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Zlatanable

A one sentence life lesson.

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Jeff

Never spunk in a Yorkshire pudding and give it to your mates nan with her Sunday Roast

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Ribble

The adulation you get from a false boast is far outweighed by the ridicule and shame of being caught lying

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whodanny

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is probably not for you.

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whodanny

Nothing succeeds like a toothless budgie.

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ri Alban

Ye'll never sound the same if yer teeths no yer ain.

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Bull's-eye

Suck, don't blow.

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Cal_

Take bread food milk etc from the back of the shelf.

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CostaJambo

You have 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason, listen first, talk after. 

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Lovecraft

If you go for a piss after chopping chilies, make sure you wash your hands first.

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inspector

Always clear your feet

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superjack
46 minutes ago, Lovecraft said:

If you go for a piss after chopping chilies, make sure you wash your hands first.

I’ve made that mistake once before, brought a few tears to my eyes.

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Governor Tarkin

Fill yer boots.

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gashauskis9

If at first you don’t succeed, suck grain instead.  

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beardbeer

Never look happy when you walk out of a bookies (John cooper clarke) 

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Cruyff

Never trust a fart. 

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kila

Throw a couple sheets of toilet roll down first to avoid splash back when doing a massive shite

 

Edited by kila

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Cruyff
1 hour ago, kila said:

Throw a couple sheets of toilet roll down first to avoid splash back when doing a massive shite

 

The old, Merlins kiss. 

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redjambo

Work out your morals early on and stick to them - with those supporting you, give 100% to anything you do, don't be afraid to take risks (may "What the feck" be your motto) and let you hair down whenever you can.

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luckyBatistuta

If your hand is bigger than your face, you’ll die before you’re 21

 

 

 

and one for all the ladies out there....

 

don’t talk with your mouth full

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ri Alban

You can't climb the ladder of success with hands in your pockets(or cuffed behind your back)

 

Life's to precious, be your own safety person.

 

 

Always treat people the way you like to be treated.

 

 

Preparation, Prevents, Piss, Poor, Performance!

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The Real Maroonblood

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

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Ted (Theodore) Logan

Don't chase them, replace them

 

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Masonic

get a job

 

 

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Vlad Magic

Not all farts are dry.

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Placid Casual

Never leave a bookies with a smile on your face.

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Mad Dog Logan

Never trust politicians, or anyone with a beard!!! 

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ri Alban
45 minutes ago, Mad Dog Logan said:

Never trust politicians, or anyone with a beard!!! 

Xsqueezeme!!!

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Perth to Paisley

How soon is now?

 

Edited by Perth to Paisley

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skinnybob72

Manners cost nothing. 
 

Here endeth the lesson. 

Edited by skinnybob72

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Samuel Camazzola

Never trust anyone who eats their cereal dry. 

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ri Alban
1 hour ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Never trust anyone who eats their cereal dry. 

Or with water.

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Lemongrab

Red sky at night, your shed is alight.

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Samuel Camazzola

Set your sights low and you'll never be disappointed. ☺ 

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Tynieman

Some girls are bigger than others 

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inspector

Measure twice, cut once

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Cruyff
6 hours ago, Tynieman said:

Some girls are bigger than others 

If so, roll it in flour to find the wet patch. 👍 

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Tynieman
Just now, Cruyff said:

If so, roll it in flour to find the wet patch. 👍 

 

:oohmatron:

 

:pleasing:

 

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Space Mackerel

If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

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Maple Leaf

Late in life, it's better to regret the things you did rather than the things you didn't do.

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Space Mackerel
50 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said:

Late in life, it's better to regret the things you did rather than the things you didn't do.


Confession time? 😃

 

 

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Maple Leaf
1 minute ago, Space Mackerel said:


Confession time? 😃

 

 

 

My lips are sealed.  That's another one sentence life lesson.  :biggrin2:

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Space Mackerel
3 minutes ago, Maple Leaf said:

 

My lips are sealed.  That's another one sentence life lesson.  :biggrin2:


Here’s another one for all you DIY enthusiasts my old man told me whilst I was drilling into his walls doing up the house when I was 5 and stuck in my head to my engineering days till now.

 

”It’s just as easy to do a job right as it is to do it wrong” 

 

 

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jack D and coke

Shy bairns get nae sweeties. 

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luckyBatistuta
1 hour ago, jack D and coke said:

Shy bairns get nae sweeties. 

 

Christ, you should be fat as ####🤣

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The Frenchman Returns

Never trust a hippy

 

Don't eat the yellow snow

 

If you are not in bed by midnight, come home (Granny F)

 

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luckyBatistuta

The answer to life, the universes and everything is....42

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luckyBatistuta

You’re gonna need a bigger boat

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jack D and coke
1 hour ago, luckyBatistuta said:

 

Christ, you should be fat as ####🤣

:wow:

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luckyBatistuta
8 minutes ago, jack D and coke said:

:wow:

:lol: 

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Harry Potter
On 15/01/2020 at 09:31, cheetah said:

You've never been drunk until you have shit yourself.

ha ha ha. 

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