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Doctor FinnBarr
20 minutes ago, Herbert said:

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me

 

I'm the owner of a jam doughnut factory?

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31 minutes ago, bikerjambo said:

 

I'm the owner of a jam doughnut factory?

 

I'll give it a bash. If you feel a earthquake it's a stamped of fattys coming for me. 

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58 minutes ago, Herbert said:

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me


Don't hit them with sleazy lines or comment on how hot they are. Just ask them about something on their profile, if you can find a way to do this in a witty manner, even better. If they're interested in you, they'll respond. If not, move on.

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Montgomery Brewster
2 hours ago, Herbert said:

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me

Don’t be dis heartened squire. 

 

I found that that quite a few of the birds were already going out with other guys and when that was obviously not working they would be in touch. It might say that they have been online today but a lot of them are just keeping an eye on their account.

 

Been seeing  a bird met via match.com now for 2 months and she goes like a train. Toot toot.

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1 hour ago, Montgomery Brewster said:

Don’t be dis heartened squire. 

 

I found that that quite a few of the birds were already going out with other guys and when that was obviously not working they would be in touch. It might say that they have been online today but a lot of them are just keeping an eye on their account.

 

Been seeing  a bird met via match.com now for 2 months and she goes like a train. Toot toot.

 

Is she always late and over crowded :D

 

 

I can't be arsed with going out with them or having anything meaningful I just like to sample new things. I try the nice guy approach but they aren't bothered. 

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2 hours ago, Montgomery Brewster said:

Don’t be dis heartened squire. 

 

I found that that quite a few of the birds were already going out with other guys and when that was obviously not working they would be in touch. It might say that they have been online today but a lot of them are just keeping an eye on their account.

 

Been seeing  a bird met via match.com now for 2 months and she goes like a train. Toot toot.

 

Only in your case you've not to mind the gap?

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Montgomery Brewster
57 minutes ago, Herbert said:

 

Is she always late and over crowded :D

 

 

I can't be arsed with going out with them or having anything meaningful I just like to sample new things. I try the nice guy approach but they aren't bothered. 

Heheheheh

 

when you do get chatting , get them off whatever site your on quickly and onto iMessage etc, then your on a home run

Edited by Montgomery Brewster
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Samuel Camazzola
4 hours ago, Herbert said:

What are you ment to say as a opening message? Even the fat ones are ignoring me

As them if they like steak pie. 

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46 minutes ago, Montgomery Brewster said:

Heheheheh

 

when you do get chatting , get them off whatever site your on quickly and onto iMessage etc, then your on a home run

That was my old tactic, I have about 50numbers in my phone from girls I've not spoke to in years, I need a burner phone. 

 

43 minutes ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

As them if they like steak pie. 

 

Steak costs, they can have mince or veg pie :D

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6 hours ago, auldy19 said:

 

Hahaha I admire your self restraint ! 

 

I did some damage in Tucson many years ago . Only had to open my mouth and let the accent flow ! Birds were seeking us out  for a chat ! 

 

Ohhhh I bet you did.

 

This was meant to be the plan for me in reverse over in Scotland. Hasn't quite worked out that way so far :mellow:

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  • 2 weeks later...
PumpkinJambo

I love that this thread is still - kinda - alive!  I’ve had a good laugh at all the updates since I last posted, which was much longer ago than I thought!

 

I’m now engaged to the bloke I met on OK Cupid and we’re in the process of buying a flat.  Wedding early 2020.  

 

I came back to this thread as I only signed up to OK Cupid for a laugh after reading the early stages of this thread!

 

Good luck to all those just signing up now!  Keep your stories coming, they’re far funnier than mine but I wouldn’t swap! :happy:

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On 24/03/2018 at 02:51, Jambomuzz said:

Thought I better update before I head to bed.

im alive... just. 

Picked her up in town and drove her home, snuck into her room as parents were still up, awkward. She seemed quite sound to be honest from the car journey, maybe a bit bigger than I had anticipated but she was really attractive.

I quickly found out that this lassie got off on some sort of Dom/sub mini role play kind of shit. Now I’m not really into that stuff but I just went with the flow, assuming I would be the one kinda taking charge.... oh how wrong I was. She was one bossy little *******, but by god she knew what she was doing, I certainly wasn’t complaining. However, in the moment she has scratched my neck pretty badly and now, with work to go in the morning I’m furiously trying to think up an excuse as to why I have hand size scratches down the side of my neck. She apologised for it mind you, so I’ll give her that one.

I kind of feel like a little boy now after tonight’s experience and I’ve lost a little bit of manliness. I will say I enjoyed myself, and will file this one under, return for seconds.

Till next time everyone. Goodnight! 

 

Just read through the last 5 pages and this is an absolute cracker. Top notch Sir:clap:

 

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  • 11 months later...

From my limited experience of pof and match years ago it was a waste of time. maybe not if you are an attractive female of any age as the ratio is skewed in your favour and loads of wee boys want a milf of even gilf experience, but middle aged average guy, forget about it.

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On 23/07/2018 at 17:08, Samuel Camazzola said:

If she has gone back to Canada, you'll be safe to name her now. Jennifer? Alison,? Phillipa? Sue? 

 

:D

 

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Who_put_the_ball_in...
On 31/07/2016 at 09:32, Salad Fingers said:

Need some advice lads and lassies.

 

Been single for about a year now. Between having the kids every Friday and every second Friday/Saturday I have found it difficult to get out there and meet a woman. Anyway I thought I would give online dating a try (nothing fancy, I'm not paying for it yet).

 

Anyway after about a month of talking to some nice and some not so nice girls one in particular messaged me. She was pretty much bang on, nice girl, nice photo, great patter and banter. Anyway what worried me was that she only had one picture. So we continued to chat and I gave her my number. Everything was going well, a little too well and she sent me another picture of her at a party. However it was a screen shot from Facebook and I seen the date at the top, 2011. Continued to chat in the hope that she still resembled that. Then she hit me with he picture from last week of her on holiday, of her and her dad. Now I could have sworn she sent me a picture of her parents. She looked terrible, nothing compared to her profile picture.

 

the problem is now that I don't fancy her. However she has cracking patter and the chat between us is top notch. I'm not the kind of guy to go for a girl based on looks alone but this is taking the piss. I also am not an oil painting myself but I'm still fairly young and I would say handsome enough (just) to do a lot better.

 

Now my question is how to I let her down gently cos I now don't want to meet her.

 

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

Any port in a storm

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Салатные палочки

:pleasing:

 

Those halcyon days :laugh:.  My short sortee into the murky world of online dating was both enjoyable and an absolute head ****.  I recommend it to everyone. 

Edited by Salad Fingers
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On 02/04/2018 at 11:13, tian447 said:

I can contribute by proxy. 

 

My flatmate has been having a bit of a dry patch, and we've all been great friends by relentlessly ripping the piss for months about it.  He has great chat and then always bottles it somehow. We think he's just a massive shitebag, but that's about it. 

 

Anyway, it gets to half past 2 on Saturday night (Sunday morning) so he decides enough is enough and fires a message to this lassie he's been chatting up on Tinder for a few weeks. 

 

Result. She's been away out, and agrees to come round.  Flatmate quickly goes to change his bedding and tidy up his absolute state of a room.  The place is a complete mess and probably contributes to his lack of fandango action, so at least he does one thing right. 

 

About half 3 and the doorbell goes.  I decide to leave him to it, and head off to bed.  My room is right next to the front door, so I obviously hear her come in and there is a distinct lack of chat from said flatmate. I assume they just get fired right into it, and that's about it.  Good lad, dry spell over. 

 

I hear the front door slam shut around 5, which wakes me up.  90 minutes of action, not bad considering he'll be suitably out of practise.  The door then slams again, so he's obviously shown her out the building and come back up the stairs. I go through to the kitchen to grab a glass of water since I'm already up and as I get there, it turns out that his room wasn't the only complete mess in the flat. 

 

Jesus Christ, this lassie made John McGinn look like a beauty pageant winner by contrast. I recoiled in fear for my retinas safety, grabbed a glass of water and got out of Dodge, locking my door in case she tried to pump me as well. 

 

There is a bit of conversation, the door closes again, and then I hear my flatmate lock it and audibly sigh in the hallway.   I get a gentle knock on my door, and there stands the most dejected, defeated looking human being since Pat Fenlon watched his team take it dry at Hampden in 2012.

 

Turns out she looked very different than her profile picture.  It took him 90 minutes to get her to leave, and she was fairly keen on getting him pumped anyway, basically trying to convince him he wanted it. 

 

His dry patch continues and I reckon this one will haunt him for a while. :lol:

Reminded me a bit of a story my mate told me a few weeks ago. He got binned off his childhood sweetheart last year, and after a bit of time licking his wounds, he's got knee deep in the dating sites and what not. One night him and his flat mate went out after work for a few pints, and got chatting to 2 American birds. They went through the motions and ended up taking both back to their flat. His flat mate though, ended up passing out so he was left with both these American birds, and eventually managed to get them both in his bedroom.

 

Somewhat preoccupied by the 2 yankee's wanting pumped, it slipped his mind that he'd been out the night before, reeking, and passed out with his KFC. That morning, he woke up and had to nash for work, and as mentioned, had gone straight back out from work again. So, as these American birds are sat either side of him kissing away, he rips the covers back ready to get stuck in to a potential once in a lifetime 3 way. Low and behold, KFC gravy pots and chicken bones lie scattered over his sheets, the gravy stained into them. He tries in vain to get tidied up, but both girls decide to get up and walk out in amongst the horror. 

 

What a ****.

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  • 6 months later...
  • 2 months later...
Samuel Camazzola

Just read this thread again to kill some lockdown time. What's the criteria for a thread to make it into the Classics as this content is gold? 

 

I can't believe I originally missed the page where @Helzibob advised of her online admirer's profile name! :rofl:

 

The "spitting like a chip pan" comment too! 🤣

 

What was the thread that included the story about one of the poster's blind dates in London? 

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4 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Just read this thread again to kill some lockdown time. What's the criteria for a thread to make it into the Classics as this content is gold? 

 

I can't believe I originally missed the page where @Helzibob advised of her online admirer's profile name! :rofl:

 

The "spitting like a chip pan" comment too! 🤣

 

What was the thread that included the story about one of the poster's blind dates in London? 


Did I? 😂

 

I gave up with online dating. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be an elderly spinster with a dog. I’m ok about it too. 

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Samuel Camazzola
1 minute ago, Helzibob said:


Did I? 😂

 

I gave up with online dating. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be an elderly spinster with a dog. I’m ok about it too. 

Yeah, the guy called "Cervicalslammer" (or something along those lines) 😄 His introductory line was 'Hey'. Not what you'd expect with someone with that title! 

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1 minute ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Yeah, the guy called "Cervicalslammer" (or something along those lines) 😄 His introductory line was 'Hey'. Not what you'd expect with someone with that title! 


Oh god, I remember now. You would expect so much more from that username, eh?

 

Online dating is a truly awful experience. I would rather be single forever than try that again. 😏

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Doctor FinnBarr
4 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Just read this thread again to kill some lockdown time. What's the criteria for a thread to make it into the Classics as this content is gold? 

 

I can't believe I originally missed the page where @Helzibob advised of her online admirer's profile name! :rofl:

 

The "spitting like a chip pan" comment too! 🤣

 

:whistling:

 

Might be better asking Mr Mitchell

 

:whistling:

 

 

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Samuel Camazzola
3 minutes ago, FinnBarr Saunders said:

 

Might be better asking Mr Mitchell

 

:whistling:

 

 

😁

 

I recall the poster. Couldn't remember the thread it was on though. 

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12 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

😁

 

I recall the poster. Couldn't remember the thread it was on though. 


This classic story has been told on multiple threads. I’m buggered if I can remember any of them though :lol:

 

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14 minutes ago, iantjambo said:


This classic story has been told on multiple threads. I’m buggered if I can remember any of them though :lol:

 

this story?

 

 

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Samuel Camazzola
29 minutes ago, milky_26 said:

this story?

 

 

Immense! 

19 minutes ago, Barack said:

From page 6 to 10 is phenomenal quality.

 

@Salad Fingers contributions to our amusement were worth it. 

 

I still maintain, that even though you're happily now settled down with another, and with a kid...had you not gone on here and taken our advice, you'd still be munching cold steak pie.

 

Also, special mention in dispatches to @tweegy.

 

Never to be forgotten. And hopefully now allowed to roam free!

Salad's beachfront strolls where he rejected the girl's advances of holding hands. 

 

Justin's park encounters with an alleged 'schoolie'. 

 

Greedy getting er... greedy. 

 

@Brick Tamland 's encounters including hide and seek and disappointment that a threesome invitation with a Hungarian and friend  wasn't what he had in mind.

 

This thread and the' Mutiny Slice' one are pure gold! 

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51 minutes ago, milky_26 said:

this

 

51 minutes ago, milky_26 said:

 

 

 

   On 10/08/2008 at 00:40, johnmitchell said: 

Oh what the hell, here goes ffs! Anything to keep that big wummin Deek happy!

 

 

I was seperated from my ex wife and started chatting to a burd online, it was around July 2002, her name was Kerry. I met her (if you can call it that) in an internet quiz room chat thingy and we started having a bit banter back and forth etc, and it turned out she was from London, I think it was Romford but I'm not too sure these days as it was a while ago.

 

 

Things developed and we eventually swapped phone numbers and started chatting properly on the telephone and she asked me to send a pic of myself to her online. Well I hadn't a clue how to do this but learned how to work a scanner and uploaded a pic of me and sent it on to her via email I think, and she said that she liked what she saw (that really should have set the alarm bells ringing like!:wacko:

 

 

She then sent me a pic of herself, and she was a lovely! :dribble:

 

 

A gorgeous brunette, with dark coloured eyes and a figure to die for, and I thought "it's the accent, it must be the accent". Anyway, after a period of time chatting away on the phone we decided to meet, we just had to decide where and when. I thought sod it, she's hot, and the train fare was only about ?40 return to Kings Cross. 

 

 

I set off the day before I was due to meet her on a train to London and got into Kings Cross at around 7pm ish iirc, went for a Burger King, checked into the hotel I stayed at for the night (which made Fawlty Towers look good, it was minging ffs!) and tried to settle down for the night. I remember getting virtually no sleep whatsoever to the walls being paper thin, and some randy couple next door banging away like a barn door in the wind and they were at it for what seemed like ages (credit where it's due like, even if I didn't get much sleep!

 

 

Anyway, the night came and went, and I went for a shower in the morning, and I remember a shower room which was shared by the entire top floor, which was about 5 rooms, and a bar of soap with more pubic hairs in it than hirsute brothel! Luckily I had some shower gel with me and I was able to wash properly. 

 

 

I was due to meet my lovely looking date on the same morning that Brazil were playing England in the world cup in Korea and Japan, and the game kicked off at 7.30am I think. I was up at 6am as I couldn't sleep (partly with the excitement of meeting my stunner, and partly cos of the adonis tw@t through the wall to me in the hotel).

 

 

We had chatted on the mobile the night before and had agreed that she would pick me up in her BMW outside the Canary Wharf buildings the following day (at this point I'm thinking, classy burd!:dribble:) and couldn't wait to meet her, although I wanted to take in some of the match as well. I made my way from the minging hotel to the tube station, and it as absolutely crawling with people with Union Jacks and St George flags draped over themselves, almost everyone was up already and anticipating an England win, the place was swarming!

 

 

I jumped on the tube to the Canary Wharf and deliberately left early to be able to take in some of the game before I had to meet her. I arrived at my destination and found that I was able to watch the match downstairs at the foot of the actual building, and was expecting to have to find a pub or summat to watch it. England took the lead and the place went flippin barmy, and I was standing there trying to force a smile and say well done etc, it was horrible, and then Brazil scored and everyone was sick, apart from me :D

 

 

Anyway, my phone rings and it was Kerry, and I thought "YES" here she comes! She told me that she was going to be about 2 or 3 minutes and I was to wait outside, which I duly did, bag in hand, tongue hanging out, and very excited! :P

 

 

She called me again to say that she would be coming past the building any minute and to look out for her in her BMW, and asked what I was wearing so she could recognise me. "This is it" I thought, here she comes, any minute now!!!! 

 

 

I then clocked an old golden coloured BMW coming along which looked like it had seen both world wars, it was a complete heap, and the burd driving it was an absolute grunter:confused:

 

 

I thought to myself at the time, nahhhhh, surely not, that's definitely not her as the burd in the pic was much smarter looking than that, however the phone rang again and she said the words that haunted me for ages afterwards "I think I just passed you" :eek:

 

 

She went round the block (not for the first time by the look of it) and stopped right next to me and said, jump in Jock, and I thought to myself, holy fek, if I shag thon I'm gonna burn my arse on the lightbulb!!

 

 

She was an absolute freekin growler ffs, I was literally scared of her!!!! She looked like an extra from an alien film, and drove an old "B" reg BMW ffs! I was terrified!!! 

 

 

Anyway, I thought to myself "just be nice and play it by ear, but your obviously not getting yout nat king like intended" which is what I did. We went to a pub across the road called the Slug and Lettuce, and ordered some drinks. I was about 3 or 4 pints in and drinking like a man that thought beer was about to go out of fashion as I was so fekked off, and scared she would rape me!

 

 

Anyway, she said to me that she needed the loo and could I watch her bag for her (I think that was to make sure I didn't run away, but I had other idea's as I could see the entrance to the tube station from the pub ;))

 

 

When she went to the loo, I left her bag on her chair (which had been buckled by her humungous weight) and absolutely freekin legged it like my life depended on it before she got back. I ran down the stairs/escalator like a man possessed, knocking kids and women out of the way in the process (I swear to god if I was Brazilian with a rucksack I'd have been shot!) and jumped on a train back to Kings Cross to get the fek outta there. I was still bricking it until the train arrived expecting her to peek her fat head around the corner and hunt me down, I felt like a Star Wars character on the run from Jabba the Hut! :wacko:

 

 

I eventually made it to Kings Cross and I hadn't been able to get a signal on my mobile until I came over ground again, and I had something like 15 texts come thru at once telling me she was going to hunt me down etc, and so I called her just to find out who the photo she sent to me was, and it turns out it was her sister. She wasn't too chuffed when I asked for her sisters number :)

 

 

What a waste of a trip to London, but lesson well and truly learned!!

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15 minutes ago, iantjambo said:

 

 

 

   On 10/08/2008 at 00:40, johnmitchell said: 

Oh what the hell, here goes ffs! Anything to keep that big wummin Deek happy!

 

 

I was seperated from my ex wife and started chatting to a burd online, it was around July 2002, her name was Kerry. I met her (if you can call it that) in an internet quiz room chat thingy and we started having a bit banter back and forth etc, and it turned out she was from London, I think it was Romford but I'm not too sure these days as it was a while ago.

 

 

Things developed and we eventually swapped phone numbers and started chatting properly on the telephone and she asked me to send a pic of myself to her online. Well I hadn't a clue how to do this but learned how to work a scanner and uploaded a pic of me and sent it on to her via email I think, and she said that she liked what she saw (that really should have set the alarm bells ringing like!:wacko:

 

 

She then sent me a pic of herself, and she was a lovely! :dribble:

 

 

A gorgeous brunette, with dark coloured eyes and a figure to die for, and I thought "it's the accent, it must be the accent". Anyway, after a period of time chatting away on the phone we decided to meet, we just had to decide where and when. I thought sod it, she's hot, and the train fare was only about ?40 return to Kings Cross. 

 

 

I set off the day before I was due to meet her on a train to London and got into Kings Cross at around 7pm ish iirc, went for a Burger King, checked into the hotel I stayed at for the night (which made Fawlty Towers look good, it was minging ffs!) and tried to settle down for the night. I remember getting virtually no sleep whatsoever to the walls being paper thin, and some randy couple next door banging away like a barn door in the wind and they were at it for what seemed like ages (credit where it's due like, even if I didn't get much sleep!

 

 

Anyway, the night came and went, and I went for a shower in the morning, and I remember a shower room which was shared by the entire top floor, which was about 5 rooms, and a bar of soap with more pubic hairs in it than hirsute brothel! Luckily I had some shower gel with me and I was able to wash properly. 

 

 

I was due to meet my lovely looking date on the same morning that Brazil were playing England in the world cup in Korea and Japan, and the game kicked off at 7.30am I think. I was up at 6am as I couldn't sleep (partly with the excitement of meeting my stunner, and partly cos of the adonis tw@t through the wall to me in the hotel).

 

 

We had chatted on the mobile the night before and had agreed that she would pick me up in her BMW outside the Canary Wharf buildings the following day (at this point I'm thinking, classy burd!:dribble:) and couldn't wait to meet her, although I wanted to take in some of the match as well. I made my way from the minging hotel to the tube station, and it as absolutely crawling with people with Union Jacks and St George flags draped over themselves, almost everyone was up already and anticipating an England win, the place was swarming!

 

 

I jumped on the tube to the Canary Wharf and deliberately left early to be able to take in some of the game before I had to meet her. I arrived at my destination and found that I was able to watch the match downstairs at the foot of the actual building, and was expecting to have to find a pub or summat to watch it. England took the lead and the place went flippin barmy, and I was standing there trying to force a smile and say well done etc, it was horrible, and then Brazil scored and everyone was sick, apart from me :D

 

 

Anyway, my phone rings and it was Kerry, and I thought "YES" here she comes! She told me that she was going to be about 2 or 3 minutes and I was to wait outside, which I duly did, bag in hand, tongue hanging out, and very excited! :P

 

 

She called me again to say that she would be coming past the building any minute and to look out for her in her BMW, and asked what I was wearing so she could recognise me. "This is it" I thought, here she comes, any minute now!!!! 

 

 

I then clocked an old golden coloured BMW coming along which looked like it had seen both world wars, it was a complete heap, and the burd driving it was an absolute grunter:confused:

 

 

I thought to myself at the time, nahhhhh, surely not, that's definitely not her as the burd in the pic was much smarter looking than that, however the phone rang again and she said the words that haunted me for ages afterwards "I think I just passed you" :eek:

 

 

She went round the block (not for the first time by the look of it) and stopped right next to me and said, jump in Jock, and I thought to myself, holy fek, if I shag thon I'm gonna burn my arse on the lightbulb!!

 

 

She was an absolute freekin growler ffs, I was literally scared of her!!!! She looked like an extra from an alien film, and drove an old "B" reg BMW ffs! I was terrified!!! 

 

 

Anyway, I thought to myself "just be nice and play it by ear, but your obviously not getting yout nat king like intended" which is what I did. We went to a pub across the road called the Slug and Lettuce, and ordered some drinks. I was about 3 or 4 pints in and drinking like a man that thought beer was about to go out of fashion as I was so fekked off, and scared she would rape me!

 

 

Anyway, she said to me that she needed the loo and could I watch her bag for her (I think that was to make sure I didn't run away, but I had other idea's as I could see the entrance to the tube station from the pub ;))

 

 

When she went to the loo, I left her bag on her chair (which had been buckled by her humungous weight) and absolutely freekin legged it like my life depended on it before she got back. I ran down the stairs/escalator like a man possessed, knocking kids and women out of the way in the process (I swear to god if I was Brazilian with a rucksack I'd have been shot!) and jumped on a train back to Kings Cross to get the fek outta there. I was still bricking it until the train arrived expecting her to peek her fat head around the corner and hunt me down, I felt like a Star Wars character on the run from Jabba the Hut! :wacko:

 

 

I eventually made it to Kings Cross and I hadn't been able to get a signal on my mobile until I came over ground again, and I had something like 15 texts come thru at once telling me she was going to hunt me down etc, and so I called her just to find out who the photo she sent to me was, and it turns out it was her sister. She wasn't too chuffed when I asked for her sisters number :)

 

 

What a waste of a trip to London, but lesson well and truly learned!!

Feckin brilliant, had a good auld chuckle reading that😄

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Салатные палочки
57 minutes ago, Barack said:

From page 6 to 10 is phenomenal quality.

 

@Salad Fingers contributions to our amusement were worth it. 

 

I still maintain, that even though you're happily now settled down with another, and with a kid...had you not gone on here and taken our advice, you'd still be munching cold steak pie.

 

Also, special mention in dispatches to @tweegy.

 

Never to be forgotten. And hopefully now allowed to roam free!

 

Just had a quick look through my posts from the date :rofl:

 

She was absolute filth that lassie.  She worked in a petrol station and used to send me nudes from the store room while I was at work :laugh2:.  I think she has another kid now.  

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Салатные палочки

I don't know if I am making this up but I am sure I read about a date someone on here or their mate had gone on where the girl was into some strange things involving the movements of her bowels after some very rich chocolate cake.  

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Samuel Camazzola
4 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said:

I don't know if I am making this up but I am sure I read about a date someone on here or their mate had gone on where the girl was into some strange things involving the movements of her bowels after some very rich chocolate cake.  

Isn't that regular behaviour down by Hawick? 

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6 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said:

I don't know if I am making this up but I am sure I read about a date someone on here or their mate had gone on where the girl was into some strange things involving the movements of her bowels after some very rich chocolate cake.  

And no, it wasn't me.

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Салатные палочки
7 minutes ago, Barack said:

Well you were certainly filling her up at the time.

 

Still got the pics...? :look:

 

 

Updating us from the toilet mid-session...

 

:yas:

 

:rofl:

 

 

 

:laugh2: funnily enough I found my old phone about a year ago and fired it up.  I was looking through my google photos (the equivalent of the iCloud thing) only to be confronted with her in a suggestive position over a pickled onion golden wonder box :laugh:.  

 

Awww good days them.  

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Samuel Camazzola
12 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said:

 

:laugh2: funnily enough I found my old phone about a year ago and fired it up.  I was looking through my google photos (the equivalent of the iCloud thing) only to be confronted with her in a suggestive position over a pickled onion golden wonder box :laugh:.  

 

Awww good days them.  

No Monster Munch? 

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Салатные палочки
6 minutes ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

No Monster Munch? 

 

Unfortunately I thought it bad taste to document our bedroom antics.  

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Samuel Camazzola
2 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said:

 

Unfortunately I thought it bad taste to document our bedroom antics.  

😂

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2 hours ago, Samuel Camazzola said:

Immense! 

Salad's beachfront strolls where he rejected the girl's advances of holding hands. 

 

Justin's park encounters with an alleged 'schoolie'. 

 

Greedy getting er... greedy. 

 

@Brick Tamland 's encounters including hide and seek and disappointment that a threesome invitation with a Hungarian and friend  wasn't what he had in mind.

 

This thread and the' Mutiny Slice' one are pure gold! 

 

Haha god I'd forgotten about that first park meeting. :lol: And to any newcomers to the thread, YES, ALLEGEDLY. I hate Hibs but not like that. :ninja: She's like 27, and just a complete hippie, thus the park. Stupidly fit woman too, why did she have to be completely bonkers?!

:sob:

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Might have to read this thread from scratch again. :lol:

 

I honestly can't tell if I'm sad or happy, that I've never really had a chance to play the field a bit. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ive joined the online dating club. 😂 

 

Pros - Tonnes of single horny woman trapped at home during the lockdown. My tadger has been busy. 

 

Cons - It seems all the good ones are taken and all that is left are utter nutters. 

 

Some bird just told me she loved me on WhatsApp ffs. :facepalm:

 

:bolt:

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Dawnrazor
6 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

Ive joined the online dating club. 😂 

 

Pros - Tonnes of single horny woman trapped at home during the lockdown. My tadger has been busy. 

 

Cons - It seems all the good ones are taken and all that is left are utter nutters. 

 

Some bird just told me she loved me on WhatsApp ffs. :facepalm:

 

:bolt:

Don't be too hasty.......a mouth is a mouth👍

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iantjambo
24 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

Ive joined the online dating club. 😂 

 

Pros - Tonnes of single horny woman trapped at home during the lockdown. My tadger has been busy. 

 

Cons - It seems all the good ones are taken and all that is left are utter nutters. 

 

Some bird just told me she loved me on WhatsApp ffs. :facepalm:

 

:bolt:


 :yas:

 

A new chapter to the thread :D

 

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20 minutes ago, Dawnrazor said:

Don't be too hasty.......a mouth is a mouth👍

You think? 

_20200508_192257.thumb.JPG.3295609e6685e91a0e55cf164e5cf197.JPG

 

:cornette:

3 minutes ago, iantjambo said:


 :yas:

 

A new chapter to the thread :D

 

:greggy:

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53 minutes ago, Cruyff said:

You think? 

_20200508_192257.thumb.JPG.3295609e6685e91a0e55cf164e5cf197.JPG

 

:cornette:

:greggy:

All I’m going to say is, don’t go to the Rose Street Brewery, whilst she is shopping over the road.

 

:) 

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1 hour ago, Cruyff said:

Some bird just told me she loved me on WhatsApp ffs. :facepalm:

 

:bolt:

 

:cornette:    Without even meeting you?

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1 hour ago, Cruyff said:

You think? 

_20200508_192257.thumb.JPG.3295609e6685e91a0e55cf164e5cf197.JPG

 

:cornette:

:greggy:

 

 

Please tell me you haven't given her your address. :lol: 

 

 

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