple Leaf
50 minutes ago, andyscott82 said:

If it moves shag it, if it doesn’t move move it, then shag it. 

 

Sounds like a dog I used to have.

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andyscott82
1 minute ago, Maple Leaf said:

 

Sounds like a dog I used to have.

Did it move by itself or did you have to move it...? 👀

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Maple Leaf
1 hour ago, andyscott82 said:

Did it move by itself or did you have to move it...? 👀

 

:arf:

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Smithee

Follow the Hearts and you can't go wrong.

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Tazio

Never go to the supermarket when you’re hungry. 

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SwindonJambo

When all is said and done, more gets said than done.

 

Empty vessels make most noise.

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Zlatanable

I think I have wasted my life.

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Lemongrab

Cut the red wire.

 

Edit: Make that the blue.

Edited by Lemongrab
Wrong wire

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Jamhammer

It’s better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to run yer yack and confirm it

 

My dear old Mam used to say, “If you’ve got nothing nice to say then say nothing”

I didn’t abide when I was younger. I tend to these days as I appreciate how painful words can be to some

 

Unless I’m at the football then every **** is fair game 😀

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mrmarkus1981

It's probably been said but....

 

Always check for loo roll before you start sh!tting

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luckyBatistuta

Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.

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luckyBatistuta

A couple my mum used to say to me as a kid...

 

If the wind changes, your face will stay like that.

 

If you swallow that chewing gum, it’ll blow a giant bubble in your stomach and you could die.

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Zlatanable
33 minutes ago, luckyBatistuta said:

A couple my mum used to say to me as a kid...

 

If the wind changes, your face will stay like that.

 

If you swallow that chewing gum, it’ll blow a giant bubble in your stomach and you could die.

I have had many apple trees grow within me, because I ignored similar advice. 

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luckyBatistuta
6 minutes ago, Zlatanable said:

I have had many apple trees grow within me, because I ignored similar advice. 

:rofl:
some belters parents have.

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ri Alban

Mind your Ps and Q's.

 

A match ticket isn't a free pass to insanity.

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jack D and coke

If you see a toilet in your dream, don’t use it. 

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ri Alban
7 hours ago, jack D and coke said:

If you see a toilet in your dream, don’t use it. 

And how did you come to the conclusion on the above advice? :levein_interesting:

:toilet:

 

 

 

When making a toastie, remember to switch it on.

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Sarah O

Independence is normal.

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SwindonJambo

You catch a lot more bees with honey then you do with vinegar.

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tian447

A double fold stops you striking brown gold.

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redjambo
16 hours ago, jack D and coke said:

If you see a toilet in your dream, don’t use it. 

 

As someone who suffered from incontinence after an operation, I was caught out by this one several times (or an adaptation of it, there was never an actual toilet involved but I was certainly having a good pee in my dream only to find it wasn't just my dream). Fortunately, a while later, both I and these occurrences in my dreams have now dried up.

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jack D and coke
2 hours ago, redjambo said:

 

As someone who suffered from incontinence after an operation, I was caught out by this one several times (or an adaptation of it, there was never an actual toilet involved but I was certainly having a good pee in my dream only to find it wasn't just my dream). Fortunately, a while later, both I and these occurrences in my dreams have now dried up.

My mate was unreal for it after a drink I felt sorry for his mrs. She said she’d wake up with what sounded like a tap running and he was pishing everywhere :lol: 

 

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Marvin

When visiting India never squeeze a fart out.

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OBE

When you're in love with a beautiful women don't trust your friends.

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Samuel Camazzola

 Good advice from Ricky Gervais' character, Tony in After Life. 

 

"I'd rather be a nobody with someone than someone with nobody". 

 

 

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Marvin
25 minutes ago, Old Blue Eyes said:

When you're in love with a beautiful women don't trust your friends.

 

This is excellent advice. I found that out much to my regret. 

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ri Alban
2 hours ago, jack D and coke said:

My mate was unreal for it after a drink I felt sorry for his mrs. She said she’d wake up with what sounded like a tap running and he was pishing everywhere :lol: 

 

Turntables and wardrobes. :D

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OBE
1 minute ago, Marvin said:

 

This is excellent advice. I found that out much to my regret. 

 

Snap!

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OBE

Always sell your car private, never trade-in.

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OBE

Watch this, much of the content is still as relevant now as it was back in 97.

 

A collection of one sentence life lessons.

 

 

Edited by Old Blue Eyes

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Stokesy
5 hours ago, Marvin said:

When visiting India never squeeze a fart out.

 

I spent three months backpacking around India. Don't think I did a solid shit the entire time I was there.

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leginten

After you have reached your 50th year, cease buying white underwear.

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Dagger Is Back

Before you marry, take a good long look at your prospective mother in law 

 

Wish I bloody well had. 

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Marvin
4 hours ago, Dagger Is Back said:

Before you marry, take a good long look at your prospective mother in law 

 

Wish I bloody well had. 

 

I have learned in various failed relationships that the partner becomes exactly like her mother. 

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ri Alban
12 minutes ago, Marvin said:

 

I have learned in various failed relationships that the partner becomes exactly like her mother. 

Has ever crossed your mind, that as the old saying goes "It could be you!?" :D

 

 

Anyway, onwards and upwards!

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Marvin
26 minutes ago, ri Alban said:

Has ever crossed your mind, that as the old saying goes "It could be you!?" :D

 

 

Anyway, onwards and upwards!

 

Yeah.  But I'm not going to admit to that :laugh:

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ri Alban
1 hour ago, Marvin said:

 

Yeah.  But I'm not going to admit to that :laugh:

:D A good life lesson. 👍

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Dagger Is Back
21 hours ago, redjambo said:

 

As someone who suffered from incontinence after an operation, I was caught out by this one several times (or an adaptation of it, there was never an actual toilet involved but I was certainly having a good pee in my dream only to find it wasn't just my dream). Fortunately, a while later, both I and these occurrences in my dreams have now dried up.


When I was wee I woke my family up pissing on the coal fire. Lucky it wasn’t a No2 I needed

 

11 hours ago, leginten said:

After you have reached your 50th year, cease buying white underwear.

 

Good advice. I wear green. If I have an accident I don’t feel too bad

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Marvin
On 15/01/2020 at 18:03, Cal_ said:

Take bread food milk etc from the back of the shelf.

 

Depends how vigilant the sales assistant is when putting said items on the shelf.

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jack D and coke
18 hours ago, Old Blue Eyes said:

When you're in love with a beautiful women don't trust your friends.

One of my mates once said to me there’s no rules when I comes to shagging. I felt kinda differently about him after that. I’ve had chances in the past to do the dirty on pals but never taken them.  
Some people just have no morals. 

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