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4 hours ago, Jambomuzz said:

I’ve maybe not worded it right, it’s hard to explain. One of those like if you don’t respond for 5 minuites it’s “sorry that I wasn’t what you expected”  shit like that. Tbh I’ll probably get it pumped just for the sake of getting my end away again and obviously to have something else to add to the thread. Might even give her the confindence boost she needs. Think she said she’s no had sex in 7 months.

 

Ask her if she believes in love at first sight.......

 

 

 

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Just now, Sooperstar said:

Red making a play for Princess Helen.

 

And being very subtle about it too, until you barged in shouting your head off. :D

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John Findlay
17 hours ago, Helzibob said:

 

I’m with Ray Gin. Abort for sure. She sounds super needy and it wouldn’t be worth it for the hassle afterwards.  

Take heed of this. This is a woman talking here.

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John Findlay
15 hours ago, Der Kaiser said:

 

Ask her if she believes in love at first sight.......

 

 

 

If she does. Tell her to get it out with optrex 

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5 hours ago, iantjambo said:

 

Can I just clarify that I don’t think that’s what Helen looks like. :D

 

I chuffing hope not ?...........*looks out leopard print dress and curly wig*

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John Findlay
2 hours ago, Helzibob said:

 

I chuffing hope not ?...........*looks out leopard print dress and curly wig*

He meant the three on the right.

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Brick Tamland

I’ve stuck my toe back into online dating, Bathgate, Edinburgh and Aberdeen all looking promising but it’s all very early doors so far, no firm dates arranged but plenty banter and chat over the phone. Bathgate all messages, Edinburgh a couple of nice chats, Aberdeen 1 x 2 hour phone chat, 2 x 1 hour phone chats and some decent banter over WhatsApp. 

I do solemnly swear that I will update my JKB chums if a story worth telling develops. 

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5 hours ago, Brick Tamland said:

I’ve stuck my toe back into online dating, Bathgate, Edinburgh and Aberdeen all looking promising but it’s all very early doors so far, no firm dates arranged but plenty banter and chat over the phone.

 

Has she invited you for icecream yet? 

 

:levein_interesting:

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5 hours ago, Brick Tamland said:

I’ve stuck my toe back into online dating, Bathgate, Edinburgh and Aberdeen all looking promising but it’s all very early doors so far, no firm dates arranged but plenty banter and chat over the phone. Bathgate all messages, Edinburgh a couple of nice chats, Aberdeen 1 x 2 hour phone chat, 2 x 1 hour phone chats and some decent banter over WhatsApp. 

I do solemnly swear that I will update my JKB chums if a story worth telling develops. 

 

Please refresh your mind with the Miss West Lothian thread before dating someone from Bathgate. 

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Right, as of this morning a little bird messaged me and it quickly became apparent she was filthy and was gagging for it. (Not the same one as before, this one seems fairly normal). She looks quite nice, wee bit extra weight but more cushion for the pushing, so I will be finishing work at 930 and pumping the absolute **** out her tonight. Updates to follow. 

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6 minutes ago, Jambomuzz said:

Right, as of this morning a little bird messaged me and it quickly became apparent she was filthy and was gagging for it. (Not the same one as before, this one seems fairly normal). She looks quite nice, wee bit extra weight but more cushion for the pushing, so I will be finishing work at 930 and pumping the absolute **** out her tonight. Updates to follow. 

 

Haha always maintain that they are all flipping mental . Stay safe out there! 

 

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1 hour ago, Jambomuzz said:

Right, as of this morning a little bird messaged me and it quickly became apparent she was filthy and was gagging for it. (Not the same one as before, this one seems fairly normal). She looks quite nice, wee bit extra weight but more cushion for the pushing, so I will be finishing work at 930 and pumping the absolute **** out her tonight. Updates to follow. 

:vrface: 

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2 hours ago, Jambomuzz said:

Right, as of this morning a little bird messaged me and it quickly became apparent she was filthy and was gagging for it. (Not the same one as before, this one seems fairly normal). She looks quite nice, wee bit extra weight but more cushion for the pushing, so I will be finishing work at 930 and pumping the absolute **** out her tonight. Updates to follow. 

I ****in love KB :sweeet:

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Thought I better update before I head to bed.

im alive... just. 

Picked her up in town and drove her home, snuck into her room as parents were still up, awkward. She seemed quite sound to be honest from the car journey, maybe a bit bigger than I had anticipated but she was really attractive.

I quickly found out that this lassie got off on some sort of Dom/sub mini role play kind of shit. Now I’m not really into that stuff but I just went with the flow, assuming I would be the one kinda taking charge.... oh how wrong I was. She was one bossy little *******, but by god she knew what she was doing, I certainly wasn’t complaining. However, in the moment she has scratched my neck pretty badly and now, with work to go in the morning I’m furiously trying to think up an excuse as to why I have hand size scratches down the side of my neck. She apologised for it mind you, so I’ll give her that one.

I kind of feel like a little boy now after tonight’s experience and I’ve lost a little bit of manliness. I will say I enjoyed myself, and will file this one under, return for seconds.

Till next time everyone. Goodnight! 

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10 hours ago, gjcc said:

Helzibob has been quiet. Must be preparing...

 

I had a rubbish week and then a big night out with friends last night.

 

Still at the chatting phase and any meet ups will be very unlike Muzz’s above. 

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chester copperpot

This thread is just super duper.

 

Jambomuzz today :yas:

 

Edited by chester copperpot
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6 hours ago, Jambomuzz said:

Thought I better update before I head to bed.

im alive... just. 

Picked her up in town and drove her home, snuck into her room as parents were still up, awkward. She seemed quite sound to be honest from the car journey, maybe a bit bigger than I had anticipated but she was really attractive.

I quickly found out that this lassie got off on some sort of Dom/sub mini role play kind of shit. Now I’m not really into that stuff but I just went with the flow, assuming I would be the one kinda taking charge.... oh how wrong I was. She was one bossy little *******, but by god she knew what she was doing, I certainly wasn’t complaining. However, in the moment she has scratched my neck pretty badly and now, with work to go in the morning I’m furiously trying to think up an excuse as to why I have hand size scratches down the side of my neck. She apologised for it mind you, so I’ll give her that one.

I kind of feel like a little boy now after tonight’s experience and I’ve lost a little bit of manliness. I will say I enjoyed myself, and will file this one under, return for seconds.

Till next time everyone. Goodnight! 

How old are each of you?

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6 minutes ago, Sooperstar said:

How old are each of you?

I’m 25, she is 24. She was nothing like what I expected! Haha

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chester copperpot
1 minute ago, Jambomuzz said:

I’m 25, she is 24. She was nothing like what I expected! Haha

But in a good way right?

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Just now, chester copperpot said:

But in a good way right?

I enjoyed myself, barring a couple scratches and what not. I’m just glad I don’t need to face the parents in the morning as that would of been pretty awkward. Made my escape at 1am. 

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Riddley Walker
Just now, Jambomuzz said:

I enjoyed myself, barring a couple scratches and what not. I’m just glad I don’t need to face the parents in the morning as that would of been pretty awkward. Made my escape at 1am. 

 

"Where did you get those scratches son?"

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Brighton Jambo

By an absolute mile my all time favourite thread!  Thanks to all who contribute.  I'm a boring married dad of two kids so can't add to this epic story telling but loving the work of all those putting their hearts and bodies on the line for our entertainment.

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Салатные палочки
7 hours ago, Jambomuzz said:

Thought I better update before I head to bed.

im alive... just. 

Picked her up in town and drove her home, snuck into her room as parents were still up, awkward. She seemed quite sound to be honest from the car journey, maybe a bit bigger than I had anticipated but she was really attractive.

I quickly found out that this lassie got off on some sort of Dom/sub mini role play kind of shit. Now I’m not really into that stuff but I just went with the flow, assuming I would be the one kinda taking charge.... oh how wrong I was. She was one bossy little *******, but by god she knew what she was doing, I certainly wasn’t complaining. However, in the moment she has scratched my neck pretty badly and now, with work to go in the morning I’m furiously trying to think up an excuse as to why I have hand size scratches down the side of my neck. She apologised for it mind you, so I’ll give her that one.

I kind of feel like a little boy now after tonight’s experience and I’ve lost a little bit of manliness. I will say I enjoyed myself, and will file this one under, return for seconds.

Till next time everyone. Goodnight! 

 

So...you going back for round 2? 

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2 minutes ago, Salad Fingers said:

 

So...you going back for round 2? 

I need a rest from this one for a while, but I’ll say round 2 would defos be on the cards. In the meantime I might actually try and go on a date or two with someone “normal” if there is such a person out there.

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8 hours ago, Jambomuzz said:

However, in the moment she has scratched my neck pretty badly and now, with work to go in the morning I’m furiously trying to think up an excuse as to why I have hand size scratches down the side of my neck. 

 

Here's a cover story...

Being a gentleman, you were breaking up a fight between two women up town...

 

 

...And being grateful, one of them took you home and sh***ed the life out of you making you a shadow of the man you once were. 

 

Now you you suffer from Stockholm Syndrome and need to go round next time to meet the parents while dressed up in full g*mp attire. 

Married by June. 

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Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

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2 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

"nothing saucy"............. sorry, I can't help. 

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22 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Just be yourself. That way you have more chance of meeting someone you actually like.

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52 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Be yourself.

Ask a random question "when doing your colouring in at Pizza Hut, do you prefer felt tips or crayons?"

 

Dont be one of those that just says " Hey :) "

 

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1 hour ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Hi, I'm 24 and live with my parents seems to work for some.....

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1 hour ago, Helzibob said:

Right, I am on Bumble. I am getting matches but people seem to be unmatching me after a message or two. Maybe I have no personality. There’s a good possibility of that.?

 

So, please give me suggestions of a good opening gambit. Something that would make you want to reply to me. Nothing saucey though! 

 

Hi, I'm 24 and live with my parents seems to work for some.....

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40 minutes ago, gjcc said:

 

Be yourself.

Ask a random question "when doing your colouring in at Pizza Hut, do you prefer felt tips or crayons?"

 

Dont be one of those that just says " Hey :) "

 

 

Just out of interest, and I'm not trying to chat you up, which do you prefer?

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42 minutes ago, gjcc said:

 

Be yourself.

Ask a random question "when doing your colouring in at Pizza Hut, do you prefer felt tips or crayons?"

 

Dont be one of those that just says " Hey :) "

 

 

Definitely don’t start with hey. Had a wee starter for 10 question but think I might need to refine it some. It’s just so time consuming. I’m getting close to accepting I will be eternally single and I’m actually ok with that.

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7 minutes ago, Helzibob said:

 

Definitely don’t start with hey. Had a wee starter for 10 question but think I might need to refine it some. It’s just so time consuming. I’m getting close to accepting I will be eternally single and I’m actually ok with that.

 

If that's *really* the case then you probably shouldn't bother with dating sites. :)

 

However, if you're just psychologically preparing yourself for the fact that you might be rejected, or that the dating site thing might not work, and you would actually like to be a relationship, at whatever level of commitment, then do stick with it but be more positive (if you do it in a negative frame of mind then people will pick up on that). If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but at least it could be fun meeting new people!

 

Edited by redjambo
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12 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

Just out of interest, and I'm not trying to chat you up, which do you prefer?

 

Felt tips for sure, the crayons in Pizza Hut are a bit like drawing with a half brick. 

 

What you wearing? :lol:

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2 minutes ago, gjcc said:

 

Felt tips for sure, the crayons in Pizza Hut are a bit like drawing with a half brick. 

 

What you wearing? :lol:

 

True, but I feel that my true creativity can sometimes express itself better with crayons.

 

I'm just back from my latest dive so I haven't changed out of my frogman's suit yet. I can send a photo if you want.

 

So, would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

 

 

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2 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

True, but I feel that my true creativity can sometimes express itself better with crayons.

 

I'm just back from my latest dive so I haven't changed out of my frogman's suit yet. I can send a photo if you want.

 

So, would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

 

 

 

Oh, so you're wet? *winky face*

 

Probably the horse sized duck. Easier to handle one than 100. Plus a horse sized duck couldn't get off the ground for air attacks and it's bite wouldn't be too strong. 

 

Would you rather sweat jam or have sausages for fingers?

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1 minute ago, gjcc said:

 

Oh, so you're wet? *winky face*

 

Probably the horse sized duck. Easier to handle one than 100. Plus a horse sized duck couldn't get off the ground for air attacks and it's bite wouldn't be too strong. 

 

Would you rather sweat jam or have sausages for fingers?

 

*** Contact Now Unmatched ***

 

;)

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4 minutes ago, redjambo said:

 

*** Contact Now Unmatched ***

 

;)

 

**dishonestly Tells pals redjambo got too clingy so I cut off all contact**

 

**posts pics of his frogsuit on revenge p**n site.**

 

**lowers standards and goes for someone with low self esteem and supports hibs**

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